ADHD - How do I deal with this?

LegacyUser

I had a rubbish night last night compared to last weekend. Last night I could not relax and get into that inner sanctity, self assurance….zone, call it what you like.
For the last few years I suffered from depression and only really existed rather than lived. Things are changing quite dramatically now in the last few months. I have become involved with a new circle of friends. These friends are all from the same social class as me as opposed to my old friends who weren’t. The reason I was involved with them was drugs and I forgot who I was or saw something in that culture that I was attracted to. I didn’t have much self esteem either. I was never really accepted 100% into their culture anyways and this was the cause of me falling into depression rather than the drugs. In hindsight I think the reason I wasn’t fully accepted is because I had things like intelligence and ambition. I also tried to be like them instead of being myself. An impossible thing to do.

Back to my story anyway, I suffer from ADHD, therefore I need to be the center of attention to enjoy myself most of the time or feel like im the star in my own movie.
Now you can definitely imagine why I didn’t fit in with the “drug crowd”. Its not that I was the center of attention with them….I certainly wasn’t, I had low self esteem remember. I could not assert myself at all so I was the quite kid in the corner with ADHD. Quite kid in the corner and ADHD don’t mix.

These days Im still often quite and find it difficult to relax in my new circle of friends. Sometimes im just in good form and it comes so naturally like last week. Im just in the zone. Nights like last night, I just couldn’t bring it together. It’s a subconscious thing and it really affects my life not just going out but work and everything.
Perhaps im just addicted to the “zone” and now I cant have a good night without being in it like someone who cant enjoy a good night out with out a few lines of coke. When im in the zone I feel like im on coke by the way and people have asked me once or twice have I taken a few lines when I hadn’t touched it at all.

Hopefully someone on the forum here has had to deal with this before and can help me to deal with it. Do I need to let go of this zone idea completely or is it just a self esteem issue that I cannot assert myself properly in this new circle? Last night for example when I wasn’t in the zone I felt self conscious a lot of the time. This is fairly normal for me. I know theres a lot of self doubt going on in my head. I get intimidated by some people quite easily also. One person could arrive and literally put me into my own little box and id be there for as long as he/she was there.

Anyway ive probably made absolutely no sense in the logical layout if this post but im hungover so I don’t have the energy to edit it further.

Cheers.

Nevyn

Get in touch with your dr there are medications, support plans and support groups for those who have been diagnoised with ADHD both adults and childrern