Family issue

eire_dd

My wife recently gave birth to our second child, (a beautiful baby girl)

Before she was born we had decided to ask my wife's brother and my own mother to be Godparents...

This decision has greatly annoyed my wife's mother. I cant begin to describe what sort of a person she really is because I wouldn't know where to start and I don’t have that much time but to say that she put her own daughter at risk of post natal depression by putting her through hell just days after she's given birth because her nose is out of joint.

Also her father has played his part by actually telling us that he will probably love our daughter less because my mother is her godmother.
He claims that we have demoted them to "second division grand-parents"

To sum my wife's parents up in as short a way as possible is to say that they are (control freaks, manipulative, selfish people) their carry on through the years would shock anybody. To also be fair to them they can be nice normal people a lot of the time.

Getting back to the main topic of god parents, to save their public image what they want is for us to ask my mother to step down as god mother which isn't going to happen.

Just looking for an opinion on this, Are we wrong with our decision........

aidan_walsh

Are we wrong with our decision

No. She's your daughter, you get to choose the godparents, and your wife parents can just get over it, IMO.

Zambia

No , totally not .... Sometimes people get hung up on the smallest things.

If you think it will make your life quieter change your decision from your mother to a sibling in all honesty it means little. If your mother understands and can see a way off coming out of it with some face. Chances are the two of you share the opinion of the other mother.

Sometimes you have to protect the people you love from the people that love them.

Best of luck ,

eire_dd

Also just to add they think that we have picked my mother over my wife's mother which is not the case, we picked my wife's brother from her side and my mother from my side..

eire_dd

we really dont want have to explain to my mother what my wife's parents are like.

My wife doesn't deserve the embarressment...

xebec

They're being completely unreasonable. They have no reason to expect to her to be godmother. Choose who you are comfortable with and be happy with it. One from each side is a great idea

jt_dublin

Hi eire_dd,
Congratulations on the beautiful new baby girl. I hope she is a bundle of joy.

Please do not allow yourselves to be bullied by into having your mother-in-law as godmother. Would you really want someone who is capable of inflicting that much anguish on your family to be a godparent to your daughter.

They seem worried about their public image but they dont care about your mothers public image when she would have to explain why she had to step down. Nor would they have care is your mother-in-law was asked and your mother was left out.

As for being demoted to Second Division GrandParents, that's just a load of ru bbish. Instead their carry on will demote them in the level of esteem and respect that you have for them. Do they not care about that?

I too had a domineering mother-in-law and had to have some frank discussions with her. She didnt like it but I just couldnt put up with her overbearing selfish ways.

Stick to your guns!

Talliesin

eire_dd wrote:

This decision has greatly annoyed my wife's mother.

Quite simply put, well **** her then.

eire_dd wrote:

Also her father has played his part by actually telling us that he will probably love our daughter less because my mother is her godmother.

That's just sick.

eire_dd wrote:

He claims that we have demoted them to "second division grand-parents"

Oh, "second division" is having a high opinion of himself, after that crap.

is_that_so

State your case clearly and calmly and point out that it is what you have both decided. Then leave them to it.

Jack B. Badd

eire_dd wrote:

Before she was born we had decided to ask my wife's brother and my own mother to be Godparents...

Sounds like common practice as far as I'm concerned. So long as you're choosing one person from each side of the family I don't see the problem.

eire_dd wrote:

she put her own daughter at risk of post natal depression by putting her through hell just days after she's given birth because her nose is out of joint.

Also her father has played his part by actually telling us that he will probably love our daughter less because my mother is her godmother.

How old are your partner's parents? Because imo they sound like children :mad: Spoiling a moment like this in your lives just because they haven't got what they want is just plain selfish. If it were me I'd be inclined to tell them that they've been adults a lot longer than either yourself or your partner and they should start acting like it and stop throwing tantrums.

Ickle Magoo

Gosh I don't know where to start on telling you what I think of your inlaws so probably best not to go there! :mad:

If they make another comment just tell them it is exactly this kind of behaviour that ruled them out of being suitable godparents for your daughter. Anyone who can openly show such jelousy, hostility & disregard for your feelings & choices is not going to be trusted with the well being of your daughters spirituality & the more they carry on the better you feel about your decision!

The_Conductor

Your mother-in-law is being ridiculous. Unfortunately there are people out there like that. As unlikely as not your father-in-law is simply trying to placate his wife. Simply put who your daughter's godparents are is a decision purely for you and your wife and its deeply unfair of anyone else to try to influence this in any way whatsoever. It would be deeply unfair and unjust for your mother-in-law to dictate to you what you should or should not do. Be very wary of favouring one side of the family to the exclusion of the other side- tolerating behaviour that suggests this is a slippery road to deep unhappiness for you, your wife and your new daughter.

Shane

Cancer-chick

We talking about an innocent happy little baby here.. For your wifes father to say he will love her less is sickening.. Simple truth is we have all been there.
You did a great thing having one from each side.. This is their problem not you and your wifes OP ..

Stick to your guns, enjoy your baby and most of all keep supporting your wife who is prob utterly distraight by all this .. I know i would be if it were my parents

0utshined

eire_dd wrote:

Also her father has played his part by actually telling us that he will probably love our daughter less because my mother is her godmother.

It doesn't often happen when I read a post but that made my jaw drop. I'm sure you reacted to that as you saw fit but I would have told him straight out if he ever treated her that way I would make sure he knew about it and he'd have to deal with the consequences of that.

To answer your question ; no, you're not wrong. You and your wife are the parents here and it's up to ye to make the decisions as best you can for your daughter. You've made it and to be quite honest they should respect that.

Make it clear to them that you have both made up your mind on this and will not be changing it. They're not in this family unit, they don't get to make decisions about it.

eire_dd

THANK YOU FOR YOUR REPLIES.

You have just confirmed what we already knew..

We have told them that we wont be changing our decision and as small token offered to change our plans to having a small private christening rather than a large one but guess what still not good enough....

So screw them...

I think that the next time my father in law and I meet there are going to be some serious words to be had, as the seriousness of what he said only actually sank in today.

My wife thinks that they might not actually go .....

0utshined

You give an inch with some people and they ask for a mile...

You've have been more than fair to them in my opinion. I would have saw red with that "love her less" remark but do whatever you think best.

You know what though? If they don't go then that is their problem, not yours. They miss out.

LegacyUser

Do they understand what being a God Parent is about? A Godparent is regarded as a patron saint on earth, who prays for the newly baptised, looks after them spiritually and gives them guidance. By their behavior your in laws are not suitable for this role, and the best advice given is for them to repent at their next confession.
"he will probably love our daughter less because my mother is her godmother" is deeply unchristian and shows a serious misunderstanding of the Catholic Faith (presuming this is his faith). If they decline to attend the ceremony I would tell everybody (attending) that they choose not to on the basis that they are not Christians.

Cancer-chick

I dont think personally it matters whether they catholic or not .. Id be worried about anyone stepping up as a godparent if they are prepared to spew their vitriol to a newborn child !!

OP If they do NOT go (which i doubt VERY MUCH as ill take a wild guess here that appearances matter to them!) that is their decision. You have done what is best for YOUR family unit. Its all very well to try to include them but at the end of the day you, your wife and two kids are the family.. If these two fools are that petty and ignorant that at their stage of life they dont want to enjoy their little granddaughter then sod them.

Ill say it again mate, I've been there when my daughter was christened over her name !! And i was actually told if i included the middle name (long since used in my family) that paternal grandmother would not attend.. I said 'ok fine' and guess what .. she was sat in the front row the morning of the event!

I know its hard but try now to focus on the day and the joy of a new daughter and the people who will show up just happy that you guys have a new kid

tinkerbell

Out of curiosity, who are the godparents of your first child and did they have a problem with this as well?

They really and truly are behaving in a sickening way, it's just disgusting! They can't force you to pick them as godparents. You and your wife are the child's parents, you decide what's best for the child. In fact, I wouldn't compromise on anything to do with the christening, don't go having a large big do just to try and please them - they ain't worth it. Certainly not after their bullying behaviour and said they would love your new baby less. **** them.

Kell

eire_dd wrote:

I think that the next time my father in law and I meet there are going to be some serious words to be had, as the seriousness of what he said only actually sank in today.

Good. As you are an adult, you should cease to see your father in law as a pedestalised person whom you must be subserviant too. He's just another person, and a fúckwit to boot, and should be treated as such.

Glad you came to your conclusion.

K-

b3t4

There is absolutely no point in you speaking with your father-in-law. People like this will only listen to their point of view and will have no room for yours. Don't waste your breath. If you do say something it'll probably escalate things further.

My advise try and have as little to do with these people as possible. Are these the kind of people who you want in your daughter's life?

I have to deal with similar sh1t from my mother and my mother's side of the family. The sh1t that goes on is unreal. My solution is to keep a good distance between them and me.

A.

Beruthiel

eire_dd wrote:

I think that the next time my father in law and I meet there are going to be some serious words to be had, as the seriousness of what he said only actually sank in today.

You mean the bitter, twisted, small minded, petty, childishness of the comment? Seriously, what sort of grandparent would say something like that about a little baby who did nothing to make them feel like he suggested they would?

My wife thinks that they might not actually go .....

And you'll have a better day because of it.
Why you even changed your plans is beyond me. Ask who you damn well please, it's you and your baby's day, if they don't like that, they can lump it.
Talk about cutting off your nose to spite your face.
Seriously, the only people loosing out here are themselves. Left on their own for a while to think about that would be a good thing. As for their behaviour, I'd tell everyone who'd listen!
Hope you have a great day and congrats on your new baby.

scottya

I know this is crazy but if your brother in law was aware of the situation would he have not suggested to step down? and give it to his crazy lunatic mother? Just to keep the peace? Then your mother and her mother would be happy.

Cancer-chick

scottya wrote:

I know this is crazy but if your brother in law was aware of the situation would he have not suggested to step down? and give it to his crazy lunatic mother? Just to keep the peace? Then your mother and her mother would be happy.

R u serious ???

This is HIS child.. he can have who he wants as godparents to his child.. there is no way in hell anyone should be bullied into changing a decision like this. The parents have the right ..
Even if they did change .. do u seriously believe these two f****** would not find something else to complain about .. oh like the size of the christening for example !!!

Beruthiel

scottya wrote:

I know this is crazy but if your brother in law was aware of the situation would he have not suggested to step down? and give it to his crazy lunatic mother? Just to keep the peace?

Why the hell should he do that?
Start as you mean to to on OP, otherwise she'll think she can get away with murder whenever she likes.

scottya

Cancer-chick wrote:

R u serious ???

This is HIS child.. he can have who he wants as godparents to his child.. there is no way in hell anyone should be bullied into changing a decision like this. The parents have the right ..
Even if they did change .. do u seriously believe these two f****** would not find something else to complain about .. oh like the size of the christening for example !!!

Listen, relex the cax will ye? Im just trying to help him here. Of course i know that its HIS child and he can do whatever he wants. I have been in this situation before.
Its not as if those parents are ever gonna cop themselves on, so most likely he will ALWAYs have this dropped in his lap for the rest of this childs life and their lives. Im just trying to help the situation so that everybodys happy.
Im guessing the brother in law is aware of this situation, as its his mother that is causing the grief. Look, people are sometimes unbearable to deal with, and they always will be.
Fueling the situation with telling them for F-off is not gonna change her parents beliefs and crazyness. They will always be like that unless they get some serious counselling.

AthAnRi

The most important person in all of this is your Wife. they are her parents and she is the one that had to go through all the stress of giving childbirth. I'm not saying that you are not important but you need to be supportive of your wife and of course your child. I suggest that you speak with your wife and find out what she wants and if it's a case that she is happy with the way it is then stick to your guns. her parent will get over it.

Cancer-chick

scottya wrote:

Look, people are sometimes unbearable to deal with, and they always will be.
Fueling the situation with telling them for F-off is not gonna change her parents beliefs and crazyness. They will always be like that unless they get some serious counselling.

You just proved my point.. There is nothing OP can do to change these people.. Ill reiterate again , if you are prepared to say that you will not love a newborn baby as much as other grandchildren due to a warped spoiled child attitude.. Then really does it bode well for the future ??
If OP gives in now ... whats next ?

Seriously as AthAnRi pointed out .. Its the couple themselves who have the right to decide who are godparents and the OP's wife seems well aware of the embarrassment that are her parents so IMo they have chosen rather wisely!

event

scottya wrote:

I know this is crazy but if your brother in law was aware of the situation would he have not suggested to step down? and give it to his crazy lunatic mother? Just to keep the peace? Then your mother and her mother would be happy.

well no, cos tehn the kid would have two godmothers, i presumed you needed a man and a woman

daiixi

I have three god parents...

eire_dd

tinkerbell wrote:

Out of curiosity, who are the godparents of your first child and did they have a problem with this as well?

Our first child's godparents are my brother and my wife's sister in law

No, no problems there.......oh except of course day two of our sons life while my wife is still in hospital and i get a call from her (in tears) saying that her mother demanded visiting hour to be kept to just her and to ring everyone who was planning to visit and tell them not to bother.......

My wife refused and we didn't see the **** for three days.

The_Conductor

daiixi wrote:

I have three god parents...

Lucky you.....
I think the OP is using this as an instance of showcasing the unreasonable behaviour of his in-laws, rather than as a stand-alone incident. As such how this is resolved should feature a framework that both parents are willing to accept and build on in the future, rather than a capitulation that would most probably lead to an expectation of similar in the future.

Its amazing that some people are so unreasonable- but unfortunately there are quite a few of them out there......

deisemum

OP ye should stick with yer plans. If you back down now then you're setting a rod for yer own backs, wait until communion and confirmation and you'll have more of it.

eire_dd

smccarrick wrote:

Lucky you.....
I think the OP is using this as an instance of showcasing the unreasonable behaviour of his in-laws, rather than as a stand-alone incident.

Actually we just wanted to get opinions on their reaction and their comments.

Believe me when I say that my wife needs to "showcase" nothing when it comes to her parents....