How many partners is normal for a girl to have

LegacyUser

Hey there.

talking to new girl, and the question about past sex lifes came up, i know, i know, not a smart move to talk about, but it happened.

Seems anyhow that she has had a few, slept with about 15 men, quite a few of them where one night stands...these occured in younger crazier years...over 3 years ago or such...shes now 27

I know it shouldn't mean anything to me, but it is kinda bothering me, which is ironic as i would have been with quite alot more...

what are peoples opinions on this, is this a normal question to have going around your head...is this an excessive or normal or too low a number??

de5p0i1er

As long as shes happy who are we to judge.

Esel

Listen mate, get real on this. If you can't handle the answer, don't ask the question!

It seems you are close to thinking she is a slut, whereas you, on the other hand, are a stud?

rediguana

15 isn't so big these days. But you know you've to multiply it by three for the real answer. But 45 isn't so big these days either.

When my girlfriend told me her number, I was appalled, shocked and outraged. That she had beaten my own (respectable) tally

It probably won't continue to be a problem for you, I'm thinking. Just needs some getting used to.

LegacyUser

'going unreg for this reply as it would be obvious for my ex who i was if she reads this

????? wrote:

Hey there.

talking to new girl, and the question about past sex lifes came up, i know, i know, not a smart move to talk about, but it happened.

Seems anyhow that she has had a few, slept with about 15 men, quite a few of them where one night stands...these occured in younger crazier years...over 3 years ago or such...shes now 27

I know it shouldn't mean anything to me, but it is kinda bothering me, which is ironic as i would have been with quite alot more...

what are peoples opinions on this, is this a normal question to have going around your head...is this an excessive or normal or too low a number??

ye my ex was with around 25 people for one night stands wereas i had only been with 3 so we both felt a bit wierd about it for a while.....i have no problem with anyone male or female ****ing around if its simply coz they enjoy sex but she said something along the lines of "sometimes i felt it was expected" and that pissed me off for ages but seriously if she is faithfull to you it really does not matter and imo her having one night stands does not mean she is going to cheat on you which is presumably the suggestion if you think she is a slut'

Dudess

????? wrote:

Seems anyhow that she has had a few, slept with about 15 men, quite a few of them where one night stands...these occured in younger crazier years...over 3 years ago or such...shes now 27

Right so. Say she lost her virginity at 18 or 19 - presume that's the average for her age group (and I emphasise her age group, because the average among 17-year-olds now is probably about 12 :rolleyes:). Fifteen sexual partners over an eight or nine-year period is hardly excessive - even if all of them were one-night stands. Actually, if all of them were one-night stands, it would mean she only had sex around every six months. I know she says that her sexual "escapades" ended over three years ago, but she's hardly chosen to take a vow of celibacy since. Fifteen or so partners over eight or nine years is about average.

I know it shouldn't mean anything to me, but it is kinda bothering me

Yep, you're right. It shouldn't bother you - not one bit. Her past is her business. What's done is done. You've met the person she is NOW.

which is ironic as i would have been with quite alot more...

Aargh! Now I'm annoyed! Well at least you're honest about it, but it seems that - despite your trying to be reasonable about things - you're of the same old view: women shouldn't have multiple partners, they should be relatively pure - preferably untouched, and very inexperienced (although on the other hand, women who leave it later than the usual to become sexually active might have to contend with being labelled "frigid"). But men can spread their seed all they want. It's a shame that this view still permeates our culture, but it does. I'd say it's even a subconscious thing.

what are peoples opinions on this, is this a normal question to have going around your head

Yeah it's normal all right - as in, it's common. But it's a major sign of insecurity. If you were comfortable - with yourself first and foremost, you wouldn't give a toss.

...is this an excessive or normal or too low a number??

Oh please. First of all you're concerned about it being too high a number, now you're wondering whether it's too low? I'm sorry, but that question is extremely stupid. And "normal"? How long is a piece of string? There are some 27-year-olds who have only had sex with one person - they may be in a relationship since their late teens/early twenties. I'm sure there are 27-year-olds who have slept with fifty people over the last ten years. Some perfectly balanced 27-year-olds might even be - shock, horror - virgins! So what? Christ, I'm sick of people making assumptions that there are certain "codes" attached to sexual behaviour. It's all down to the individual - end of. And if this girl WANTED to sleep with those fifteen men and she enjoyed it, then good for her. Now get over it.

AnonoBoy

You've slept with more people than her and she's slept with her fair share.

What's the problem? Seriously, get over it. There is nothing you can do about her past and you can hardly get all high and mighty about it considering you've had more.

Understand that this is something that is never going to go away. Even if you spend the rest of your life with her she'll still have slept with all those guys. You have to learn to live with it and not worry about it or else you might as well say goodbye now.

Oh yeah - and you should be responsible and get tested.

melekalikimaka

as long as you still have complete faith in the girl the girl alls well i guess, bit of a turn off for myself i'm not gonna lie, but it's not the end o the world

Dragan

Eh, stop being so insecure?

As already said if you didn't want to know you shouldn't have asked. I suggest you simply move on with it mate.

Duras

You asked the wrong question... Would you buy a car with 15 previous owners? I wouldn't... Next time don't ask and live with the illusion...

chump

Duras wrote:

You asked the wrong question... Would you buy a car with 15 previous owners? I wouldn't... Next time don't ask and live with the illusion...

Ah I love it,

To the person who said "and I emphasise her age group, because the average among 17-year-olds now is probably about 12" - what land are ya living in, watching too much primetime and reading too many tabloids.

OP - get a grip, particularly as you have been with more than her. It's just ridiculous. Of course one can understand where you are coming from, and no doubt you are finding it tough, the reality is you're a willing participant in this culture, so you've no right to be angry.

stovelid

Would it be more acceptable if it was a bloke that had 15 previous partners?

I'ts probably best not to ask if the answer is going to cause you stress, man.

I don't actually think 15 is that many, especially if somebody hasn't had a lot of long term relationships?

chump wrote:

the reality is you're a willing participant in this culture, so you've no right to be angry.

Agreed TBH

Beruthiel

How many partners is normal for a girl to have

How long is a piece of string?
How many partners is normal for a man to have?

Honestly, questions like that annoy the hell outta me.
What difference does it make?
It's ok to have been with five, but a big no no if it's seven.
Seriously, get over yourself and don't ask the questions if you don't want the answers.

Jumpy

The more the better for me, to a limit of course.
Inexperience can be very frustrating.

Duras

Jumpy wrote:

Inexperience can be very frustrating.

Yeah, and those grapes I can't reach are for sure sour...

Dudess

Duras wrote:

You asked the wrong question... Would you buy a car with 15 previous owners? I wouldn't... Next time don't ask and live with the illusion...

:rolleyes:

And chump, I was exaggerating when I said that the age when people lose their virginity now is probably about 12, but it's probably not that far from the truth.

Owen

I went through a very interesting phase when playing with a guitar based rock band. We gigged throughout the country night after night, and we met new people every night. So, from my experience, women can be just as promiscuous as men.

If it bothers you, think of it this way ... she's with you now, not them. So you must be doing something right!

dr.bollocko

I dont think that you have a clue what you are talking about Dudess to be honest.
And dude, what Beruthiel said.
You are in the privileged position of having a girl willing to play with your mickey. Just be happy with that for the time being.

boffin

Dudess wrote:

And chump, I was exaggerating when I said that the age when people lose their virginity now is probably about 12, but it's probably not that far from the truth.

I believe the most recent survey suggests that the average age that people lose their virginity is 17.

Dudess

Oh come on! Do you not think it's reasonable to assume that the age at which one becomes sexually active is considerably lower than what it was, say, ten years ago? Based on anecdotal evidence alone, it's clearly the case.

The crowd of girls I hung around with in school were becoming sexually active at 16, some at 15 - that was back in the mid-nineties. Now that of course doesn't apply to all girls that age at the time, but it wasn't an insignificant number either. Surely it's fair to say that it can only have got worse.

Just seen boffin's post: look, I was exaggerating. The point I was making is we're living in an extremely sexualised culture and it's surely putting pressure on teenagers. I'd love to continue the discussion but it's off-topic and a bollocking will surely ensue!

dr.bollocko

Mo. Anecdotal evidence is not evidence. What you may have heard from people you know could not be used as a sample to justify a trend in the entire population. While it may have gone down in the past ten years (hurhurhur) it wouldnt have gone down by anywhere near as significant a margin as you are suggesting.

Also it would be a matter of social opinion as to whether the average age at which one loses their virginity is too low or not and as such is subject to change from culture to culture.

Nevyn

Take that dicussion to humanities dudess.

~nop~

????? wrote:

Hey there.

talking to new girl, and the question about past sex lifes came up, i know, i know, not a smart move to talk about, but it happened.

Seems anyhow that she has had a few, slept with about 15 men, quite a few of them where one night stands...these occured in younger crazier years...over 3 years ago or such...shes now 27

I know it shouldn't mean anything to me, but it is kinda bothering me, which is ironic as i would have been with quite alot more...

what are peoples opinions on this, is this a normal question to have going around your head...is this an excessive or normal or too low a number??

Just shows you like her a lot. Don't worry about it really, and good luck!

St Bill

OP, if you want a guarantee that your partner will have less sexual experience than you, I found this link http://www.poorclares.ie/page3.html. You might find however that their lack of sexual experience will frustrate you in the end

Nevyn

St Bill, unhelpful and off-topic posting will get you banned from this forum.
Do take time to read the charter which contains the rules and abide by them.
Have a nice day.
Thaedydal

Marksie

Dudess wrote:

. The point I was making is we're living in an extremely sexualised culture and it's surely putting pressure on teenagers. I'd love to continue the discussion but it's off-topic and a bollocking will surely ensue!

I would say that the culture wants to be sexualised but is repressed ito doing so, hence thee fascination with number of sexual partners one nights stands etc etc.

OP: While the particular philosophy I practice actually involves processes where you openly discuss past sexual experiences, present sexual experience and future wants and desires, it does so within the context of opening and sharing with a partner. As such it is treated in a very open way with the intention neither of shocking or upsetting the other side, but with the intention of promoting complete openness.

Outside of that context, asking such is a question for me of seeing where they are now and how they got there.
As beruthiel said, if you ain't going to like the answer, don't ask the question.

The question you should ask yourself is why you felt the need to ask the question in the first place: A desire to know your partner better?, just a lpain interest in knowing?, macho things? or insecurity?.
one thing is for sure though, it seems you are insecure now about it! So you have to come to terms with it. That where she is now is not where she was then.

For the poster who talked about maintaining an illusion... well if she likes a particular position where did she learn it from?. Would you move into that to give her what she really likes? or would you wonder who it was, were they better? and all that nonsense

boffin

marksuttonie wrote:

... well if she likes a particular position where did she learn it from?. Would you move into that to give her what she really likes? or would you wonder who it was, were they better? and all that nonsense

Well if he wasn't thinking that before...he prob will be now!!

op- I know that you've asked the question so the damage is done but I would not ask the question unless you are able for the answer. However the fact that you can be open with each other - whether or not you like the reply - says alot - so you should concentrate on that.

Marksie

boffin wrote:

Well if he wasn't thinking that before...he prob will be now!!

op- I know that you've asked the question so the damage is done but I would not ask the question unless you are able for the answer. However the fact that you can be open with each other - whether or not you like the reply - says alot - so you should concentrate on that.

true . but that says a lot about his mind set.

But you have said something which i was going to include in an edit.
So i will expand slightly.

The fact she has openly and honestly answered your question says a lot about what she thinks of you. She is trusting you with intimate knowledge of herself, and trusting that you will accept it for what it is, a facet of herself that she has experienced, brought her to the stage where she is now and that she believes in you

St Bill

Point taken Thaedydal.
What I was trying to say, in a aroundabout way, is that the OP will probably be searching for a long time if he wants to find a girl with a level of sexual experience he is happy with. And that he cannot expect the people he meets to live up to his expectations.