WTF do i do now?

LegacyUser

Long story short bf and i just broke up. Over a petty but heated arguement and its not the first one. WHen things are good they are good but when they are bad!!

I wont go into too much about the actual row but basically i feel he keeps things from me (sometimes i have reason for this hes very secretive even his mum agrees with me). He gets defensive, i get defensive and it ends up being a whopper. My family like him but feel he is a bit immature for me. Anyway i thought it would blow over, we have worked through things before. He text today and i was glad to see his name come up on the phone. But it wasnt to make up, it was to sort out practicalities as he wants to move on!! We're broken up 2 days.

The main complication is that i'm pregnant. He said he wants no contact from me unless god forbid if there is anything wrong with the baby, i have to let him know and he tells me to take care of myself and the baby. He wanted my bank acc so he could set up maintenance which i said i didnt want until after the baby was born.

I have a son from a previous relationship and i went through that alone too. I thought this time i would have a bit of emotional support. Someone to ring and share my excitement with when the baby kicks, someone to come on my hospital visits with me and mostly someone to just be there for me and share the experience.

Not sure what advice i am after, guess i just have no one else to talk to. Just basically what do i do from here? I know there are single parent support groups but its not exactly the same as having a partner by your side

muppetkiller

Did you ever discuss having children or did it just 'happen' ?
And is that the reason he's not speaking with you ?

LegacyUser

No he wanted the baby and was thrilled, thats not why we were fighting. Thats why this is harder to swallow.

Cancer-chick

Hi OP

Firstly my heart goes out to you , You have some tough times ahead.

Have you decided whether you will continiue with the pregnancy? That is a key thing in my opinion. You have already raised 1 child alone so you really are well qualified to make a decision on this.

I dont know how far along you are or your financial situation but i can just tell you that plenty of women have done it alone and survived and plenty have chosen to terminate so whatever you do , remind yourself that you know best for you and your existing child.

It does not sound like this guy will be there in any capacity and from long experience with friends i can tell you that the guys who let you go through a pregnancy alone are not too generally reliable and punctual with maintenance payments.

I am sorry to sound so harsh but you must be feeling very scared and alone and you need to think right now about what is best for you.

I wish you the best and please PM me if you need to talk

Let us know how u go hon

LegacyUser

Thanks for the kind words Cancer-chick.

DOnt get me wrong i am far from innocent. I'm like a pitbull in a row once i lock on i dont let go (not physically)!! I'm not sure if he is trying to scare me tbh. ANd i wont be emotionally blackmailed or manipulated. I normally forget about rows the next day and dont brood or hold grudges. I'm trying not to get stressed for the baby sake. but naturally its upsetting.

Underneath it all hes not a bad guy at all. Hes highly sensitive and sees any disagreement as a personal attack. his mum agrees with this too!! I know i have the strenght to manage its just well its emotionally hard on your own. I will definately be keeping baby, theres no question there.

MojoMaker

onmyownagain wrote:

Long story short bf and i just broke up. Over a petty but heated arguement and its not the first one. WHen things are good they are good but when they are bad!!

I wont go into too much about the actual row but basically i feel he keeps things from me (sometimes i have reason for this hes very secretive even his mum agrees with me). He gets defensive, i get defensive and it ends up being a whopper. My family like him but feel he is a bit immature for me. Anyway i thought it would blow over, we have worked through things before. He text today and i was glad to see his name come up on the phone. But it wasnt to make up, it was to sort out practicalities as he wants to move on!! We're broken up 2 days.

The main complication is that i'm pregnant. He said he wants no contact from me unless god forbid if there is anything wrong with the baby, i have to let him know and he tells me to take care of myself and the baby. He wanted my bank acc so he could set up maintenance which i said i didnt want until after the baby was born.

I have a son from a previous relationship and i went through that alone too. I thought this time i would have a bit of emotional support. Someone to ring and share my excitement with when the baby kicks, someone to come on my hospital visits with me and mostly someone to just be there for me and share the experience.

Not sure what advice i am after, guess i just have no one else to talk to. Just basically what do i do from here? I know there are single parent support groups but its not exactly the same as having a partner by your side

Contact an old friend and talk to them. Problems are automatically halved when shared with someone that cares about you.

Cancer-chick

No worries hon

Ok well firstly its great that you have decided you will go through the pregnancy .. that in itself will strengthen u having made the decision (I say this from exp)

My advice now would be to take a softly softly approach.. You both sound fiery and he sounds highly strung .. why dont u ask him to meet you on neutral territory and say what you said to us in your post.. His mum sounds like a solid ally as well so could you talk to her maybe ?

I am sure she would want whats best for her grandchild and you are wise to try and keep stress down but im aware how hard that must be so i would say try to reach common ground with him asap for your own sake in some way now , esp as you are having his baby

Like i said again PM me if u need to talk ..

Let us know how this goes and stay strong in yourslef you will be ok