Confused upset and scared

LegacyUser

Hi all, new to this so please bear with me.

Some Background first. I have been with my now fiancee for six years. During that time I have always been faithful, never even looked at another girl. I know she is the exact same as we spend almost every day together and go every where together and are very much in love. We have recently bought a house together and the wedding plans are in full swing.

My difficulty is this about three weeks ago I started to notice two small red marks on the tip of my penis. Ignored them for a while but I was at the doctor for a flu recently and I mentioned them to her. She took a look and said that they could be nothing but it is worthwhile getting them checked at an STI clinic as they could be genital warts. I was shocked as you can imagine. So went to the clinic last week and yes it was confirmed by the doc there. He said I should take other tests just in case I said it wasnt necesscary as I am in a monogomus (sp) relationship but he said I should do it any way. Did and they all came back clear today.

I told the doc that there was no way I could have these warts as I have had one partner for six years and never strayed and I am 110 percent certain she has never strayed. He said that I could of had them in my system from a previous partner all this time. (I had three sexual partners before my fiancee and had unprotected sex with all three). Is this really possible.

My fiancee has been away planning the wedding all weekend and is due back today. How the hell do I break this news to her I cant believe this I have always prided myself on being faithful and if there is even a glimmer of doubt in my fiancees mind I will be devastated. I have cryed all weekened and dont know where to turn.

Any advice or people with expierience will be greatly appreciated.

And please dont suggest she has been fooling around I know her and I trust her more than I trust myself.

Thanks for listening

Beruthiel

You could just be straight and tell her the truth.

BeardyGit

Tough situation to find yourself in I imagine. The only thing you can do here is continue to do what you pride yourself on - Tell the truth and show you're faithful and true to her good health as much as anything else.

She'll probably be a bit taken aback by it too, but she may also know about it already. It's quite possible this is something she's had in the past with a previous sexual partner (we all have a history, let's face it), and simply believed it wouldn't resurface....

Until you discuss it with her, you'll just keep upsetting yourself over what may not be a big deal for you two at all.... Have a chat with her and put a have a bit of faith in your relationship. Don't go asking unrelated questions about the past - Just deal with the present and get on with things, okay? This needn't be a big deal....

Best of luck lad - Don't worry too much,

Gil

metrovelvet

soupset wrote:

I told the doc that there was no way I could have these warts as I have had one partner for six years and never strayed and I am 110 percent certain she has never strayed. He said that I could of had them in my system from a previous partner all this time. (I had three sexual partners before my fiancee and had unprotected sex with all three). Is this really possible.

Yes it is possible. STI can be latent without symptoms for years which is why the courteous thing to do before sleeping with someone without protection is to have a full screening where these things can be detected.

For all you know, she could have been carrying it and given it to you. But- and this will sound a little cavalier- on the scale of things, they are only genital warts and wont kill you. Its not like you have HIV or even herpes which can affect fertility. But you have to tell your fiance NOW so she can get screened. And then you can get it taken care of.

Its not the end of the world.

rugbug86

But you do need to tell her. The HPV virus that causes warts can cause cervical cancer in women so she needs to get checked.

Explain to her how the virus can lie latent and hope for the best.

Good luck.

spinandscribble

show her this post and bring her to see your doctor with you but tbh if my bf was in your situation i'd believe him

Marksie

http://www.cdc.gov/std/HPV/STDFact-HPV.htm#Whatis
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Genital_wart
they are risk factor in cervical cancer.
http://www.cancerhelp.org.uk/help/default.asp?page=5192

It is entirely possible to have the virus for many years without showing signs as the links above show.

Whatever, it is best that you tell your g/friend, so she can see her doctor

frizzefreckles

you have to tell her. she'll understand, if you explain that you were stupid (unprotected sex is stupid in this day and age) enough not to protect yourself with these other people and now have to deal with the consequences, and so does your girlfriend, she'll have to be checked out now as the other posters have said.
if it was my bf and he was upfront and honest about it i'd believe him.

HelterSkelter

frizzefreckles wrote:

if it was my bf and he was upfront and honest about it i'd believe him.

And what if she suspects he was sleeping around?

chuci

well you have to tell her so she can get herself checked out.though im assuming you have had unprotected sex with her. also you could have contracted from her like another poster said we all have a history. also did she ever have a cold sore when ye ummm 'fooled around'. because cold sores are from a strain of the virus and you might not be as immune to them if you dont get them. anyway do what you pride yourself on and just be honest.id believe you if you were my boyf.
good luck

LegacyUser

Thanks for the advice. It is just that I normally turn to her for advice on everything and now I feel I have no where to turn.

Of course I am going to tell her I would never contemplate risking her health or well being. Its just I keep having the conversation over and over in my head and it just sounds so bad. I cant see any good resolution to this, my whole life is built around her and if I lose her or have to live with her always doubting my fidelity than I dont know what I will do.

Thanks again

b3t4

As others have said the virus that causes warts can remain in your system for years before they produce warts (sure that's what your doctor said to you as well, do some extra reading online and you'll find it'll back it up even further)

soupset the longer you dwell on this the worse things will get in your head. Bite the bullet and speak with your fiancee. Things never turn out quite as bad as we believe they will in our heads and the longer you leave it the more you're torturing yourself.

Wibbs

b3t4 wrote:

soupset the longer you dwell on this the worse things will get in your head. Bite the bullet and speak with your fiancee. Things never turn out quite as bad as we believe they will in our heads and the longer you leave it the more you're torturing yourself.

Exactly. Talk to her, You'll be fine.

spinandscribble

you seem really sweet and worried. you'll gf will be able to see that and from the sounds of your relationship i think you're worrying over nothing. just tell her and show her this thread!

dudara

soupset wrote:

It is just that I normally turn to her for advice on everything

Don't break the habit then. Turn to her once again with this issue and let her know. If your trust in her is reciprocated, then you really will have nothing to worry about.

Marksie

chuci wrote:

because cold sores are from a strain of the virus and you might not be as immune to them if you dont get them.

I suggest you recheck that. Warts are Human Papilloma virus.
cold sores and genital herpes are herpes viruses (typeI and II..originally thought to be exclusive to mouth and genitals respectively, but now found to be interchangeable)
http://www.herpes.com/

OP: Its HPV

Schlemm

Dunno what age ye are but there's a vaccine on the market now called Gardasil which protects against certain strains of HPV (human pappiloma virus) which cause cervical cancer and genital warts: HPV types 16 and 18 cause about 70% of HPV-related cervical cancer cases. HPV types 6 and 11 cause about 90% of genital wart cases.

The vaccine is available to women only and I heard somewhere that it's available to women within a certain age bracket but I'm not entirely sure about this 1. You should ask your doctor about how long the vaccine will provide immunity.

The strains of HPV which can lead to cancer of the cervix cause no symptoms in men and persistent infection of these strains in women can lead to cervical cancer. You may be carrying a high risk strain without knowing it. However, cervical cancer develops quite slowly in the majority of cases and abnormal cellular changes in the cervix can be easily detected with regular smear tests. Condoms may lessen the risk of transmission but they do not provide 100% protection against the transmission of HPV.

So have a word with your fiancee and no doubt it will be a difficult time for both of you, but have a word with your doc about medical options as well. Be sure to ask about Gardasil and advice on smear tests, but every woman who is sexually active should have regular smears anyway.

frizzefreckles

HelterSkelter wrote:

And what if she suspects he was sleeping around?

If he didn't tell when he found out, and then it came out later I'd suspect he was sleeping around because he tried to hide it. By telling at the start I'd believe him.

Aura

You could arrange doctors apt for you both to reassure her.
I think b3t4 is right you have to just bite the bullet and do it.
Things left festering like that take on a life of their own at times.
It might be a lot easier than you think. Give her the benefit of the doubt by not assuming the worst.

Good luck.

A.

metrovelvet

It seems OP knows he has to tell her but does not know how to tell her.

OP, Im sure that you are focusing far too much on her reaction. While you're telling her, try not to focus on her reaction, as you cant possibly know what it will be, its all fantasies right now about what it could be.

Focus instead on your responsibility, which is to deliver the information. Just explain it simply and how you came to find this diagoses, like you explained here.

Just tell her that you found these red bumps so you went to get them checked out and it turns out they are .... and dont frget its not a sign of guilt of anything on either of your parts except not getting a full screening before you started sleeping together.

Good luck and let us know what happens.

Dutchology

Tell her exactly what you told us, but don't start straight in on an "I never strayed and I don't suspect you did either" speech, she'll know that. Just tell her the medical facts, clearly and concisely, and don't worry about her reaction. You have been together for 6 years, and are about to get married. Tell her now, and tell it straight. If she has questions, answer them, and make sure she can get to the doc herself as soon as she can to get checked out too.

Best of luck OP, and congratulations!

Miss Fluff

You poor thing. You're building this up in your head though so as someone else said, bit the bullet, sit her down and tell her everything, show her your post if necessary. You will be fine, and she will be too so just get it out in the open and you will feel better. Good luck:)

davyjose

Dude if you lose her over this, then you will have to ask who is worse - you for accidentally (albeit foolishly) acting the lad when younger and single, and having unprotected sex, or her, for ditcdhing and disbelieving the man she loves, because something sh!t has happened him.

don't beat yourself up over it.

LegacyUser

'Poor you,

Tell her be honest and open and get her checked. You will be ok'