Confused About Women Falling for Men

LegacyUser

Im sort of confused at the moment. Im an average mid 20s guy, nothing special or extraordinary about me. Over the past year Ive been in a couple of great relationships, where instantaneously both of us have just clicked. The thing is both women have told me they’ve fallen for me and I would have fallen for them too. But, soon after things have ended because the girls were afraid of getting hurt like they were in previous relationships. The thing is they’ve told me that they’ve never ever and probably never will meet a guy whose treated them as well as I have. Please don’t take this like Im bragging, I am in no way doing so. I just usually treat women how I was brought up to, with respect and the likes, just do all the little small things women like a guy to do – girls you know what I mean.

Anyway the point is, do men find that treating women really well (too well?) early on in relationships, you find you scare them, etc? Another thing, I don’t over do things either, I wouldn’t bombard the girls with my presence, i.e. stalker type of situation!!!! I know for a fact that these last two could have materialised in to very long relationships but with them having ended Im slightly at odds as to why….

Cheers

CathyMoran

There is no problem treating a girl well, it just means that you are the "marrying type" - I happily married the guy who treated me well and could not be happier.

runswithascript

Treat them mean, keep them keen. People always want what they can't have.

Iluvjazzmasters

OP, mate i know how you feel, hmm thats weird,the exact same thing keeps happening to me. Except the last girl i was with thought i was too nice for her, I mean just because i have respect for girls they seem to freak out and end things just when it seems like things are/are about to come good. Just put it down to the type of girls ur meeting,op, they are either too immature to recognise a nice fella when theres one staring them right in the face or they are just plain crazy.One thing ive learnt from my experience is women dont seem to know what they want. dont go changing yourself, .i.e being a p**** for the sake of keeping a girl interested/ or attracting a girl,and at the end of the day you'll find someone that'll respect you as much as you respect her. its just a matter of time...hopefully

Look at it this way too at least your getting the opportunites to date women, your bound to come across that type of girl sooner or later

runswithascript

If she's not chasing you you're probably chasing her, don't be a doormat.

LegacyUser

@Cathy
Glad to see you back on boards again, hope you're keeping well:)
Surprising you use "marrying type", this last girl believes I am and said that, she said if we were together that would be it for her, we've talked about everything a couple could talk about which is crazy and something that didnt scare me or worry me in the slightest. She is definitely my idea of the marrying type, something which I came to realise very quickly into the relationship - its mad!

@Iluvjazzmasters
Yeah, sounds exactly what the last one says, she's trying to push me away because she thinks that I deserve better than her. Her last bf was too jealous and quite abusive but she knows that I wouldnt even think of doing summat like that!

I dunno, I'll never understand women

A Primal Nut

CathyMoran wrote:

There is no problem treating a girl well, it just means that you are the "marrying type" - I happily married the guy who treated me well and could not be happier.

What so women don't go out with guys who treat them well unless they wanna get married? No wonder so many women end up in bad relationships, as in two cases on the first page of this forum.

Libertine07

OP please don't think all women are like that. I dont understand why these women ended their relationship with you, maybe they got cold feet? It might genuinely be that they got badly burned in previous relationships and they just weren't ready? Maybe the fact that you treated them so well made them realise you were serious about them and they got scared? All just speculation of course.

Believe me there are plenty of us girls wanting to meet someone who will respect us and will treat us well, so don't change!

Talliesin

2 anything is not a statistically valid survey.

There isn't anything that "women think". There is a bunch of stuff that different people think. Likewise there's a bunch of stuff that different people feel.

One thing that people often think is that things they aren't used to is scary. Anything people aren't used to tends to be scary to a certain extent, even if it's good.

It could also be that the honeymoon period didn't seem to end (even most complete assholes put on a certain amount of charm in the beginning - this isn't the same as a honeymoon period, but it could seem that way if it was what you were used to).

The "honeymoon period" has moved from being a bit of advice about how to deal when everything isn't roses and great sex all the time anymore to a sort of mythology of its own. Similarly, sometimes people worry if they haven't had an argument with their lover because they're waiting for this relationship rite-of-passage instead of just being damn thankful to whatever deities they might believe in as common-sense would suggest.

I recommend not changing a damn thing and trying not to worry about it. You seem like a decent guy. Certainly from what you say you seem like you are getting the good times right - if you combine that with being able to be there for someone during the bad times and you sound like someone I'd be happy to have you date one of my friends (and I am very protective of my friends).

A Primal Nut

Unregsterd69! wrote:

@Cathy
Glad to see you back on boards again, hope you're keeping well:)
Surprising you use "marrying type", this last girl believes I am and said that, she said if we were together that would be it for her, we've talked about everything a couple could talk about which is crazy and something that didnt scare me or worry me in the slightest. She is definitely my idea of the marrying type, something which I came to realise very quickly into the relationship - its mad!

@Iluvjazzmasters
Yeah, sounds exactly what the last one says, she's trying to push me away because she thinks that I deserve better than her. Her last bf was too jealous and quite abusive but she knows that I wouldnt even think of doing summat like that!

I dunno, I'll never understand women

Some women always like the bad boys and no matter how much they protest about wanting a nice guy, bla bla bla, it never works out that way does it? Even though I know for a fact they're are wore more nice respectful guys than assholes.

I'm not generalising here, this only applies to a small amount of women (although the better looking and more choice she has, the more likely in my experience) Chances are this girl will go back with her abusive ex or go with another abusive fella because for some reason that's what she feels comfortable with (being a drama queen, wanting something to complain about to her friends, they'res loadsa of more in-depth reasons that are irrelevant here). I've managed to pull those kinda girls by replicating some of the bad boys' behaviour (hard to get, keep her guessing, unpredictable) without actually being disrespectful but anyway if you're thinking of settling down you don't wanna be playing mind games so keep going the way you are they'res plenty of girls who are confident enough to only put up with guys who treat them well.

Beetlebum

A Primal Nut wrote:

Some women always like the bad boys and no matter how much they protest about wanting a nice guy, bla bla bla, it never works out that way does it? Even though I know for a fact they're are wore more nice respectful guys than assholes.

I'm not generalising here, this only applies to a small amount of women (although the better looking and more choice she has, the more likely in my experience) Chances are this girl will go back with her abusive ex or go with another abusive fella because for some reason that's what she feels comfortable with (being a drama queen, wanting something to complain about to her friends, they'res loadsa of more in-depth reasons that are irrelevant here). I've managed to pull those kinda girls by replicating some of the bad boys' behaviour (hard to get, keep her guessing, unpredictable) without actually being disrespectful but anyway if you're thinking of settling down you don't wanna be playing mind games so keep going the way you are they'res plenty of girls who are confident enough to only put up with guys who treat them well.

I'm a girl and I completely agree with this. I think the reason alot of girls go for bad guys is to do with self worth and low self esteem. These girls feel on some level that they deserve to be treated badly. More mature, confident women won't tolerate being treated like sh*t. Just continue being yourself and you'll find a girl who'll love you for who you are.

tbh

my take on this is that you just have to be yourself and let the cards fall where they may. If you go down the "treat 'em mean" route, you're not being yourself, and no-one can keep an act up forever.

Cancer-chick

Ignore dusf!
You seem like a really good guy .. i put up with sh** in past relationships ..so i got older and realised that it was down to me .. Tbh is right .. the older a woman gets the more she wants someone who is respectful..someone she can be mates with and laugh with and just generally be a partnership..
Dont change .. and if u in munster i have PLENTY of lovely single friends who are in the same situation as you ... ! (And i am super protective of my mates) !!

Mrs_Doyle

When I was younger, 17/18/19, I was crazy for Bad guys. Then I got a bit older and I realised, these guys are total sh1t heads who don't deserve a second of my time.
From then on I only ever went for genuinely nice guys. OK, every now and then a bad guy caught my eye and we might have had a bit of a fling, but I was very much in control of the situation. I never thought they would change, or I could change them, I enjoyed the dynamics of the fling till I got bored of it, and moved on.

Bottom line, bad guys are great for flings, Good guys are great for relationships.

Dragan

Don't change dude. Why would you want to be a wanker? The world is full of them, we're coming to the point where being a nice person is almost unique.

Sometimes I get told I'm too nice, that if I had more edge or bite or something it would suit me more. This is basically having someone tell you that something is wrong with you and you should fix it? **** off.

If your happy being you then that’s all you need bro.

watna

I don't think it's fair to generalise women like that. Maybe it was the point your two exes were at in their life.

I had an awful ex-boyfriend who treated me very badly. I was deeply hurt by it and swore off men for a while, i was completely single for a year. My current bf couldn't treat me any better, and i love it. When we first met i told him over and over that I didn't want to get hurt and he was so patient that that all melted away. If I'd met him six months earlier I wouldn't have been able to take him being so good to me because It wouldn't have felt right and i wouldn't have felt i deserved it. The time by myself just made me realise that it is so important to find a man that treats you well. Maybe your exes need similar time to realise that?

ferdi

nice guys finish last. yes, it is a cliché.....but its also true.

limklad

Beetlebum wrote:

I'm a girl and I completely agree with this. I think the reason alot of girls go for bad guys is to do with self worth and low self esteem. These girls feel on some level that they deserve to be treated badly. More mature, confident women won't tolerate being treated like sh*t. Just continue being yourself and you'll find a girl who'll love you for who you are.

Do not forget the girl who wnat to turn bad boy nice and then dump him once she succeed and move onto the next bad boy.

metrovelvet

A Primal Nut wrote:

What so women don't go out with guys who treat them well unless they wanna get married? No wonder so many women end up in bad relationships, as in two cases on the first page of this forum.

My theory is that is how female commitment phobia manifests itself, go out with bastards.

ferdi

metrovelvet wrote:

My theory is that is how female commitment phobia manifests itself, go out with bastards.

QFT. very good point.

CathyMoran

I do agree that women may go out with bad men as they are scared of commitment. I was lucky that my husband stood by me for 9 years while I got over my phobia of getting married and accepting that I had found the right one (he is kind and totally wonderful). In terms of relationships though, I never dated someone that was not good enough to marry, but that is just me.

Unregistered69! - the right lady is out there for you, do not change or give up.

Kell

Unregsterd69! wrote:

But, soon after things have ended because the girls were afraid of getting hurt like they were in previous relationships.

Word of advice. If you sniff emotional baggage, walk away*. People who bring hangups to the relationship about how they have been treated in the past will drive you away. Truth be told, it may not always be easy not to bring baggage to the table and does require a bit of strength to not apply past experiences to the present.

Another truth be told. I have been waiting for sometime for someone who doesnt have baggage, is quite emotionally grown up, has self esteem and self respect, has interests outside of work, can hold a conversation, and is as sociable as I am. D'ya know what? They are few and far between.

I agree with everyone else. Dont change. You seem like a genuine bloke.

K-

*Unless you think the person is worth it and you have the stomach for it

Floppybits

Iluvjazzmasters wrote:

OP, mate i know how you feel, hmm thats weird,the exact same thing keeps happening to me. Except the last girl i was with thought i was too nice for her, I mean just because i have respect for girls they seem to freak out and end things just when it seems like things are/are about to come good. Just put it down to the type of girls ur meeting,op, they are either too immature to recognise a nice fella when theres one staring them right in the face or they are just plain crazy.One thing ive learnt from my experience is women dont seem to know what they want. dont go changing yourself, .i.e being a p**** for the sake of keeping a girl interested/ or attracting a girl,and at the end of the day you'll find someone that'll respect you as much as you respect her. its just a matter of time...hopefully

Look at it this way too at least your getting the opportunites to date women, your bound to come across that type of girl sooner or later

Been there and have the tshirt. I actually had a girlfriend who reckoned that I was too nice to be nice and that she had to know how far she would have to push it to get me angry.

Then I had another girlfriend who broke up with me because I was to laid back then I had another breakup with me because I wasnt laid back enough. You just cant win sometimes, I guess it depends on what that person is looking for. When you meet the right person then it wont matter.

Talliesin

Floppybits wrote:

I actually had a girlfriend who reckoned that I was too nice to be nice

:rolleyes: Too nice to be nice is easy to spot.

If a man describes himself as nice any time between first meeting someone and the conclusion of his first date with that person then he's too nice to be nice and will reveal himself as a creep within the month.

Otherwise he quite probably actually is nice.

Kell

Floppybits wrote:

Then I had another girlfriend who broke up with me because I was to laid back then I had another breakup with me because I wasnt laid back enough. You just cant win sometimes, I guess it depends on what that person is looking for.

There really isnt any fúcking winning is there? When to get in contact after first meeting. Is it too early, too late, too clingy, too creepy, too sleazy.

Twould be nice if it could be compressed into pills you take depending on the girl you meet.

Girl type a) blue pills
Girl type b) red pills
Girl type c) green pills
Girl type d) orange pills

and so on. If only there was a panacea for the opposite sex.

Iluvjazzmasters wrote:

they are either too immature to recognise a nice fella when theres one staring them right in the face or they are just plain crazy.One thing ive learnt from my experience is women dont seem to know what they want.

I have made similar observances.

K-

Mrs_Doyle

Ah just be yourself. And don't keep blaming the girls. If the girls want a bastard let them find one, they'll regret it in the long run. Why waste your time on a girl who doesn't know what the fcuk she wants?
Its not worth the hassle. If a girl tells you your too nice, tell her she obviously has an inferiority complex if she doesn't think she deserves a guy who treats her well, and then move on.

Basically, its her problem, her issues, you don't have to change a thing.

Girls who seek out bad guys are no where near ready for a relationship anyhow.

LegacyUser

Cheers for the comments, I do appreciate them.

The thing is with this last girl, she does actually really want a long term relationship, she's quite addiment that she wants to settle down, think we've both sort of had our fun and want something more serious. I know I know its sounds stupid of me saying that, even I think its mad, but we still just cant break contact, we talk, txt, email every day. We're like best friends but I certainly dont want to fall into that category "friends!!" with her and she doesnt want that either. I know we should probably break conatct for a while but as people say, I shouldnt change, but the thing is this is me and I feel that what Im doing is right.

As Kell said, I do think she is definitely worth it, we're just so suited its scarey. I think if it was anyone else Id be long gone at this stage

But as people are saying I shouldnt change, and I would never, I am a believer in that I am who I am, what you see is what you get and Im always open about that.

Anyways, cheers again
Rant over

tba

I wouldn't change, but prehaps try being a bit more assertive aggressive before breaking it up, suggest a weekend trip in order to be ahem "bold", might be just a bit of a hump you have to get over in terms of excitment.

Kell

Unregsterd69! wrote:

I do think she is definitely worth it,

Just make sure you have the stomach for the luggage. If you dont, then walk away. Its not a sign of you being weak, its a sign that you just dont have the tools to fix someone elses problems.

K-

Star Lord

I think I've been there and bought the same t-shirt that the OP bought...

Yeah it's frustrating, because most women say they want a nice guy, so how can ya be "too nice"? What the hell does "too nice" even mean? Means you treat them too well? [/rant]

I was recently with someone that I really really liked, and we split up due to external issues, which I won't discuss as frankly its not my place to discuss them in a public forum. But she was soo sweet about the whole thing, even sent me a lovely text afterwards saying "Thank you, you are amazing. The only guy I've ever been able to talk to about anything, the kindest guy I've ever known, the best". That left me totally choked up that someone could think so much of me, but also really helped me come to terms with it, as I knew breaking up wasn't what either of us wanted, but it was nessecary because of other complications.

It's just a matter now of waiting I guess, someone will come along.
Same for the OP.

Ickle Magoo

I'm a bit like Mrs Doyle...at diffferent stages of my life I've wanted different kinds of relationships & therefor been drawn to different kinds of men. I suppose whatever was happening in my life made something in whatever type of man I was currently into, more attractive. There are men I dated who were lovely guys but just not what I was looking for at the time as I wanted to be more rebellious, more exciting, more whatever, lol. In hindsight, I guess I should have asked them what kind of relationship they wanted & maybe we could have come to some kind of compromise & I could have saved some heart-ache!

Bottom-line - don't change who you are just wait for someone who is looking for what you can offer!