Re: Advice/Suggestions for me

LegacyUser

I have a problem thats long, complicated and most of all, wrecking my head. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

I started working in a place about a year and a half ago and immediately fit in very well. All the staff are brilliant and everyone gets on well. There was one girl in particular who the minute I saw her, caught my eye but I found out very quickly she was seeing a fella for 7 or 8 years and that was that. A few months ago I was told by this girl that she fancied one of the lads in work but hadn't the bottle to tell him. I knew he wasn't interested but didnt tell her. Ever since then myself and this girl have been getting on extremely well. We have a lot in common, have the same sense of humour etc. One night we had a converstaion by txt in which we both told each other how much we liked each other and how there had been a spark between us since that night she mentioned fancying the other fella. She said things weren't working out with her boyfriend and that I made her happy etc and that she enjoyed my company etc. She went on a break from him and over that time we went on a few dates and had a wondeful time, which we both had. We were taking things very slowly, which suited us both, particularly her as she was very confused. Our chemistry was noticed by a number of our workmates. Anyway we went out one weekend had a brilliant day and everything was great. The following day she was at home and met her boyfriend out, who said he wanted to try again. She said she thought she wanted to try and got straight back with him, and informed me by text and refused to talk to me about it. The thing is she is from a small rural area where everyone knows everyone and they all have the same friends. She mentioned that when she said she was getting back with him that they have the same friends and that all her family know the bf. I know and respect that shes confused and that its alot to ask of her to break up with her boyfriend of 8 years. However i feel that its the friends and family is the reason shes sticking with him rather than putting her happiness first. We are getting on ok since but I still feel awkward as I think there is still an obvious attraction between us. I still really like her but I also value her friendship.

What do people think

bugler

You need to put this to her. It's easy to lapse into thinking you know the reasons why she is getting back with him, but you don't. She may genuinely want to try again. 7/8 years is a long time, and it may take a long time for the relationship to run it's course, even if it is on a downward slope.

You can say to her what you've said in this post, and ask her if she's making the decision she has for the right reasons, but if she says she is then you have to accept it. There is a very fine line between fighting for what you think is worthwhile and being arrogant and pestering.

_Kaiser_

I think you'll have to move on OP.. if she was that quick to get back with him, and that concerned (apparently) about what all the friends and family think, then it's not meant to be.

I'm not saying she used you - clearly she was confused about her feelings - but I think you need to forget about having a relationship with her unless something changes, namely that she breaks up with him properly and is willing to make a go of it with you.

Nickibaby*

You really don't know all her reasons for getting back with him.

It's easy when your going out with someone for a long time to think the grass is greener elsewhere. Maybe tried that and she realised she was happiest when she was with him.

You will just have to accept her decision, I know it's prob tough for you but there are plenty more nice girls out there...

Best of luck and I wouldn't take it personal, if your with someone for 8 years (never done that myself) but i'm sure it would be almost impossible to be without them.

BeardyGit

You're a crutch. Step away and let her stand on her own two feet in this relationship.....

D

Sounds like you were a diversion for her for the sort period of time. Maybe she got cold feet about the long time ex.

If it were me I would let it go. Be civil and friendly to her but don't bring it up. It is her decision, and you really don't know the reasons why. You could be right but you have to let her make her mind up for herself. If you try to force it now all you may just push her away and become the bad guy in her eyes.

Move on.