Its sort of complicated

kryogen

ok so i have been seeing this woman for the past 10 months, i knew she was married when i began, but her husband was living in another country and from what she would tell me she didnt want to be with him anymore she was just staying with him for the sake of their child. he is young, under 6. now the problem is i have fallen big time for this woman and i know she loves me too, but her husband has come back, he knows something is wrong, he actually found photos of me and her together!! he is telling her he will take the chuld away and she will never see him again, i dont think he can do this legally but there are ways. So she has told her husband its over with me, to try to keep him here, i have met her a couple of times since, it feels great to see her, but i hate sneaking around.. She has asked me for time to figure out what to do, basically she has about 6 weeks left to tell the husband its over or to let me go. Any thoughts???

Beruthiel

kryogen wrote:

from what she would tell me she didnt want to be with him anymore she was just staying with him for the sake of their child.

Ya right.
If she wasn't interested in being married to her husband anymore then she would have divorced him, as of yet, she hasn't...

Any thoughts???

Leave her be and get on with your life. If she does leave her husband, she'll let you know. Until then, anything you do means you are interfering in a family and are the cause of perhaps breaking it up. I for one would not want to be the cause of a 5 year old loosing his father for my own selfish ends.

Jonesy3110

You should have known better than to get involved with a married woman, I hope that whatever happens you learn that much.

Miss Judy

I can only second the previous two posts, what were thinking of getting involved with a married woman when there is a child involved.

Leave her be and let them work out their marraige so their child still had his/her parents in his life as a unit. If she is genuinley unhappy and seperates him amicably and gets in touch with you again, tread very carefully. You will always come 2nd to her child, in saying that she should not have started the affair either and thought of the effects on her child. Silly woman and silly you imho!.:(

Carrigart Exile

Have you the where with all to provide her with an equal or better lifestyle than she has now, will you be a long term father to her child, or are you just enjoying all the benefits with none of teh responsibilities. I suspect the latter. Her husband is working away to keep house and home over his family's head and you are sleeping with his wife when he is not there, that stinks mate.

davyjose

Beruthiel wrote:

I for one would not want to be the cause of a 5 year old loosing his father for my own selfish ends.

Losing his father? I don't see how you make that out. A rather old-fashioned view on divorce.
I agree though, if she had any intention of leaving him, she'd already be gone. OP I think you're getting screwed over.

Beruthiel

davyjose wrote:

Losing his father? I don't see how you make that out. A rather old-fashioned view on divorce.

I'd rather you didn't take my comments out of context thanks.
B

Oryx

I dont think its fair to say that if she wanted to leave, she would have, thats a very simplistic way to look at a situation you're not in. Its often a hell of a lot easier to stay with the status quo, and keep your child's life stable, than to rock the boat and risk everything, even when you are miserably unhappy.

If the OP hadnt gotten involved theres every chance this woman would have continued along in her marraige, whether unhappy or not. The fact that she did start the affair with him shows she wasnt happy in the first place, but now she is torn between what may be better for her, and what she thinks would be better for her child. And perhaps she still does have some feelings for her husband, if they were given space to work things through.

The best thing for you (OP) to do would be back off completely from the whole affair for the next six weeks. It sounds like shes very confused about her feelings. Let her think without you there. Let her decide, alone, if she really doesnt love her husband and what her feelings are for you. If you stay in contact, it would make it harder for her to be objective about her feelings, and decide if the attraction she feels for you is love, (and worth risking all for) or simply lust.

kryogen

Carrigart Exile wrote:

Have you the where with all to provide her with an equal or better lifestyle than she has now, will you be a long term father to her child, or are you just enjoying all the benefits with none of teh responsibilities. I suspect the latter. Her husband is working away to keep house and home over his family's head and you are sleeping with his wife when he is not there, that stinks mate.

incorrect,but not ur fault, she is not from here...and because her husband wouldnt get a job in their counry she came here to look for work, and sent money back to him, dont be too quick to judge somebody when u only have half the story

kryogen

Carrigart Exile wrote:

Have you the where with all to provide her with an equal or better lifestyle than she has now, will you be a long term father to her child, or are you just enjoying all the benefits with none of teh responsibilities. I suspect the latter. Her husband is working away to keep house and home over his family's head and you are sleeping with his wife when he is not there, that stinks mate.

oh and i forgot, yes i have the means to provide her with a better lifestyle, and her child, i have been fully involved with him for the past 10 months also....

dame

A married woman is a married woman. You should leave well enough alone. If she was divorced/officially separated already then that would be different but she's not so keep out of it. She and her husband do not need a third person in their marriage, trying to end it. There's still hope for them until they actually separate.

kryogen

I appreciate the comments guys, maybe i didnt explain everything properly, but i thank all of u for taking time to reply, a special big thnks to KatieK!! u seemed to have the best grasp of what i meant, and u seem to have to most logical balanced way of looking at it. Your post makes sense

Thank u for your thoughts

Carrigart Exile

kryogen wrote:

incorrect,but not ur fault, she is not from here...and because her husband wouldnt get a job in their counry she came here to look for work, and sent money back to him, dont be too quick to judge somebody when u only have half the story

The half of the story I have, i.e. you are sleeping with another man's wife is pretty bad mate

davyjose

Beruthiel wrote:

I'd rather you didn't take my comments out of context thanks.
B

It's perfectly within context, Beruthiel. The OP will not be causing anyone to lose their father. It's well and good offering advice, but I don't see any reason to guilt the OP into making a decision.

_Kaiser_

Assuming that this woman is sincere about things being dead between her and her husband, then the OP is totally justified in asking where he stands - especially as he's been apparently very open about his own feelings and his willingness to take on both her and her child (and fair play to him for that, considering far too many men won't even look after their own).

Saying that him getting involved with her is depriving the child of a father is just an attempt to lay guilt on the OP in my opinion. This woman is an adult too remember, presumably unhappy in her current relationship, and capable of making her own decisions as to what's best for her and the child (and staying in an unhappy marriage isn't it incidentially). Besides, from reading the OP's posts, the father isn't around that much and it sounds like the OP has been more of a father-figure to the child anyway.

In either case, she does need to decide who, and what, she wants as she owes you (and her husband) that much anyway. Good luck however it turns out

Oryx

Im glad I made some sense. I really hope things work out for the best for you, good luck.

kryogen

i agree she has to make a decision, i wont sneak around and she would suffer emotionally from sneaking around, so its gotta be either him or me, i see my future with this woman, and her child, and hopefully children of our own... but her husband deserves honesty, and that might seem pretty rich coming from me but i honestly dont think im a bad person, i simply fell in love with her, and this happened gradually through a friendship first... i want to be with her, and she has told me she wants to be with me, but i know her son is very happy to have his father and mother in the same house together, he adores his father, obviously...and this is what will probably be the dealmaker or breaker..... i think she understands now that he cant take the child away from her, but she says she doesnt want to see her son unhappy and he is so happy with daddy....i really dont know what to do, he talks about me now,the son, that is, and tells his dad what we used to do and the places we went....i actually miss spending time with him, as well as her.