i think i'm bi? or a les? or straight?

LegacyUser

heyy. i'm 14 and have been been having thoughts about other girls for about 4 months. I'm in love with this one girl and have thoughts about french kissing her and even feeling her up. I would never want to have sex with a girl though. I think that is plain gross. I look at almost every girl's boobs and rate them. I barely ever check out guys anymore and I'm really scared and confused. I really need your help! what would you classify me as? When I masterbate, I think of getting my nipples touched and my boobs felt and squeezed by girls, not guys! I'm so embarrassed about this and nobody yet knows. I have no idea how to tell anyone, and I don't even know what my orientation is! Because I have HAD boyfriends, but I just have started to really like girls and have had weird thoughts. Any thought, ideas, or suggestions? Please do take the time to answer this one because I'm going through a lot and don't yet have the courage to tell or ask someone close... Thanks in advance...

wexford12

Been the father of a 15 year old girl i have to say its a very well written question.If its the case i wouldnt worry about how you feel,I would of tought its normal to have mixed feelings at your age.As a teenage nearly all will try masterbating and have toughts while doing it.Some things you should keep to yourself save any embaressing moments later.Toughts of been with the same sex i would think a lot of us have had at times but most will just keep them a dream.Carry on i say its no harm do as a teenager does but be carefull.If you do find in years to come that the same sex relationship is for you well what harm.But at 14 i wouldnt make you mind up yet nor would i rush into anything with a guy just to try and find out.That is the joy of masterbating you do it on your own with no risks.

imonboards

At your age, there is no reason why you should quickly pigeon-hole yourself into any sexual catagory.

Simply relax and over the course of time your feelings and leanings will become easier to understand.

With maturity, comes clarity and wisdom (well usually )

There is also no need to tell anyone now - if you need advice, you have done the wise thing and asked for it anonymously on a forum such as this. Why provoke a reaction from friend / family when you are unsure if there is anything to provoke.

Best of luck confusedchick. Just try to be happy.

Beruthiel

imonboards wrote:

At your age, there is no reason why you should quickly pigeon-hole yourself into any sexual catagory.

Agreed.
Your 14, no need to rush into any decisions about what you are yet.
For now, just take life as it comes, relax, and just go with the flow. Eventually as you get older you will know yourself better.
14 to 17 is a very confusing age for most teenagers, sometimes I found it very difficult. Ride it through and by your late teens you'll have a good idea of who you are. I know at 14, 17 might seem like forever away, but take my word for it, soon enough it's gone.
Best of luck!

Isobel

Don't worry about it honey it's normal for everyone to have same-sex fantasies when they are going through puberty, it's all part of growing up and suffering with raging hormones most people don't admit it when they get older but everybody, at one stage or another, has had a same sex fantasy. Your body is going through alot of changes and you're just becoming sexually aware thats all. As regards the girl you talk about I don't think that it's love. At your age most of us develop a crush on a person that we admire not because we are attracted to them but because we wish to emulate (be like) them because they may have some aspect of their personallity that we'd like to see in ourselves and sometimes we can confuse these feelings with feelings of love, imonboards gave some good advice, it's to soon to say what your orientation will be when you get older and by next week you'll most likely be posting to tell us how dreamy Brad Pitt is, I swear I was like that at 14 too So just keep it to yourself for now and the feelings will pass soon and if you need anymore advice just post on here.

Take care

Boston

A lot of good advice already given here. One thing I would say is in regard to labelling. Don't look to categorising as a means to understand yourself. Labels are for other people, they make it easier for them to identify or find common ground with you, but ultimately they don't provide you, yourself with any deep understanding of your own sexuality, their a tool and that's it.

spurious

What you're describing doesn't mean you're gay, or straight or bi - it means you are 14.

Time will tell in terms of how your sexuality will develop. Fantasising about certain activities or people does not mean you would actually like to do these things in 'real life'. Things that you find the idea of 'gross' at the moment might turn out to be things you very much enjoy should you ever actually do them.

Enjoy your feelings and exploration.

challengemaster

spurious wrote:

What you're describing doesn't mean you're gay, or straight or bi - it means you are 14.

Quoted for complete truth.

This happens to all teens at one point or another.It can be caused by hormones /education on the matter, and just wanting to know. Thats what a teen does, they're inquisitive and question all the things around them, including the things they've always known. It's just part of growing up and realising who you are and what you like, etc.

I'm 16 in a few weeks, i'm not worried if i like guys / girls etc. By the time i'm in college/uni these years will mean so little, yet so much. They're the start of your journy to adulthood, however, if you think back when you're 20, you wont give two ****s about who your boyfriend/etc in second year was...

IMO - just sit it out, enjoy your masturbation and thoughts and whatever. but when you're older and certain about things - decide what you are.


my 2c

snappieT

Not trying to label you one way or the other, but I went through a similar experience at your age, and I happened to turn out gay.

I'd check out guys, think about them, but couldn't bear the thought of being physical with a guy. Go on a few years, I started kissing guys, but the concept of full-on gay sex was still beyond me. Few more years, well you get the picture.

Just let it flow, whatever happens, happens.

LegacyUser

Look i don't think you should be too concerned about it...Masturbating with different fantasies is perfectly normal at 14. I'm a believer in "What will be, will be"

Marksie

Same thing when i was 14. It is just part of your awakening, it is more common than you think. Certainly i was thinking is it just me, am i bi, straight or gay. In the end it just sorted itself as i grew older.

Boston

One thing I should add to this. It's ok to say I don't know. Seriously, where is it written that you should know? Most people at some point in their life will sit down and honestly say "I just don't know".

Twinkle-star15

Don't worry about it 'cause you'll figure it out. My only advice would be not to go around telling everyone you're gay because that ALWAYS backfires. Or is at least quite messy. (Not that I'm suggesting you're planning on doing that).

zozo24fresh

honestly when i read this it was like i was reading my own thoughts
I am in the same situation
(but im turing 14 in like 2 weeks)
its so frustrating and embarrassing, especially when people just assume i am going to be straight and i always have that extra thought like wut if im not
i agree i think lesbian sex is gross
but i would love to hook up, with one my newest friends who claims she is BI
I dont feel as if I'm too young to decide now
I just want someone to talk to and to understand what im going through