Face Lift

Hagar

A man decides to have a face-lift for his birthday. He spends $5,000 and feels really good about the results. On his way home, he stops at a newsstand and buys a paper. Before leaving, he says to the sales clerk, "I hope you don't mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?""About 35," was the reply. "I'm actually 47," the man says, feeling really happy. After that, he goes into McDonalds for lunch and asks the clerk the same question. The reply is, "Oh, you look about 29". "I am actually 47". Later, while standing at a bus stop, he asks an old woman* the same question. She replies, "I am 86 years old, and my eyesight is going, but when I was young, there was a sure way of telling a man's age. If I put my hand down your pants and play with your stuff for 10 minutes, I will be able to tell you your exact age". As there was no one around, the man thinks,"What the hell" and lets her slip her hand down his pants. Ten minutes later, the old lady says, "Okay, it's done. You are 47". Stunned, the man says, "That was brilliant. How did you do that?" The old lady replies, "I was behind you at McDonalds."


* This may be the same little old lady in the other joke.

Oliverdog

A rather flat-chested girl, just out of the Doctors Surgery and waiting for the bus, was practicing the exercise Dr Murphy had just suggested for improving the size of her breasts. Repeatedly pushing back her elbows, chest forward, reciting the line "I must, I must, improve my bust ...."

Unseen by the girl, the next man in the queue watched with interest. Finally, he could contain himself no longer.

"It seems you're a patient of Doctor Murphy !" he said.

The girl, startled, replied "I am - how did you know ?"

The man smiled. Hands on hips, he began to bend his knees while thrusting his pelvis sharply forward .... "Hickory Dickory Dock ......."

RoadSweeper

brendan grace done that ^^

Sinfonia

Hagar wrote:

A man decides to have a face-lift for his birthday. He spends $5,000 and feels really good about the results. On his way home, he stops at a newsstand and buys a paper. Before leaving, he says to the sales clerk, "I hope you don't mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?""About 35," was the reply. "I'm actually 47," the man says, feeling really happy. After that, he goes into McDonalds for lunch and asks the clerk the same question. The reply is, "Oh, you look about 29". "I am actually 47". Later, while standing at a bus stop, he asks an old woman* the same question. She replies, "I am 86 years old, and my eyesight is going, but when I was young, there was a sure way of telling a man's age. If I put my hand down your pants and play with your stuff for 10 minutes, I will be able to tell you your exact age". As there was no one around, the man thinks,"What the hell" and lets her slip her hand down his pants. Ten minutes later, the old lady says, "Okay, it's done. You are 47". Stunned, the man says, "That was brilliant. How did you do that?" The old lady replies, "I was behind you at McDonalds."


* This may be the same little old lady in the other joke.

LOL didn't see it coming:D

cathald

Excellent Joke