She just wont listen....

shellie11

My friend has been going out with her boyfriend for 3 years..Well until a week ago.. They were constantly arguing over him going out every weekend and not bothering to come home until the next morning and when he did come home he was really drunk and drugged off his head...I have known since last summer that he took drugs but couldnt bring myself to tell her...

Last week she found out for herself that he took drugs and she still was willing to take him back. Then only the other day her boyfriends friend told her he was doing more then taking drugs...He had done the dirt on her more than 5 times and the most recent time was February!!!!! :eek: :mad: I was with her last night and i ihave been begging her not to go back with him..Cos with all the lies he has told her in the last year hes just not worth it....

And still she told me last night she is thinking of getting back with him and giving him another chance....I have told her if she does get back with him she wont be able to trust him and there will be arguments over where he is going and what he is doing..She will be eating up with worry...

Help!! What can i do to get it through to her that he is no good for her and i know in another 6 months down the line he will do something else to hurt her...:(

Beruthiel

shellie11 wrote:

What can i do to get it through to her that he is no good for her(

There is absolutely nothing you can do. This is a lesson she will have to learn the hard way.

louisecm

I don't think you can. In these scenarios you usually just have to wait it out...she'll realise eventually, and if you're a good friend you'll be there to pick up the pieces. Its tough, but its the way we idiot women are sometimes.

tbh

louisecm wrote:

I don't think you can. In these scenarios you usually just have to wait it out...she'll realise eventually, and if you're a good friend you'll be there to pick up the pieces. Its tough, but its the way we idiot women are sometimes.

trust me - it's the way we idiot humans are. OP, your friend needs to you support her atm, not to help her. If you nag at her, you'll only drive her away. These things have a habit of resolving themselves, and ruthie says, she'll have to learn the hard way, and she'll need you around when she does.

Deediddums

The sad thing in this situation is that there is NOTHING you can do. By all means tell her it's a bad idea and tell her your thoughts and why you think she's wrong - but once she makes her choice leave it there. It's not our place as friends to determine each others choices but rather to help each other when those choices often end up being the wrong ones. I've seen scenarios where friends threaten to withdraw friendship if a friend re-enters a bad relationship, she's worse off if you alienate her. She will probably come to eventually just be there for her when she does. Good luck.

Miss Fluff

Difficult to stand by and do nothing OP but that's exactly what you will have to do. Be a good friend and lend your sympathetic ear etc but pontificating constantly about what a bast*rd he is really isn't a good idea. What if they get back together, it works out and they end up getting married or something? She will then see you as the friend who hates her partner and your friendship will suffer. No matter what you think of him (and he sounds like a slug) keep your opinions to yourself as much as possible and support her like a good friend should. People have to make their own mistakes.

lady_j

Its a toughie. But you cant change her mind, she needs to figure this out herself and more than likely she's going to learn the hard way. I had a friend (notice the had) who was in a similar situation, and it broke my heart to see her go through it all. I kept telling her he was wrong for, theyd break up, she'd come crying to me and then she'd go back. I told her so often , she just stop telling me things were bad, she started to cover up everything to prove me worng. She's still with him, and we really arent close anymore and it still upsets me. Dont be forceful like I was, let her know what you think but the only person who get her out of this mess is her. Dont lose your friend like I did, she'll need youi in the long run

Elessar

She will have to learn the hard way. Do you think anyone could convince Kate Moss to stop ruining her life and leave Pete Doherty and see what a waste of human life he actually is? No.

Love is blind.

shellie11

Guys thanks for all the advice...Yes i have made a decision.I am not going to nag anymore or mention how i feel or that i dont like the sight of her boyfriend...I will just be there for her because yes as Descry said she will only cover up if she meets up with him or of they get back together she probably wont tell me for ages...And i dont want to make her feel like she has to hide anything from me..It will be hard to see her get hurt again for the hundreth time but she will have to learn the hard way.

And also i think its a security issue - she has been with him for 3 years and she's the type of girl that doesnt like to be alone..I think she is afraid she wont find someone else because she told me lastnight that she reckons if she dont get back with him that she will end up single for years..She's only 21 and has her whole life ahead of her....