Just lost the love of my life

joesoap1976

I broke up with my girlfriend of almost 2 years on sunday. I found out that she is dating another guy. We had been close but together for a few months and i think she gave the relationship time to heel. Obviously it didnt for her. I am devistated. She says she still loves me and that she is still in love with me but she doesnt want to go out with me again. What can i do to get over this.

Owen

Here's what you can do. Cut the cord, it hurts like hell, and I know because I've been there, but if you stay in touch, you'll just be an emotional crutch for her to ween herself off of you. She has zero respect for you, and has proven that by cheating.

Plus, if you cut the cord, and sever contact, she'll want what she can't have ... ie : you, and you vastly increase the possibility of her actually finishing what could be a fling, and coming back to you.

Either way, sever communications now. You deserve so much more, and there's more than likely another girl out there who will value your affection.

HashSlinging

its friday. Get in touch with your mates and go out. Plenty more fish.

HashSlinging

HashSlinging wrote:

its friday. Get in touch with your mates and go out. Plenty more fish.

exactly, just take it easy on the drink though...

stovelid

ned78 wrote:

Here's what you can do. Cut the cord, it hurts like hell, and I know because I've been there, but if you stay in touch, you'll just be an emotional crutch for her to ween herself off of you. .

S'true OP. You need to be away for now to get your head together. On the hurting part, it sounds trite and worthless but it's happened to all of us and you will get through it eventually. Hook up with your mates for a bit of TLC this weekend and just stay away from her for a while.

r3nu4l

Deleted User wrote:

exactly, just take it easy on the drink though...

QFT.

I was in your situation 9 years ago. Absolutely devastated and decided that 6 weeks of drinking myself stupid every night was the answer. I did stupid things and lost friends because of it.

8 months later I was still hurting but I met someone else and started seeing her...I'm marrying her in July!

Never be afraid of what's out there. You can get over it but it will take time. Do something constructive with that time, something you'll enjoy. Give yourself a break and don't beat yourself up over the "what if" questions.

BoozyBabe

Op, I'm sorry for you, but am I the only one who hasn't a clue what you're talking about.

I've got the bit that you've broken up.

Are you saying she cheated on you, or that she got together with someone very quickly after you broke up?

What do you been close but together for a few months?
Do you mean you weren't actually going out for 2 years at all, that you were actually jut friends for those 2 years until the last few months?

What was wrong with the relationship that needed time to heal?

It's just a very confusing post.

But, at the end of the day, you've split up, you're hurt. Do as the others say:- cut all ties, go out with mates & have a good time & try not to focus on her.
Best of luck

CathyMoran

Take comfort that she was not the love of your life. I broke up with someone years ago and was inconsolable, I thought that they were the love of my life...turns out that my husband is and I could not be happier. I know that it hurts, is OK if you wallow in sad music for a short while but then you need to pick yourself up and get back on the dating scene.

Floppybits

As people have said on here, go out and have a good time. Look on the bright side its summer, mini skirts, boob tubes, warm nights, its a good time to be single.

The main thing I would advise is that you cut contact with this girl, if you dont do that you will find you wont get over her. I think you will find that in a few weeks or so that you will be fine and you will be able to bump into her and have a chat and stuff like that but you just need to give yourself time.

humanji

joesoap1976 wrote:

I broke up with my girlfriend of almost 2 years on sunday.

If she was the love of your life then you'd still be going out with her.

joesoap1976 wrote:

I found out that she is dating another guy.

Exhibit A! She's definitely not the one for you.

joesoap1976 wrote:

She says she still loves me and that she is still in love with me but she doesnt want to go out with me again.

She doesn't love you and definitely is not in love with you.

You're depressed at the moment, you'll soon become bitter towards her, after that apathy will set in and then you'll start cheering up. It happens to most of us at some point or another and there's little use dwelling on it. As was suggested, go out with you mates tonight or tomorrow. And delete her number from your phone! The last thing you need to do is drunken txts or calls to her.

You'll get over her sooner or later, and the girl of your dreams will pop along soon after.

py2006

humanji wrote:

If she was the love of your life then you'd still be going out with her.


Exhibit A! She's definitely not the one for you.



She doesn't love you and definitely is not in love with you.

You're depressed at the moment, you'll soon become bitter towards her, after that apathy will set in and then you'll start cheering up. It happens to most of us at some point or another and there's little use dwelling on it. As was suggested, go out with you mates tonight or tomorrow. And delete her number from your phone! The last thing you need to do is drunken txts or calls to her.

You'll get over her sooner or later, and the girl of your dreams will pop along soon after.

I have to agree with all of the above! This girl is DEFINITELY NOT in love with you! Read that line again!! and again and again!

It is one of the hardest things on the planet to cut of all contact with somebody who you are in love with. Believe me! But it is the ONLY sure way to move on! Be prepared for a difficult time ahead but it will soon ease!

Then you will laugh at the thought of her!

Marksie

joesoap1976 wrote:

I broke up with my girlfriend of almost 2 years on sunday. I found out that she is dating another guy. We had been close but together for a few months and i think she gave the relationship time to heel. Obviously it didnt for her.

are you saying that you were broken up for a while?

joesoap1976 wrote:

I am devistated. She says she still loves me and that she is still in love with me but she doesnt want to go out with me again. What can i do to get over this.

its possible, but she has decuided to move on. It hurts and you from the title of the post say she was the love of your life. Well she may be... now. you are going to hurt for a while, but as other posters say, get out and see your friends. It is ok to hurt but don't look at this as the last chance you ever will get. give your self time to come to terms with it then look forward and move on. There will be someone else out there.

nickcave

ned78 wrote:

Plus, if you cut the cord, and sever contact, she'll want what she can't have ... ie : you, and you vastly increase the possibility of her actually finishing what could be a fling, and coming back to you.

Hanging onto hope that she'll come back to you isn't cutting the cord, it's setting yourself up for more pain.

My advice: move on completely. Tell a close friend or two how you feel just so you don't feel alone in your loss.

Cancer-chick

py2006 wrote:

It is one of the hardest things on the planet to cut of all contact with somebody who you are in love with. Believe me! But it is the ONLY sure way to move on! Be prepared for a difficult time ahead but it will soon ease!

Please listen to this advice OP !!

I went thru this and we were together nearly a decade..

I had grown up with him alongside me and he was there thru some major events in a life for me.. When it ended although i was the one who finally left the relationship , For a whole year i drank too much, cried too much and had many a nite (esp when he told me how wonderful his new woman was as she was my opposite and thats why he had specifically 'chosen' her)
My mind still boggles at that but he is an accountant !!

Fast forward to now .. It is no exaggeration to say that there is not a day goes by (esp when i see him) when at some point in the day i dont thank my lucky stars that it ended when i was still young enough to see it all for what it was and use what i learned wisely

Take all the advice here .. its all correct! Do whatever it takes to get thru the tough times but take my word on it .. YOU WILL

Peace

0ubliette

Been there myself not so long ago op, and while i wouldnt exactly say she was the love of my life, in fact..nowhere near being that, after a few years together it was pretty upsetting breaking up, but you know zero contact is the best thing for you. Staying in touch only prolongs the pain.
I had no contact with my ex, was upset and depresse dor like 2 weeks, and about 5 weeks later (after the split that is) i met a new woman who im still with and love more than anyone ive ever been with...its the best thing for ya mate

joesoap1976

thanks to all of you its been a great help. i feel much better to be honest. this advise can help countless no of people out there going through the same. My fist week is over. It was tough but i am getting better.

Mighty_Mouse

She says she still loves me and that she is still in love with me but she doesnt want to go out with me again

"love's you as a friend................" is just to make her feel less guilty.
Women can be evil. The fact that she is dating again so soon is a killer.

She sounds no good.
Cut contact man. Complete radio silence for at least 6 months.

Marksie

Mighty_Mouse wrote:

Women can be evil.

Thats extremely harsh.

Wibbs

marksuttonie wrote:

Thats extremely harsh.

People can be "evil" full stop. Men can be complete idiots, but that particular, let's be friends, I want my cake and eat it concept tends to be more heard from the female to the male.

OP I agree with the rest on this one. Walk away. Don't give her your friendship. She doesn't deserve it. It takes two to make or break a relationship, but she appears to have waited until she had someone else to go to before dumping you. If it wasn't him it would have been someone else. If she doesn't have the guts to be on her own and the manners to dump you without anyone else on the scene, she is hardly friend material, never mind anything else.

It's good to hear it's going well for you. Resist all temptation to contact. If she contacts you(which she will), be polite, don't talk about the past and keep it short.

Don't be too surprised if she tries to get back with you either. Breaking all contact is the surest way to get an ex thinking about the past. Personally? I wouldn't bother though. Move on and find someone who wants to be your friend and lover.

Mighty_Mouse

Thats extremely harsh.

"Cruel" might of been better choice.

fruitcake

I am there now op where you are! There was no cheating, which for some reason is nearly worse, he simply "didn't love" me anymore, we were together 5 and a half years..its nearly 6 months now and I am still very raw trying to make my way in life and figure out a form of normality again...I know how hard it is to sever ties, I know because I am struggling with that too.. I am still in contact with him daily and know it is doing me no good in the long run..but its just so hard to erase him out of my life completely...anyways this is sort of rambling so apologies..just want to let you know that I share your horrible pain..

Wibbs

fruitcake, if I may, I would advise the exact same course of action as I did for the OP. If you can avoid him, do. Tell him you need a bit of distance between you.

When you do this cut all contact. No phone, no texts, no emails etc. Do this for a month at least. If he tries to contact you and it isn't about some form of reconciliation(if that's what you want), then politely decline to get into a conversation. If he texts or emails don't reply. If it's something important reply but later, not immediately.

This is to allow you to heal, to move on. the joke is the second you do move on I would not be surprised to find him coming back to you(again if this is what you want). This has happened every single time for me whether I wanted them back or not. Very weird altogether.

If you're there in front of him every day how will he begin to miss you or the relationship. Regardless you and he need to move on, which you can only accomplish when apart. Try seeing other people, try new hobbies or interests and try to find the you that will attract someone who will love you back the way you deserve. They exist.

Hope it works out.

betty

Sorry to hear bout you and your girlfriend..you have 2 choices try to get back but you will probably have it in the back of your mind..is this on her terms..can I trust her? Word of warning if you have any doubts just walk away don't hang on somebody emotions who may make you feel insecure..life is too short and some people unmaliciously pass days months and years in a situation that maybe in the back of their mind seems perfect but spend every day convince themselves this is right. I broke up with somebody years back that I did love but didn't love truly in the end..well it came back to haunt me last year the other way around..thing is if a person truly loves you, you'll be the only person on their mind and you will be the only person they will want to be with..don't waste your time waiting for somebody to change their mind..well and good ok she might realise he was the one but in the mean time get on with your life..you only live it once..you'll have **** times thinking bout her but you can't put your life on hold for anybody..people should be fair..not mess people around..go out and enjoy your life cause it the only one you have

joesoap1976 wrote:

I broke up with my girlfriend of almost 2 years on sunday. I found out that she is dating another guy. We had been close but together for a few months and i think she gave the relationship time to heel. Obviously it didnt for her. I am devistated. She says she still loves me and that she is still in love with me but she doesnt want to go out with me again. What can i do to get over this.

LegacyUser

A friend of mine was in your situation, they had been childhood sweethearts together for many years, three months before the wedding he decided he "wasn't ready" turns out he had been seeing another girl for a while. He married the new girl a year later. My friend thought the end of the world had come, she was devastated. Two years later she met her real soulmate, married him last year and they are now expecting their first child. she has never been happier, her husband idolises her and she him, they are made for each other, Now she says breaking up with the first fella was the great escape everyone said it would be. be strong, there is someone out there for you, everything happens for a reason, just wait and see... and good luck!