freaked out about leaving gf behind

LegacyUser

Ok, I've been going out with my girlfriend for about a year and a half.
after 6 months we both found ourselves having to move out of our separate houses and thought feck it lets just get a place together, stupid I know, however the thing is since then the relationships taken a nose dive,
Long story short we’ve been at each others throats the past year.
We’re both trying to get a start in very difficult careers and the stress is enormous.
She says she needs time to herself to work and more space and I need to
Move to London if I’m ever to find work at my chosen profession and she doesn’t want to move,
Sounds kind of simple doesn’t it?
I know the obvious answer is move to London and the distance should help. Absence makes the heart grow fonder etc, thing is she’s turned into super girlfriend since we had the row which led to the idea of us moving out from each other which doesn’t help, this happens every time we’ve a fight and for a week she’s grand then just slips back into being a pain again.
She’s admitted that she’s started to take me for granted but it doesn’t help. It’s like trying to patch up a gun shot wound with a band-aid.
She’s taken to doing things now to make me jealous. Although there are options for where she’ll move after we move out she’s opted to move into a house with a guy she hardly knows at all. Its in a really dangerous area too but she sez that’s ok ‘cos its cheap, also we’ve never really had any jealousy issues with celebrities as in watching TV, as in if one of us remarks “oh such an such is hot” it never bothered either of us but now she’s taking it as a personal slur against her and she’s started pointing out guys in the pub who she thinks is hot, which isn’t really on.
I know it’s just a knee jerk reaction to her fears of what will happen to me in London but its working and now I’m really paranoid and I’m starting to have doubts about moving.
Thing is if I stay I’ll just wind up resenting her because I stayed for her when it inevitably goes pear shaped in a few years through the stress of living together with no money
but if I leave I'm just gonna be paranoid and jealous constantly.
I really am madly in love with this girl and I know I don’t want to lose her and I’m sure that if we took the relationship back a bit and got some distance we’d appreciate each other more and then a bit down the road when we’ve more money and we’re a bit more settled and accomplished we could move back in together with our lives on track, its just the leaving her here thing that’s getting to me and its hard to get this through to her.

padser

Move out, if you are meant to stay with each other it will work fine for a little while with you over in London.

If it doesn't work out it probably wouldn't have anyway..

Beetlebum

Living together can be stressful at the best of times but throw money worries into the equation and it's a recipe for disaster. I've known a few couples who've fallen apart on account of money problems and stress.
It does seem like your girlfriend is trying to make you jealous which is both immature and manipulative, unfortunately most women use these tactics on their boyfriends. It stems from her insecurities and the fact that she wants you to want her more. She's probably scared that you'll move over to London and meet some cool, hot London chick and she won't compare. She's worried becaues she loves you.
Maybe you should sit her down and reassure her that the move will be a positive thing for you as a couple in the long run. Also, tell her that your well aware that she's trying to make you jealous and that you think it's unfair and a bit pathetic. When I was younger and feeling a bit insecure in my relationship, I used to employ that tactic. I'd tell my boyfriend that a guy in work asked me out or that I got chatted up in a bar just to make him jealous. He told me he was onto me and it kind of took my power away.
You need to talk about the move openly and honestly or you could end up losing each other.
Good Luck

r3nu4l

Go ahead with your move but talk to her and let her know that you still want the relationship to continue. Suggest that if she visits you can do a lot of the London tourist things, Madame Tussauds, The London eye, Tower of London etc. That way she will see that you are still willing to put in effort and it will seem like more than a run-of-the-mill flight to see her boyfriend and sit in watching television.

She may find that when you are gone, she really misses you and wants it to work. She may decide that she's happier, either way it's better for you two to sort this out one way or another.

AnonoBoy

Move to London.

As you say you will end up resenting her if you stay and your career fails to go anywhere.

As others have said girls try to make guys jealous all the time. AnonoBoy currently has a girl doing it to him and it's feckin' working too (but that's a different PI for a different day). She may continue it while you're away but you need to be the bigger person and not do the same back.

London isn't too far away at all, it's very possible to make it work especially if you're both mature about it. What age are you both?