head was turned

LegacyUser

Hey, for relationship gurus with time to read trivial stories :

Something happened at the weekend, a seemingly very trivial incident but I can't get it outta my head, so I'm going to articulate it here partly to help myself sort out my thoughts and partly see what response it gets.

In 30s, Going out with gf for over a year, totally amazed by her, and am very happy indeed. She lives in a different county so only see each other at (not every) weekend. That's cool as we wanna take our time and not be in each others faces, taking things nice and handy. We go away together etc and are looking forward to holidays together this year, and all is hunky dory yadda yadda yadda.

However, and nowt quite like this has ever happened me before, but was out with a friend in a late bar last weekend when out of the blue a beautiful stranger approached, told me straight out she liked my style and asked for a "proper" kiss on the lips no less! Gobsmacked, I blinked and (somehow) I told her I knew from the look of her she's cool, that I'd love to kiss her but I have a lovely gf that I'm mad about and couldn't be doing a thing like that. She said that my gf is a lucky girl, and sorry for coming over and good luck etc.

I'm no Brad Pitt not to put too fine a point on it, so something like this is well out of the ordinary for me!

But now, I can't stop thinking.. Should I really be in this long term situation, what else could I be missing out on, and anyway who was that cool and beautiful stranger whom I met for a second. What would have happened if I wasnt attached, what could that have been the start of, the whole thrill of getting to know someone new.

So even though I did the right thing on the night, in the blink of an eye I'm questioning my relationship for the first time. No, "Questioning" is too strong a word, but let's say I got a little reminder that there's a world outside the bubble of a relationships. Should these feelings never surface or is it normal?

Maybe it's good to realise that obsticles and doubts and little tests will come in front of both partners from time to time. I could have done without it tho, me little head is spinning!

milod

If this is the first time your head's been turned, you're a lucky man! it's gonna keep happening to you for the rest of your life no matter what relationship you're in.

It's human nature, we're never totally sure, the grass is always greener etc, we're always considering the possibilities.

Remember 50% of what happened was the reality of the girl approaching you - the other 50% was what happened in your head...

Oh and of course it might have been a set-up - y'know your girl might wonder what you get up to when she's not around! In which case you passed the test with flying colours.

bragan

Yeah, thats normal. I have been going out with someone for two years now. I still notice good looking people, as does he. I still think "ohh,I wonder what it would be like to go out with him", or when I meet someone I used to like, you still get that feeling.

It's normal. The thing is, I don't want to ever act on it. Do You?

tbh

I think you reacted in a fairly normal way to something weird happening. However, it was just a kiss - you don't know anything at all about this beautiful stranger, apart from the fact that she's beautiful. She could be selfish, vain, pompous etc etc. She could have been doing it for a bet!

You're not missing out on anything, you said this never happened before, and it probably won't ever happen again (no offense). It'd be like chucking in your job to try to win the lotto after winning €2 on a scratchie.

I'm not judging you at all, I think anyone would have reacted in the same way, but...reality check, really.

dr.bollocko

You know yourself that it often takes less than a beautiful stranger for an unhappy man to stray. It may well be the first time in a long time that you have been approached by a girl and this can change your mindset. Suddenly the flattery boosts your ego (of course a good thing) and you might start re-evaluating your lot in life. Its also possible that you're in a stage in your current relationship where the new has just about worn off, and ye have to get used to learning to live with a girl, rather than just being in awe of this shapely chunk of flesh with the cute voice lying next to you in the bed.
And you are right. the excitement of starting something with someone new is a pretty decent narcotic, but after the new wears off on those crystal chandeliers, you will be kicking yourself for throwing away the girl that made you turn down a mysterious stranger...
You know yourself, you have to chalk it up to testosterone, greener grass, fantasy, and the refusal to accept the reality of settling down.....

Its a sexy stranger. Living single fantasies through them is why they get up in the morning.

spinandscribble

reality check is all i have to say.
its never happened before so unless you suddenly lost alot of weight or whatever its not likely to keep happening. who knows maybe you're actually good looking and dont know it but honestly, does that even matter?
it was flattering and thats just how you have to take it. it happens to me a fair bit tbh (not to sound big headed, it just does) but i know at the end of the day its a superficial thing and i would never act on it.

you cant stop ppl thinking of you in that way but you sure as hell dont need to act on it.

Tiesto

haha thats life.
I bet if you didnt have the girlfriend, the other girl would not have approached you Kick in the teeth !

Wibbs

tbh wrote:

It'd be like chucking in your job to try to win the lotto after winning €2 on a scratchie.

. That made me laugh and it makes a very good argument as well. Kudos.


I think dr.bollocko's points are well worth taking too.

The_B_Man

also, it sounds like ur one wasnt lookin for a relationship. jsut a one nighter. seems ur the relationship sorta person.

padser

The_B_Man wrote:

also, it sounds like ur one wasnt lookin for a relationship. jsut a one nighter. seems ur the relationship sorta person.

Good point, to return to the Scratch card metophor....you can't give up a regular income for a single (albeit substantial) lump sum

tbh

potential! only a potential lump sum

HelterSkelter

These things only happen to you when you are in a relationship. If you were single, not in a million years!

galah

well of course - otherwise you would not have this conundrum...(and you probably ended up in bed with the beautiful stranger...;-))

Zambia

HelterSkelter wrote:

These things only happen to you when you are in a relationship. If you were single, not in a million years!

This is so true , when blokes are happy and confident it tends to attract women more than the "Anyone for shaggies " desperate face.

You have done extremly well in refusing this advance.

LegacyUser

'How late was this late bar? She could have been a munter and/or polish and you're brain's made her hot.'

LegacyUser

'Thanks all for the interesting and funny comments!

As the week wears on, it doesn't seem like a big deal now.

I think it was just the realisation of sacrificing wee adventures for the longer term thing.
Take care all.


milod - I hope it wasn't a test, although I did have a scan around for any of her mates!

tbh - Excellent point on the lotto analogy! Occured to me it mighta been a bet aswell.

spinandscribble - I have actually lost a load of weight recently. Maybe this is the first forbidden fruit of my labours!

Tiesto,Helterskelter,Galah - Quite agree, this would never happen if you were single. That's the frustrating part!'