Was she messing me around?

LegacyUser

Broke up with my (ex)girlfriend a couple of weeks ago. For a week and a half whenever we spoke she said she was unsure if she wanted to break up permanently or not and that she broke up because she thought it would be easiest on her and me if I wasnt being left dangling waiting for an answer. So for the week and a half we talked about 3 times over the phone (never face to face), she layed put her reasons for being upset and I offered some solutions and we were talking and getting along fine and the jist of what she was saying was that she was thinking we should get back together for a couple of months, but only meet every 2nd weekend or something and text less often (used to text WAY too much tbh). So that was that, all seemed fine and we planned to meet the day after the next day.

So we met and she acted like a complete out-and-out bitch. Never seen her act so bad. Anyway, she had decided that she didnt want to see me for a couple of months and we should stay broke up til then and then discuss what to do (gave me no reason for this massive change in attitude either).

So we went off our seperate ways saying we'd text again in a couple of weeks just to see how we were each doing and say hi, etc.... The thing Im really pissed off about though is that, for the week and a half that she kept telling me she wasnt sure if she wanted the break to be permanent, that she still loved me and that she missed being my girlfriend alot at times was actually all a lie according to my mates. My mates just told me that for that whole time she had been saying to her cousin (who goes out with one of my best mates, who then relayewd it on to us) that she had no intention of going out again and the relationship was dead; that she had no conflicting emotions or indeciveness on what to do.

Basically, for that whole time was I being messed around and played for a sap(?), because Im really annoyed over this and want to ring her to let her know exactly what I think of her for doing that, or is it possible that her cousin is talking a load of crap and thats getting to my mates? The day we broke up her cousin had text me saying some reasons that my girlfriend broke up with me, but when I repeated them to my ex over the phone she said they werent true and her cousin was reaching her own wrong conclusions and being over-protective.... If I ring my ex about this and get into an argument about it then itll pretty much mean theres no chance of us having any kind of contact at all afterwards (which I dont mind if its true), or should I wait til Iv calmed down, then bring it up with my ex when I see her next? If I accuse her cousin of stirring crap then itll cause a fight with my best mate who shes going out with aswel. Sorry for the rant, but Im really pissed off about this

BTW, we were going out about 1 year, and are 22 years old (me) and 20 (her). I would never have suspected her of messing me around and stringing me along because shes not that type of person, but I know my mates wouldnt make up stuff like that either.

The Roach

Don't say anything to her now. You're getting your information third-hand, so there's no telling how reliable it is. Your ex may have told her cousin that nothing was going to happen again because she wasn't sure herself and just didn't want to discuss it. Or her cousin might have been protective of her and said all that so you wouldn't pressure her or anything. Or maybe her cousin may have gotten the wrong end of the stick altogether.

Your best bet is to stick to your original plan. Try not to think about all this for the next few weeks, there's just too many ifs and buts to worry about. Get in touch with each other when you're ready and see where you both stand; by then any tempers will have cooled down and you'll both be able to say how you feel and what you want from each other.

Good luck.

SarahSassy

Ignore the cousin and focus on the words she herself said to you.... She does seem to have been leading you on. I would give her total space to see what she is missing - no texting and no calling.....

Also, if she acted like a total bitch why would you want to get back with her????

You are young and you dont need to start off your 20's with a relationship like this. Find someone who wont mess you around.

Wibbs

She seems a bit "confused" alright. My advice? Walk. Don't contact her at all. If she contacts you in one of her confused states, try to cut it short.

If in months to come you both agree to start back again then fine. Personally I would have issues with someone that unsure of what feelings they have or don't have. The not leaving you dangle bit is frankly bullshít IMHO. She may also be just using you as a way of transitioning to the single life or another relationship. If she doesn't know whether she wants to stay with you or not, get someone who does. You don't seem that pushed if you don't see her again, so I'd go and get somebody better for you.

LegacyUser

i think she may be a bit confused....feels like she means it when she is not with you but then when she is with you it sounds like she wants to make you feel guilty about something. sounds like she doesnt really wanna get back together but she also doesnt want you to have anyone else either. that is selfish of her whether she is intentionally doing it or not. i think you should no longer accept her calls until she stops acting like a child and decides....she either wants you or she doesnt. you deserve to know.

Mr. Incognito

Ignore her for a week.

It'll be the hardest thing you can ever do. This is about your self respect. Who is she to leave you hanging waiting for an answer. I'd just say, look, if you're unsure then it's not worth it. Good Luck.

LegacyUser

Delete her number from your phone so there is no temptation when you have had a few drinks, if she rings or texts delete them also and delete any trace of her from your life that may remind you of her emails etc. Tell your friends that you dont want to hear about her anymore because. Thats my advice take it or leave it.

oceansize

I've been here. was really broken up over her. And she knew it. When i met her to try sort things out she acted like a bitch, being smug etc. If i could do it all again i would have been way cooler and not opened myself up to her. She was crying at the end of the conversation though as i told her everything i felt. She thought she could let me down easy by saying stuff like "We'll give it time, a few weeks apart" etc. This is all a way of her setting you down gently for the "No i think it's better we just stay friends".

The relationship is 100% over mate. Dont make a fool of yourself now by trying to hang on, it will only make things worse.
Best thing you can do is go out and have a laugh (Stay with your mates). DONT contact her. Let her contact you. Dont initiate it or it makes you look desperate.
Thats the last thing you want. When you're out, dont bring your phone or you will only txt her, and DO NOT listen to what other people say. I learned this the hard way.

It's a hard thing mate, this happened to me 9 months ago. I'm 100% over it now. It does take time =(

oceansize

Also, if you mess around with anyone else, she may text you drunk if she hears about it calling you a cheat blah blah. And you will fall right back into the trap. You need to be the "Winner" in this mess. The way to do this is to be cool, calm. and dont send any stupid texts. If she texts something drunk, it's only drink talking. She will regret it the next day. DONT text her back that night. Try to delete her from your life, and leave any memorys you have as good ones.

If you go the route of begging to have her back, you start creating many horrible memories.