Eh Possibly the stupidist thing I've ever done!!!

LegacyUser

Long story Short when I was 17 (27 now) I met a girl (for the Sake of Clarity 'Girl R') and over a few years while had an on off relationship, then when I finally decided that I would make a go of it, we had one last fling, then she dropped me. 2 weeks later she's on the phone saying she's pregnant, Not being the B*stard type I stood by her, and so 3 years, 2 kids and a Mortgage (this was 1999) later she slept with one of my "mates". Relationship over. I moved out home, she bought me out of the house. There was a lot of bitter rows and recriminations. But she kept seeing yer man....... They had a kid together, and I've moved on. We've made peace and can get on well enough now. I've Been In a few realtionships, last one ended a year ago and I just decided to stay single after that. But I met one of "our" female friends ('Girl M') who back in the day I never took notice of, and she was going out with a friend of mine for 5 years, and we had become friends over the years, and we had a night of Drinking and chat one night in her appartment (nothing sexual) and then become really good friends, Then there were one or two incidents of a sexual nature, but we've stayed friends, neither of us wants a relationship at the moment, but I really care a lot about her, and there have been a lot of Nights together as friends.

About 6 months ago Girl R sold 'her' house. Made a Packet and her and yer man bought a house down the country. 2 Monts later she left him, Now she moved into a house a few miles from me. He is Keeping the house down the country. so Looking after my kids I've been down painting rooms helping her set up etc, (it wasn't a pleasant break up). Girl M has been saying what a nice guy I am for doing it for her especially after how I was treated (Girl M is all too familiar with the History)

Anyway last week I had Friday off and worked 10 hours on the house setting it up for her and the kids, about 7 I had a few Glasses of Wine, and she and my sister went to the local pub for a long chat, I stayed to mind the kids etc. and about 10 I txt her to say I wanted to go home and needed a lift. she said she was drinking and I could sleep in her bed (the only free bed in the house) I had a few more drinks and went to bed (being exhausted).

About 4 in the Morning Girl R came in and woke me, She stripped and got into the bed beside me, this really didn't bother me because I was drunk and tired and rolled over to go to sleep, anyway she cuddled up to me "because of the cold" and we ended up kissing and then having sex. Straight after it happened, I realised what I'd just done and got up and called a Cab. The Next Day Girl R said it never happened as far as she was concerned, Just put it down to old times, lonliness, etc. I agreed, I don't have feelings for her in that way. I've been down that road and hurt too many times to fall into her trap again, and I can now see how manipulative and lying she is.

The Next night I was out with Girl M and some other friends and instead of the usual banter and friendly conversation. I avoided her because I was extremely guilty about it, So I got locked, and Girl M was not impressed with me at all.

During the week, I was down painting again, and girl R came on to me and I turned her down. She got thick with me because she thought that I would be a handy shag, She knows I'm good friends with Girl M and has heard through the grapevine that I've hooked up with her more than once, now she's got it into her head I'm in love with Girl M (which I'm not), and now today had threatened to tell Girl M about last week.

The Problem is that I have a lot of Feelings for Girl M, I'm not in love with her but I am hoping that when she gets out of the rut she's in at the moment there could be a realtionship there. But if Girl R tells her (its likely they went to school together and have Mutual friends) that she won't even be friends with me anymore and will be disgusted with me over whats happened.

I'm really annoyed with myself, I had forgotten about Girl R totally and moved on, now I'm stuck back with her mind games, and as everybody knows everybody else I can't tell anyone for fear of Losing Girl M as a Friend or even worse. I just don't know what to do!!

Talliesin

Tell Girl M now while you aren't actually committed to her and it's as uncomplicated as it's ever going to get.

bug

Talliesin wrote:

Tell Girl M now while you aren't actually committed to her and it's as uncomplicated as it's ever going to get.

yeah I'd agree, cos by the sounds of it this "R" woman that you are tied to by children, will possibly tell her one day, in different circumstances.

Oh and get some boundaries and cop on, don't have sex with women you don't like regardless of how drunk you are.

You can paint and go home, and there is always a couch.

Caliden

Talliesin wrote:

Tell Girl M now while you aren't actually committed to her and it's as uncomplicated as it's ever going to get.

agree with this, as embarrassing as it may be, she will understand more if you tell her yourself and will put it down to the drink.
It will also explain why you made a fool of yourself in front of her.

LegacyUser

Tell her before Girl R does, there's no avoiding it, she'll find out one way or another, best to be honest. She'll have more respect for you hearing it from you.

Esel

And stay the hell away from R, except for picking up and returning your children. Let her set up her own house. What are you, a doormat? Tell M now what happened - you were sleepy, drunk, (no excuse really, you were in her bed after all). Telling M now removes any power R may have over you about this. Imagine R's face when she tells M, only to hear "Yeah, he told me all about it". There are lots of other women out there, but as you say, you want to stay single.

Umaro

If I were you I would've got paternity tests done on those kids.

Apart from that, explain everything to M before R can get to her. It'll be far better for you in the long run.

axer

Definitely tell Girl M yourself. esel is right - take away Girl R's power.