Confused !!

LegacyUser

Hi Guys,

Looking for some advice,

Im in late 20's.
Was seeing a girl for 4 years, all was good up till the last year we
were going out, as with most relationships it just got into a bit of a routine,
it didnt help either that we lived 200 miles apart during this year because of
my job.
so eventually we split up about year and half ago. it was all very civil, no
bad feelings etc.

I admit it was very hard for the first few months after breaking up, i deleted
her number etc and we didnt contact each other very often, maybe once every 3 or 4 months, just a few txt's, not meeting up.

even right now i know i still have feeling for her and think about her fairly often, the last time i was txting her (about a month ago) i bit the bullet and i told her i still miss her, and she said "she still misses me too, why else would she still talk to me" so then i just left it at that.

Since we broke up ive had a good few one night stands and went out on a few dates with a cuple of girls but to be honest i wasnt really interested.

Which gets to my questions,
Im confused, how do u know if you are in love with someone and they
are the 'One'?
Is it just a matter of me not meeting someone since that i really like that has me still missing my ex??
And what should i do , get back with my ex or is that a bad idea?


The other thread on this forum about 'Missed Oportunitys' got me thinking
about in 5 years + time would i be wondering what would have happened if we did get back together!!

Thanks
Confused

crazy2000

it is obvious that you love this girl, the question your asking is, is this girl your soul mate the one for you? You sound like she really is, you have tried sme time apart but you still cant move on, if I were in your situation, I would just tell her how i feel, think about it what damage can be done? this could be the only time you will ever get the opportunity to tell her ho you feel it would not be wise to miss it, especially if she is trying to move on aswell and could end up meeting a guy that wil make her happy.

go for it tell her how you feel

see what she says

you could actually be surprised as to how she is feeling..

if it dosnt work out, after you tell her will then u will kind of get closure with this relationship so that you can move on... at the moment by the sound of things, youse txting eachother ect. your not going to close this relationship as you are still hoping.. the only way you are going to get closure or happiness is to tell her how you feel....

Kell

Confused9999 wrote:

Is it just a matter of me not meeting someone since that i really like that has me still missing my ex??

Yes.

Think about it logically. You have a significant other in your life for four years, then nothing. There is this huge vacuous gap in your heart that you cant fill with anything else right now. Of course you are going to miss her, but also bear this in mind. If you were happily invoved with someone, do you think you would be missing your ex?

As you said, its only been 18 months. Its not unusual to be single this long (and I actively promote it) nor is it unusual to think back to a great relationship lasting four years. Give yourself another 6/8 months and see how you are feeling then and also ask yourself exactly why you are missing her with a cold unemotional hat on.

crazy2000 wrote:

is this girl your soul mate the one for you? You sound like she really is

Things never go stale between soul mates.

K-

LegacyUser

crazy2000 wrote:

it is obvious that you love this girl, the question your asking is, is this girl your soul mate the one for you? You sound like she really is, you have tried sme time apart but you still cant move on, if I were in your situation, I would just tell her how i feel, think about it what damage can be done? this could be the only time you will ever get the opportunity to tell her ho you feel it would not be wise to miss it, especially if she is trying to move on aswell and could end up meeting a guy that wil make her happy.

go for it tell her how you feel

see what she says

you could actually be surprised as to how she is feeling..

if it dosnt work out, after you tell her will then u will kind of get closure with this relationship so that you can move on... at the moment by the sound of things, youse txting eachother ect. your not going to close this relationship as you are still hoping.. the only way you are going to get closure or happiness is to tell her how you feel....

Thanks for the advice crazy, ive always made the conscious decision not to txt her first, she usually initiates all the contact, so i guess she must still be interested.

im wondering is it usual to still miss someone this long after breaking up!

Cancer-chick

Kell wrote:

Things never go stale between soul mates.

Id have to disagree with this post

I c my soulmate all the time as we are raising our daughter together but we can never ever be together as we are complete opposites and broke each others hearts after 11 years of trying to make it work

I will love him until the day i die and i am 100% sure he is my soulmate but i could quite happily also string him by the b**** some days ..

Kell sometimes real life gets in the way .. its that simple .. no matter how much you love someone or have THAT connection .. sometimes it just cant work

LegacyUser

Kell wrote:

Yes.

Think about it logically. You have a significant other in your life for four years, then nothing. There is this huge vacuous gap in your heart that you cant fill with anything else right now. Of course you are going to miss her, but also bear this in mind. If you were happily invoved with someone, do you think you would be missing your ex?

As you said, its only been 18 months. Its not unusual to be single this long (and I actively promote it) nor is it unusual to think back to a great relationship lasting four years. Give yourself another 6/8 months and see how you are feeling then and also ask yourself exactly why you are missing her with a cold unemotional hat on.



Things never go stale between soul mates.

K-

Thanks Kell, thats exactly why im confused

I dont know If i was happily invoved with someone would i
still be missing her because i havent been in this sutitation
since the breakup

thats why i was looking for advice for people who have been in this
suitiation before and what did they do?

Kell

confused9999 wrote:

thats why i was looking for advice for people who have been in this suitiation before and what did they do?

And what makes you assume I havent been? So let me make it more simple as to what I did. I put my cold, hard, un-emotional and clinical hat on and decided that if I wasnt being so fúcking needy, there probably wouldnt be an issue. And you know what? There wasnt.

If you want to get back with her, do. Make sure you fully examine the reasons it went stale and ask yourself if it is likely to happen again.

Cancer-chick wrote:

Id have to disagree with this post

As is your right. We have different interpretations of soul mate then. To me, soul mate implies implicit acceptance of the other person. It is not possible to want to string someone up by the knackers if you implicitly accept and understand that person. Lack of understanding creates friction. So, do you REALLY understand your soul mate?

Cancer-chick wrote:

Kell sometimes real life gets in the way

Why thank you for explaining that to me. What makes you assume I was unaware of this fact?

K-

LegacyUser

Kell wrote:

And what makes you assume I havent been? So let me make it more simple as to what I did. I put my cold, hard, un-emotional and clinical hat on and decided that if I wasnt being so fúcking needy, there probably wouldnt be an issue. And you know what? There wasnt.

If you want to get back with her, do. Make sure you fully examine the reasons it went stale and ask yourself if it is likely to happen again.



As is your right. We have different interpretations of soul mate then. To me, soul mate implies implicit acceptance of the other person. It is not possible to want to string someone up by the knackers if you implicitly accept and understand that person. Lack of understanding creates friction. So, do you REALLY understand your soul mate?



Why thank you for explaining that to me. What makes you assume I was unaware of this fact?

K-

"And what makes you assume I havent been"
Sorry kell, i wasnt assuming anything what so ever about you,
thats not how i meant it at all.
maybe my choice of words could be better!
All opinions are welcome.

Wibbs

OP I'd be more proactive if I were you. Ring her up ask her out for a meal and take it from there. You've nothing to lose and everything to gain, even if it's only closure. I've known people get back together after 3, 4 and 5 years and beyond.

Kell wrote:

We have different interpretations of soul mate then. To me, soul mate implies implicit acceptance of the other person. It is not possible to want to string someone up by the knackers if you implicitly accept and understand that person. Lack of understanding creates friction. So, do you REALLY understand your soul mate?

Agree with you here. I've known too many people(mostly but not exclusively women) who are convinced someone is their "soul mate" and they're barely mates never mind anything approaching soulful. Usually they mistake the physical connection for something more. The weak at the knees effect.

omb0wyn5ehpij9

I think Wibbs has given some advice there. Why don't you ask her to meet up for a meal or a drink one evening as friends. Just go out with no expectations of the evening, just see how you get along and more importantly how you feel after seeing her. Then take it from there. That is what i would do anyway!

LegacyUser

You didnt break up because something was fatally wrong in the relationship. You wont know until you try with her again. Has your position changed? Will you be living closer now? If the things that 'caused' the breakup havent changed there may be no point starting again... If the situation has chaged to be more favourable to the relationship I think you should ask her to meet up and take it from there. One date at a time.... Life is too short not to try. Good luck!!

LegacyUser

'

SarahSassy wrote:

You didnt break up because something was fatally wrong in the relationship. You wont know until you try with her again. Has your position changed? Will you be living closer now? If the things that 'caused' the breakup havent changed there may be no point starting again... If the situation has chaged to be more favourable to the relationship I think you should ask her to meet up and take it from there. One date at a time.... Life is too short not to try. Good luck!!

thanks guys, i might try that out.
if it dosent work out well then maybe there will be closure finally!'

LegacyUser

'and think positive - there is a good chance this can work if you want it to '