ZOMG, she looks hot... sometimes...

LegacyUser

Hello, I'm wondering whats wrong with me. I've a g/f for a year now and I'm only physically attracted to her when she dresses up a bit. Sometimes she isn't eye appealing to me when she is dressed up in her norm casual clothes. I really think that her choice of normal clothes aren't great. But there are some clothes that she wears and i'm so like wow. But its not restricted to just clothes, again when she doesn't up keep her hair then its like "meh", but when she gets her hair cut or when she straightens it its like ZOMG, head over heals. I know its shallow of me, but I she isn't the type of gal that would dress up for me.

Its prob all me, I don't feel good when I'm around her and I've not shaved or have a bad hair day or if I'm not dressed up enough.
I don't know what to do... or say. I'm 100% honest with her, and I really flatter her when she looks the bees knees, but then when she doesn't I stay kinda quiet... I know she can't look ZOMG all the time, but perhaps 70% of the time

BoozyBabe

What do you want from us?
How can we help you?

If you're only attracted to girls when they're done up, then break up with your gf & meet a girl who likes to get done up every day!

your gf isn't gonna change just cos you say so.

I only ever wear make up on a sat night, maybe a fri night occasionally.
If my bf doesn't like it, then tough.
I'm prob not easy on the eye when I'm not done up. I don't care!!! I'm comfy & happy & not concerned at all whether someone thinks I'm hot or not, because I know if I want to, I can look nice.

Thankfully I've a bf who likes ME everybit as much when I'm tarted up or not.

If he told me he'd only fancy me if I dressed up all the time, he'd get the heave-hoe!

DarkJager

I've got to say if you're going out a year and still feel this way there could be trouble ahead. I'm with my girlfriend for 6 months and at the start, I was exactly the same as you. She'd be smoking hot when we were going out, but when she was just casual I wasn't that attracted. However that changed as we went on and shes attractive to me at all times now, whether first thing in the morning or goin to bed after a night out.


Take time to get to know your girlfriend better and drop the shallowness of basing a relationship and sex on looks alone.

biko

You seem to pay too much attention to her (and your) appearance.
Is your gf a trophy rather than a "normal" gf that has good and bad days, farts and burps? Do you live together or just see each other on the weekends?

rediguana

For me, too, girls look better in heels / skirt (etc) than when in jeans / hoodies (shudder). My girlfriend assures me that men in smart suits easily beat men slumming it in Nike Airs and Liverpool jerseys too.

What to do with your own girlfriend? She'll be insulted if you tell her she needs to dress like a whore or else you're not attracted to her. If you really don't think she's sexy flouncing around au natural, maybe it's a problem.

I would say that you should lavish praise, attention, affection and compliments (etc) on her when she's done up. In the jargon, reinforce the behaviour (ie. dressing up) that you want to see increase in frequency. She doesn't need to know that you're trying to mould her behaviour, as she might erroneously conclude that you're being manipulative and shallow if she did know.

LegacyUser

The rest of the comments were useless, this one I can use.

rediguana wrote:

I would say that you should be lavish in your praise, attention, affection and compliments (etc) when she's done up. In the jargon, reinforce the behaviour (ie. dressing up) that you want to see increase in frequency. She doesn't need to know that you're trying to mould her behaviour, as she might erroneously conclude that you're being manipulative and shallow if she did know.

I love her, I'm not going to get rid of her.

I will be living with her soon, I lied about the years together its more like 5 years than 1...

We rarely argue, but we sometimes have falling outs, never broke up from each other, but it has been tried and failed twice.

You could cut off her arm and I'd still love her tbh.

beauty is skin deep, and she really really does look amazing if she spends at least 10-20 min doing herself up.

She is not a trophy g/f.

She is extremely smart and sensitive and would move mountains for me as I would do for her.

she doesn't have to be done up for me to be in love with her, but its just that when she is its amazing. The transformation is huge!

Now, no more smarty ****ty comments.

BoozyBabe

rediguana wrote:

she might erroneously conclude that you're being manipulative and shallow if she did know.

Which is exactly what he's being!!!

I'm not slating you op, you are what you are, & you feel what you feel, but don't expect your gf to get up hours earlier just to make heself look prettier for you, where she doesn't feel it necessary to do it for herself.

Op, what happens if she gets pregnant (assuming you love her & would be planning on staying with her should that happen)

she'll get a big fat belly & possibly stretch marks. Her hips will get wider. Her face might get all fat & puffy, as might her wrists & ankles.
All she'll feel comfy in (possibly) is tracksuit bottoms & baggy sweaters.
Do you think she'll give a rats @rse bout looking pretty for you then?
Will you run for the hills then?

What if she was in an accident (touch wood that that will never happen) & be left disfigured, lose a limb etc. Would you love her then?

For whatever reason, peoples features change. You've to learn to love the person, not their looks. Looks don't last forever.

If you think that those are not things you could look past, then it's you who has a big problem that you need to get over, not your gf.

Best of luck

LegacyUser

Dude, do you want a high maintenance woman, who dresses up every day? Then be prepared to pay for it.

Also, are you fit? Do you dress up every day? If not, don't try to hold double standards!

Niamh:>)

I think OP is looking to stir it up. I not sure i really beleive most of it..

You are going out with this girl for a year ya ?? - lucky her !!

Sorry Mate , but if what you say is true, you sound like a prat.

rediguana

I agree with the OP that many people's comments are useless. He wanted advice for his issue, not a tongue-lashing from the Morality Special Force.

The guy values looks - stf what? I'm guessing he's in his twenties. It's kind of important to people with a pulse. Women are rarely any better - I see enough of them falling over themselves to get at guys with money. And they seem to have nothing against men with washboard abs either.

There DOES need to be a personal connection, certainly. But, as he pointed out, he has that. They'll age together (if they stay together) and looks will diminish in importance, as they do in most relationships. But for now he wants to see his lady fulfil her womanly potential. What's so bad about that?

Among the dross, some points I declare in my wisdom to be worthwhile:

1) Put your money where your mouth is. Pay for her to have massages (they'll make her glow), manicures etc and give her vouchers for nice clothes shops.

2) Model the desired behaviour yourself. If you dress like a superstar you might draw her along in your slipstream and she may be forced to upgrade her own attire.

Attol

rediguana wrote:

The guy values looks - stf what? I'm guessing he's in his twenties. It's kind of important to people with a pulse. Women are rarely any better - I see enough of them falling over themselves to get at guy's with money. And they seem to have nothing against guys with washboard abs either.
But for now he wants to see his lady fulfil her womanly potential. What's so bad about that?

1) Put your money where your mouth is. Pay for her to have massages (they'll make her glow), manicures etc and give her vouchers for nice clothes shops.

2) Model the desired behaviour yourself. If you dress like a superstar you might draw her along in your slipstream and she may be forced to upgrade her own attire.

So you're giving out because apparently all women are after is money then telling him to throw loadsa money at her? Women are not on this earth solely to pleasure a man's every whim. There are people who don't care about the superficial crap quite as much as you. Some people can still see past the outside so not "everyone with a pulse" is exactly like you.

edanto

Maybe she knows.

Just to be devil's advocate - maybe she knows well how hot she looks when she's dolled up and perhaps that gets her attention that she doesn't always appreciate (I don't mean from you).

So, when you two are going out, she goes to the effort and makes your jaw drop knowing that she will be on your arm all night.

In short, get over it. It's something that cuts both ways and you'll laugh at this in the future. Just love the girl and stop thinking like such a teenager.

free2fly

Hmmm...I think some people are being a bit unfair here. He said that he loves his gf. He is just saying that he finds her more sexually appealing when she makes the effort to dress up. OP, I'm not exactly clear of what the problem is. Have you turned down her sexual advances when she isn't making the effort and that's what bothering you?

rediguana

Attol wrote:

So you're giving out because apparently all women are after is money then telling him to throw loadsa money at her? Women are not on this earth solely to pleasure a man's every whim. There are people who don't care about the superficial crap quite as much as you. Some people can still see past the outside so not "everyone with a pulse" is exactly like you.

Don't misrepresent me, please. I don't think that all women are after money. I was trying to argue that certain things - looks, money, personality - appeal to people, irrespective of gender. People who delude themselves into thinking that these things are unimportant will soon have their eyes opened.

I'm not shallow. This thread is about looks and style, that's why it's what I'm focusing on. If someone wants to see the fully-rounded, "Mr. Sensitive" version of me, please start a thread pertaining to those themes and I promise to contribute.

bug

I think to be honest your expectations are too high.
No one can go around dollied up all the time, its kind of impractical to be honest.

Although you could make a compromise, you want her dressed up more? - Then bring her to classier places where she has to make an effort I doubt you'll hear her moaning about that

LegacyUser

free2fly wrote:

Have you turned down her sexual advances when she isn't making the effort and that's what bothering you?

Yes, this really does bother me, I don't want it to but it is. We are both professionals, and both in our early twenties.
I'm liking the advice since rediguana has come on board.
I'm not asking her to look hot all the time, she can so easily do it but thats impossible.
I think I will make a bigger effort myself to dress up and keep my appearance as good as I can. I now think this will make a difference. <-- I think this is the key to the way forward for me.
I didn't say this and wasn't going to say this but we recently bought a house together, so I am really committed to spending the rest of my life with her.
I amn't exactly rolling in the dough ^^ but I will try to pamper her.

I'm so delighted that this thread has turned around. I was so depressed when I got those first few post in. They really pissed me off. I wasn't going to say this and it will prob destroy this whole thread but I reckon those bad mouthers were girls. Perhaps you girls need to put in more effort ;p

If I made a mistake, fair enough "I'm an idiot" will be the next remark.

SarahSassy

MrZOMG wrote:

I think I will make a bigger effort myself to dress up and keep my appearance as good as I can.

I wasn't going to say this and it will prob destroy this whole thread but I reckon those bad mouthers were girls. Perhaps you girls need to put in more effort ;p QUOTE]

Double standards anyone?????

davyjose

Don't worry, you're just an arsehole. Your gf is fine.

SarahSassy

davyjose wrote:

Don't worry, you're just an arsehole. Your gf is fine.

rediguana

I got banned for calling someone a cocksucker (he really was) on After Hours recently, so I wait with bated breath to see the words "Ban for DavyJose" here on this forum. Nothing against you, per se, I just like to see crap rules enforced fairly.

Sarah Sassy, I tire of girls complaining about double standards. Women are real high fliers these days (in this part of the world anyway). Get on with it. And the OP said he was going to improve his own appearance, so why break his balls over double standards? It doesn't make any sense - unless by "sense" you mean "nonsense".

WindSock

Just tell her straight out that you don't like certain clothes on her. I tell my boyfriend this all the time but it's up to him to take heed or not, and I'm fine with it. He tells me things too. Its not shallow, we both have to look at each other most of the time.

LegacyUser

boreds wrote:

Just tell her straight out that you don't like certain clothes on her. I tell my boyfriend this all the time but it's up to him to take heed or not, and I'm fine with it. He tells me things too. Its not shallow, we both have to look at each other most of the time.

Fair play.

Now this thread has really gone bad with someone getting overly sensitive...davyjose.

I would prefer if you explained why in a conversation style as opposed to a simple one liner.

The remark was bit sexist, but what if its true? I think its true ("... I reckon those bad mouthers were girls")
I don't get the double standard remark, SarahSassy!!

BoozyBabe

Well yes, I'm a girl, but I don't really think I was bad mouthing you.
Or at least, that wasn't my intention.

All I was saying is that:- I dress up for me, to make me feel good. I don't care if others appreciate it or not. Honest.

I do think it's important to take care of yourself with regards to weight etc, & defo think it's important to remind your partner how cute you can be every so often, I just don't agree that you should only fancy your gf when she's tarted up & so she should tart herself up every day just to keep you fancying her.

Why should she?
If she's that stunning she could get any guy, ones that'll appreciate her every bit as much on her off days.

(I'm not talking about your gf specifically, but any girl hypothetically)

I've a sis. She's absolutely stunning! Why:- she's always perfectly made up & dressed. New people see her, they think she's lovely. Everyone else sees her, they think she's her, nothing more, day & night. No compliments as she always looks the same.
Me:- I'm plain jane. Normally you wouldn't look twice at me, but when I make the effort, everyone notices me & everyone compliments as I look so different, & people can't imagine I look like that.

I can get ready in 5 minutes. She needs 2 hours!!
& I do think it's about confidence. She'd tell you herself:- she cannot walk through a shopping centre without her mask (makeup) on. She feels really self conscious, whereas I just don't care what people think of me.
I know what the important people in my life think of me & that's all that matters.

Maybe this is also how others who don't bother to wear makeup feel.

LegacyUser

Thanks BoozyBabe AKA Nice Jane,

All good points, all relevant in some respect. I don't think I could wait around for an hour for my g/f to get ready to go to the shopping center, infact her sister is very like ur sister and can take up to 2 hours to get ready to do anything... That would be frustrating, but my g/f would never spend too long. I don't mind the wait for her to get doll'd up to go out on a fri/sat nite.
The point I'm trying to make is that it would be so much better if she spent maybe 10min to get ready to meet me. I don't think thats too much???
Anyway, I consider the thread closed as I've enough info now.

Thanks

Niamh:>)

ZOMG , you asked everyone on this board on your original post...

" I'm wondering whats wrong with me "

So you know some or all of what you are saying is wrong.. so dont get snoty because other people are agreeing with you :>)

Go put some make up and heels on yourself if it turns you on that much !!!

LegacyUser

Niamh:>) wrote:

So you know some or all of what you are saying is wrong.. so dont get snoty because other people are agreeing with you :>)

I now know I was tackling the situation incorrectly, thank you for your input.

Niamh:>) wrote:

Go put some make up and heels on yourself if it turns you on that much !!!

^^I wouldn't expect anything less than this comment from you judging by your previous post.

Beruthiel

Niamh
I suggest you read this forums charter before you get yourself banned.

I'm closing this thread as the stupidity of it makes my brain hurt.