Need to break up with her :(

LegacyUser

I have been with my girlfriend for almost a year, I have experience with 2 long term relationships before her. But this is her first and she's still in that first love "this will last forever" kinda mindset. I'm 21 and she's 19. I know it's over though, it's hard to put into words but it's like that feeling when you just kinda "know". It's gonna upset her anyway but here is my problem and why I'm writing this post:

She is in 2nd year of her course in college and I don't know whether to do it now (break up with her) or wait until after her exams. (In about 6 weeks she will be finished) I know what it's like when a relationship ends, you get upset for a few weeks and find it hard to concentrate, etc. I know what you're thinking though just because it happened to me doesn't mean it will happen to her but I know what she's like and I think this will upset her and have a negative impact on her study which might result in failing her exams. What do you guys think anyway do it now or wait until her college year ends?

Dave

Are you just procrastinating? As in when summer comes will you have another excuse e.g. "Oh I don't want to wreck her summer" or something. My advice would be, it's going to hurt either way, and if you're just going through the motions for six weeks, it's not really fair on her, or on you. So get it over and done with, exams and study might even be a good way for her to keep her mind off it, instead of her having loads of free time during the summer to dwell on it.

padser

If she is the kind of person who find exams tough I would wait. Some people get really stressed over them and if its going to hurt her I would def wait. 6 weeks is not a long time.

defiantshrimp

I agree with Dave. If the exams were next week or something I'd say wait but 4/5 weeks (assuming exams last 3/2 weeks) is plenty of time for her to adjust.

padser

Yeah but study time coming up to exams is pretty important. everyone can concentrate during exams...its the lead up to them that is most important.

Tails142

On the other hand, breaking up with someone does often leave a big void in ones daily routine which she may very well fill with studying.

Breaking it off now could actually improve her grades.

My advice would be to finish it now rather than later.

She may also put you dumping her down to the fact that she spent too much time studying and less time spent with you which would be a false assumption on her part.

Red Alert

Seen as you don't have a clear-cut reason for breaking up with her - how long have you decided she's not for you? Sometimes you just go through phases with people.

I would go for sooner rather than later if you wanna break up though. Much more upfront and clean way of doing it.

InThEmeMoryYouL

InThEmeMoryYouL wrote:

But this is her first and she's still in that first love "this will last forever" kinda mindset. I'm 21 and she's 19. I know it's over though, it's hard to put into words but it's like that feeling when you just kinda "know". It's gonna upset her anyway but here is my problem and why I'm writing this post:

She is in 2nd year of her course in college and I don't know whether to do it now (break up with her) or wait until after her exams.

100% and being fair on her.
Wait untill after the exams.You don't have to spend a lot of time with her in the mean time,you should use it to slowly drift apart.
Upsetting her unnecessarally in the run up to exams is not a good idea.

dazftw

Tristrame wrote:

100% and being fair on her.
Wait untill after the exams.You don't have to spend a lot of time with her in the mean time,you should use it to slowly drift apart.
Upsetting her unnecessarally in the run up to exams is not a good idea.

yea I agree my ex broke up with me about a week before my leaving cert.. I passed... with about 100 points... It ruined it on me!

Wait till after I suggest anyway.. for her good! Also if you would like to stay friends with her wait!

Wibbs

I'd say wait TBH. It's not a long time and if she feels about the relationship as you describe, first love etc, it could screw her exams. Yes she may put more effort into study, but I doubt it. I could be wrong but her concentration could be shot.

Now I know you feel it's over, but forget for a second she's your soon to be ex, think of her as a good friend. What would you do in that case? Would you give her the bad news now? I doubt it. It will also give you an excuse to reduce contact because of her study and it is possible you may reevaluate your situation. Unlikely, given what you said, but it would be better to wait IMHO.

Blush_01

If I was in your situation, I'd wait. It might not upset her, but it really might, and I wouldn't risk it.

If I was the girl in question, I know I'd react pretty badly and be very distracted. The two weeks leading up to the exams are vital, but the ones before those two weeks (especially as her courses may not even be finished yet and she might miss vital tips for those exams through distraction) give you the foundation for final study.

Either way, a few weeks won't do either of you any huge harm to wait, but it might have a negative impact on her education to do it now.

Fair play for caring enough to consider that factor - lots wouldn't.

~nop~

Don't you dare wait until the summer!
It's 6 weeks, 6 weeks where you'll be thinking this is the last time and she'll be completely ignorant to it. This is just you being selfish and looking for a way out. If her exams were a lot closer i could understand but the way that you're proposing is that she studies and just as she is delighted that summer has begun and her exams are finally over you'll break up with her. Stop being selfish and do it now, it'll give her time to adjust. Breaking up with someone gives you a lot more time which she can try and fill with studying but if you wait till the summer to do it she's going to spend the summer moping and have a lot more spare time to do it in. Tell her before they get any closer.

lady_j

InThEmeMoryYouL wrote:

I know what it's like when a relationship ends, you get upset for a few weeks and find it hard to concentrate, etc. I know what you're thinking though just because it happened to me doesn't mean it will happen to her but I know what she's like and I think this will upset her and have a negative impact on her study which might result in failing her exams. ?

You do realise in this 6 weeks she'll be trying not to neglect you and will make time in her study time which lets face it if you're going to break up with her anyway is wasted time. I broke up with somebody shortly before exams and it actually improved my grade I had all this time on my hands and I didnt want to think about the break up so I just applied my self to my studies. Right now she has a routine is surrounded by people in college and therefore a support network. Come summer she'll have nothing to do but mope around and think about the relationship. There is nothing worse than being in a relationship with somebody who doesnt want to be in it and hasnt got the balls to say so

Kell

descry wrote:

There is nothing worse than being in a relationship with somebody who doesnt want to be in it and hasnt got the balls to say so

Damnit. Someone got there before me!!

OP- she'll think you're a spineless twat if you wait and think you are the most horrible b*stid in the world if you dont. Either way you're fúcked, so you may as well get fúcked now as opposed to getting fúcked later.

K-

dellas1979

Decide is it about you or about her?

As in, if you wait, will it be for the benefit of both of ye?

She could be heartbroken. It could affect her.

Could you give it 6 weeks until she is ready?

Im guessing you wont be the one heartbroken, and thats fine if thats how you feel, but you may want to think of whats going to happen to her, even if for you it is the end of the relationship.

angeldelight

If my bf broke up with me 6 weeks before my exams, I'd say there wouldn't be a chance in hell of me being able to study until it was too late.

On the flip side, if my bf broke up with me straight after my exams and I knew he'd wanted to do it 6 weeks before I'd probably be really pissed off that he was stringing me along for that 6 weeks. I think that would pass though and I'd realise it was actually the best thing he could have done.

Doing it now could both wreck her next 6 weeks and her summer because she has to repeat! I'd recommend waiting, but that's just based on how I know I'd feel.

Acid_Violet

Think what she'll say; 'he split up with me just before my exams.......'

You said yourself she's in that 'this will last forever' kind of mindset. Pulling the plug will shock her as well as breaking her heart. Waiting till after the exams and the Summer where she can rebound and have no worries is a much better idea in my opinion.

Saintly

Was in a similar situation, when my then boyfriend was going through a series of stressful interviews which took place over a two and a half week period. He was so worked up about the interviews for 2/3 weeks beforehand -they were very important to him. I knew my feelings had changed and wanted to end things but because I cared for him, I held off. It wasn't because I was protecting myself, putting things off etc as other posters have suggested in this thread - regardless of our relationship, he was a friend and I wouldn't dump bad news of any kind on a mate at a stressful time if I could avoid it.

You know your girlfriend better than anyone on this board. If you suspect the break up may impact upon her results then hold off. She'll have her exam results long after she'll have (or want) you, so unless you have a burning yearning to end things right now, hold off.

Saintly

~nop~

Saintly wrote:

Was in a similar situation, when my then boyfriend was going through a series of stressful interviews which took place over a two and a half week period. He was so worked up about the interviews for 2/3 weeks beforehand -they were very important to him.

Saintly

Yeah but this isn't two or 3 weeks, this is 6 weeks, and it sounds like he's just making excuses, or that's my opinion at least.
The longer you put it off the closer they'll get, and everytime you meet up with her between now and then thats another bit of her time wasted.

Saintly

~nop~ wrote:

Yeah but this isn't two or 3 weeks, this is 6 weeks, and it sounds like he's just making excuses, or that's my opinion at least.
The longer you put it off the closer they'll get, and everytime you meet up with her between now and then thats another bit of her time wasted.

If you read my post again - you'll see I am talking about a 5/6 week timeframe. Is the OP making excuses or just a fan of good timing? Exams are such a stressful time and presumably if she will be finished them in six weeks, she has three, maybe four weeks to prepare for them. If I was his girlfriend, I would much prefer being blissfully unaware of any potential stressors as I faced into them...

LegacyUser

Don't tell her until after her exams. She probably will be very upset leading up to the exams if you do. You probably won't see her much anyway for the next few weeks so it's not like you'll have to put on an act.

Awayindahils

someone confided something very important and quite shocking to me 3 and a half weeks before i sat a set of very important exams. it took me until i was 2 papers in two cop myself on and focus again. i would say wait till after, especially if she finds exams difficult to focus for.