More like housemates

LegacyUser

I am 28 years of age, my g/f is a year or 2 younger.

Ever since we moved in together (over a year now) I have become less and less attracted to her, to the point where we rarely have sex. It is rarely instigated by either of us. We do still love each other but there is no passion and I find it hard to get the motivation up to start some. She complains about the lack of passion but rarely starts anything either.

We have argued a good bit in the past about what needs to be done in the house and who does and doesn't do what. We don't argue as much anymore about these things. We do go out to dinner together or go for a drink but now, we are more like housemates than a couple, her words as well as mine.

I'm not sure how to get the spark back. We do have a baby girl together (aged 2) so breaking up is not something I would do on a whim or as an excuse to chase some new skirt.

dr.bollocko

You know yourself after this long in a relationship what the answer is.
But you also know you aren't gonna like it!

Lots of work. And talking. And effort. And more talking. And being original AND romantic. Not coming home from work in a bad mood. Asking her about her day. And all those really annoying things that get in the way of relaxing, taking it easy, and getting some rest with a toddler round the house. Having a young child will always impede on adult sexy time. The level of fatigue involved alone ensures that.
The lack of spark is not the problem, its a symptom. Look at it like this. You said in your post that since ye moved in together, there has been no spark. Now this major shift in the relationship ie moving in together, could hardly be totally unrelated to this sudden lack of a spark could it?
But its a symptom you can work on to get to the solving the problem of how to live with your girlfriend. How to live a life without much time alone, where compromise rather than self-indulgence is the aim, its a tough one to solve.
But be nice to her. She is going through the same thing.

Beetlebum

Do you both have social lives independant of each other? I found that when I was living with my ex I lost touch with a lot of my friends. We didn't have much money so we'd spend most nights just sitting in watching tv. Things became very stale between us too, familiararity breeds comtempt and all of that. The spark of passion that you're lacking is possible to restore but it'll take some time and effort. We got ours back by not spending so much time hanging out in the apartment together. If you spend time apart, you actually miss each other and have more to talk about. Also, do something spontaneous like arrive home with a lovely bottle of wine and tell her to get naked. Sit up and have a sexy night together. Be sure to shower her with compliments (or come to think of it, just shower her!!). Women can't get enough compliments. It'll make her feel sexier if you tell her she drives you wild etc

wexford12

Now i agree that a bit of time apart does work.The old story you dont and she dont know what you have till its gone.As for shower with gifts at the risk of been shoot down why is it always the guy that has to do it never do you see the woman doing that for her man.Im in a relationship much the same we have talked till we are blue in the face but it takes two for it to work.I have tried for some time now and getting nothing back in return not even a card for my birthday ok i did get wished a happy birthday but that was all.sorry for the rant but pissed off over it

Cancer-chick

its unfortunate but living with someone really can kill all romance.. nothing like esb bills and a screaming toddler to put the skids on..

Everyone goes through this op .. Ye have a child and that complicates things.But if it comes to that trust me you will want to be able to look back and know that you did EVERYTHING possible to keep the relationship going.
I am not saying stay there for the childs sake..an unhappy parent does not make for a happy child.. But simply to try new things with her and try things that make you remember what drew you to her initially ..

Good luck

warrenaldo

i watch this show called the sex inspectors which pretty much deals wih people like yorself all the time. they meet couples who feel the spice has gone out of the relationship. so they try get there sex lives back on track - various methods.
check it out.

but trying new things. be inventive to get it back

Snail30

I would suggest having a bath together with a nice bottle of wine and some candles when your daughter is in bed - it's a nice intimate thing to do and takes away the pressure of having to have sex...you may or may not be in the mood afterwards but it's all about the intimacy.

Also you should both make a (written) list of the reasons you were attracted to each other in the first place...it really works.

Good luck