Problems With the Boyfriend!

LegacyUser

I don't really know what i want from writing this but here it goes.

Been going out with my boyfriend for approx 5-6 months. We met in work. I've a more senior position to him. He's full time and i'm part time so he would be paid more than me. Things were going fine, few hiccups as always.

My family would be wealthier than his and I will admit that i am given anything i want if i ever need it.

He seems to have a chip on his shoulder regarding this as if it's my fault i was born into my family. We weren't always well off and there were times when food was scarce.

The problems started when he started calling in sick into work.

He says he has a problem with his back, now his job doesn't involve him lifting anything or any movement really, he sits at a desk all day.

When he's sick he just sits on the couch and watches telly. I don't see how this is any different than sitting on a chair at your desk.

He knows that i will never cover for him in work and that i never approve of him calling in sick. To be honest if he worked in my department i'd have him sacked.

Because of all his sick days he doesn't have much money. He's gotten "lends" of money off me from time to time (he roughly has got about 300e from me) but only once has he ever paid me back and thats because i had no cash on me at the time and needed it and he made a sort of sigh that i was taking money from him.

Now since im more "well off than him" he expects me to pay for most things.
I've started to get pissed with this attitude that he has and he's starting to realise this.

For example, he was coming over to my house and i told him i was ordering chinese and asked if he wanted me to order anything for him
he said yeh and listed off the things he wanted. When he was finished i said "have you got the money for that? ive only 20e and ive to buy my sister something aswell" he said it was grand then that he'd go without. Now i did feel bad because i knew he had no money and i knew he was starving but he honestly did order a starter, main meal and another side which would have came to about 15e in total.

I know i must sound like a scabby b!tch but i have spent alot of money on him buying his shopping etc and don't see why i should have to spend anymore when he could earn more than me if he just went into work .

He's been off sick 3 days this week, 2 from his back pain and one because he was hung over.

He brought me out for a meal the other night so he's not *that* sick.

He's coming over to my house later and he text me saying "the pizza is on you tonight". I just kinda saw red when he said this. I wb saying "no you can buy your own pizza, i haven't got the money". Which being honest is true, i've spent so much money on him.

I hate anyone especially him kinda looking down on me because as he says "i was born with a sliver spoon up my ass" but then trying to take advantage of it and moans if i ever deny him.

If i ever say i have no money he says "why don't ya just ask daddy?" i don't like ever asking my dad for money especailly if i dont particularry need it.

He just seems to have a chip on his shoulder regarding me having more money.

I think i'll have to end it if he keeps this up. But i don't want to end it over something like this.

jellie

From what you say he seems to being unreasonable.
Myself and my bf generally pay half and half or if he buys dinner 1 night ill buy it another night. Sometimes if one of us is low on cash the other will pay but generally we split things.

I did note you said he had brought you out for dinner the other night, does that mean he paid for that?

ps. sitting at a desk/computer all day CAN destroy your back and is much different from sitting on the couch

chump

ah begorra.

I hope you're young, because tbh if you've gotten beyond the 25 year mark without realising when a dud is a dud I hold little hope out for you!

The lad is a waster who's treating you like a turd and you're eating it up, granted with a little bitch fest every now and then.

Tell him to begone

_blank_

probwithbof wrote:

He's been off sick 3 days this week, 2 from his back pain and one because he was hung over.

This guy is a waster. A sponge. Get rid.

Where did he get the money as to be so hung over as to not be able to go to work?

His attitude stinks.

Tell him to shape up or ship out. Of your life.

Shiva

probwithbof wrote:

But i don't want to end it over something like this.

Whyever not ? Seems to me that's exactly what you should do.

He sounds like a complete waste of space who's taking advantage of you.
I sincerely doubt you're going to be able to change his attitude, so I wouldn't even bother - get rid of him and find someone who'll treat you the way you deserve to be treated.

King of Kings

probwithbof wrote:

I think i'll have to end it if he keeps this up. But i don't want to end it over something like this.

why not. he sounded like a leech. also gives impression you'll be supporting him for the duration of your relationship.

probwithbof wrote:

If i ever say i have no money he says "why don't ya just ask daddy?"

He should be dumped just for saying that. your relationship with your dad is nothing to do with him. TBH he sounds like he is jealous and not worth wasting time on.

McGinty

Having been screwed finiancially by an ex boyfriend and ex husband, I can say I have a little authority on this type of problem. I'm sorry to say you are being screwed finiancially and you know it. Your anger at his scabbiness is evident, your mind is saying give him a chance but your gut is saying he is taking advantage, your gut is right. If he wasn't abusing your kindness you would not be feeling the anger towards him as you do at present. I have had friends act the poor mouth with me as well, and now I no longer have a problem asking them for money, because they are happy to screw me over. It is his decicsion to take sickies and have a lack of money, and I don't think you dumping him over money is the issue, it is the fact that he is abusing your kindness is the issue, not the money. My ex husband called me a scab (we both worked in royal mail, there was a strike, I went to work because I did not accept the reasons for a strike, my ex husband did not work, he lived off my wage, but had the cheek to call me a scab, now if he trully believed in that ideology he would not have accepted my financial contribution but he did), just some food for thought.

Caliden

He's walking all over you and you're taking it.

Ishindar

i gota agree with chump. I dont mean to be negative or personal but the most outstanding thing about your post is your nievity. if a friend not to mention a boyfriend acted like your boyfriend I would have nothing to do with them. how can u love someone like this?????

bolliwoodi

OMG i got mad reading that.The little worm! Honey he is taking u for a right mug. Thats totally unfair.

My bf and i split things down the middle and if he says "The pizzas on u" ill say "Fine the beers on u" and thats how it goes.

And who cares if your family is rich-You dont think your better than him or anyone else- but he thinks because hes with u that he should get in on some of the money and thats not only unreasonable-Its totally selfish.

This man has a job and wont get off his hole to do it then expects you to cover for him when hes hungover.

I know you probley love him but hes a user and has to go.

LegacyUser

So he earns more than you but he expects you to pay for everything? So he earns more than you yet he borrows money from you and doesnt pay it back???

Look at this rationally. He is not treating you well and you are taking it. He seems to have a chip on his shoulder.. What are you getting from this relationship other than being on the receiving end of a sponger... He has no respect for his employers and it woud appear like he has little respect for you. He is mentally abusive and would I be out of order suggesting he has a drink problem??? I am fond of a few scoops myself but dont get in such a state that I am off work sick with a hangover. Would this explain why he has no money????

~nop~

Drop him.

No question about it.

Zambia

OMG Dump this bloke ,stop whatever you are doing ring him and tell him his stuff is on the lawn, based on what you have told everyone.

You can replace him easy enough with another just like him hang around any benefits office and look for the blokes who can walk.

Beruthiel

probwithbof wrote:

I think i'll have to end it if he keeps this up. But i don't want to end it over something like this.

I would.
Look, where's his pride and self respect? No where.
It wouldn't matter if my partner had more money than me, I'd still be keeping up my end of the expences or I'd be doing without.
Absolutely nothing more annoying than someone thinking you'll just cough up your hard earned cash cos they couldn't be arsed keeping tabs on their cash flow.

If he has a back problem, he goes to a physio and gets it sorted. I had a major back problem last sept, took a lot of sessions with the physio to get it sorted.
The only way to keep your back in order is through special back exercises and walking on a daily basis. Anyone serious about taking care of their back has to do that. Sitting on the sofa all day does nothing but make the problem worse.
He has no back problem or he'd actually be worried about it and would be doing something to get it fixed. End of.

As others have said, he's a waster and a sponge, anyone taking that much time off work doesn't give a toss, sure if he gets fired won't you take care of him being rich an' all?
Drop him like a hot potatoe.

Duckjob

Yep, spongy git. Got shot of him.

He'll always have an excuse for being the way he is. The trick is just to not listen.

Nothing wrong in itself with being unmotivated, everyone is different, but I hate work-dodgers who leech onto productive people to subsidise their laziness.

smokie78

walkin all over ya and gettin away with it..... ' why dont ya ask daddy?' **** off u should have said.....he has two chips on his shoulder thats the only reason he walks straight.......ill bring u out for a drink and get rid of this loser!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11

Anti

Get rid of the looser, he seems to see you only as a meal ticket..

White Knight

The advice so far is probably what you realised yourself (whether you wanted to hear it as bluntly or not). You say your boyfriend realises that you are getting annoyed but has done nothing about it and continues to infuriate you. This behaviour will only get worse. 5-6 months with someone can be a long time but it is better to end it now than letting it drag on and only get worse.

You seem to have a good job, good family and articulated your post very well ... you will have no problems getting a guy who respects you and wants to be with you for reasons other than convenience and money. Respect yourself and either tell him to cop on and improve or to forget about "us" altogether! Good luck

Steve_o

Drop that looser!!!!

probwithbof

probwithbof wrote:

I hate anyone especially him kinda looking down on me because as he says "i was born with a sliver spoon up my ass" but then trying to take advantage of it and moans if i ever deny him.

If i ever say i have no money he says "why don't ya just ask daddy?" i don't like ever asking my dad for money especailly if i dont particularry need it.

He just seems to have a chip on his shoulder regarding me having more money.

Why the hell are you going out with him?
He has you convinced there's something wrong now with being born wealthy and he'll just keep grinding you down until you're apologising for who you are. Get out of this "relationship" *now*.

I think i'll have to end it if he keeps this up. But i don't want to end it over something like this.

Yes, you should end it over this. He's an idiot. And you're almost one for staying with him. He knows you're insecure about having to prove yourself because of your family, and he's taking advantage of it and using it. Leave now.

Amandy

probwithbof wrote:

I

He seems to have a chip on his shoulder regarding this as if it's my fault i was born into my family. We weren't always well off and there were times when food was scarce.

...
Sounds like he'd make you pay for the chips on his shoulder and the ketchup to accompany them as well as the chips on his plate.....RUN. He sounds miserable. You'll find someone nice who won't keep counting the cost. Cannot abide that trait in anyone, male or female. You're supposed to share the cost of stuff and not keep totting up who does what and when. If you were both giving to each other, even if he could afford less than you it wouldn't be so bad. Even if he has absolutely no money he could give in other ways and by being kind to you but it sounds like he's angry with the world. He doesn't even sound apologetic or embarrassed he has no money as most people would, he thinks the world owes him something. Run lady run.

Icequeen

Dump his ass and think yourself lucky that all you'll have lost is E300

Talliesin

probwithbof wrote:

I think i'll have to end it if he keeps this up. But i don't want to end it over something like this.

If you won't end it because he's continually disrespecting you, then what would you say is a good reason. Personally, that sounds like the best reason to end a relationship there could possibly be.

Ignore the actual money matters and just pay attention to his attitude.

Dudess

What a complete and utter dick.

I've had to put up with that kind of sh*it from a few people too, just because I grew up in a relatively well-off household. It's as if I owe people who are less well off, and then things will be more balanced. Or, just because I'm not flash with money, I'm a "reverse snob" or it's "wasted on me". Pathetic.

OP, kick the moron to the kerb.

LegacyUser

It should, by all rights, be you that's taking money from him because:
1) You're making less money (and therefore probably have less discretionary income)
2) You're the girl, and whatever your views of feminism etc, he should be buying you flowers, bringing you out (i.e. paying for things) - not always, but from time to time. At the very least he should get you as much as you get him. The only exception to this rule is where there is an obvious sugar daddy/momma situation that both parties have accepted.
3) If he invites himself over to your place etc, he should bring the pizza.

As for his attitude to work, that really depends on whether you like his lax attitude to life, or if you want to go out with someone more driven.

I don't think the advice is so simple as just dump him. It seems to me there are at least 3 options:
1) Decide he is more trouble than he is worth and dump him.
2) Decide that although he is a bit of a bum, you still like him and want to support him (more and more women are taking on a toyboy these days).
3) Make a stand (i.e. don't be such a pushover) and see what he does. He may dump you, or he may sort himself out.

Bear in mind that men generally don't change unless they want to change themselves.

jdman

can't believe no one has asked this but. you say he has back problems. Did would be very obvious if yee were having sex. I'd bet a bundle that he doesn't complain when having sex about his back. Don't get rid of him straight away if you really love him. But talk to him about it, tell him you don't agree with the way he is going on and after that go on a break if needs be. IMO he needs to see a counsellor, he has a major chip on his shoulder, sounds alot like depression. Or on the other hand he coul be going out with his friends and laughing about how much money he's taking off you. Talk bout it first. Don't think the worst. Don't think anything at all till you talk about it to him. but obviously don't stand for it.

DublinWriter

I totally agree with the angry mob.

You should present him with a ticket to Dumpsville, population: him.

You should like an intelligent and thoughtful young woman, OP, don't worry about finding someother eejit in time.

...and remember: people will always wipe their feet on anything with 'Welcome' written on it.

Leeby

How can he complain that you were "born with a silver spoon up ur ass" and then tell you to "go ask daddy" for money. He's completely contradicting himself. It seems to me you work hard for your money whereas he does f*ck all work and expects not only you but your dad to fund his social life?? How can he imply that you're the one who lives on handouts from daddy when he lives on handouts from you? Complete eejit! It's all very well for us to tell you to dump him, but you obviously have strong feelings for him if you've lasted this long, talk to him first, if he's unresponsive (which I'm guessing he will be) I'd throw him out on his arse!

hottstuff

Send him an invoice or send him packing!!!!

Mr. Presentable

He's a freeloader. Don't let him drag you down. Talk to him by all means and see if he'll straighten out, but be ready to dump him tbh.

Miss Fluff

probwithbof wrote:

If i ever say i have no money he says "why don't ya just ask daddy?"

This one sentence sums him up, how dare he even suggest such a thing, your background or family wealth shouldn't even come into it. I'd get your money back from him and dump him, he is a low-life loser with an inflated sense of entitlement.