I've been a complete airhead around my bf recently...

LegacyUser

I don't know what to do. I've been going out with my boyfriend for 7 months. Lately, I've been doing really silly things around him... just basically being a complete airhead. I hate the way I've been behaving around him lately.
It's strange, with some people, ocassionally, I'll get into this rut of being a complete idiot around someone+ I usually withdraw from that friendship etc... as I just end up thinking that that person thinks I'm stupid/ annoying.
I hate the way I'm around him lately+ am feeling really insecure about us... he's a very intelligent guy... + I just feel inferior around him due to the way I've been behaving. I got the top 2% marks in the country when I did my leaving cert... so I guess I'm not completely thick!... it's just the way I've been around him lately... grrr... any advice on what to do!? thanks

Ruu_Old

Could you maybe give us some more information? Hard to understand what you mean (for me anyway). What is making you feel insecure? Realise what you have and don't dwell on it too much.

Wibbs

5040382 wrote:

I don't know what to do. I've been going out with my boyfriend for 7 months. Lately, I've been doing really silly things around him... just basically being a complete airhead.

Ah yes, most men will understand this from experience....:D I'm joking. Chances are you're not being an airhead at all.

It's strange, with some people, ocassionally, I'll get into this rut of being a complete idiot around someone+ I usually withdraw from that friendship etc... as I just end up thinking that that person thinks I'm stupid/ annoying.
I hate the way I'm around him lately+ am feeling really insecure about us... he's a very intelligent guy... + I just feel inferior around him due to the way I've been behaving. I got the top 2% marks in the country when I did my leaving cert... so I guess I'm not completely thick!... it's just the way I've been around him lately... grrr... any advice on what to do!? thanks

You are an intelligent person. The problem comes when you don't truly believe this.

I'm going to get roasted for this, but... this is generally more a woman thing. I have a good mate, a woman. Unbelievably bright, funny and strong. Grand arse to boot(she's like a sister to me, so that was weird to say:D )Sadly she doesn't see how bloody amazing she is. She can sit in with a bunch of unreconstructed blokes and is well able to hold her own. She can do the same with a bunch of women. She's a great person. That is until she gets involved with someone. Then she turns into some strange weirdo none of us recognise.

The whole relationship thing brings out her insecurities. I truly don't get it.

Maybe I'm wrong OP, but I think it's just your insecurities talking. You don't feel that you're actually the person the world sees. So with someone you're very close to you may seek to drive them away. That way you can in some small way be "right" about how you feel deep down when they agree that you're a bit of an idiot.

People can often engineer situations that make them feel justified about how they think they are rather than the reality of who they are. They would rather be proved "right" about themselves than be happy about themselves.

LegacyUser

You're correct about the insecurity thing I think. I'm quite an insecure person+ I really just don't know how to deal with stuff. The guy I'm going out with is great, but we had a conversation a few weeks back... we almost broke up.. it was because I was being insecure. I know insecurity can eat a relationship up.

The thing that I'm insecure about with us, is that in the argument we had a few weeks ago (which led to me almost dumping him), he brought up love+ I had told him that I could see myself falling in love with him eventually. That completely spooked him+ he said that he didn't know if he could love me. He said he didn't know if he could like me anymore+ what's a relationship without love. But then, a few days later, he said everything was cool until I started being insecure.
He hates to 'talk' about stuff... so another big deep conversation about this would cause alot of damage I think.

I reckon, I'm trying to push him away for some stupid reason, as I never feel good enough+ I know that the longer we go out... I will fall completely for him (I think I might have done already).. but if he really doesn't think he can fall for me.. then I'm going to get hurt big time.

Carrigart Exile

How old are you guys, does he see you planning weddings and babies and perhaps he is trying to slow things down, you've picked up on this and believe its more than that.

justsomebloke

5040382 wrote:

he brought up love+ I had told him that I could see myself falling in love with him eventually. That completely spooked him+ he said that he didn't know if he could love me.

If you can see your self eventually falling in love with him does that mean that you don't love him now? and what did he mean by saying that he didn't know if he could love you? are yous just fcuk buddies? are yous actaully looking to be in a realtionship with each other if neither of yous actually currently love each other sorry but I am just a bit confused

LegacyUser

We're both 20. I don't think it's a commitment. The argument broke out in the first place, as I was going on about how long we had been going out for+ thus, probably freaking him out a bit also.

I'll be honest... because of what he said before to me... about not being sure if he could like me anymore... I'm now wondering, if he's just using me for sex or what... which is an absolutely awful thing to think... when we had that argument before, he said he thought he loved his ex. Now I'm just thinking I'm inferior to her. Ah. Sometimes, there's just too much stuff floating around in my head+ the way I'm being insecure etc is just not fair to him, which is why I sometimes consider if he would be better off if I just said goodbye to him. Which is very very hard to do, as I like him so much+ I know I'd always regret it.

LegacyUser

jsb wrote:

If you can see your self eventually falling in love with him does that mean that you don't love him now? and what did he mean by saying that he didn't know if he could love you? are yous just fcuk buddies? are yous actaully looking to be in a realtionship with each other if neither of yous actually currently love each other sorry but I am just a bit confused

That's exactly the thing I think!. Thanks.
Yeah... as a person, I either want to be in a very good happy relationship, or not at all. I don't like this whole fcuk buddy thing. It's not me.
I think I might love him.. but I've been stopping myself liking him too much lately, because of that thing he said.

Another conversation about love... is going to mess things up alot. But I don't know what I should do.

He did tell me last week, when I told him straight out about how he made me feel inferior to his ex... that he cared alot about me.

I mean, it's been almost 7 months. If he was going to love me, he should by now right?.

Can I exactly say to him, what's going on... can you ever love me?... I know that that will be me thinking too much about stuff again+ will piss (and SCARE ) him off. I should probably just go with the flow...

Chinafoot

5040382 wrote:

He said he didn't know if he could like me anymore

Whatever about the love stuff, that is completely ridiculous.

He doesn't know if he can like you anymore...? Because you were honest with him about how you feel?

Sorry but he sounds incredibly immature. Why would you want to be with someone like that?

Sounds like you have every reason to be insecure tbh.

LegacyUser

'

Chinafoot wrote:

Whatever about the love stuff, that is completely ridiculous.

He doesn't know if he can like you anymore...? Because you were honest with him about how you feel?

Sorry but he sounds incredibly immature. Why would you want to be with someone like that?

Sounds like you have every reason to be insecure tbh.

You see, everything had been cool... then I started a conversation (completely because of insecurities), about how I thought I might be getting to like him too much. A ridiculous conversation to start at all.
He thought I was trying to break up with him.
We both agreed, gosh 6months.. what happens now... that's a long time. He was afraid it was going to get serious.
Then it was somewhere here he said the thing about liking me anymore.

Which, is why the following week, I texted him, telling him to forget about me. He got very annoyed etc... so I said sorry (it was clear from his reaction that he did care)

He said everthing was cool up+ he had no worries at all up until I started that strange conversation.

So now I'm thinking, ok, maybe he just said what he said on the spur of the moment, because of what I was saying to him+ maybe he does like me alot etc...

Or, maybe he is just playing me.

Oh+ the make things interesting, I'm the same person posting about... 'I have a boyfriend... is it ok to stay with another dude..'!

Btw... it's totally cool not to reply anymore. There are far more serious problems out there.'

justsomebloke

5040382 wrote:

Which, is why the following week, I texted him, telling him to forget about me. He got very annoyed etc... so I said sorry (it was clear from his reaction that he did care)

slightly off topic but did you post a thread on PI about this a few weeks ago as this sounds familiar.


Other then that I think you need to have a conversation about where yous think this relationship is actually going. I know we are only getting half the story here but from the sounds of it he wants to keep this as just a casual relationship which you yourself have said you are not after. If he is only after a casual relationship chances are that if you stay with him you will fall for him and you will be hurt even more when you do brake up, i.e. if he doesn't love you now chances are he isn't going to fall in love with you at a later stage

Isobel

No wonder you're insecure! he told you he didn't think he could ever love you, he's not sure if he likes you anymore and he's still in love with his ex. You're not being an airhead out of choice it's just happening because you're so insecure with him you feel the need (subconciously) to portray the doe eyed, innocent, "I don't know I'm just a girl" image because this is mostly what guys respond to. It makes them protective and subconsciously you're trying to make him protective of you because if you do that then maybe his attitude about you will change. What you are doing is a normal reaction that any girl would have in your situation but I think you need to have a think about whether this is worth it because althought most girls would do the same in your situation most girls don't have to because most girls aren't with a*holes that would put them in that situation where they feel the need to over-compensate like you are now in the first place. At most it seems to me that you are putting alot more into this relationship than he is and IMO I think you shouldn't be afraid to have a big conversation about where you's are going because, after 7 months, if he can't handle that then it's time to look elsewhere because he's never going to change honey and in the end he'll move on without any regard what it does to you. Think about yourself here honey and have a long think about wether this is what you really want because you're worth alot more than that.

Hope it works out XXX

Kell

Wibbs wrote:

You are an intelligent person.

Where did you get that from? Intelligent people dont consciously make an ass of themselves with their partners/friends.

jsb wrote:

slightly off topic but did you post a thread on PI about this a few weeks ago as this sounds familiar.

Knew it sounded familiar. Again, does an intelligent person act the ásshole like that and deliberately mess with the guys head?

5040382 wrote:

Btw... it's totally cool not to reply anymore. There are far more serious problems out there.'

And there she goes playing out the poor me drama again.

OP- can you not see that all of this behaviour is all just attention seeking cráp which WILL actually drive people away in the long run and fulfill your prophecy that you are not worth these peoples attentions?

Why dont you actually take a long hard look at what caused these insecurities and STOP projecting them onto people. How long do you think you can wander around with a skewed version of reality for before the floor comes up and whacks you in the face?

You should actually go and seek professional help. Its v difficult to just pick your self esteem out of the toilet on your own and from the sound of you, your esteem is very much in the toilet.

5040382 wrote:

which is why I sometimes consider if he would be better off if I just said goodbye to him.

Fúck that honey, and pardon my bluntness, but you need to be thinking "I would be better off without him". Why on earth do you think it is remotely healthy to stay in a relationship where your better half is in love with someone else? Being fair to him? How is he being fair to you? Shocking news flash, but his the inside of his brain probably reads like this-

"I am in love with my ex, who I would probably chew the arm off to get back with, but for the moment I am happy with <insert name> until something better comes along"

I am sorry if that is a rough as fúck portrayal, but it is more than likely true.

Seriously though, you really do need some help if you would even entertain the notion of being in a relationship like the one you have. Trust me- bad esteem doesnt just infect relationships. It'll poison every aspect of your life and skew any version of reality you think you might have. Best to do something about it now than later.

K-

Isobel

Kell wrote:

Where did you get that from? Intelligent people dont consciously make an ass of themselves with their partners/friends.



Knew it sounded familiar. Again, does an intelligent person act the ásshole like that and deliberately mess with the guys head?



And there she goes playing out the poor me drama again.

OP- can you not see that all of this behaviour is all just attention seeking cráp which WILL actually drive people away in the long run and fulfill your prophecy that you are not worth these peoples attentions?

Why dont you actually take a long hard look at what caused these insecurities and STOP projecting them onto people. How long do you think you can wander around with a skewed version of reality for before the floor comes up and whacks you in the face?

You should actually go and seek professional help. Its v difficult to just pick your self esteem out of the toilet on your own and from the sound of you, your esteem is very much in the toilet.



Fúck that honey, and pardon my bluntness, but you need to be thinking "I would be better off without him". Why on earth do you think it is remotely healthy to stay in a relationship where your better half is in love with someone else? Being fair to him? How is he being fair to you? Shocking news flash, but his the inside of his brain probably reads like this-

"I am in love with my ex, who I would probably chew the arm off to get back with, but for the moment I am happy with <insert name> until something better comes along"

I am sorry if that is a rough as fúck portrayal, but it is more than likely true.

Seriously though, you really do need some help if you would even entertain the notion of being in a relationship like the one you have. Trust me- bad esteem doesnt just infect relationships. It'll poison every aspect of your life and skew any version of reality you think you might have. Best to do something about it now than later.

K-

Thats a bit harsh and to be honest is bordering on a personal attack. If she really did need professional help for low self esteem do you honestly think you posting something like that is going to help? you could have gave her the exact same advice without the personal abuse i.e: "You sound like there are some self esteem issues, have you considered seeing a councellor?" might have worked! If you don't like her then don't read or post on her threads but don't disguise your obvious dislike of her by being exceptionally rude and then offering a minimal peice of advice so it seems like you are on topic.

Beruthiel

Isobel wrote:

Thats a bit harsh and to be honest is bordering on a personal attack.

Isobel
Would you kindly leave the moderating of this forum to the moderators.
Your comment was completely off topic.
This is my second time to pull you up today, there won't be a third.

Kells comments are indeed blunt, but once again, I believe he is right on the mark with this one and what's wrong with telling it like it is without the sugar coating?
Kell always posts in a blunt way, it's his style, as yet he has never been wrong and the only thing he lacks in his posts is a bit of sugar.
He did not say the above because of his obvious dislike of her, (a ridiculous conclusion on your part) but rather to snap her out of the place she's in right now so she can see herself and her relationship from another angle.

Chinafoot

Isobel wrote:

Thats a bit harsh and to be honest is bordering on a personal attack. If she really did need professional help for low self esteem do you honestly think you posting something like that is going to help? you could have gave her the exact same advice without the personal abuse i.e: "You sound like there are some self esteem issues, have you considered seeing a councellor?" might have worked! If you don't like her then don't read or post on her threads but don't disguise your obvious dislike of her by being exceptionally rude and then offering a minimal peice of advice so it seems like you are on topic.

He may have been blunt but he's bang on tbh.

What's the point in tip-toeing around the issue?

OP, again, I really think you should take a long hard look at this "relationship". It sounds like you're being taken for a complete mug and your own issues are allowing that to happen. Time to start thinking about yourself.

Kell

Isobel wrote:

but don't disguise your obvious dislike of her by being exceptionally rude and then offering a minimal peice of advice so it seems like you are on topic.

Hmmn. Where does being PC get anyone? I see you werent particularly PC when hurling open abuse at people on another thread risking a ban from no less than 2 mods.

My approach is a simple one. Spell out to people in very large letters where they are going wrong (if they didnt need it spelt out why would they come here) and then give advice as to how to correct it.

Of course the OP's esteem is in the can. She is on a PUBLIC FORUM sharing details of her life at large with random strangers. What on earth would you do that for if there wasnt something seriously wrong. And before any oldies go quoting THAT POST from years back, there was something seriously wrong at the time.

Dislike for the OP? Total opposite. I feel quite strongly for her predicament, but I just dont dress up the obvious as much as some people would like me to. You should see my PM box. Its got more thank you's than "you stupid fúcker" in it.

While the OP had the top 2% of marks in the country in the leaving, that only proves that she can cram and regurgitate information on command. What she is massively lacking, which I pertained to, is emotional intelligence.

Now- would you like a hand down off that prancing white stallion of yours?

K-

Isobel

Isobel
Would you kindly leave the moderating of this forum to the moderators.

I wasn't moderating anything, I just thought his reply was unfair and to harsh

Your comment was completely off topic..

OK, agree but then was him refering to topics from weeks ago not off topic to?

This is my second time to pull you up today, there won't be a third..

And I apoligised for that, but the first time was for a personal attack on another poster this time I only defended a poster, is him calling her an assehole not a personal attack too?

Kells comments are indeed blunt, but once again, I believe he is right on the mark with this one and what's wrong with telling it like it is without the sugar coating?

Simple:
1. is he qualifed to make a diagnosis on someones mental health?
2. If her self esteem is "in the toilet" would being called an "asshole" help?

Kell always posts in a blunt way, it's his style, as yet he has never been wrong

How do you know? do you keep stats like on the amount of people he's been like this to compared to the amount that have topped themselves because of his advice? Just because you agree with him doesn't make him or what he did right.

and the only thing he lacks in his posts is a bit of sugar.

No he lacks compassion, sugar is what you put in your coffee

He did not say the above because of his obvious dislike of her, (a ridiculous conclusion on your part)

Oh so calling her an asshole, a drama queen and refering to past threads just to remind other posters about past times she posted isn't disliking her? it was out of order, whats the point of a person being able to create an anonomous account if the minute they post they're going to be outed? it sort of defeats the purpose don't you think?

but rather to snap her out of the place she's in right now so she can see herself and her relationship from another angle.

Yet again I say if there are self esteem issues there do you really think being abusive will "snap her out"? if anything that'll just make her feel worse

Isobel

I don't want to get banned but at the same time I don't agree with yous and I'm not retracting anything I said so far, I think you's are wrong and if I do get banned because of it then so be it but she asked for help and being called an asshole isn't help

Kell

Isobel wrote:

she asked for help and being called an asshole isn't help

Oh dear. Calling someones actions

Kell wrote:

make an ass of themselves with their partners/friends.

doesnt mean the person is an ásshole.

Isobel wrote:

Simple:
1. is he qualifed to make a diagnosis on someones mental health?
2. If her self esteem is "in the toilet" would being called an "asshole" help?

When you have been around a lot of people who wander around with their esteem in the toilet you spot them v quickly. 90% of the issues that present themselves on PI's are borne out of low esteem. But you wouldnt know that based on your low post count.

I didnt make a diagnosis. She asked what people thought, I told her. I also told her to go see a therapist, where I believe she will find answers to her problems.

JSB pointed out that she posted weeks ago. I agreed.

Isobel wrote:

Oh so calling her an asshole, a drama queen

You did read the title of the post didnt you? It said "I've been a complete airhead around my BF". The OP stated and I re-iterated.

Isobel wrote:

if anything that'll just make her feel worse

And your qualifications for this diagnosis are?

Feel free to PM me to continue this dispute as I have nothing better to do on a glorious Friday afternoon. I am sure the other posters are just as bored as I am with your vitriolic outbursts.

K-

LegacyUser

'Yeah. It made feel a HELL of alot worse. Cheers. I'm not completely against people being blunt, but I came on this, as I know I have low self asteem. There's no need to spell it out again so bloody harshly. I was trying to find advice on what I should do with my bf. About being a drama queen... wtf..just because I said 'no need for anymore replies'.

+ maybe I can offer some people advice... don't attack a person when they already feel **** about themselves (due to reasons in the past I'm not going to go into... I think I've already said too much on this forum+ would probably be attacked for being a drama queen). I hope some of ye had grand easy lives. For some of us, things in the past haven't been so easy. So PLEASE do not reply anymore if you're going to be negative.'

Isobel

Kell wrote:

Hmmn. Where does being PC get anyone? I see you werent particularly PC when hurling open abuse at people on another thread risking a ban from no less than 2 mods.

I apoligized for that and at the time didn't know the rules on the boards but I see you're really good at refering to past posts, do you keep a record? cause normal it's only girls that are really good at bringing up the past.

My approach is a simple one.

I'd deffo have to agree there

Spell out to people in very large letters where they are going wrong (if they didnt need it spelt out why would they come here) and then give advice as to how to correct it.

They come here for advice, if they wanted abuse I'm sure they can get it at home/from their partner/friends

Of course the OP's esteem is in the can.

So you're qualified to make that diagnosis then I assume?

She is on a PUBLIC FORUM sharing details of her life at large with random strangers. What on earth would you do that for if there wasnt something seriously wrong.

1. She's here anonomously
2. She's not the only one
3. Asking for advice doesn't mean there's someone "seriously wrong", it just means you're working to make things better.
4. If thats your attitude then why do you post here? cause obviously then you must see EVERY thread starter as having something "seriously wrong"

And before any oldies go quoting THAT POST from years back, there was something seriously wrong at the time.

Not sure what that means but if someone does know, and ressurects one of your old posts or something, then maybe you'll see what it's like to have it done to you. And maybe whatever it was at the time was seriously wrong to you, do you not think that this may be seriously wrong to the OP?

Dislike for the OP? Total opposite. I feel quite strongly for her predicament, but I just dont dress up the obvious as much as some people would like me to.

I didn't ask you to dress it up, I just said there some room for some tact, being honest is ok but using abuse to portray it is tacky

You should see my PM box. Its got more thank you's than "you stupid fúcker" in it.

Why would I care?

While the OP had the top 2% of marks in the country in the leaving, that only proves that she can cram and regurgitate information on command. What she is massively lacking, which I pertained to, is emotional intelligence.

Not at all, she seems ok to me. To me it seems like she just got stuck in a situation and can't deal with it and needs some advice. And being in the top 2% doesn't prove "that she can cram and regurgitate information on command." it proves she's smart and can use the information to full effect, I know because I was in the top 1 %

Now- would you like a hand down off that prancing white stallion of yours?

K-

Actually its pink, so do you need a hand off that mule you're on? I'm pretty sure I can get one of my squires to find a footstool

Isobel

Oh dear. Calling someones actions

Don't know what that means?

doesnt mean the person is an ásshole.

No but saying "Knew it sounded familiar. Again, does an intelligent person act the ásshole like that and deliberately mess with the guys head?" does

When you have been around a lot of people who wander around with their esteem in the toilet you spot them v quickly. 90% of the issues that present themselves on PI's are borne out of low esteem. But you wouldnt know that based on your low post count.

Is 90% a statistic from a recognised source or are you just pulling that number out of your arse?

I didnt make a diagnosis. She asked what people thought, I told her. I also told her to go see a therapist, where I believe she will find answers to her problems.

Oh don't get me wrong, I know you told her but if you sinceriously cared at all you wouldn't have use aggression as a tool

JSB pointed out that she posted weeks ago. I agreed.

And used that info to call her an asshole

You did read the title of the post didnt you? It said "I've been a complete airhead around my BF". The OP stated and I re-iterated.

Oh so the title was "I've been a complete asshole, drama queen around my BF" was it? cause if it wasn't (and we both know it isn't) then that statement makes no sense?

And your qualifications for this diagnosis are?

Well besides from anything else I'm a councellor, I did 4 years in night college to study it so as diagnosis go I could make a better one than you did but I chose not to, what I said was just common fecking sense. I mean really? abusing a person with low self esteem to make them feel better lol what would you do if someone said they had an ingrowing toenail? tell them to chop of the foot?

Feel free to PM me to continue this dispute as I have nothing better to do on a glorious Friday afternoon. I am sure the other posters are just as bored as I am with your vitriolic outbursts.

"Vitriolic"? hahaha did you google that?

Izzy

Kell

I was going to go into a long one, but, just as there are shít mechanics out there, so too there are shít counsellors and therapists.

Isobel wrote:

"Vitriolic"? hahaha did you google that?

Your actual open insult and uncontained insult on the other thread should make a solid case for which I think you are.

K-

Isobel

Kell wrote:

I was going to go into a long one, but, just as there are shít mechanics out there, so too there are shít counsellors and therapists.

You don't know me enough to make that assumption and as arguments go you got just as much as you gave but I can't be arse anymore either, so we agree to disagree? and after this I won't piss you off (unless you are un-nessassarly rude cause then I feel like it's my duty lol) but I'm happy to leave it now cause otherwise we'll be at it all night and I don't think either of us are the giving up types

Isobel

Kell wrote:

I was going to go into a long one, but, just as there are shít mechanics out there, so too there are shít counsellors and therapists.



Your actual open insult and uncontained insult on the other thread should make a solid case for which I think you are.

K-

Deffo, but most people would only call me a c*nt, its not often I hear "Vitriolic"

Kell

Isobel wrote:

we'll be at it all night and I don't think either of us are the giving up types

So we're getting a room then?

K-

Kell

5040382 wrote:

About being a drama queen... wtf..just because I said 'no need for anymore replies'.

In the nicest possible way, honestly, what I said was your poor me drama. Its just a term. It does not mean drama queen. Isobel will tell you that, being the counsellor.

5040382 wrote:

I hope some of ye had grand easy lives. For some of us, things in the past haven't been so easy. So PLEASE do not reply anymore if you're going to be negative.'

Oh we havent had it grand and easy. When you make it out the far side with skin as thick as walls, thats when we come across as being nice and caring.

K-

jdman

I get whats happening here... This happens me too.. I think ur bf could be insecure because of your insecurity.. I think now would NOT be the best time to go off and sleep in another lads house if you really like him.. You shud meet up with him instead n spend the day together or something getting to be open about your problems.. Your bf could jus be saying he doesn't mind about you going over there to stay, he's lying to himself aswell as you and in turn it will mess the relationship up.. Dn' even keep saying are you sure r anything like that.. Just ask him what he's up to that day or nite or whatever n ask does he wanna meet up.. He'l love you for it really... Just my opinion... I just felt like saying somet cz thts kinda what tears me n my girlfriend apart.. Wish i'd listen to my own advice...

LegacyUser

jdman wrote:

I get whats happening here... This happens me too.. I think ur bf could be insecure because of your insecurity.. I think now would NOT be the best time to go off and sleep in another lads house if you really like him.. You shud meet up with him instead n spend the day together or something getting to be open about your problems.. Your bf could jus be saying he doesn't mind about you going over there to stay, he's lying to himself aswell as you and in turn it will mess the relationship up.. Dn' even keep saying are you sure r anything like that.. Just ask him what he's up to that day or nite or whatever n ask does he wanna meet up.. He'l love you for it really... Just my opinion... I just felt like saying somet cz thts kinda what tears me n my girlfriend apart.. Wish i'd listen to my own advice...

Thanks. That makes alot of sense... me+ my bf talked briefly about how if one of us thinks there's any type of problem/insecurity... it does totally spread to the other person. I think we're both really happy when the other one is. Jdman..I read your other post. I hope everything works out for you.

+ thanks to everyone else too... for all sorts of opinions. I know there are some people on here saying that he doesn't care at all about me etc, but I think I just need to be much more chilled out about everything+ not freak out if I don't hear from him in a few days etc. I think people got the impression he didn't care, from what I said about him saying he didn't know if he could like me anymore etc... He said that in the argument... and he thought I might moving far away in a few months time too...
About still being in love with his ex... he since clarified that he loved (past tense) her up until she cheated on him.
I'm sure a few of you might be thinking I'm blind to him not caring about me... but he's done some really nice things for me. Perhaps I am putting too much into 'us', so for now, I'm happy to ease off a little... chill out.. and whatever happens happens.


So anything I'm on here about is from the insecure side of me... just getting it out of my head.
I think it's all good now+ I won't be posting again. I went out last night for a little while with him instead of going away for the night+ I just told him I didn't go, as I had tons of work to do and also, I didn't really think it was on for me to go+ hang around with just this guy all day, get dinner, go to a gig, go drinking+ stay at his place (his jaw sort of dropped when I told him that I would have been doing exactly that). So, I'm rather glad I didn't go now+ I think my bf was glad I was hanging out with him for the night instead of with some other guy