Issue with close friend

LegacyUser

Hi, going unregged for this one. I'm a male in my mid 20s. I have an issue with my hearing. Nothing serious but I'm just a little hard of hearing. This isn't really a major issue for me, only when I'm out I find I don't hear everything that is said. A close friend of mine who know knows this has a habit of mentioning it and slagging me a lot to people. And not just people in our circle of friends but strangers we might get talking to. This annoys me but i don't want to make a big deal out of it. I've said it a few times but he didn't get the message. Any idea how I can mention it to him without it sounding like I'm overly sensitive. Today he sent on a website where you can hear sounds from different frequencies, basically making fun of me.

0utshined

sensitive_TBBDM wrote:

This annoys me but i don't want to make a big deal out of it. I've said it a few times but he didn't get the message. Any idea how I can mention it to him without it sounding like I'm overly sensitive.

If it's annoying you make sure he knows it. In your position I would tell him on his own that I didn't like him telling people that unprompted and if I wanted to tell them I'd let them know myself. Next time he said it in front of strangers I'd ask him there and then why he was telling strangers when he knew it made me uncomfortable.

It'll probably make him uncomfortable and they'll think he's a príck, but that's okay because he's acting like one.

Ruu_Old

Don't be afraid to tell him straight out, on his own as mentioned. He has to realise that it is bothering you.

MikeHoncho

Just tell him. Trust me if he was a real friend he will take it onboard and will be embarased for himself that he has been doing this.

LegacyUser

'maybe....just maybe he has your best interests at heart.
Think of it this way, maybe he knows that you are uncomfortable about your hearing or lack there of that he is trying to get you to be more at ease with your problem. if you learn to laugh his jokes off and keep your chin up then there is no reason that you cannot laugh at your own misfortune.

Hope this helps!'

Talliesin

Just point out that it's better to be hard of hearing than hard of thinking.

LegacyUser

'maybe....just maybe he has your best interests at heart.
Think of it this way, maybe he knows that you are uncomfortable about your hearing or lack there of that he is trying to get you to be more at ease with your problem. if you learn to laugh his jokes off and keep your chin up then there is no reason that you cannot laugh at your own misfortune.

Hope this helps!'

padser

Difficult, TBH your going to come across as sensitive about it by bringing it up - no real way around that

limklad

sensitive_TBBDM wrote:

Hi, going unregged for this one. I'm a male in my mid 20s. I have an issue with my hearing. Nothing serious but I'm just a little hard of hearing. This isn't really a major issue for me, only when I'm out I find I don't hear everything that is said. A close friend of mine who know knows this has a habit of mentioning it and slagging me a lot to people. And not just people in our circle of friends but strangers we might get talking to. This annoys me but i don't want to make a big deal out of it. I've said it a few times but he didn't get the message. Any idea how I can mention it to him without it sounding like I'm overly sensitive. Today he sent on a website where you can hear sounds from different frequencies, basically making fun of me.

Why are you letting him annoy you? By responding to him, you are making his day.
He is just insecure with himself and using your disability (he see it as a sign of weakness) to boot his self esteem. By the way he not your friend, especially since he slagging you in front of strangers. There is one thing about a good slag between friends but strangers involved, that another story. Ignore him, others will see through him eventually. You can also use it to find out about the personality of strangers and their maturity.

BeardyGit

limklad wrote:

Why are you letting him annoy you? By responding to him, you are making his day.
He is just insecure with himself and using your disability (he see it as a sign of weakness) to boot his self esteem. By the way he not your friend, especially since he slagging you in front of strangers. There is one thing about a good slag between friends but strangers involved, that another story. Ignore him, others will see through him eventually. You can also use it to find out about the personality of strangers and their maturity.

An astonishing insight there Limklad. So, all I have to do to boost my self esteem is mock any friends with a disability, eh?

OP, when I was a kid, my brother wore the thickest of thick glasses and had two hearing aids. He had a mildly deformed chest structure as a consequence of open heart surgery when he was a toddler. He was clumsy and awkward. I slagged the shít out of him for all of the above. But god help anyone else who tried.

You know something? I don't even feel bad about it now to be honest. I was a kid, he was my brother, and it was just the way we were. Brothers, cousins and friends - All of us take the mick out of each other and whether the anti-bullying brigade like it or not, it's going to keep going - It's just the way it is. I wouldn't do it now of course as I've long outgrown that kind of carry on (and he's lucky to have outgrown his own impedements) but I'll still have a little dig at him every so often, and he'll gladly return a witty jibe any time he gets the chance.

What I'm getting at is that I imagine your friend probably really cares about you, and while he's tactless and immature enough to slag you off around strangers, it doesn't mean he's a rotten person underneath his childish exterior. He's probably a pretty good mate who just doesn't realise that while you'll laugh things off between the two of you, that doesn't mean it's okay with you for him to raise your disability as an ice-breaker with strangers. Right or wrong?

Well, if I'm right - Say it to him aside from others. Tell him it bothers you deeply, and make sure he knows it's hurtful to see him abuse your disability. If he's a good guy and you message it to him properly, he'll support you and change his ways.

If I'm wrong, return the favour to him. Next time he mentions your hearing difficulty, tell whoever his audience is to ignore him. Tell them you're working on having his blinding stupidity classified as an official disability so you can get a disabled parking permit for when you bring him to playschool in the mornings..... Tell them it's awful to see his mother having the change the bedsheets after he's 'let go' again during the night (or something )

Lemming

Being partly deaf myself, I've experienced what the OP has encountered as well. It all depends on context and who says it and where/why. I'd have little trouble laughing at a friend who slags me on the spur of the moment in jest, but in front of others strikes me as being far more of the wanton-cruelty mindset. I used to be in an orchestra when I was younger, and some of the others would do horribly cruel taunting over it and then run off laughing amongst themselves and as sh*tty as it made me feel at the time, I distanced myself from them because they weren't really any sort of "friends".

Tbh, it sounds either like the OPs friend is a bit of a social idiot, or a "friend". If he's of the former, just embarrass him into silence if he wont take the hint privately - there have been a few good suggestions already (and I must remember one or two myself). If he's of the latter, just walk away. Call him an uncomplimentary name if you have to, but ultimately just get away from him. You don't need someone like that around you.

WindSock

He may genuinely not realise that he is annoying you so much. When you told him before, do you think it sunk in properly and did he apologise?
If he is a good friend then he is worth being talked to again. If he doesn't cop on next time, then its time for a change.

luckat

This is not a friend.

PeakOutput

sounds to me he is using your hearing problem as an easy conversation maker to get a few laughs and get comfortable with ppl he dosnt know to well but it is at your expense so you have to tell him in no uncertain terms that he is not to do it again and if you feel like a joke should be made about ur hearing youll be the one to do it

however, me and my mates go above and beyond the call of duty when it comes to slagging nothing is off limits and i mean nothing people who arent used to our group find it pretty intimidating actually but we wouldnt have it any other way we will slag eachother with strangers around but not too strangers if you catch my drift but your friend does sound like its gone too far