makeorbreaktime

LegacyUser

Alright. im gonna try make this as simple as poss...

met a guy 9months ago... started of that it was casual... we have a great laugh together.... spending more and more time with eachother 3 months down the line.... watching football.... dancin.. partyin... long weekends.. mid week...still tho remaining ''casual'' with the agreement that if we decide to see anoyone else that we woud be honest.. no cheating but still no commitment as such... I honestly kept my part... flirted but nothing... I felt he had a few encounters... He has a lot of admires... i cought him out on a few lies bout what hedoes with his spare time.... sometines he would say he is away workin when he wasnt n just wanted to be out with the lads. Im not in any way demanding that i will say.... HONESTLY... i never qs him in a confrontational way.. maybe ask once and leave it at that.. if i felt he wasnt telling the truth.. i would say anythin... just leave it... the thing is... he keeps telling me now how much he likes me...veeeery touchy feely and he was never like that... i asked him did he call me his g friend and he said...''suppose so... i get freaked out by commitment'' .. no at this point we spend most weekends together... meet for lunch and footie durin the week...ut none of the relationship stuff.. like.. good night txts or xx at the end...lol.. now idont expet things tochange just cuz we now call each other ''b friend and g friend'' BUT..... is it not strange to be hanging out with someone so long and not text for DAYS and not to remember important things to you ect.... im just really askin.... is this normal??? im kinda fallin for him... and i dont think its returned... so guys and gals.. outside opinions please... Is he scared or should i be suspisious. and sorry .. it was long:)

dudara

A word of advice.. punctuation, capital letters and paragraphs can make posts far easier for people to read, understand, and hence, offer better advice.

BeardyGit

So, you were relaxed and informal, and that suited you both fine....'Friends with Benefits' type of arrangement I guess. So, then he told lies or so you say, and more than likely had other 'friends with benefits', while keeping you on a simmering gas mark 2 with the aforementioned lies and tom foolery - all to your initial satisfaction it would appear....have I got that bit right?

But, you now want an exclusive arrangement with this proven liar - Right?

I have to ask you a couple of questions, because that just doesn't make sense to me.....

Why settle for some dope who thinks it's okay to use that lame old horse of an excuse about 'being afraid of commitment' to justify not calling you his girlfriend? Surely that's the normal term for a partner when a man...ahem, boy...enters an exclusive relationship, is it not? Or are you happy to accept his rubbish, effectively making you his 'touchy feely, on-off, hot and cold quasi girl-friend-with-benefits yoke'? Because that's about as definate an arrangement as you'll get with Mr. Wishy Washy.... You're not his girlfriend, and you really don't want to be, if you know what's good for you.

Don't waste your time on him - He's emotionally retarded, and a snivelling liar. There's not a real man on the face of this earth who *should* get away with that sort of crap, and the sooner you fine lasses stop taking their crap, the sooner it will end. I mean it. Ignore this and we'll likely have you back with a 'are all men the same' type thread in a few years. don't waste your time with him - he won't change. He's NOT afraid - He's arguably little more than a worthless man-turd who wants to string you along because you're willing to listen to his twaddle. Just go and find yourself a real man, for your own good.

Gil

One of an almost unlimited series of Real Men (tm), available most everywhere once you open your eyes - Accept no substitutes.

Squall

Gil..... that post was priceless. Kudos

Also 'touchy feely, on-off, hot and cold quasi girl-friend-with-benefits yoke' .... genius

OP you really have to ask yourself how long your going to be willing to put up with this kind of situation. From the sounds of it while he calls you his "g-friend" (supposedly) he really doesnt see you as that. At the moment he gets to be all "touchy feely" with you but doesnt have to bother with any of that "emotional attachment" stuff.

Thats no foundation to build any kind of a lasting relationship on. Yes it is possible that he is scared but thats no excuse. If he cares about you enough then he'll overcome the fear and just maybe might think about committing . Talk to him about it... tell him how you feel and let him know that you need a definate answer (i.e. are we "really" gf and bf) . If he cant give you one.... get rid of him... its not worth it

Cancer-chick

Squall has it OP

Some battles in life are worth it .. Ask him straight out and if you dont get the answer u want move on .. It really isnt worth the stress it causes when someone (male/female) behaves this childishly and selfishly

LegacyUser

'

Gil_Dub wrote:

So, you were relaxed and informal, and that suited you both fine....'Friends with Benefits' type of arrangement I guess. So, then he told lies or so you say, and more than likely had other 'friends with benefits', while keeping you on a simmering gas mark 2 with the aforementioned lies and tom foolery - all to your initial satisfaction it would appear....have I got that bit right?

But, you now want an exclusive arrangement with this proven liar - Right?

I have to ask you a couple of questions, because that just doesn't make sense to me.....

Why settle for some dope who thinks it's okay to use that lame old horse of an excuse about 'being afraid of commitment' to justify not calling you his girlfriend? Surely that's the normal term for a partner when a man...ahem, boy...enters an exclusive relationship, is it not? Or are you happy to accept his rubbish, effectively making you his 'touchy feely, on-off, hot and cold quasi girl-friend-with-benefits yoke'? Because that's about as definate an arrangement as you'll get with Mr. Wishy Washy.... You're not his girlfriend, and you really don't want to be, if you know what's good for you.

Don't waste your time on him - He's emotionally retarded, and a snivelling liar. There's not a real man on the face of this earth who *should* get away with that sort of crap, and the sooner you fine lasses stop taking their crap, the sooner it will end. I mean it. Ignore this and we'll likely have you back with a 'are all men the same' type thread in a few years. don't waste your time with him - he won't change. He's NOT afraid - He's arguably little more than a worthless man-turd who wants to string you along because you're willing to listen to his twaddle. Just go and find yourself a real man, for your own good.

Gil

One of an almost unlimited series of Real Men (tm), available most everywhere once you open your eyes - Accept no substitutes.

A little harsh to the OP imo... OK from what i gather you cant fully trust him yet you are hanging on in there in the hope he will change. To me this guy comes across as scared AND selfish. Maybe he is afraid but selfishness is not something that he is born with.

If you care about someone. TRULY care, you will go out of your way to make them happy however Big or small the gesture is.

My advice is to leave him be for a while. While I know you care for him, this will be the time he should WANT to talk to you/be with you if in fact he really does. Now im not saying play games. Just have your space for a bit.

OP you see like you have a lot to offer someone. Dont except nothing less for yourself.'

daiixi

OP if your post said what I think it said then I had a "relationship" like that for about 18months. It suited us. It was on and off. Off and on. He, as far as I'm aware, didn't see anyone else during that time and made no complaint when I went out on dates. I fell for him however he kept himself that little bit distant because he didn't want anything serious. Our "relationship" always had a use by date because we were going to be living in different countries and our lives where going in completely different directions but for us then, it worked. If this isn't working for you get out.