BreakUp

LegacyUser

Long time poster but usual unreg for personal reasons. Broke up with girlfriend of 2 years and we both felt very very sad and started coming up with all the good times but now i can't remember why we broke up and really sad over it, we both didn't want to head our seperate ways. We were beginning to fight a bit too much at times and annoy each other and both strong people to let it go.
Don't know what I am asking, suppose its more company and the knowledge that your answers is comfort.
Sorry for rambling, not happy camper at all.

Siska010

Hi,

I was once in a relationship that lasted 4 years. During the last year of that relationship we tried to put an end to it, but it eventually took us that whole year, just because we were so used to each others company. We fought so much and a lot of the time together we made a big deal out of the smallest things.
When we finally broke up, I was heartbroken and completely off the world for a while not remembering one bad thing about the relationship. He was my world and I was his and I didn't see anything bad at all.

Same goes for you, you are so used to each others company that it's hard to see what the bad things were at the moment when you finally put a stop to it.
This feeling will go away and you will find peace in the fact that the relationship just wasn't working for (the both of) you.

It took me and my ex a whole year to go our seperate ways and when we look back now (we broke up 3 years a go and we both have new partners now) we both realise it was the best thing to do. And we are both happy now.

Just fight the heartbreak, it will go away eventually but it will take time. And if the both of you seriously think that all you need is a short break from each other, then wait some time and try again. If you (like I did) deep in your heart know that it is just not right and you both deserve more out of a relationship, then take your time and you will (and so will she) get over it. And who knows, you might stay friends (my ex is still my buddy, we just didn't work as a couple).

All the best and good luck,
*hugs*

LegacyUser

Thanks, that makes so much sense but naturally is hard to see especially as every photo and trinket around the place reminds me of her as she really is the most lovely girl but small things we wanted differently annoyed each other. Never thought I would cry over someone.

Siska010 wrote:

Hi,

I was once in a relationship that lasted 4 years. During the last year of that relationship we tried to put an end to it, but it eventually took us that whole year, just because we were so used to each others company. We fought so much and a lot of the time together we made a big deal out of the smallest things.
When we finally broke up, I was heartbroken and completely off the world for a while not remembering one bad thing about the relationship. He was my world and I was his and I didn't see anything bad at all.

Same goes for you, you are so used to each others company that it's hard to see what the bad things were at the moment when you finally put a stop to it.
This feeling will go away and you will find peace in the fact that the relationship just wasn't working for (the both of) you.

It took me and my ex a whole year to go our seperate ways and when we look back now (we broke up 3 years a go and we both have new partners now) we both realise it was the best thing to do. And we are both happy now.

Just fight the heartbreak, it will go away eventually but it will take time. And if the both of you seriously think that all you need is a short break from each other, then wait some time and try again. If you (like I did) deep in your heart know that it is just not right and you both deserve more out of a relationship, then take your time and you will (and so will she) get over it. And who knows, you might stay friends (my ex is still my buddy, we just didn't work as a couple).

All the best and good luck,
*hugs*

Wibbs

There are questions you should ask yourself, not answer here maybe. Why were you fighting? Was it influences on the relationship that could be fixed? Was it the relationship itself? Was it the natural end of something that would only naturally work for a time? For a time of your lives when you needed each other, but have now grown beyond each other for the good because of the relationship?

If it was the first I can see your distress and it is fixable, but only you two know that. It's also only fixable if you look at yourself and the other honestly, without just thinking of the good parts. Relationships are like teabags, the flavour only comes out when they're in hot water. A bit obvious but largely true though.(I'm writin' to The Readers Digest with that one. The "Jaysus aren't I dead wise" section should suffice:D )

If it was the latter two, then look back and know that you shared many good times and bad times together. You grew together into people that may have to part because of that growth. That doesn't diminish the relationship. It reinforces the strength of that relationship. It may make you both better people if you learn from the best of it. And the worst of it.

If above all the "love" stuff you were real friends during your time together you may, with time be real friends again. Even if it's only in each others minds.

I wish you both the best of luck. You'll get through it and you'll be better for it whether you end up together again or apart.

Oh yeah BTW Siska010's advice is a beauty without all the chocolate box guff in mine.

lady_j

Siska010 wrote:

I was once in a relationship that lasted 4 years. During the last year of that relationship we tried to put an end to it, but it eventually took us that whole year, just because we were so used to each others company. We fought so much and a lot of the time together we made a big deal out of the smallest things.

Similar thing happened me in fact took a number of break up getting back together moments (over the space of year)to finally figure out that the break up was necessary for both our sakes. It took me a very long time afterwards (almost a year) to figure out this really was what I needed. I think its the losing a friendship part which is the hardest, missing telling someone all the little parts of the day, the companionship. My heart goes out to you, I know how hard it can be. While maybe it feels like it wasnt the right decison, in all likelihood it was. The fact you both made this decision suggests that this was playing on both your minds for a very long time. It is hard but you will get through. Make sure to meet up with friends, be social, learn to be you on your own again rather than part of a couple. You'll get through it

BeardyGit

Breakup wrote:

Thanks, that makes so much sense but naturally is hard to see especially as every photo and trinket around the place reminds me of her as she really is the most lovely girl but small things we wanted differently annoyed each other. Never thought I would cry over someone.

Put all the 'reminders' (ALL of them) in a box and put it away, out of sight. You'll decide in time if you want to get rid of it or not, but at least it won't be right there in front of you when you're having tough times....

I did this and it worked. A good while later (2 years or so) I cleared it out and kept just a pair of cuff-links and a photo of herself on her own, but not one of the two of us- as reminders of a particularly great day we spent. The rest went in the bin and to a charity shop. I'm happy with the decision to hide it away, and the decision to get rid of the lot later....

Kell

BreakUp wrote:

We were beginning to fight a bit too much at times and annoy each other and both strong people to let it go.

Being strong is one thing and admirable, but its weakness to not let things go.

I did have a good read, though I still cant quite quite fathom why ye split up. Yes, ye can go through bad patches and fight, but it takes a willingness to open up and discuss matters with eachother, but you didnt mention doing this.

Whats stopping you trying again? When you split up its usually for a good reason. No offense, but crying into your teacup is not whats supposed to happen.

Have you thought about trying again? Seems to me like you need it. Perhaps the relationship needs it. Maybe this was the final test when you figure out "hmmn, I cant function without her" and she has thought the same. Then you go back to the table, both more worldly wise for the split and work things out.

No? Maybe?

K-