Father feeling suicidal?

LegacyUser

Hi I have a problem, tonight I just heard my dad say he's giving up his pension scheme and won't need it where he's going. He's been very blue recently and I don't know what it means.
As a family, we have had a lot of problems. We are not spick and span perfect; and people dislike him everywhere , but is giving up ur pension in ur 40's and saying u wont need it where ur going a sign of trouble?
There is a history of suicide in my family, and I can't bare to think that something may be brewing for this year.
I have read so many problems on here, and I never bother reading them because they are so petty and I have had a rough life and this is a problem that needs answers or opinions so please leave a comment that is not a in any way condenscending as a lot of comments on here I have seen.
Please, this is a serious question, and I can't ask anyone who knows me because it's too sensitive.
TY.

Trinity

Your right it is a very serious issue and you really need to speak to someone in your family who knows you and your Dad. Anyone on here can only do guess work which is really by no means good enough for such a serious issue.

You have to get the full story but do it tactfully. Was he speaking to your mother and if so can you speak to her about what he meant? You could worry yourself sick and it may be nothing. I've said some terrible things when really upset and things were not going my way but i didnt mean it.

When people get into financial troubles they can see pensions and savings as wasted when they really need it now for everyday things, have you ever heard anyone say spend today i cant take it with me, perhaps he meant along the same lines? We are all going 'there' someday. Maybe hes just having his mid life crisis early.

First of all try to put it in context. Who was he speaking to? Did you hear any other part of the conversation? What was he talking about? Was it in the middle of a row or was he angry at the time?

Esel

...He's been very blue recently...

people dislike him everywhere...

Can you explain a bit more on these points please.

Cancer-chick

the only way you will know is to ask your dad

You obv have reasons to be concerned so you need to say something .. If you cant face talking directly i would speak to someone like a close friend of your dad or family member and see if they can speak to him .

If you dont speak up and something did happen thats a can of worms you dont want really.

OP can i just say as well there is not a soul in the world without problems..

Some of us have had a really tough time in life, some of us have'nt but really you have no right to judge people on boards you know nothing about.. People have taken time out to answer your worry with advice and saying that 'all the posts are petty' is just wrong IMO. Really your problem is not less or more important or 'petty' than anyone else here ...

BeardyGit

Speculate with a load of strangers who know nothing about you, your family, or your troubles. Or ask your Mum/Dad what's going on.... I know what I'd do.

....The bit about 'people dislike him everywhere' is intriguing. What's not to like? Be honest.

Also, don't belittle anyone elses foibles when you drift through P.I. - You'll only make the animals excited, and feeding time's a real mess when that happens

Gil

Cancer-chick

Gil_Dub wrote:

Also, don't belittle anyone elses foibles when you drift through P.I. - You'll only make the animals excited, and feeding time's a real mess when that happens

It is a valid point that we are all here with our own probs .. some are worse than others yes but who is anyone to judge that Gil eh ???

and animals .. cmon ??

OP i really will have to agree with him on one point .. You need to speak to your dad asap.

Best of luck

BeardyGit

Cancer-chick wrote:

It is a valid point that we are all here with our own probs .. some are worse than others yes but who is anyone to judge that Gil eh ???

and animals .. cmon ??

OP i really will have to agree with him on one point .. You need to speak to your dad asap.

Best of luck

Cancer-chick, the reference to 'feeding the animals' was to suggest it's a bit of a zoo in here at times. I think that's fair - PI ranges from being a petting zoo to a snake pit depending on the thread and who's taken an interest - Something the OP practically referred to him/herself. We all have our problems, and each must be approached in the context it's been written by the OP's. Just like you, I'm actually encouraging the OP to do the same.....

While I'll be brutally honest in my responses, I'll never belittle whatever problem anyone here faces - Spend a bit more time reading here and you'll soon see that's the case. I'm only taking the time to write this to explain to others, my reference to the zoo, followed by the wink, is more about helping the OP feel at ease, rather than slagging anyone off. So, let's get back on topic instead of dragging this around to being about you leaving your perspective behind today. If you want to dance, we'll do so via PM

OP - If you actually want to chat with a total stranger, candidly and without fear it's going to get back to anyone you know, call the Aware Helpline on 1890 302 302. They're not just there for people considering suicide, but also to help those who are worried a loved one might be contemplating a drastic act, and even for the family of those who've already done so. Some of my relatives and the family of a friend have had to turn to them for support and advice, and they were superb in each case by all accounts. Give them a call if you can't speak with your folks about this directly.

Gil
PS: CC, cheer up!

Cancer-chick

Gil_Dub wrote:

So, let's get back on topic instead of dragging this around to being about you leaving your perspective behind today. If you want to dance, we'll do so via PM

PS: CC, cheer up!

Gil i gave the OP my advice as did u so i can safely say my perspective was not lost but i like most people on here will answer when parried with

'If i want to dance' ?????

Seems like by your moses like judgement of me , you lost your own unique form of 'perspective'

Im not going to dignify this with any further response to you

smcelhinney

Please help wrote:

I have read so many problems on here, and I never bother reading them because they are so petty and I have had a rough life...

Excuse me! Who the hell do you think you are to say that other peoples problems are petty?

How about a little understanding of other peoples plights before you come on boards looking for people to solve all your problems for you.

Nevyn

Unhelpful and off-topic posting will get you banned from this forum.
Do take time to read the charter which contains the rules and abide by them.
Have a nice day.
Thaedydal

SarahSassy

Thaedydal wrote:

Unhelpful and off-topic posting will get you banned from this forum.
Do take time to read the charter which contains the rules and abide by them.
Have a nice day.
Thaedydal

Well he is only responding to comment made in the OP's original post so how is that off-topic????

Nevyn

Sarahsassy that was a general warning to the entire thread.
Commenting on the moderation of the forum with in the forum is posting off topic which will get you banned.

I suggest that you read the charter for this forum that you will find here
and the FAQ for the site you will find here.

If you have an issue with the moderation of any forum take it up with the mod via pm or use the feedback forum.

SarahSassy

Thaedydal wrote:

If you have an issue with the moderation of any forum take it up with the mod via pm or use the feedback forum.

Will do!

smcelhinney

Thaedydal wrote:

Unhelpful and off-topic posting will get you banned from this forum.
Do take time to read the charter which contains the rules and abide by them.
Have a nice day.
Thaedydal

Thaedydal wrote:

Sarahsassy that was a general warning to the entire thread.
Commenting on the moderation of the forum with in the forum is posting off topic which will get you banned.

I suggest that you read the charter for this forum that you will find here
and the FAQ for the site you will find here.

If you have an issue with the moderation of any forum take it up with the mod via pm or use the feedback forum.

Apologies if I caused any undue hurt..

Although, having read the charter, several times, I find no reason for not posting this. Im not being unhelpful, and it is far from off-topic. The OPs private life is the topic at hand here, and its apparent to me that narrowmindedness and blatant disregard for other peoples individual circumstances, could very well be contributing to his/her perception of how malformed his/her life is. I, for one, have first hand experience of losing loved ones to suicide, terminal illness, tragic accidents, and for someone to dismiss this so nonchalantly as a "petty" problem, well I cant tolerate it.

I do regret that I was forceful in my retort. I would ask the OP to reconsider wording his/her posts before asking for help.

you have a nice day too, whats left of the bank holiday..

Trinity

Hi Guys

Sorry for going OT but i really want to say this. I was the first to reply to the OP. I was also outraged by the comments about other peoples problems being petty but i decided to say nothing about it because i felt it could possibly be one of 2 things

1. A troll (normally if i suspect i dont reply at all) in which case i didnt want to fall for the bait.

2. A genuine post possibly written by a teen in a complete panic who thinks his/her dad is going to kill themselves.

If this is the case i am sure at this moment in time other peoples posts seem petty to the OP, they are most likely referring to the should i ring her, are we boyfriend/girlfriend posts etc.

I dont think anyones problems are petty and i dont think the OPs comments are justified but for 'the just in case' this is a genuine post and we have a chance to give some advice and help, i dont think bashing them is going to help this particular scenario or poster and may in fact make them worse.

Personally being that little bit older, and some of us are here in PI, i'd give a little lee way on this occasion and take it as an off the cuff remark as it is probably one of the worst things that can happen to a kid is losing a parent. (assuming they are quite young in which case for some if your shoes dont go with your bag its the end of the world).

Just my 2 cents.

smcelhinney

Trinity1 wrote:

Hi Guys

Sorry for going OT but i really want to say this. I was the first to reply to the OP. I was also outraged by the comments about other peoples problems being petty but i decided to say nothing about it because i felt it could possibly be one of 2 things

1. A troll (normally if i suspect i dont reply at all) in which case i didnt want to fall for the bait.

2. A genuine post possibly written by a teen in a complete panic who thinks his/her dad is going to kill themselves.

If this is the case i am sure at this moment in time other peoples posts seem petty to the OP, they are most likely referring to the should i ring her, are we boyfriend/girlfriend posts etc.

I dont think anyones problems are petty and i dont think the OPs comments are justified but for 'the just in case' this is a genuine post and we have a chance to give some advice and help, i dont think bashing them is going to help this particular scenario or poster and may in fact make them worse.

Personally being that little bit older, and some of us are here in PI, i'd give a little lee way on this occasion and take it as an off the cuff remark as it is probably one of the worst things that can happen to a kid is losing a parent. (assuming they are quite young in which case for some if your shoes dont go with your bag its the end of the world).

Just my 2 cents.

Agreed, the person could be quite young, and not having the most ideal family unit may have impacted his/her way of adapting to social norms. A little more tact in future though : )

My advice, you have to talk to your father, and be brave about it. Let him know that suicide is a very selfish way to deal with problems, make him aware of the people and the lives that he is impacting.

Also, its tough love time. The whole guilt trip, the whole nine yards. He has to know that the legacy he leaves, if he does decide to go through with it, will be one of cowardice. You have to let him know that, even if in the eyes of society he is not respected or liked, his family still loves and supports him.

Its a long arduous road ahead, so be brave, and be supportive. At the end of the day, we can never fully understand what drives people to suicide, we can only be there to support them and show them that their life is worth living.