Uh oh, regretting what I said

ClutchIt

Hey,

I was in the pub last night with my girlfriend, we're housemates too so we see each other a lot!

Anyway, I didn't put it like this, but last night I was kinda saying that sometimes it felt to me like I was forcing her to go out with me. i.e. She never texts me untill I text her, or she doesn't return compliments etc.

Now I wish I didn't say these things!!! She is the kind of girl that prob wouldn't say this stuff as she's told me, and she said she'd try harder.... but as soon as she said this I said "actually forget it, it's okay sorry for what I was saying." But we were both kind of uneasy after that.

It must seem to her now after that, that I'm a bit needy or something?! We had the best easy going relationship and I've kinda ruined that unless I can think of something!?

Any advice at all please!!! it's a bit of a tough one,

Thanks

Jonesy3110

Have you tried talking to her??

free2fly

You can't take back what you said, so just let it drop. Treat her the way you always do and it will go away on it's own. Unless, of course, it's something that really does bother you. Then it will have to be addressed.

~nop~

Ah I wouldn't worry about it now it's been said, it's probably better that it's out there.

I had a similiar story with myself and my boyfriend, he felt it was him that was making all the effort and therefore I musn't feel as strongly about him as he did about me. He never said that though, and it ended up with me thinking he was going off me and him wanting to break up to avoid being hurt. Eventually I found out what was going on and started to just make that bit more effort, because the fact is really that some people just don't think of that stuff as much, or they don't see it as important, especially if they're pretty young, but once you point it out to them it's grand like.

So yeah keep up the communication etc! And you'd probably be better off just not mentioning it again to her if you're worried about the needy thing. You've brought it to her attention and apoligised once, don't apoligise again unless she's really uneasy about it.

dr.bollocko

Are you upset that you raised the issue with her because it wasnt what you really felt?
Or are you upset because in raising the issue you accidentally upset her? There is a difference between the two, one would be considered more healthy than t'other.
I wouldnt think she would make a big deal out of it. Its nice when a girl makes a bit of a ****ing effort in fairness, lets you know she still cares.

ClutchIt

No I didn't really say anything about it, i have just been pretending it didn't happen which I think is the best thing because I like the 'easy going' thing we have,

But u know what, it does kinda bother me a bit, I think I just feel a bit lucky to have her so I fear the worst. Also, it all prob stems from the fact that I asked her out a good few months ago and she turned me down, so deep down I do feel a bit insecure. BUT, this is the last thing I really want her to think even tho I have told her this before and she said I was being silly and overthinking things....

dr.bollocko

It does sound like insecurity is at the root of your problem.
Its something that you will have to conquer. As in this small instance, you are actually hiding what you are really feeling about a relationship problem to spare her feelings. Some things in a relationship have to be said regardless of whether or not they will upset the other person. Sometimes its also just good to bellow and roar at each other for no real reason and it happens to us all.
If you are censoring your emotions because of fear of rejection, this pattern will repeat and worsen throughout the relationship until you reach deep down for the confidence you need and realise that you are on a par with this girl and deserve to be happy in a relationship. Just take it easy and feed a bit from your instincts and what will make you happy when its important, as well as trying to please her.

Kell

Djdaforce wrote:

I was kinda saying that sometimes it felt to me like I was forcing her to go out with me. i.e. She never texts me untill I text her,

OP- forget whether you regret it or not, did you mean it?

K-

Icequeen

You sound terribly insecure, example:

Djdaforce wrote:

we're housemates too so we see each other a lot!

Djdaforce wrote:

i.e. She never texts me untill I text her, or she doesn't return compliments etc.

You're house mates, why the hell would she need to text you? Maybe she just doesn't text during the day so she has something to talk to you about at night.

Djdaforce wrote:

We had the best easy going relationship

Yet another reason why she probably didn't text you, she was probably under the illusion that it wasn't an nessessity to keep in 24 hour contact. :rolleyes:

BaZmO*

You said...

Djdaforce wrote:

but last night I was kinda saying that sometimes it felt to me like I was forcing her to go out with me. i.e. She never texts me untill I text her, or she doesn't return compliments etc.

Then she said...

Djdaforce wrote:

she said she'd try harder....

Then you said....

Djdaforce wrote:

but as soon as she said this I said "actually forget it, it's okay sorry for what I was saying." But we were both kind of uneasy after that.

You obviously had a problem with your relationship and done the grown up thing of confronting the problem head on. She agreed to "try harder" and then you freaked out at her answer.

Why did you freak out after you got the answer that you were presumably expecting/wanting?

watsgone

You can't help what you feel.

Talk to her about it