Ocd

john_07

I know self-diagnosis is a dangerous thing, but I think I may be suffering, or have suffered at some stage from OCD. I'd like to share some of my experiences here. I'm not looking for a diagnosis, but I just want to get if off my chest and ask some questions people may be able to answer.

The earliest time I can recall feeling depressed was when I was eleven. It wasn't a specific moment in time, but rather a period of a few months where I felt extremely guilty about even the smallest things I did, insignificant things. I caused my a huge amount of distress and left me feeling sad alot of the time. It began to lift, albiet slowly. I was always afraid I'd return to a time like that in my life. I felt I couldn't tell anyone about it, as I felt responsable, hence the guilt.

Then something strange happened. Almost as the void left, I began to worry about other things, stupid things. I felt the need to do things a certain amount of times, eat things in threes or fives. I didn't like doing things in 4s or 6s. If I didn't do the things a certain amount of times, it caused me alot of stress. I also used to feel the compulsion to read car number plates. I remember I was sitting in the car one day, and the compulsion became so strong and overwhelming I shut my eyes so I couldn't see anything and I began to cry.

I told my Mom about the need to do things a certain number of times. She said she used to do that when she was younger, but then one day decided to stop. I did too, and it began to lift.

Again I was left with this void. I was about 12 at this stage, and starting to discover my sexuality. I heard news reports on paedophiles and the horrible things they did, and I was gripped with this fear of becoming a paedophile. The horrible images and thoughts filled my head and I tried to make them go away, but I couldn't and felt really guilty.

Then after a while, the worrying subsided and I was largely untroubled by these obessions for a while. But then they began to creep back. I began to think about the nature of life and thought about what the meaning of it all was. I couldn't come up with an answer. The question wouldn't go away, and it left me feeling pretty down.

Thinking about the nature of conciousness, I began to wonder about the 'life is all a dream' thing and all that. I reliased I couldn't prove anybody else exsisted. It bothered me, alot. Not very rational, I know. But it began to take over my mind. I found it impossible to dispell the thought. I thought about it all day, and found it very hard to concentrate in school. It left me feeling depressed, lonely, isolated and scared.

It's since transfered to other things, fears of harming myself or others, doing something inappropiate etc.

I'm not feeling to down now, but I'd like to talk to someone about it. I'm under 18, and I've told my parents about it. I guess I'd go to trained profesional, but how would you contact one, I'd like to know exactly what would be involved, what he or she would do and so on.

Thanks for reading

Mezcita

Howya John. Well, from my own experience, I think the first thing you should do is go and see your GP. He/She will then be able to make a proper medical diagnosis about you and then refer you on to a psychologist if they feel that’s appropriate.

The important thing to remember here is that it’s extremely beneficial to talk with people who are professionally trained to deal with the problems you have been thinking about. I was referred on to a councilor having being diagnosed with depression and I found it fantastic to be able to discuss my own problems who somebody who was in no way connected to me. It’s a very liberating thing in that the person who you end up talking to should have a fair bit of experience in addressing the problems you have been struggling with.

Being depressed about stuff is very common, particularly in young people. So it’s not something you should worry about admitting to your own family or friends.

As for the OCD thing, it’s amazing how many people have some aspect of it. Loads of people do things like wash their hands a certain way or avoid stepping on cracks etc. I find a good way of keeping myself in check is just reminding myself that logically, nothing bad could happen just because I don’t do something a certain way. Life just isn’t like that.

Anyway, it’s something that a councilor or psychologist could discuss with you in detail. Like I said, go and see your doctor and take it from there. Good luck.