I fancy other girls

LegacyUser

Hi. I have been with my gf for 4 years and love her very much. My problem is that I am very sexually attracted to a lot of girls I meet. I have never acted on my attractions because I have no interest in cheating or hurting my girlfriend. I am very confused. Is it simply a case that men are always attracted to other women or things (sexually) have grown stale in my relationship and I am looking for the lust somewhere else. or both? and if so, what have others done about it? Did you break up to fulfill your lustful desires or simply try to ignore your interests in other women as I am trying hard to do? Obviously I can't ask my dad for advice! so I'm very interested in what others have to say.

SarahSassy

I think its normal what you are going through. Are you young? I am asking as you may feel you need to experience seeing other people before you settle down and it could be causing it... I would suggest you finish with your gf before you start to dabble or you will hurt someone you love very much.

I think a lot of guys suppress this desire and channel it into their sex life with their gf but there are also a lot who try to have their cake and eat it - you will see a lot of this on the boards. If you feel you will ultimately let her down finish with her...

Marksie

11111111 wrote:

Hi. I have been with my gf for 4 years and love her very much. My problem is that I am very sexually attracted to a lot of girls I meet. I have never acted on my attractions because I have no interest in cheating or hurting my girlfriend. I am very confused. Is it simply a case that men are always attracted to other women or things (sexually) have grown stale in my relationship and I am looking for the lust somewhere else. or both? and if so, what have others done about it? Did you break up to fulfill your lustful desires or simply try to ignore your interests in other women as I am trying hard to do? Obviously I can't ask my dad for advice! so I'm very interested in what others have to say.

it can happen that both sexes are attracted to others. The point is as you said yourself, you have no interest in cheating.

In the case of thinking things have gone stale in your relationship, well there are plenty of things you can do about it to break the routine. changes of setting, mood, spontenaity, trying different things, open communication, even simply trying to look at each other in a new light or as if you have just seen each other for the first time.
All of which is designed to refresh and invigorate the both of you.
Indeed there are processes that you can use, almost meditative, but again designed to bring the two of you into a stage where you are not only experiencing an enhanced awareness of the self but of each other. Taking ime to make a special little place for the two of you filled with all things you like to eat drinkl and touch. Then just taking time to reexplore physically and spiritually what the two of you are about.

LegacyUser

that's normal.
most guys will find other women attractive and the decent ones just don't act on it.
Life wouldn't be as much fun if you only found one person attractive

LegacyUser

Thanks for the reply - no I'm not too young - late 20's and that is why this is really bothering me. I have been waiting for it to go away and it seems to get worse. I do have a great sex life and we make a great team. Lust is definitely not a good enough reason to end my very good relationship and I will not cheat - I did once in a previous relationship and hated it. It is just that sex with my gf is never enough. I desire different women every day and I wish I didn't but I do. I probably sound like a perv but I am the furthest thing from that. Perhaps I didn't experiment enough in my youth to get it out of my system. I can't ask my mates what they think because they know my gf very well and I'm sure they won't want to get into the nitty gritty of their relationships either. I am simply trying to ignore my lustful feelings for other women with the hope that they will go away. If anyone has any advice or suggestions I'd greatly appreciate it. Thanks.

SarahSassy

[I do have a great sex life and we make a great team. ......... It is just that sex with my gf is never enough. .[/QUOTE]

So which is it??

um7y1h83ge06nx

I think it's normal.

I'm mid 20's and have been seeing someone for about a year. Sometimes I feel a little like you.

A part of it I think with me has to do with wondering will my ability to pick-up women decline by being in a long term relationship. The old "am I still able to do the business".

A few nights ago I was out with a few lads and they got chatting to a bunch of women. Feeling like a spare pr!ck I decided to start chatting to one of them. A little bit of charm and flirting later and I got her number. But I'm not planning to act on it at all and nothing physical happened.

ApeXaviour

SarahSassy wrote:

11111111 wrote:

I do have a great sex life and we make a great team. ......... It is just that sex with my gf is never enough. .

So which is it??

Read it again. Surely it can be both...

Marksie

111111111 wrote:

It is just that sex with my gf is never enough.

Why? what is it in yourself that deems it to be never enough?

There is an inconsistency in your post here OP where you state you have a great sex life and yet its never enough.

What do you deem to be a great sex life, quantity, number of ejaculatory orgasms you have or you both have? or quality, moving to languid open sessions lasting hours or days with non ejaculatory orgasms and a great deal more openness and willingness to explore?

Sorry to put it so conscisely, But it does need clarification

Savman

Man's greatest flaw: wanting to shag every walking pair of boobs.

Marksie

ApeXaviour wrote:

Read it again. Surely it can be both...

Possibly, but i would like to explore this a bit before making suggestions on how to resolve it as i can think of three options. and option 3 people will not like lol

Issues:
a) you love your gfriend and do not want to cheat on her
b) you find yourself obsessing and lusting after other women
c) despite having a great sex life you feel you want more as your gfriend is not enough
d) you think you havent explored enough when you were younger

I am not going to recommend any particular solution above another. but there are three possible ones i can think of:

1) i want to be free to explore
You decide that you want to be free to have sex with other women. In this case you break up with your g/friend

2) I am obsessing over nothing
The fact that you lust after women is OK, it is what people do do at times. Your gfriend is much more important and it is nothing to become obsessed with. Accept it and move deeper into your relationship with your gfriend.

(takes Deep Breath)

3) The couple that plays together stays together
This does work for some people, but is frought with emotional issues unless you have discussed it thoroughly. You honestly, openly communicate the fact that you do not want to hurt her but want to have sex with others. You wish to do this in the context of the relationship. Be very sure this is what you want before embarking on this course of action and be prepared for a negative response.

Mr. Incognito

It's totally normal mate.

We all crave the bit of "novelty". It's something some women may not understand. It's that line in the movie,

"your girlfriends friends can also give you what your girlfriend can't, -a break from your girlfriend"

It's a normal human response to be sexually attracted to beautiful persons of the opposite sex. Strength comes in refusing those desires. The novelty of a new relationship will smother them but once the shine has worn off, you have to consciously make an effort sometimes. I find the best thing is just don't put yourself in compromising situations and it'll be fine.

Vyse

What is it that's said "We are a slave to our DNA". It's only natural to be attracted to other women, I don't know any bloke that is not. Our most primal instinct is to go out there and continue propagating the species. I'm sure back in the cavemen days fidelity was a bit of an issue for most couples:)

Like has been said, as long as you don't act on it you're fine, and know that you are not alone in the way that you feel.

tbh

Vyse wrote:

What is it that's said "We are a slave to our DNA". It's only natural to be attracted to other women, I don't know any bloke that is not. Our most primal instinct is to go out there and continue propagating the species. I'm sure back in the cavemen days fidelity was a bit of an issue for most couples:)

Like has been said, as long as you don't act on it you're fine, and know that you are not alone in the way that you feel.

exactly what I was going to say. We think we are such a cultured animal, but we're slaves to our hormones - it's been working for 160,000 years, it'll take a while yet before it's not a factor anymore. OP, I think everyone goes through this, but try not to indulge your fantasies, as it's just mental torture in a way. It's cool to check out a girl in your office who's wearing a short top or tight jeans or .....mmmmmmm......eh...sorry, but if you find yourself indulging in daydreams you have to just snap out of it, and get back to work Fair play, sounds like you're a decent bloke.

Ruu_Old

Agreed with what has been said, it is normal. Just know yourself where to draw the line.

Chucky the tree

The day you stop fancying girls is when you start to worry.