Getting bored with circumstances

LegacyUser

I'm sure there is people here with more important problems but thought I'd throw this out there anyway...
So I've been with girlfriend 6 years were both 24 and both live at home. I want us to move out and rent for a while but she can't afford to and I can't afford to pay for both of us. The obvious course of action is to wait till we can both afford it(Probably 2 years from now) but I find myself caring less and less for the relationship even though I still love her, if that makes any sense? Basically I'm sick of the whole see each other at weekends, get p*ssed and try sneak in a game of hide the willy if one our houses is empty. I'm finding it hard to maintain interest in the relationship and when I get frustrated like this I have a terrible habit starting arguments. Is moving out together all its cracked up to be or is it a case of the grass is greener...? Any advice from people who might have been through this kind of thing before would great.

Icequeen

Why can't she afford it? is she not working?

LegacyUser

Nah she's studying still

bug

once you are sure that its only the routine of having no control over when you spend time together and sleep together.. and not the relationship your tiring of.

If you can honestly say yes to that, then both of you should sit down and try to work out a way to live together.

It doesn't have to be on your own. You can get a room in a large house with other people, where you have the freedom to spend time to yourself and share time with other people. This could also reduce the cost of rent if you investigate it.
Also I think that being in a house full of people is good for a young couple as you get the best of both worlds, being together and also being part of a group when needs be.

0utshined

Can you move out by yourself? In to a flat share or something. Sure it'd be great if she could move in with you but get out yourself if you can afford it.

Moojuice

Yeah move out and dont wait for her. She can stay over in your place when you get one. Find a friend to live with if you can. Dont wait unitl you can both afford to.

Dord

yes, as outshined said. you should try to see if you can move out on your own. other than that, i might suggest a weekend away or something like that to break up the routine.

aye

why dont you just move out?
surely you can share with a friend, or just get a one bed apartment?

Marksie

UnsettledGuy wrote:

I'm sure there is people here with more important problems but thought I'd throw this out there anyway...
So I've been with girlfriend 6 years were both 24 and both live at home. I want us to move out and rent for a while but she can't afford to and I can't afford to pay for both of us. The obvious course of action is to wait till we can both afford it(Probably 2 years from now) but I find myself caring less and less for the relationship even though I still love her, if that makes any sense? Basically I'm sick of the whole see each other at weekends, get p*ssed and try sneak in a game of hide the willy if one our houses is empty. I'm finding it hard to maintain interest in the relationship and when I get frustrated like this I have a terrible habit starting arguments. Is moving out together all its cracked up to be or is it a case of the grass is greener...? Any advice from people who might have been through this kind of thing before would great.

If moving in together is not an option at the moment (though at a push house shares are an option) then breaking the routine is and from your post it seems that it simply has to be done.

Unless distance is a problem try seeing each other during the week, instead of just getting drunk think of other things to do, things you can do together.

Lets face it, booking into hotels is cheap these days and it will give you the luxury of playing and exploring together without any need to sneak around.

But the question is do you want to make the effort to do this? It seems that you are just letting it drift and really cannot be bothered. Time to talk to your g/friend and make a dynamic approach. Lets face it, if you wanted to do something you would have.. even moving out yourself so that your g/friend would have somewhere to stay at weekends.
Is it a case that you have got comfortable with the same old home life, so much so that you wont take the chance..after all, if you move out and it goes arseways, you can always move back home.

seamus

It is a pain in the ass.

I'm in a similar situation, except that I'm renting in my brother's house. She lives at home, can't afford to rent at the moment, and the rent on a decent place for myself would be stupidly high. During the week, we spend the time having dinner in her house, and the weekends are a matter of trying to get 2 minutes alone to chill out - there's always someone else in one or the other places.

Where I live is also filthy (not entirely my fault - brother is a smoker) and not handy to get to work from in the mornings, so there's even less reason for her to spend time in mine during the week.

It's largely about making an effort. If you can afford to get out of home do it. Even if you're sharing a large two bed apartment with someone else, it stills gives you the freedom to spend the whole weekend together, alone, without being in the pub all time. It's probably not a matter of you getting bored so much as you're lonely and/or frustrated that you can't spend more time with her.

LegacyUser

'

marksuttonie wrote:

But the question is do you want to make the effort to do this? It seems that you are just letting it drift and really cannot be bothered. Time to talk to your g/friend and make a dynamic approach. Lets face it, if you wanted to do something you would have.. even moving out yourself so that your g/friend would have somewhere to stay at weekends.
Is it a case that you have got comfortable with the same old home life, so much so that you wont take the chance..after all, if you move out and it goes arseways, you can always move back home.

Yea this kind of sums it up for me. I don't think I could afford a place on my own and even if I could the financial burden just wouldnt be worth it. Also sharing doesn't really appeal to me unless it was with people I already knew but all my friends are either living at home happily or are renting with their significant other. I wont deny I am comfortable at home and the fact I contribute hardly anything makes it all the more harder to get out. I have a few grand of a loan to pay off and I reckon once thats done I'm going to start seriously considering getting a place of my own with or without the girlfriend'

Cancer-chick

She is a lucky girl to have a guy like you

Pity she doesnt know how lucky ..

Do the decent thing and tell her what you so freely can say on boards ..

..That you are stringing her along !

Marksie

Cancer-chick wrote:

She is a lucky girl to have a guy like you

Pity she doesnt know how lucky ..

Do the decent thing and tell her what you so freely can say on boards ..

..That you are stringing her along !

Patience!

OP: You are both 24 and have been together 6 years, so this would most likely be your first relationship. Is it possible that you are wondering what it would be like being single? Do you in fact want out for other reasons other than the fact you feel the routine is boring.

Are you, like the rest of your life just drifting with whats comfortable and known.

Strikes me as this is the case.

All you have mentioned future plans once you have paid debts etc. That is just rationalising to yourself reasons why you cannot do it, not looking at ways to do things.

Why for example would the financial burden not be worth it.. your initial post says all you do at weekends is drink anyway and you are bored with that! and you are unhappy with the whole routine thing.

The routine is not the issue, you would have taken on board some suggestions and planned. The issue is in yourself. Do you actually WANT to be in this relationship or move on.
Are you scared of moving outside the comfort zone and taking chances in life?

whichever you really do have to talk to your g/friend. Hell, do you even know what she thinks of the situation?

BeardyGit

Cancer-chick wrote:

She is a lucky girl to have a guy like you

Pity she doesnt know how lucky ..

Do the decent thing and tell her what you so freely can say on boards ..

..That you are stringing her along !

I must have missed whatever pushed your buttons on that one....

OP, good man for thinking about what you want from your relationship, and the type of environment where you think it'll be healthiest. Finish paying off your debt, cut the apron strings (mammy washing and cooking, charging little rent etc) and get a place with a friend. Enjoy your independence while living out of home and without debt before moving in with the girlfriend. Enjoy it while you can.....

Best of luck,

Gil