Am I Suffering from Depression?

LegacyUser

Hey all
Now this is quite complicated, Thats why Im here for a bit of extra brainpower...
The short version is that my flatmate sincerley believes that Im suffering from depression and that I'm on the verge of suicide. He says that his fear has reached such an extent that he now lies awake at night, wondering if I've killed myself.
--The thing is, I'm not nearly as worried as him!
First of all, I must say that about 4 weeks ago I was down in the dumps for about a fortnight. My story is that I have less than 2 months to go before I finish my postgrad and leave college. To say that Ive had a good time would be the understatement of the century! The last four years have been fantastic. I've met lots of people and learnt so much.... about life, the universe and everything!...........................................................
And soon I'll be exchanging my lovely little nest where mammy and daddy pay the bills for a job. Where I have to get up at 8 every morning whether I want to or not ;-) . Thinking about this did get me reminiscing about all the good times and the thought of leaving it all behind did leave me down in the dumps for a fortnight or so. Now, while I was down in the dumps my flatmate asked me if I was allright and I told him I was a bit depressed but otherwise grand (He was having girl trouble at the time and seemed more in need of a hug than me!) . Anyway, the feeling passsed and I thought no more of it. I was of the opinion that a short spell of depression before or after a big life change was normal. But Then.....
While he was drunk last thursday night my flatmate spilled the beans. He said a lot of things about how worried he has been about me for the past 3!? months.
That I have become an alcoholic,
That I never leaving the house,
That I sleep all the time,
That I never socialise unless theres drink involved,
That he didnt think my father was a good person and that he was bad to me, He told me I was depressed and that he was very worried that I might commit suicide. All this he repeated the next morning, albeit more tactfully!
To say I've been shocked is an understatement, If he didnt seem so worried I'd be having a good laugh about it, But I swear he really believes I'm in trouble.
Now, as for me, I dont think I have any more weight on my shoulders than the next man. I dont feel bad about myself, I'm not worried about anything, Im not suffering from anxiety. I feel perfectly fine, for all my shortcomings I can honestly say that theres nothing about myself I dislike. In short, I'm a content person.
I am however a lazy person, I would much rather be a solicitor in a small town working 9 to 5, doing wills, conveyancing and the odd drunk and disorderly courtcase.(I'm a law student BTW) I'd rather have 6 hours in the evening to myself to do with as I please, than work 8am to 10pm on very important cases for €200,000 a year and the respect of the community.
My laziness actually quite legendery, I could easily spend an entire day in bed or on the couch alone if there are good books, music or movies involved. My flatmate mentioned that this not leaving the house was a sign of depression. But I'm not doing it out of ennui, I just really enjoy a lot of quiet time to myself.
As for the drinking issue, I know for a fact that I binge drink, If I'm going for a night out with friends Ill nearly allways drink more than 3 pints over the course of the night, usually 5-6. I might go out say once a week. But thats not why he thinks I'm an alcoholic. On a nice Saturday or Sunday I might go for a walk into town and pick up a paper and a box of fags and have a pint or two on my own. Or I might pick up a bottle of wine and a box in the evening and drink it by myself with my feet up watching telly. Now I usually drink a bottle of wine once a week sometimes I might do It twice a week, and some weeks not at all, but a bottle or two would be the norm. Whats your opionion on this amount of drinking?
As for socialising without drinking, I do find it hard. In college if everyone is going for lunch theyll go to the college canteen or a carvery bar. I dont mean to sound like a w@nker, but I honestly cannot stomach that crap. If I go home I can cook something much more palatable myself. As for coffee, its the same story, I honestly have a serious objection to paying real money for tasteless expresso in college when I can go home make a much better one myself and kick up on my massive couch in front of my massive TV for 20 mins. If everyone went to a good coffee shop I'd be there all the time. Maybe I'm just a cranky old cummugen!
As for sleep, I do love my bed and like I said, I am a lazy sh#te, and do hate getting up!
As for the comment about my father, I dont have a blind notion! I know our father's are polar opposites. But I have to say my relationship with my father is very strong, We get on very well, and enjoy each others company as friends.
So what do you guys think?
I was down for a while
I do drink on my own
I do most of my non alcoholic socialising, on smoking breaks with single friends, rather than the larger group.
I do sleep a lot
But does that make you depressed?
Now I dont know how relavent this is, In fact I really hope It's not, but when said friend was younger he did try to kill himself, by the sounds of it he got bullied very badly in school and saw a counceller for some time. He has also been arrested about 5 times for public order offences, but not in the last 2 years, although he can still be a nasty drunk. He is a very sensitive person, If you think of JD from Scrubs you are very close to his character. Very smart and ambitious and loves to be in the middle of things
Thanks a million if you've read this far!
Ive tried to be as honest in describing the situation as someone in the centre of it can, What do you guys think?

burninghearts

If you don't feel particularly depressed, you're probably not.

This is almost funny.

Depression? wrote:

While he was drunk last thursday night my flatmate spilled the beans. He said a lot of things about how worried he has been about me for the past 3!? months.
That I have become an alcoholic,

And this, considering that you don't actually think you're depressed, is a bit over the top.

Depression? wrote:

He says that his fear has reached such an extent that he now lies awake at night, wondering if I've killed myself.

Just a little dramatic there.

If you've been completely honest here, you sound perfectly fine and normal. Everyone has some bad days. It makes you enjoy the good ones! Sleeping is a fantastic pastime. Quite enjoyable. Insomnia is worse. Drinking on your own? How much? Why exactly? If you're drinking to avoid reality, that's bad. A glass of wine while reading, not so much. People socialize in different ways. There's no rule that you have to hang out in big obnoxious groups if you prefer the company of a select few close friends.

I'm completely puzzled as to why you don't trust yourself enough to know how you feel. After all, who else could possibly tell you?

Odysseus

Some questions to ask yourself, is there a loss of pleasure in activies that are normally pleasurable? Is there an increase in fatigue or a decrease in energy? Are there feeling of guilt or self-reproach that could be describe as excessive or inapporiate? Are there any recurrent thoughts of self-harm? Any changes in appetite? Are form of sleep difficulty? Any changes in your ability to concentrate? I would say if you say yes to three or more to check it out with your GP.

Attol

If you had depression, trust me, you'd know. It is not the sort of thing you need to ask about. You sound to me like a perfectly normal person for your age. I think it's your flatmate who has the problem and may be transferring his feelings to irrational thoughts about you?

rediguana

You sound okay to me.

Well, your drinking, though hardly the stuff of legends, is still probably too much from a health perspective. But is the aim of the game to maximise health or to do things you enjoy? As someone who loves to drink, I can also say that too much of it adversely impacts on the rest of my life in many ways. So watch it. I think a box of wine watching TV is too much, but that's just my opinion. I can't imagine your folks are too enthralled by the sight either

Faith

You sound grand to me, if lazy and you drink too much.

Like Attol said, you'd know if you have depression. Some people (me included) prefer to spend their days doing things like lying on the couch watching TV. It's not necessarily a sign of depression.

If you need help for anything, it might be your drinking.

LegacyUser

'Box of wine? Lord, that would be a cause for concern! Just to clarify, I meant a box of fags, and a bottle of wine, maybe one or twice a week!
As for what you said Odysseus, I have no feelings of guilt etc. As for loss of pleasure or energy, for the past two week Ive been finishing an essay and have not had the time to do anything fun. But when I handed it in on thursday I just took in the sun and met up with all the friends who I hadnt seen when working.
Like I said, I was a bit depressed for a while, but it was certainly on the melancholy side of the scale rather than the suicidal...
Im not sure where my friend is coming from on this, or why he approached it the way he did. Rather than ask me how I felt or how things were he just told me how abnormal my behaviour was, how I'm wasting my talent and how I dont have a life. Surley if you think someone is on the verge of suicide you dont approach it like that? He also criticises nearly everyone we know behind their backs, makes fun of an essay they gave to him to read, Says that so and so is a mess of a person. Generaly giving the impression that he feels superior to everyone else. He is also quite a manipulatitave person, eg he has once or twice in the past asked a friend of ours out, just because He knows that he will buy him drinks. Ive also noticed that he tries to play games with people. He'll push them as far as he can, to get them to say yes to what he's proposing or to do what he wants them to do, and when he's got that done he'll be very nice and very charming, but should they refuse He'll be very unpleasant or accuse them of being stupid.
Now dont get me wrong the guy does have many very fine points, but these things have become more noticable as of late,
Im more confused about the situation than worried about it, but none the less I do think its somewhat serious....'

limklad

Depression? wrote:

Hey all
Now this is quite complicated, Thats why Im here for a bit of extra brainpower...
The short version is that my flatmate sincerley believes that Im suffering from depression and that I'm on the verge of suicide. He says that his fear has reached such an extent that he now lies awake at night, wondering if I've killed myself.
--The thing is, I'm not nearly as worried as him!
First of all, I must say that about 4 weeks ago I was down in the dumps for about a fortnight. My story is that I have less than 2 months to go before I finish my postgrad and leave college. To say that Ive had a good time would be the understatement of the century! The last four years have been fantastic. I've met lots of people and learnt so much.... about life, the universe and everything!...........................................................
And soon I'll be exchanging my lovely little nest where mammy and daddy pay the bills for a job. Where I have to get up at 8 every morning whether I want to or not ;-) . Thinking about this did get me reminiscing about all the good times and the thought of leaving it all behind did leave me down in the dumps for a fortnight or so. Now, while I was down in the dumps my flatmate asked me if I was allright and I told him I was a bit depressed but otherwise grand (He was having girl trouble at the time and seemed more in need of a hug than me!) . Anyway, the feeling passsed and I thought no more of it. I was of the opinion that a short spell of depression before or after a big life change was normal. But Then.....
While he was drunk last thursday night my flatmate spilled the beans. He said a lot of things about how worried he has been about me for the past 3!? months.
That I have become an alcoholic,
That I never leaving the house,
That I sleep all the time,
That I never socialise unless theres drink involved,
That he didnt think my father was a good person and that he was bad to me, He told me I was depressed and that he was very worried that I might commit suicide. All this he repeated the next morning, albeit more tactfully!
To say I've been shocked is an understatement, If he didnt seem so worried I'd be having a good laugh about it, But I swear he really believes I'm in trouble.
Now, as for me, I dont think I have any more weight on my shoulders than the next man. I dont feel bad about myself, I'm not worried about anything, Im not suffering from anxiety. I feel perfectly fine, for all my shortcomings I can honestly say that theres nothing about myself I dislike. In short, I'm a content person.
I am however a lazy person, I would much rather be a solicitor in a small town working 9 to 5, doing wills, conveyancing and the odd drunk and disorderly courtcase.(I'm a law student BTW) I'd rather have 6 hours in the evening to myself to do with as I please, than work 8am to 10pm on very important cases for €200,000 a year and the respect of the community.

So what do you guys think?
I was down for a while
I do drink on my own
I do most of my non alcoholic socialising, on smoking breaks with single friends, rather than the larger group.
I do sleep a lot
But does that make you depressed?
Now I dont know how relavent this is, In fact I really hope It's not, but when said friend was younger he did try to kill himself, by the sounds of it he got bullied very badly in school and saw a counceller for some time. He has also been arrested about 5 times for public order offences, but not in the last 2 years, although he can still be a nasty drunk. He is a very sensitive person, If you think of JD from Scrubs you are very close to his character. Very smart and ambitious and loves to be in the middle of things
Thanks a million if you've read this far!
Ive tried to be as honest in describing the situation as someone in the centre of it can, What do you guys think?

Sound like you have your life planned out and happy to live it. You are looking forward to that future. You are not suicidal. As you said yourself, you are lazy. So that not out of character. Perfectly fine, if you feel it is normal. Yes, we all get depress at times, it not nice, we have to deal with it. You different that others, you friend should expect that, you are also lucky to have him watching out and actually care enough to tell you his worries for you.
You friend is using his experience and seeing symptoms fitting a suicide person. Staying in, sleeping all day, etc, etc. If that was the case then most of the country should be on suicide watch. You friend is not fully over his suicide attempt, but at least he cares enough to deal with life. Slowly with yours and other people support he is getting there.
I love to sleep in and sleep until 4pm if I could...
I love my quiet time.

I do go through periods of lazyness especially when I am bored. and the for the next month, i will be working for hours doing various things.
Everybody is different and goes at different paces. I would hate if we are all the same and text book like. :eek:

I tried to commit suicide when I was 12 no thanks to my parents bullying and trouble making!!. It was my grandparents who were my saviors. (Long story).
I manage to drag myself out of depression caused by bullying to look for a better life, and succeeding do it. There is always up and downs, it is part of life.
Since the attempt, there were many people I know commit suicide. Many were bubbly, happy, everything going for them and then for no little or seem to be no reason commit suicide. other were just quite personality. Every situation is different.
There is one guy I went to school with who survives thanks to his cousin. Who was very strong character and serious, made an attempt when his first girlfriend dump him. He wanted to avoid the embarrassment.
Good luck.

P.S. Hope you be there for any drunk rowdy case, I be hold up for. :eek

Deliverance

It sounds like he has initially projected his depression onto you. Being happy in yourself is what you describe about yourself, a depresssed person perpetuates their own depression through their own unfortunate condition onto others based on their own perspective which is unfortunate and unwitting for them, most of the time.

You obviously know that you are fine and I think you are asking the question about your friend indirectly. Your friend needs help and you are not in a position to help said friend directly, to try to do so would cause more damage than good.

Try to set a process for your friend where said friend can get some 'professional help' maybe by using the projection issue: start by saying I'm thinking of talking to someone because I feel really depressed will you come with me?

Once you get him there with you maybe your friend will be open to talking himself, to the counsellor, and see that the process is actually really helpfull. Maybe then you and your friends won't be the negative release that he is giving out, especially after booze. Your concern is admirable and it sounds like you are a good friend, don't whatever you do try to take his problems on board in a personal way, help him as a friend as I have mentioned above.

I have experience in this area, hindsight is great but is no substitute for advice from experience.

limklad

depressed? wrote:

'Box of wine? Lord, that would be a cause for concern! Just to clarify, I meant a box of fags, and a bottle of wine, maybe one or twice a week!
As for what you said Odysseus, I have no feelings of guilt etc. As for loss of pleasure or energy, for the past two week Ive been finishing an essay and have not had the time to do anything fun. But when I handed it in on thursday I just took in the sun and met up with all the friends who I hadnt seen when working.
Like I said, I was a bit depressed for a while, but it was certainly on the melancholy side of the scale rather than the suicidal...
Im not sure where my friend is coming from on this, or why he approached it the way he did. Rather than ask me how I felt or how things were he just told me how abnormal my behaviour was, how I'm wasting my talent and how I dont have a life. Surley if you think someone is on the verge of suicide you dont approach it like that? He also criticises nearly everyone we know behind their backs, makes fun of an essay they gave to him to read, Says that so and so is a mess of a person. Generaly giving the impression that he feels superior to everyone else. He is also quite a manipulatitave person, eg he has once or twice in the past asked a friend of ours out, just because He knows that he will buy him drinks. Ive also noticed that he tries to play games with people. He'll push them as far as he can, to get them to say yes to what he's proposing or to do what he wants them to do, and when he's got that done he'll be very nice and very charming, but should they refuse He'll be very unpleasant or accuse them of being stupid.
Now dont get me wrong the guy does have many very fine points, but these things have become more noticable as of late,
Im more confused about the situation than worried about it, but none the less I do think its somewhat serious....'

I just reread your first post about your friend. There is one thing about his bad behaviour, is a cheap and short-lived thrill to boost his self esteem. Your friend is still very insecure. His behaviour is masking what is going on inside. You have describes him symptoms well. You need to watch him carefully since his behaviour has change for the worst. If it get a lot worst you need to talk to him about his problems, especially his girlfriend problems. He may be loosing or tying his esteem on that relationship.

LegacyUser

'Hey
Cheers for your help, time for an update.
BTW I'm his oldest friend around college at the minute, most of the people we used to hang around with are working or doing postgrad courses all over the country. However last night I went for a drink with two of the guys who had come down on account of saint patricks day. They have noticed an enormous chance in his behaviour, while he would allways have been a bit of a bully if given the slightest opportunity, In their oppinion it had spiraled out of control. In fact they brought it up as soon as I walked in the door before even saying hello (I'd seen neither since last October!) It seems that even we're not the only ones to think so...
Then, just this morning, I got a call from him from dublin from his GF's flat, saying he wanted to talk to someone. Story goes that the GF's ex came to the flat this morning in a very bad way (theyre still good friends), The poor lad had just found his friend hanging dead in his room. Now the thing is that my mate and the GFs ex dont know each other and he doesnt even know the name of the dead guy. He was however in a bad way about it, now maybe im insensitive, But hearing about a friend of a friend of a friend commiting suicide in the past has never bothered me in the slightest possible way. I cant help but think that you do have to be somewhat unhinged for it to bother you. What do ye think?'

Wibbs

Depressed? wrote:

Then, just this morning, I got a call from him from dublin from his GF's flat, saying he wanted to talk to someone. Story goes that the GF's ex came to the flat this morning in a very bad way (theyre still good friends), The poor lad had just found his friend hanging dead in his room. Now the thing is that my mate and the GFs ex dont know each other and he doesnt even know the name of the dead guy. He was however in a bad way about it, now maybe im insensitive, But hearing about a friend of a friend of a friend commiting suicide in the past has never bothered me in the slightest possible way. I cant help but think that you do have to be somewhat unhinged for it to bother you. What do ye think?'

Well I think news like that is shocking no matter the relationship to the person in question. How shocking is the question. Most people would be "God that's terrible, hows the friend taking it". That sort of thing. Taking it further than that is a bit dramatic. From what you wrote about this friend of yours and his apparent projection of his crap onto you, he does sound at best like a bit of a drama queen, at worst he may have issues himself, especially if others have noted this. The "bit of a bully" aspect isn't good at all.

Are you in the position where you could talk to this guy about this stuff or is he just going to get defensive about it?

Talliesin

This sounds like a case of people thinking everyone else in the world should have the same values as them (because they are "normal").

I fear that they may be nothing you can do to help your flatmate overcome this.

Poco Loco

You sound like you're not depressed and you also sound like you're very much aware of the type of feelings you have and the kind of person you are, which I believe is really healthy and a good thing. You also sound like you're very good at expressing yourself - have you said all of this to your flatmate?

I suffered from depression before. And it did make me think a bit more about others (and I still do) and worry that they may be depressed. Not many! But still. For instance, my good good friend is in a dead end job, even though she has a good degree and is very intelligent and well liked - she could excel in anything she put her hand to. In addition to this, she would sleep all day if you'd let her! And she makes v little effort in her appearance and the appearance of her room etc. It got me thinking once that maybe she was depressed and hadn't found a way to tell me. It's very very hard (I found) to tell people if you feel you have depression. So I asked her. And she laughed so hard! And gave me an answer back so smiliar to the one you have just given us. She explained she is happy and just a lazy monkey!! She's content with her lot and not in the slightest bit depressed.

Perhaps your flatmate is just over-analysing your behaviour because of his caring for you and his past experience? In which case just explain everything to him as you have done to us and hopefully he will be reassured?

I'm over-sensitive like he appears to be and I worry myself into a state over people I care about too. All you need to know if you're in a state is that they are definitely definitely ok. And you sound like you're sure you are...

Not sure if I've made more sense or made more complication but anyway! Hope it all works out.
PS - You're lucky you have someone who cares so much about you, but I think you know that anyway

limklad

Depressed? wrote:

'Hey
Cheers for your help, time for an update.
BTW I'm his oldest friend around college at the minute, most of the people we used to hang around with are working or doing postgrad courses all over the country. However last night I went for a drink with two of the guys who had come down on account of saint patricks day. They have noticed an enormous chance in his behaviour, while he would allways have been a bit of a bully if given the slightest opportunity, In their oppinion it had spiraled out of control. In fact they brought it up as soon as I walked in the door before even saying hello (I'd seen neither since last October!) It seems that even we're not the only ones to think so...
Then, just this morning, I got a call from him from dublin from his GF's flat, saying he wanted to talk to someone. Story goes that the GF's ex came to the flat this morning in a very bad way (theyre still good friends), The poor lad had just found his friend hanging dead in his room. Now the thing is that my mate and the GFs ex dont know each other and he doesnt even know the name of the dead guy. He was however in a bad way about it, now maybe im insensitive, But hearing about a friend of a friend of a friend commiting suicide in the past has never bothered me in the slightest possible way. I cant help but think that you do have to be somewhat unhinged for it to bother you. What do ye think?'

Well it is times like this he needs a friend. Yes he acting the maggot, but at least you are listening to him and that good. There is nothing worst than bottle things up and behaving badly. I knew women who bottle things up and lashed out those who are close to them, picking at everything that is done or not done.
It is during the bad time you know who your real friends are! I am sure in years to come he will appreciate it.