Friends girlfriend keeps coming on to me, and i crumbled..

LegacyUser

Ok heres what is happening. Have a friend of about 12 years. He's a good lad a bit grumpy but other than that he's a good friend.
He's going out with a girl (lets call her sarah) about 4 years were both 26. Now about a year before he started going out with his present gf i bumped into her and we hit it off and flirted pretty wildly through txt etc (i had a gf at the time so nothing pysical happened) anyway this went on for a couple of months eventually i broke up with my GF did some travelling and when i came back my friend was going out with this girl. Which is fine, he kinda knows that there was a bit of attraction between us in the early days. TBH when i got back from travelling i had no interest in her at all.

Any fast forward to say 1 year ago, i have a GF we have a house together as does my friend and sarah. But in this year she hasnt stopped flirting with me.

She comes up with odd reasons to txt/email/call me. Also if were all out together and in the pub she'll often start txtin me even though im only 2 foot away! Also whenever we go out she always ends up sitting beside me i.e if she goes to the toilet she'll come back and sit near me or beside me and when she talks she really leans in close and tbh i think a couple of times she's actually tried to kiss my ear and she also will put her hand on my leg while doing this and her hand gets closer to my crotch the more drinks she's had.

I was doing some work for my friend in their house, they both left together, about an hour alter she came home from work sick.. she looked healthy to me, anyway she's sitting on the sofa in a pretty low cut top while i'm standing on a ladder pretty much directly over here she's eating toast and she says crumbs went down her top so shes practically pulling her top off flashing her tits and bra at me, she went upstairs to the bedroom and said that the light in the wardrobe isnt working would i mind taking a look, no bother i said so up i go i open the wardrobe and she has g strings, french knickers etc basically all in the way so i have to move them to fix the lightshes a neat freak so i know this was on purpose.

So 6 months ago i got offered a job in the states in NY, the company said they'd pay for me to come over for a week to look around and they'd put me up in a top class hotel all i'd have to do would spend a day or 2 with the company 9-5 the rest of the time id have, so my GF invites my friend and sarah over. The hotel room has 2 bedrooms and 2 ensuite bathrooms so my gf said it'll be great fun. So we get to the hotel and we go out for dinner it ends up being me and sarah facing my GF and friend, her doing of course.
I have been to new york a few times before and one of the most romantic places is late at night on the empire for me nothing beats it especially when there's no one else up there, so all 4 of us went up and it was snowing and very cold i loved it my gf went to the toilet, my friend went to see if he could buy a pair of gloves so left me and sarah out there, she basically snuggled up to me and told me this was the happiest she's been in ages.

So for new years we went to galway quite a large group of us, 15 altogether. The night before we went to CP's cracking night as usualy up dancing with everyone and she mosied on over and danced beside me now she is a very attractive girl and even though i have a gf and all the rest her dancing with me did make me get a bit of a woody. So next night went to halo/karma not sure which it was same thing again she sat beside me chatting into my ear asked me to go dancing asked me to help her at bar, as you'll know it can get very crowded at the bar so we very very close to each other and this clown was falling over the place so i put her in front of me and i stood behind her i had grabbed her hand to move her in there, she didnt let go until she had to get the drinks and if anything she pulled my hand around her waist to hug her.

So my birthday was a couple of weeks ago went into town zanzibar! was sitting down stairs while i was at the bar bumped into a couple of old mates from college so went upstairs with them and had a chat for about 3o mins, she sarah txt me to see where i was, i told her upstairs just chatting to a couple of friends she comes up with a drink she's bought for me, she sat down beside me and i introduced her to my friends, she was looking very well, my friends were heading off to a house party, this was about 1 am, so myself and sarah were just chatting she kept leaning into me as if to kiss me ( i was drunk, really drunk) then i said we better head back down and she said not til she gave me a birthday kiss i didnt say anything she grabbed my hand and kissed me on the lips ( no tongue) and we got up and she continued to hold my hand til we just go to the stairs.

As it was my birthday we all went back to my place for some afters about 5 most people had either went home or went to bed, there was myself, my gf sarah and my friend and 4 others staying over only me sarah and one of the girls were still up at 5 and it wasnt long before the girl went to bed, so myself and sarah sitting on the futon with mtv bass or something on the tv i had a bottle of beer she had a glass of wine, she went to the toilet came back and sat pretty much on my lap, as i said above she is very attractive btu she put her head on my shoulder and basically just said to me " i know you can feel the tension between us its been building for months i love my boyfriend and i dont want to hurt him but i'm so attracted to you sometimes i just want to jump on you... like now she put her hand inside my shirt and started to go down south again i had a woody and im pretty sure she knew it, she then procedded to pull up her skirt..... when she went to the toilet i think she had taken off her underwear or had none on all night! she grabbed my hand and placed it there then she put her hand down my jeans, due to a heady mix of beer and testosterone i wasnt far away from just ripping her clothes off, but common sense prevailed and i left her there and went to bed.

Fast forward to this weekend. We havent talked much since that night an email here and there, so this weekend we just went to the local for a few there was a big group of us, she was very well behaved only a couple of drinks, one of my good friends has just split up with his long term GF and was really up for a mad night, myself and a few others decided to go along for it!! anyway ended up in town me 4 male friends sarah and one of the other girls my GF was working in UK and sarahs BF at home sick. All of us who went out live relatively near each other says 10 mins walk, i was pretty hammered by hald one and said my goodbyes, sarah said to the other girl that she wanted to head off so she's share a taxi with me. Anyway we going along in the taxi, and she just says we'll go to yours for a coffee...

We get to mine i was just sitting on the futon watchin TV with a bottle of coke her sitting beside me. She turns and asks me "why dont you want me?"

My reply " look i think your gorgeous your sexy, funny, great craic etc, but apart from the fact i have a GF who's now very good friends with you, im best friends withy our bf"

Her reply "he doesnt make me feel the way you do"

She snuggles up to me i pretty much sitting there watching TV, she's in one of those tartan skirt things, looking very well. a song comes on mtv hits, cant remember what it was. She hops up and starts stripping i was uttely gobsmacked, my jaw was on the floor, i want to tear myself away but i couldnt take my eyes off her and again i got me a woody...
anyway she ends up in her thong, bra and high heels and sits on top of me. She kisses me and i kissed her back for a few seconds but then pulled away and she ends up in tears semi naked on my futon.


Ok what to i do, this guy is a good friend and i dont want to break his heart by telling him about sarah, i know she has never cheated on him apart from trying it with me.

If i do tell him will he belive me or her if she denies it?

and what about my GF i think she knows that sarah has a thing for me do i tell her to what extent???

People i am at a loss. I know this thread is quite lengthy but for those who take the time the read it and post a reply i will listen to your advice.

Dalfiatach

You haven't actually done anything wrong yet, you were tempted but pulled away before things got going. That's a good thing man, a load of fellas would have just taken the free lunch no questions asked.

Be very careful though. Hell hath no fury and all that. You've scorned her a couple of times now.

Depending on your girlfriend's temperment, you should either tell her everything and the two of you can start putting a bit of distance between your mate and sarah; or you can just quietly start withdrawing from the two of them gradually over the next few months. Have an excuse/something else planned on most nights they are going out. And never let yourself be left alone with Sarah ever again, no matter how drunk you get. Eventually, with a lack of contact, Sarah will probably get over it.

LegacyUser

U fancy each other a bit OK.
But, I'm thinking, the 'beer goggles' is adding
fuel to the fire - U mention drink a lot.
Maybe U should particularly avoid those
occasions. And, also being alone with her.

Short of going the whole hog with her, I think
the advice of 'Dalfiatach' is about as much as
U can do.

Maybe other posters will have better ideas.

LegacyUser

eh why the hell do you keep inviting this girl back to yours, going out when you know its just the 2 of you etc. ??

why do you continually allow yourself to be put in the situation?
surely if you really loved your gf you'd stay away!?

This girl sounds like trouble, your playing with fire dude seriously if shes capable of throwing herself at her bfs friend behind his back and offering him sex on a plate despite the fact they share a house and been going out for four years, god only knows what shes capable of.

be very careful if she wants you as bad as it seems from your post, don't think for a second that she wont tell your girlfriend what the two of you have been up to.


"look i think your gorgeous your sexy, funny, great craic etc, but apart from the fact i have a GF who's now very good friends with you, im best friends withy our bf" no where in this sentence did you actually say that you didn't want her, if you keep giving her hope she'll keep trying it on, and lets face it every time she does she gets a little further.

Depending on your girlfriend's temperment, you should either tell her everything and the two of you can start putting a bit of distance between your mate and sarah;

yep. looks like you're gonna have to tell the gf because if you dont sarah will.

Ok what to i do, this guy is a good friend and i dont want to break his heart by telling him about sarah, i know she has never cheated on him apart from trying it with me.

if you tell him you've pretty much lost the friendship. You're as guilty as she is you've both betrayed him, stop putting all of this on sarah.

Cancer-chick

Ok man you SERIOUSLY need to stay away !!!

She sounds like an alley cat imo and obv has no respect for the lad she with but thats not your problem .. If you love or respect the girl u with and value your b*** you intact!!! Then put some distance there or else there is every chance it will come drunkenly out in the wash when ye all on a 'nite'

Obv if you want to pursue this sarah none of the above applies but it does'nt sound to me like when the beer goggles are off that you do ..

LegacyUser

just to say well done for showing restraint. major kudos for not giving in to temptation.

if that was me i would defo NOT have lasted. i'd have boned her into the ground.

SarahSassy

iwould wrote:

if that was me i would defo NOT have lasted. i'd have boned her into the ground.

Ha ha well they those who talk about it dont do it!!!!

You need to stop putting yourself in that position!!! Major kudos for what??? for not shagging your friends girlfriend while you are attached - I think not!!!!! You are deliberately playing with fire, if not you would not end up in these 'positions'. She is mainly to blame but you are not acting like a saint either.... Do you like the attention?

LegacyUser

Hi guys thanks for your replies, i'm not intentionally putting myself in this situation! come to think of it my GF and sarah have gotten very friendly the last year and go shopping etc together. My Gf will ask sarah and her BF to come out etc or she will ask my GF do we want to go out. Also we have a circle of really good friends say 20 and its not unusual for sarah to go out with them if her bf doesnt want to go out.

You tell me a man who doesnt like the attention of a sexy woman and ill point out a gay man.

I am trying not to be in this situations but it is hard without making it obvious that something is wrong.

Ideally i would like to bury my head in the sand and hope her infatuation with me blows over. But as said above it is possible she could let it spill out to someone and as people know these things dont stay quiet for long.

I should have taken the job in NY!

Some really good advice people. Were both going to a house warming this weekend (with our partners) though wont be staying over.

davyjose

This is such a TROLL. "She dragged me upstairs to her kinky knickers .... we were on the empire states buliding" Blah blah blah - it's like watching porn and pretending the cameraman isn't there.

DarkJager

davyjose wrote:

This is such a TROLL. "She dragged me upstairs to her kinky knickers .... we were on the empire states buliding" Blah blah blah - it's like watching porn and pretending the cameraman isn't there.

Don't forget the wah wah guitars!!

Chucky the tree

I need the cliff notes before answering.

cold_filter

davyjose wrote:

This is such a TROLL. "She dragged me upstairs to her kinky knickers .... we were on the empire states buliding" Blah blah blah - it's like watching porn and pretending the cameraman isn't there.

Just cos the OP has a bit of excitement in his life, no need to be an ass.

dudara

DarkJager - Please stay on topic

dudara

chump

this is hilarious. well written I must say - keep up the good work

Floppybits

davyjose wrote:

This is such a TROLL. "She dragged me upstairs to her kinky knickers .... we were on the empire states buliding" Blah blah blah - it's like watching porn and pretending the cameraman isn't there.

Jaysus I thought this was cornation street or eastenders or something like that. Surely this is a joke.

dudara

Further flippant remarks concerning the validity of this thread will not be tolerated. Please stay on topic. This is the final warning.

chump, Chucky the tree, floppybits you should all know better


dudara

LegacyUser

'wel end in nought but tears. look at it this way - say u give in to temptation it will eventually come out (and judging by all the drink wont be long happening), either as a drunken thing or if she decided to go for broke and be with you.

You cannot win here, will only end up losing ur gf, ur best friend and be left with Sarah - put yourself in your bestfriends situation 4 years down the line and she does it to you. Could you ever really trust her?

I think you knew from the outset what must be done (distance yourself gradualy but not too obviously), just needed to sound ur options off us at the board. If ur gf asks about Sarah liking you dont deny it but at same time dont be too enthusiastic, laugh it off. And watch the drink, particularly the next few drinks- the thing most likely to be your downfall!

Also, if u think u can have a chat with Sarah outlining that wat lmost did will never happen again, without her doin something drastic, then do it. Otherwise withdraw gradually, never put urself in the situation with the 2 of ye drunk alone again (and fair dues to ya for resisting, i couldn and indeed didnt in the past and paid for it believe me!)

Best of luck ,let all us nosy people know how it pans out'

cold_filter

I think it will end in tears, Try and speak to sarah and just explain that you love your GF and your frienship with her BF is worth a lot and just say at this point even though you may be attracted to each other too many people would get hurt if it was found out, but maybe in the future.

You will need to let her down very gently as said above a woman scorned is not a nice thing!

aye

i think you want her too, and are kinda allowing yourself to be put in these situations.

whattodo1 wrote:

I have been to new york a few times before and one of the most romantic places is late at night on the empire for me nothing beats it especially when there's no one else up there, so all 4 of us went up and it was snowing and very cold i loved it my gf went to the toilet, my friend went to see if he could buy a pair of gloves so left me and sarah out there, she basically snuggled up to me and told me this was the happiest she's been in ages.

here you could have said you your mate that you wanted to go up with your girlfriend alone for some couple time as its such a romantic place.

whattodo1 wrote:

So my birthday was a couple of weeks ago went into town zanzibar! was sitting down stairs while i was at the bar bumped into a couple of old mates from college so went upstairs with them and had a chat for about 3o mins, she sarah txt me to see where i was, i told her upstairs just chatting to a couple of friends she comes up with a drink she's bought for me, she sat down beside me ........

you could have not texted back here. you surely knew after all the previous flirtations she would come up. you could have not texted back and acted as if you never saw the text cos you were in a bar and didnt hear the phone.

whattodo1 wrote:

As it was my birthday we all went back to my place for some afters about 5 most people had either went home or went to bed, there was myself, my gf sarah and my friend and 4 others staying over only me sarah and one of the girls were still up at 5 and it wasnt long before the girl went to bed, so myself and sarah sitting on the futon with mtv bass or something on the tv i had a bottle of beer she had a glass of wine, she went to the toilet came back and sat pretty much on my lap

when the last girl went to bed, why did you not just go to bed after leaving sarah behind? everyone knows that if a girl and guy are left awake at the end of the night there is a high chance of them getting together.

whattodo1 wrote:

Fast forward to this weekend. We havent talked much since that night an email here and there, so this weekend we just went to the local for a few there was a big group of us, she was very well behaved only a couple of drinks, one of my good friends has just split up with his long term GF and was really up for a mad night, myself and a few others decided to go along for it!! anyway ended up in town me 4 male friends sarah and one of the other girls my GF was working in UK and sarahs BF at home sick. All of us who went out live relatively near each other says 10 mins walk, i was pretty hammered by hald one and said my goodbyes, sarah said to the other girl that she wanted to head off so she's share a taxi with me. Anyway we going along in the taxi, and she just says we'll go to yours for a coffee...

again you could have said you were tired and you'll drop her home and see her later.


i dunno what i would do in this situation, but essentially you need to decide whether you see yourself happier with sarah than you current gf. but be aware that if you get with sarah behind your mates back, you'll lose him, and mutual friends wont be too impressed either.