Feeling quite down

LegacyUser

Hi all,

Things haven't been going too well recently and to be honest they have been getting me down.

A few weeks back I was told that my grandmother would not have too long to live. We had guessed this ourselves as she is very old now but hearing it from the doctor kinda gave it a shock factor. I'm not sure does she realise what is happening - she is in a home and her mind is failed really though she manages to recognise myself and my Dad and bro from time to time. She can barely speak and I am not sure if she comprehends what is happening. Sometimes I think, should God just take her now and stop this apparent pain? We are told she is not in pain though and so it would be wrong of me to think she should be "gotten rid of"...I love her as she does love me but I wonder sometimes would she be better off...
Remembering the times we had together kinda makes it all the more sad.

Recently also my other grandmother was shifted to hospital. She has a terrible medical history but a perfect mind and knows exactly what is happening to her. Though she is not on the edge of dying, she can't last forever and every time she gets sick or anything, there is the risk of her going.
I live at home and my mother gets very agitated over this understandably. However she takes a lot of it out on me. She works very hard in the house and expects people to do as much as she but none of us have as much time in the house as she does. Arguments cause massive tension in the house which can last a good while and I hate when the house is like that.


On Easter Sunday morning I rang to welcome my Nan home from hospital only to find out that a doctor was on the way - she was ill again. I just felt so disappointed and thought "why, oh why must we go through this all of the time?"
It's not her fault of course, it's just bad luck really. With this there was again massive tension in the house.

Maybe the whole spark for this post was the fact that a friend of mine lost one of his parents a few days ago. It really shocked me when I heard it and to be honest, though I did not know the parent in question, it hit me hard and I still am thinking about it. When I think about how my buddy is feeling, I just feel sick. I know this should make me treasure my parents all the more but I think I am just stuck in this bubble at the moment where I am thinking, wow, death is real and it will take my parents away at some point too. And someday it will come for me and that frightens me. Death is a reality for all of us but with that news the other day, it seemed to hit me and it showed me the futility of life.

Then I see both of my nan's and it makes me see all that again...

I just feel very down and was on the verge of crying today over it all.

Am I wrong to be so sad over a friends parent, especialy when I dont know the parent?

Am I being selfish?

I'm sorry for the long post eveyone but I had to ge it all out there.

LegacyUser

i think just letting it out as you have done is therapeutic,

it's natural to feel blue when faced with your own mortality,

only when we are challenged by life does it force a reaction,

take this opportunity to savour your own family,

do something special with your mother, go for a picnic or a long walk,

organise a photo-shoot and gift your family picture to your grandmothers so they can keep you close when they are in lonely.