BF can't find job - stressful times

LegacyUser

Am a regular postie on boards, but want to go anon for this.

Basically, my partner and I live together. We are happy and in love. But recently cracks have begun to show.

He is unemployed at the moment, and this is a major bone of contention.

He has been looking for work for the last 4 weeks, but nothing has come of it. I know he has really been trying. He got up this morning and drove 100KM to do an interview, only to be told that he didn’t have the right qualifications (he asked them on the phone what they were looking for before he travelled and they mentioned nothing of this – waste of time and petrol and money).

We are basically running out of money, the bills are piling up and the pressure is on. He can’t sleep for being worried, I can’t sleep for worrying about him and bills.

I work fulltime, minimum wage, but it is definitely not enough to keep both of us and the house hold going. Maybe for another few weeks or so. At the moment I am just paying the necessities, food, travel etc things like that. I cant even afford to look at the gas or electricity bill – will have to wait for the .

We don’t seem to be having any luck at all. Maybe there are loads of couples/people all over the place in this situation? Someone wants to work (and I mean anything – he has even applied for cleaning jobs) who cant get a job. What is wrong with this country. He is not on welfare – refuses to go on it – he may have to change his mind. Naturally he has become irritable. He snaps at the tiniest things and gets upset more often than usual. I am trying to keep a brave face but inside am broken – both for him and myself. I don’t know what to do!

Beruthiel

Get him to go on welfare asap and have it back dated.
All his working life he has been paying his PRSI and tax, part of this goes towards keeping the welfare office going, he is well entitled to it and is only getting his own money back that he paid in over the years.

Twice in my life I found my self out of work due to the place closing down (not my fault, I swear!)
Both times it took me exactly two months to find another job.
Your b/f is doing all the right things and he just has to keep plugging away, it will come good soon I'm sure.

The lesson I learned from being out of work myself is to have saved up enough money that will cover two months wages and never, ever, under any circumstances touch it.
Money worries can be very stressful, if the bills get too much, contact them and explain your situation, most places will give you a little extra time.
In the mean time, he must not give up heart, bar work, whatever gets him through.
Is he trying all avenues? recruitment agencies, papers, cold calling, sending out C.V's on spec, even to companies who do not appear to be looking.
I have found that sometimes I've sent my CV to people who were on the brink of looking for staff, you never know and sure why not give all and everything a go.

aniascor

Since it sounds like you need him to start having some money coming in as quickly as possible, i suggest you get him to contact a temping agency and get some work with them. They pay on a weekly basis, and the hours are flexible. My bf did it a couple of years back when he was looking for work, and it worked out really well. They'd ring him each week to find out what his availability was for the week, and then place him on that basis. If he needed time off for an interview it was no problem.

Kept us going for about six weeks until he got a job.

AnonoBoy

He needs to get over his pride and get down to the dole office. At least that small bit of money coming in will help a bit until he gets another job.

There's nothing wrong with claiming welfare - this is exactly the sort of situation that it's for. It's set up to help people in your situation so avail of it. As Beruthiel said - it's his tax and he's entitled to it.

Crea

There is nothing wrong with claiming social welfare if you looking for a job and are running out of money in the mean time. That's what paying PRSI is for.
Me and hubby went through this a few years ago and it was the most awful time. The stress was causing huge arguements and I really didn't think we'd get over it. As my mother says "when poverty comes in the door love goes out the window"

All the below advice is good especially the temping agencies.
Best of luck

dr.bollocko

I have seen this proud attitude to social welfare before, and to be honest, I think that this is your big problem right now.
Those welfare cheques would go a long way to easing this poor bloke's worries. You clearly are aware of all that's going on, and I reckon you, as a thinking, worrying, sane person, have the ability to turn him around. Especially if you hold up a mirror for him, showing him on one hand the money problem, and on the other hand, the government holding out a hand with free money that he is snubbing because of misplaced pride. This situation is what the dole is for. Its not so scumbags can not work for 20 years and get free money. Its for decent people, out of work, who need to live whilst looking for a job.
Now, here's your problem. Men ARE proud. Its tough to swallow it sometimes. But having the love of a good woman helps. A lot.
Sit him down. Show him the bills. Tell him he has been paying PRSI all his life and that you and he need that welfare cheque right now. Tell him it's a temporary thing while he's waiting for a new job.
Then tell him that American Chopper is on Discovery channel like every day at 10am.

Kinetic^

I was in the same position a few months ago and had to go on welfare about 2 months. Ask him which he likes more, his pride or the roof over his head?

stipey

I found myself out of work for 5 months back in 2002-ish. There is no shame in finding yourself out of work and needing the state to give you a dig out (even though as has already been stated, they are giving you back money that you paid to them through prsi anyway). We all don't have friends like Bertie!

There is a big difference between drawing the dole while actively looking for work and the long term wasters who are playing the system.

Get him to sign on and have them pay into his bank account. I didn't know my a/c number when I had to register and so had to collect it from the post office every week. It is the most soul destroying thing, having to stand in line for an hour and a half and physically accept a few quid - knowing that without it you would be screwed (and not in a good way).

He is entitled to it - nobody would begrudge it to him.

justsomebloke

Kenny 5 wrote:

I was in the same position a few months ago and had to go on welfare about 2 months. Ask him which he likes more, his pride or the roof over his head?

have to agree with this

donhughberto

Welfare saved my life honestly.

Been employed a long time now but after college was dark days.

He can also get rent allowance(in some cases), medical card, and around 180 euros a week on welfare. He can then even set up a business and get back to work allowance. My advice is look at all the layabouts that don't want to work. They live very nicely on the dole.

If you are on minimum wages you need the money and as many people have said it is his money after working so long.

Also he may be able to reclaim some tax in a neat lump sum, worth looking into.

NutJob

I spent 4 weeks looking for work after being laid off a year or so ago. Technically your not on the dole your drawing on your stamps. Which is why you pay prsi.

You paid tax your entitled to draw benefit and its not much but it'll help.

Cancer-chick

OP .. We all know there are wasters screwing the system but it's fair to say if your BF drives that distance for an interview he is not one of them..

My advice is this : Gently stress that it is only a temporary cash flow problem and he is now in a position to claim back some of his tax dollars til he gets another job. I would DEF agree that he should have his bank account details to hand and not queue..Having had serious illness and being signed off wk for a year of treatment i can safely say queuing for the money they give after the stress of having to leave a job i loved was absoloutely soul destroying..

I feel for you because iv been there and my guy and i are only just getting back on track, but i remember the dread of the postman so just remember we might be in the celtic tiger but i dont think many here would disagree with me if i said that unless u in a select group its still hard financially to live in ireland..

Its not his fault.. Give him a big hug and tell him that .. Ye will be fine..Honestly !
He is lucky to have a good woman behind him

And if he rings the tax office and asks for a P21 .. he might just get a hefty tax refund.. i did and got a few grand which came in v handy .. only took ten days too!

Slow Motion

Agree with pretty much all that's been said, am only in my job 3 months now was looking for 8 before I got it, a couple of things, the "Dole" is his PRSI money that he has being paying all his working life and is NOT a handout. This can take a few weeks to come through but if you explain the situation is very tight you can get a letter for the (don't know the official term but where I'm from we called it the clinic), the welfare officer will know what I'm talking about. They will basically cut him a check each week until the labour comes through and claim it back from them. Also has he been to FAS while he's looking I found them really helpful and got onto a training course in the field i am in to keep me busy while I was looking, and finally us blokes can be a bit stubborn so don't nag him about it as he may get defensive instead just sit down and explain it to him camly and rationally. Fingers crossed it all works out for you.

Cancer-chick

op what slow motion is referring to is called supplementary welfare allowance. He can claim this in the interim as soon as he has put in a claim for unemployment assistance and it is up on the system. If he rings the social welfare office in your area they wil tell him the nearest officer.

I have to stress i am not a civil servant

Slow Motion

Cancer-chick wrote:

op what slow motion is referring to is called supplementary welfare allowance. He can claim this in the interim as soon as he has put in a claim for unemployment assistance and it is up on the system. If he rings the social welfare office in your area they wil tell him the nearest officer.

I have to stress i am not a civil servant

Many thanks for the clarification you saved me tracking it down

kmick

Not to be scarying you now but it toook me 3 months to get a job the last time i was unemployed. And because of that he needs to start getting the dole. Its 600/month which goes a long way towards rent and would take the pressure of you. What does he do?

Cut back on any non-essential expenses (you probably have) and when somebody makes you travel for an interview ask them for expenses to be covered. Most companies will.

You can also get rent allowance from the social welfare but make sure to say you are single. They will assess you if not and it is a big pain in the ssa.

Cancer-chick

no worries slow ..

it amazes me how nice people are on this .. (not being sarcastic seriously) !

OP please let us know how you go

Hal1

If you work less than 20 hours per week you are entitled to the welfare (casual worker) give the welfare a ring tomorrow. I done it when I was in college and worked the weekends. There has to be something available check the fás website Im sure you will find something there.

P.s. shop in aldi

Slow Motion

Doesn't cost anything to be nice

OP One other thing ! Has he asked for a tax rebate ? I didn't think I would be due anything but thought what the hell ! Went in filled out the relevant form (again found them very helpful) and four weeks later got a check for 1100€ in the post and all it cost was a bus ticket and an hour of my time on a wet Monday morning, alot of people don't think of this one but my guess is if he was working for any length of time there is probably a few quid in it for him.

SM

Cancer-chick

ha ha slow .. am one step ahead of ya ..

already mentioned the p21 form as its known

Slow Motion

Cancer-chick wrote:

ha ha slow .. am one step ahead of ya ..

already mentioned the p21 form as its known

*Bugger*:o

Cancer-chick

hee hee im on form today !!

King of Kings

if he was serious he'd take a min wage job flipping burgers or call center work or something.
Get him to the welfare office and beat that pride out of him or get him to take some crappy job until he can sort himself out
He shouldn't care if it's horrible or not. money comes first.

What happens if you two have kids? his lack of "can do" attitude should worry you in case you ever need to rely solely on him.

LegacyUser

'OP - tell your BF to swallow his pride and sign on for unemployment assistance/jobseekers allowance , whatever its called now..

he should make it habit to check the FAS website, nixers, the newspapers daily and apply for any jobs he thinks he can do.
Also, get him to sign up on Monster, after he uploads his cv and skills/details, people will ring with work, any lead is a step closer to getting a job.
A positive outlook is very important, its very easy to feel disheartened when out of work..'

Blush_01

KOK, that's a very negative attitude. The OP said he's applying for any jobs he sees, didn't she?

Maybe he'd be better off drawing the Dole or temping which doesn't have any real attachment problems, while he looks for a job he'll be suited to long term. It's tough to leave a crappy job, and it can be so disheartening to work in a job you despise. I quit my old job a few months ago and started a new one about a month ago. I know I'm only a student working part time to pay my loans and living expenses, but I'd work full time in the job I work in now and study too before I'd go back for an hour to the other job, regardless of how flexible it might be. I took a substantial pay cut when I changed jobs and am so glad I finally took the plunge. He probably doesn't want to have to go through that again in a few months.

LegacyUser

'Hello everyone.

Thanks for all the messages. Just to fill ye in on what is going on.

Well, he went for a job early last week and they told him that he was to start yesterday. They said that they would ring him to let him know where to go. Anyways, come yesterday morning, no phone call. He rings them to see what is going on and the man says “oh sorry, the job has been cancelled”. FFS. Didn’t even ring him to let him know. He is broke broke now as we had to pay rent last week (he used up the last of his savings).

So, yesterday (I was off), I sat him down and said “come on we are going to the Welfare Office” I am very stressed over this (think I’ve aged 20 years). So, we get to the office and the girl tells him that he is in the wrong office (have to go to another branch). She did look up his record (PPS) and according to her he can claim PRSI/Stamps. She gave him the forms and told him which office to go to. Also, she told him that he should try get it back dated to when he became unemployed (date on his P45). He went in there this morning and I am waiting to hear from him. Please god everything will be ok. I know that these people can be very hard when they want to be.

Please god he will get it. This will tide us over for about 2/3 weeks. It is really hard at the moment. I met a woman I know at the weekend and she had been reduced to working a 3 day week because business is so slow. I think what my partner needs to do, Ive told him this and he agreed), is when he gets a job (doing anything), he needs to retrain for something else. I think that I need to start looking for a more well paid job too.'

Anti

I was in your partners situation this time last year, I was out of work for about 4/5 weeks, and found it impossible to find anything at all, even though i have pleanty of qualifications. I didnt want to claim stamps/prsi as i have never done it before in my life, and it made me feel like scum. I dont know why i know im more then intitled to it, but it didnt feel right. And i was affraid that if i stayed on it i would stop looking for a job and become a complete bum.

The partner i was with at the time was the most unsupportive bitch i have ever met, after a few weeks of looking for a job, i thought feck it ill do bar work, its what put me through college after all. But she went nuts and refused to let me do it as she thought i'd get hit on. Which obviously would happen. But a job is a job. And as they say, its easier to find a job when you have a job.

So its nice to se eyou are standing by him and supporting him, as its just as tough for you aswell, and im sure he will find a job soon. Then he can think about retraining, and so can you.

Best of luck, and keep us updated.

LegacyUser

'Just want to give an update (for anyone interested)– when I read forums I like to hear what happened the OP in the end or how they are doing.

Well, he got a job. It is a job that he trained for, so he is well happy. He is on trial at the moment. I don’t know how long it is for (originally he was to cover someone who is out sick - 4/5 weeks). He claimed for Welfare about 2/3 weeks ago and never got any payment. So he rang Monday to let them know his change in circumstance and ask why his money never came through and they told him that they couldn’t find some documents of his (P45, evidence of looking for work form) – he gave them his P45 already when he made his original claim and they never gave him the looking for work form. ***sigh***

Anyways, they sent out what they were looking for in the post yesterday, and he has filled them in. Ironically, now he is working, he can’t get into the welfare office so he will have to take time off to get that back date payment sorted……

We managed to pay half the bills off already, keep the wolves from the door……….still wary that he may not be kept on, but it is better than nothing.'

Beruthiel

Glad to hear things are improving OP