Breaking up with my girlfriend

LegacyUser

I was going out with a girl for a year, but its prety much over now (she wants to meet face to face to end it during the week coz she cant do it right now). Im devestated. I honestly didnt see this coming. I knew there was something bothering her for the last week or so, but nothing this severe. Anyway, I love her to bits, shes the first girl Iv ever truly loved and ever told I loved and she was the first girl I had sex with (I was her first too). She says she just thinks its run its course......

Anyway, I want to know what I should do. I told her Id love to try work on things and continue to be boyfriend and girlfriend but that if shes unhappy Ill understand and we can be friends. But I honestly dont know if I can accept being just friends with her and being around her if she finds a new boyfriend and so on, but the thoughts of never seeing her again are really upsetting me.... Should I just back off and leave her and go cold turkey, or can things like this work out and be 'just friends'? I know what Im feeling now will die down and Ill get better, but she'll always be more than just a friend. Id love if we even ended up going out again in the future if she wanted to give it another try.

Anyway, to people who have been in this situation, what should I do or is there any hope at all for a renewal of things or will I be able to just accept being friends? I feel so gutted.... We're both in our early 20's BTW.

tba

If she wants to break up I think you should consider giving yourself time to get over her, being around her all the time as a Friend will not allow you to do this, its tough, and often people go on the rebound to quell thoughts of the other person (essentailly replacing one obsession for another) I would not recommend doing ths. Hang out with your friends, family, do other things like art classes, sports etc..., anything to stop you thinking, just make sure it is not around her.

Don't engage in text message marathons with her, don't give her advice on future relationships and don't hope for anything. Your feelings will die down but to be brutally honest it will never subside, you just need to get it down to a level you can handle, being around her will make that impossible.

el rabitos

meet up with her, let her have her say, she knows your position on the matter. then just totally break contact. its what she wants, let her have it. breaking contact completely is the only chance you have of getting back with her, she doesnt want you, so show her what its like without you. lingering around and answering her txts wont show her what life is like without you.

then

best case scenario, she realises she made a big mistake and comes back

or

you've got some distance between you and you can move on.

trying to "convince" her to try and make it work isnt an attractive thing to anyone i reckon and tbh i wouldnt want to convince anyone to want to be with me, would u?

tinkerbell

I agree with what el rabitos said. Meet up with her, let her know how you feel, hear what she has to say and if she still wants to end it then cut off contact with her completely for a couple of months. You are not going to be able to move on if you stay friends with her.

Best of luck.

King.Penguin

I'd say fair play to her making the effort to say it face to face rather than text. You can't go out with somone that doesn't like you anymore. However, she may be making a rash decision. You need to find out. If she doesn't love you anymore there's nothing you can do and have to move on.

LegacyUser

Hey, Im the poster of this thread. Just rang her and had a nice talk. She just felt that she was young and the fact we were going out so long suddenly seemed like alot for her since we're both so young. So its over. Im just glad it was on good terms and we're both willing to stay friends, but need a break. Im really sad but just glad the whole thing is sorted and over now. Thanks for the feedback

MojoMaker

Realistically the only thing your presence as a boyfriend 'prevents' her from doing is being with other guys. To pass it off as anything else is not being fair to you. You will probably break up with a good few more people until you find a real mate, and let's hope that's at the right age for you both.

4Xcut

Gutted-ex wrote:

we can be friends.

remember that situation myself and i really wouldn't advise that. You'll just mess your head around. Its not a good idea.

Wibbs

4Xcut wrote:

remember that situation myself and i really wouldn't advise that. You'll just mess your head around. Its not a good idea.

Have to agree with 4Xcut, I'm afraid. If you can do it, fair play. It can work for some but it's hard, unless you put distance between you and your ex for a while. It helps if you're both with other people when you do meet up again, otherwise the old feelings may come flooding back for one of you(usually only the good parts).

I wish you the best of luck. You will get through this and grow from it. It may not feel like that now, but you will.

defiantshrimp

Almost the exact same thing happened to me a few months ago. Don't hold ideas about getting back with her, it will only prolong your pain. The best course of action is to accept that things are over and to stay away from her for a few months. Spend time with your friends and so on like TBA said. In a few weeks you'll be grand.

LegacyUser

'ive just been put in this situation too. my bf broke up with me a bout 10days ago aftr 2.5yrs and i'm gutted. it's really tough but everyone says it willget better soon and im sure they're right. just hang on in there, keep busy and try not to think too far into the future. it's a scary thought knowing you're not going to be with that person or that things are going to change, so try not to focus on the future, instead take each day at a time and keep busy. surround yourself with friends and interests. im learning to drive and it's keeping me distracted.
good luck to you, i hope it all works out.....'

LegacyUser

'Hey, sry to hear that dumped. Kinda nice reminding myself Im not the first person on earth in this situation though

Im the OP of the thread. I just need to ask; how much time should I give her before I expect her to meet with me to explain why she made her decsion? She broke up with me on Sunday and said she'd talk to me and answer my questions, but she was too upset at that point. Then on Tuesday we 'bumped' into each other on MSN where she answered SOME things and said some other things that have left me even more confused tbh.... Said she loved me in the way I loved her, she still loves me, thinks I was a grerat boyfriend, I made her feel great and smile... blah blah blah... but I had some things she thinks I need to sort out in my personal life and that we were kinda different (which we were sort of, but she went on to say that wasnt a bad thing... ), she thought we were great couple and she'd definitely go out again in the future and she comes to tears whenever we talk.

The original thing of her thinking 'we just ran our course' and so on wasnt true (actually her cousin said that to me)... That made me feel better hearing that stuff, but then I just felt even more confused, mainly about these things

Why she broke up with me without any warning, or any desire to work on things. She just wanted a total break up. Why if she says she still loves me and loved being my girlfriend????? Anyway, Im going mad waiting to talk to her to get answers, but Im just acting calm and cool because I promised Id give her whatever time she needed, and talking about this really upsets her (more than it did to me). So how long should I wait and WTF is going on? Sorry for the rant, just ned to write this somewhere because I cant really say it to anyone at the moment '

boffin

Op- I've been in your position as many others have and I know you want closure but...I know others will have other ideas and may shot me down for this but ---

I know she prob means those things but at the end of the day she still wants to break up..don't tormet yourself with analyzing things like ---She says she loves me so why is she breaking up with me...She says that she see can see us having a future, so why not try and work it out. Be careful that it isn't another way for her to say --- its not you its me. Some people are cowards when it comes to breaking up and they don't want to hurt your feelings so they sugar coat it and imo they actually make it worse because they don't give you any definitive answer and leave you wondering where did it all go wrong.

Anyway I could be completely wrong -only you know your girlfriend - just thought I'd give another perspective.

You will get through it but I know how horrible it feels.

Wibbs

Have to agree with boffin here. If she loves you, loved being your girlfriend, would go out in the future with you etc? What? She thinks/feels all that yet breaks up with you? A couple of choices here; 1) she's only lovely, but is a bit confused about her feelings at the moment. 2) she's an emotional idiot who needs to string you along for some reason. 3) She wants to use you as emotional transition boy until she gets somebody else. 4) She's talking crap and is simply a coward about the whole thing. The excuse that she's doing this to save you torment is a crock btw. 5) She loves you but feels stuck in a rut and the pink fluffy sparkles have left your relationship. She may want to play the field for a while. I would suspect 3 with a touch of 5 tbh until more info comes along.

Don't be her friend. Not any time soon. She lost the (current) right to your friendship when she broke up with you without warning. No good will come of it. You'll only be helping her, which of course as you love her you'll want to. Don't. Help yourself instead. Maybe in the future you can be mates, but you never know after she's not around for a while, you may not even want to.

Good luck with it anyway.

Homer J Simpson

Hello,

I'm in my late 20's and have been down this road. I foolishly took her back after 6 weeks. She finished it within a month and I felt much worse.

Let me state that the problem isnt you, it's just that ye arent suitable for each other. there are many other women out there for you who will want you for whom you are...always remember this when you're feeling down because it's a true fact.

You will go through a rollercoaster of emotions over the next few weeks anger, hatred, lust, selfpity to name but a few but in the end you will come out a stronger person. Unfortunately this is one of life's lessons.

Most importantly get away from your PC and talk to a friend about how you feel. People on boards.ie can only say so much on this forum but talking to a friend will ease the pain much more.

All the best mate.

LegacyUser

'Hey guys, thanks for all the info and opinions. Anyway, I spoke to her today and got everything sorted out. We're split up and thats final, she said she stood by the stuff she told me originally on MSN but that she needs a break because shes young and wants to live a 'normal' young girls life. Like, Im the first proper boyfriend shes ever had and Im the first guy shes slept with and so on and she said she actually pictured us being together for a long time, but that kinda scared her because she wants to go out and have girls-nights, meet other people and not get into majorly serious and commited relationships because of the fact she has so little experience regards relationships and that shes so young.

Im happy with that tbh. I was most worried that it was something much worse that I did or something, and tbh Iv felt the same way a couple of times myself. Im still sad its ended, but I just getting closure has helped immensley and finally having a definite answer about the fact the relationship is over and thats final, so I can get on with things. Thanks for taking the time to reply guys, appreciated it '