Change of Heart??

LegacyUser

Hi folks,

Just looking for some opinions on this matter, I'll keep it short.
Basically, my bf of 3 and a half years ended things last week. We'd been fighting alot over the last few months and neither of us were very happy. I was upset by his decision but I knew in my heart that things were coming to an end so it wasn't too much of a shock. We love each other but I think we'd be better off as friends.

Anyway, We'd had no contact since breaking up but I ran into him in town on Sunday morning. He was in shopping, I was on my wayhome after a session. It was a little awkward but we chatted for about five minutes about what we'd done over the weekend. He asked me if I'd been with anybody and I said no which is the truth. I suggested we meet up for a drink some evening and he said how about Tuesday for the match, I agreed and he said he'd email on Monday. Yesterday I expected a mial but never got one. None so far today either and I have a horrible gut feeling that he's not going to contact me.

To be honest, I don't even think meeting up is a good idea, it's too soon. Although, neither of us are looking to give it another go, we're both quite happy with the decision to end it. We're both 28 btw. I'm really urt that he hasn't contacted me and was wondering if I should mail him something simple like 'Hey, still up for watching the match over a pint?'

What do you guys think? Why do you think he hasn't been in touch? HE did say on Sunday that he's finding this hard. I feel really bad that he hasn't been in touch.

Thanks for reading and in advance for the advice....

Beruthiel

If you've broken up and are both finding it difficult, why the hell would ye meet up? Do you like rubbing salt in your wounds?
You both need space, a good six months, before considering being friends.
It's as clear as the nose on your face that he didn't call, cos it's easier not having you there for very obvious reasons.
If you have no intention of getting back together again, then I would say leave him be and get on with your own life.

LegacyUser

I know it's too soon to be friends but why did he bother suggesting it and then just not get in touch. That's just hurtful and rude.

The_Conductor

Changeofheart wrote:

I know it's too soon to be friends but why did he bother suggesting it and then just not get in touch. That's just hurtful and rude.

I don't think that he is intentionally being hurtful or rude- he is finding it very difficult himself, and it seems like its not something that was done lightly. You probably should not have organised to meetup this evening- but his not contacting you about it is not an intentional slight on his part- simply a manner of trying to come to terms with things. S.

peckerhead

Changeofheart wrote:

I know it's too soon to be friends but why did he bother suggesting it and then just not get in touch. That's just hurtful and rude.

He's a man. He thought it would be more hurtful and rude to say 'No, tbh I don't think it's a good idea', when you'd suggested it, and he thought it'd be easier for him with a bunch of (largely male?) mates around.

Listen to Beruthiel and let it go.

Drift

I'm pretty sure he's not deliberately being hurtful. He's probably hurting a lot himself and he doesn't know what to do. Like the other posters said he probably mentioned meeting up cos he thought it was the right thing to do and now he may have realised that all that would do is make him feel even worse. I'd agree with everyone else and say to leave it be for a while and maybe a few months down the line it may be easier for both of you.

crazy2000

ru sure you dont want to get back with him? sounds to me like you dont no wat u want...

I wud advise you to not contact him for at least 3 weeks, to settle your own mind as to what you really want..

rushing into being friends and hanging out together so soon after a break up can cuz a lot of potentail problems

whats the rush in hanging out with him?

leave it for a ehile and if he is a true friend he will contact you, wanting to meet up for a chat and a laugh...

Duckjob

The breakup of a longterm relationship represents a big change in your life, and it's easy to confuse the stress the comes with that (or any) big change with your feelings for the other person.

Keep as little contact as possible and ride out the storm until you can get a clearer read on where you are and what you want. Lean on family and friends for support.

Good luck.

LegacyUser

Duckjob wrote:

The breakup of a longterm relationship represents a big change in your life, and it's easy to confuse the stress the comes with that (or any) big change with your feelings for the other person.

Keep as little contact as possible and ride out the storm until you can get a clearer read on where you are and what you want. Lean on family and friends for support.

Good luck.

Yeah, I think you're right. One minute I feel fine about the break up and the next minute I start to panic. I think some time apart is in order, I just hope he doesn't meet somebody else in the meantime. That would kill me, that much I know for sure. Sh*t, that must mean I do still like him and I don't want that! Are they any ways to speed up the healing process or is it just a matter of time or meeting someone new. This is my first break up where I didn't do the breaking up...

tbh

changeofheart wrote:

Yeah, I think you're right. One minute I feel fine about the break up and the next minute I start to panic. I think some time apart is in order, I just hope he doesn't meet somebody else in the meantime. That would kill me, that much I know for sure. Sh*t, that must mean I do still like him and I don't want that! Are they any ways to speed up the healing process or is it just a matter of time or meeting someone new. This is my first break up where I didn't do the breaking up...

it's just a matter of time - he WILL meet someone else, and the sex they will have in your head will be far superior to anything he's actually getting. That's just life, and the same rules will apply to him when you meet someone. It doesn't mean you still like him, it just means you are grieving for the relationship you lost. The way you are feeling now is not the way you'll be feeling forever, hang on to that.

Duckjob

Sounds harsh but the sooner you put some space and distance between the two of you the sooner you will be able to view the situation with some clarity.

You have to accept that you haven't a hope in hell of 'working out' what you're feeling right now - Allow yourself that. Just know that you WILL be able to work it out in time.

Talliesin

Changeofheart wrote:

I know it's too soon to be friends but why did he bother suggesting it and then just not get in touch. That's just hurtful and rude.

Why did you say yes, though you've said yourself "To be honest, I don't even think meeting up is a good idea, it's too soon."

You're both hurt, so obviously you'd both like there to be some magic way to make that hurt go away.

You're also both smart enough to know that there isn't such a magic way.

So between wanting the hurt to go away and knowing it won't, both of you are doing things you think are unwise, then reconsidering them, and generally trying to steer as good a course through dangerous waters as you can.

There's no point channelling the spirit of Emily Post in who you consider his not emailing you. Yeah, it's not terribly polite, but in the circumstances it's hardly a monstrous act.

Kell

Changeofheart wrote:

I know it's too soon to be friends but why did he bother suggesting it and then just not get in touch. That's just hurtful and rude.

No its not hurtful and rude. If you werent a walking wide open gash of a wound, you wouldnt be upset or affronted at all.

Cancel the meeting and enjoy being single.

K-