Questioning a potential female housemate

hallelujah

Hi all,
Been 'interviewing' some people for a room I have available in my house. When I am chatting to female candidates I want to know if they have a boyfriend but dont know how to ask without them thinking 'He wants me in to bed me'. The reason I'd like to know if they have a boyfriend is because I would feel uncomfortable if 'he' was to always be in the house. That would be 7 people in the one house, bit crowded. So how would I phrase it??

Regards,
Jeff

DublinDilbert

Hi Jeff,

to be honest i don't think you can ask that question ( i guess in theory the same sort of discrimination laws would apply as job interviews )... I think in your situation it is normally implied in the ad, ie "single room would suit single female"....

Also it might be a plus if she has a b/f, she might go to his place and stay 3 nights a week, so you have more of the house to yourself.

To be honest most girls i know would be completely creeped out by this question (unless jeff is very handsome ) and wouldn't take the room...

Mutz

Its your house dude, just ask. If they have a problem with it then they're not suitable.

Moonbeam

Do you ask potential male housemates the same question?

fintan

For all you know the boyfriend could work in a brewery and get you loads of free beer!

Seriously though, a potential flat mate having a partner is not a major issue.

Instead why don't you explain the house rules? eg. no problems you inviting friends over, however there are 6 other people in the house and our space must be respected etc etc

And then if the boyfriend is unemployed and spends his days eating your cornflakes and watching tv, then just ask her to sort it out and leave?

antoinolachtnai

I like this last approach with laying down a few guidelines. Having housemates (of either gender) who don't have boyfriends can have its downsides too.

Most basically, you have to make it clear that you are renting it to one person.

If the person shows up to see the room the first time with their bf/gf, then that is probably a sign that you should bring up the issue. If they bring along the bf/gf on a later occasion for a second opinion, I'd say that's fair enough.

If you really need to ask, you could just ask if the person would plan on having 'guests' over a lot.

As I understand it, the rules about not discriminating on certain grounds (under the non-discrimination laws and the 2004 act) don't apply if you are letting in your own home.

a.

Victor

antoinolachtnai wrote:

As I understand it, the rules about not discriminating on certain grounds (under the non-discrimination laws and the 2004 act) don't apply if you are letting in your own home.

Actually, I think its more subtle than that, its something like 'properties designed to accomodate 6 people or less'. There is case law of a small B&B having their knuckles rapped for not allowing unmarried couples. OP, check that out.

http://www.irishstatutebook.ie/ZZA8Y2000S6.html

antoinolachtnai

I think he has to count carefully for sure. My understanding that it's 6 people in addition to the person doing the renting and people living with him. It sounds like there are currently 4 people in the house in addition to the OP, the new tenant (well, licensee or whatever) will be a fifth, and if her crazy unemployed boyfriend starts making a niusance of himself, that will be a sixth.

johnnyskeleton

As Moonbeam points out, what do you say to the blokes when they apply? It's no harm to say the same thing to men as women, only try to make the question the same for both men and women e.g. do you have a partner?

You might start by saying that the room is for 1 person only. Explain your attitude i.e. you don't mind if she has a boyfriend over sometimes, but you he can't live there all the time. Say the same is true that if she's a student, for example, she can't share the room with a friend.

DublinDilbert wrote:

To be honest most girls i know would be completely creeped out by this question (unless jeff is very handsome ) and wouldn't take the room...

I don't really think so. If you asked a girl in, for example, a job interview, they might be creeped out, but when you're interviewing for a room, you are asking about their lifestyle e.g. do you drink, do drugs, smoke, work (and if so, do you work crazy hours). You might also ask where they are from, what their hobbies are, are they tidy etc. So if you make the interview formal, even if you have a checklist of things you want to find out, I think it would seem more reasonable. If you ask them and they look creeped out, just brazenly say "the reason I ask is that the room is for one person only".

And if they are creeped out, as Mutz advises, forget about them. Lots of people want to rent, you want someone who is not hassle. It is much better to have 20 uncomfortable interviews than to be unconfortable with the person you live with.

BC

As others have said, why is this only a question for the girls?

It is unrealistic to think that people won't have either friends or partners over to stay. However in my opinion its fine to say that there is a limit on how much visitors can stay over.

As a rule of thumb when I have interviewed in the past, i haven't asked people if they have a boyf/girlf but i have said that if visitors are staying over then in general it should be no more than one night during the weekend and one night at the weekend. Obviously there may be times when its more but thats fine as long as its not a regular thing. That way you don't have to ask if people have a partner and the rules are the same for everyone whether they are single or in a couple. Cuts down on arguments in my experience!