Diaries - Read them or not?

Normalornosey

Hi all i've set up a poll to try and find out peoples views on this, basically, myself and my spouse have very different views about reading each other's diary.
It all arose because a number of years ago I was staying at my partners familial home and I happened upon my then partners diaries from the age of 16 to 22, we met 2 years later and are now married. I of course read the diaries, which I think is normal, my spouse thinks that is bizarre behaviour and thinks that diaries etc are sacrosanct. Now my reason for reading them was really to find out more about my partner's life up until our fortuitous meeting, the reason all of this came up was because, I mentioned recently that reading them had been one of the reasons why I made up my mind that partner would be my spouse, i thought they were lovely, cute, and very touching etc, i thought my spouse would be glad to hear that, but no, my spouse was disgusted that I had violated their personal space, couldn't believe that I would do such a thing etc. Now we've moved on and it's not an issue, but we were talking about it last night and I said that I believed that many people would have done the same, but my spouse thinks otherwise, basically in my family, diaries were fair game, in my partners they weren't.
What do you think?

r3nu4l

Er, no, it's not right. Many people use a diary as a way to vent their innermost thoughts. I'm sure that if they wanted thouse thoughts read they would see about publishing them in a form known as an autobiography.

You can argue, if they wanted to keep it private they wouldn't have written it down but that's a fallacy. She obviously loved you very much at that stage, any earlier in the relationship and you might have been dumped!

Is this really a personal issues thread?

Mrs_Doyle

I know it is wrong, and would be wrong to read anyones diary's, but I also know that I would be seriously tempted to sneak a peek if I came across them.

lady_j

Its not right. Diaries are not a true reflection of the person, they are mostly there to vent and remind yourself of times you want to remember. Diaries are private end of.

Beruthiel

This is not a PI - Read this forums charter Normalornosey.

B


btw
It's a total invasion of privacy to read a persons diary without their permission.

simu

I think it's perfectly normal to be curious but that doesn't mean it's right to read it...

LegacyUser

'wtf?? reading a persons diary is a really scummy underhand thing to do! not to mention a complete betrayal of trust.

a diary is so so personal for some people they'd write stuff in a diary they'd never dream of telling anyone.

if it were me i would've ended the relationship on the spot. i'd never trust you again.

Now my reason for reading them was really to find out more about my partner's life up until our fortuitous meeting

well tbh if he wanted you to know about his past life he would've told you.

basically in my family, diaries were fair game, in my partners they weren't.
What do you think?

i think your family must've been a *tad* f**kd up....'

humbert

Quite simply if it was ok you'd ask her and she'd say yes. If they're hers and you know that if you asked her permission she would say no, then of course you've no right to read them.

Ruu_Old

Diaries are meant to be private regardless of the relationship, you had no right to read it. If you wanted to chat about past times then all you had to do was ask her I'm sure.

Malteaser!

its very easy to say that its wrong and its private etc but in reality if the situation actually occured it'd be very hard to resist tempation!!

padser

Exactly, I def wouldn't be able to resist - especially if it related to a time when I was with the person - but prob to be honest I would read em anyway.

HOWEVER: BIG BIG DIFFERENCE

I would have the good sense never to say that I had read em

Mossy Monk

this is why i wouldnt keep a diary

that and the laziness

Daithí Locha

It's lousy, totally lousy to do this.

It's the precursor to reading texts.

What a person felt 5, 10, 15 etc years ago is different now. Notwithstanding the fact that writing things down is different verbalising ones thoughts.

In fact, what I thought 5 or 10 minutes ago is not reflective of how I felt in general. I saw a picture of the Sugababes in 'The Star' 10 minutes ago, and thought 'Jaysus, if I had a chance'!

Say if my other half read something like that?!

peepsbates

Daith&#237 wrote: »

It's lousy, totally lousy to do this.

It's the precursor to reading texts.

What a person felt 5, 10, 15 etc years ago is different now. Notwithstanding the fact that writing things down is different verbalising ones thoughts.

In fact, what I thought 5 or 10 minutes ago is not reflective of how I felt in general. I saw a picture of the Sugababes in 'The Star' 10 minutes ago, and thought 'Jaysus, if I had a chance'!

Say if my other half read something like that?!

ah now the other half would hardly be pissed about a pic in the paper?
anywhoo diaries,txts,letters.....ect are private

free2fly

Diaries are very a personal and private thing. And reading them without the person's knowledge is wrong, no matter how great the temptation to do so.

NutJob

Just wrong i had plenty of oppertunity to read my other half's diary and i didn't.

its wrong if she wanted me to read it she would tell me go ahead and i probably still wouldnt.

Daithí Locha

peepsbates wrote:

ah now the other half would hardly be pissed about a pic in the paper?
anywhoo diaries,txts,letters.....ect are private

Yeah, that's what I mean!

Say I had a diary, and one of my entries to it later was "Jaysus, I seen them Sugababes earlier.. Christ if I had the chance I'd..." and then went into great detail.

And THEN if my other half read it THEN I'd be in the ****s!!!

Ghost Train

I think the fact that a diary is such a private and personal thing makes it wrong to have a look through somebody elses. The fact that it's such a bad thing to do probably makes it very tempting to have a look at somebody elses diary. I wouldn't keep a diary as I know the people around me would have no issues in taking a look at anything they came across

galah

and that's where it comes in handy to have more than one language to compose your diary in...

Problem solved.

biko

Diaries are personal and should be left alone.

I'd be dying to have a look but I'd ask first

Ruu_Old

galah wrote:

and that's where it comes in handy to have more than one language to compose your diary in...

Problem solved.

Or Turbo Diary.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=84fvTK5TGaU

Tar.Aldarion

No I would never read it.
The best present I have been given is; my gf giving me all the diary entries about me, from our meeting until two weeks after we started going out.

Normalornosey

Thanks for all the replies, especially all of ye who voted to read them:D I should add that we knew each other more than 5 years when the diary incident happened (that's not to say I'd not have read them after 3 months, cos I think I would - good reading you know;) ).
No I would never read it.

The best present I have been given is; my gf giving me all the diary entries about me, from our meeting until two weeks after we started going out.

Excellent gift.

this is why i wouldnt keep a diary

that and the laziness

Exactly, I def wouldn't be able to resist - especially if it related to a time when I was with the person - but prob to be honest I would read em anyway.

HOWEVER: BIG BIG DIFFERENCE

I would have the good sense never to say that I had read em

Yeah, i normally concur with that, but tbh it actually wasn't that big a deal when I told my spouse, but it could have been.

Its not right. Diaries are not a true reflection of the person, they are mostly there to vent and remind yourself of times you want to remember. Diaries are private end of.

I know they're not a true reflection, sure isn't that the whole point, you get to see another side to the writer. I know many of ye think this was totally wrong etc, but I don't and I'm glad I did it, I mean, have any of you ever read a biography of some famous historical figure, normally these are written using excerpts of diaries etc, do you think that these people neccessarily knew that their diaries would be there for all and sundry to read? We all read diaries in some form or other, or maybe we should stop reading exclusive revelations in newspapers about celebs, is it not the same sort of invasion of privacy?
Anyway, as I say again, thanks for the replies, we had a read through them together last night together, and at least my spouse now realises that some people are as evil as myself;)

Normalornosey

Thanks for all the replies, especially all of ye who voted to read them:D I should add that we knew each other more than 5 years when the diary incident happened (that's not to say I'd not have read them after 3 months, cos I think I would - good reading you know;) ).
No I would never read it.

The best present I have been given is; my gf giving me all the diary entries about me, from our meeting until two weeks after we started going out.

Excellent gift.

this is why i wouldnt keep a diary

that and the laziness

Exactly, I def wouldn't be able to resist - especially if it related to a time when I was with the person - but prob to be honest I would read em anyway.

HOWEVER: BIG BIG DIFFERENCE

I would have the good sense never to say that I had read em

Yeah, i normally concur with that, but tbh it actually wasn't that big a deal when I told my spouse, but it could have been.

Its not right. Diaries are not a true reflection of the person, they are mostly there to vent and remind yourself of times you want to remember. Diaries are private end of.

I know they're not a true reflection, sure isn't that the whole point, you get to see another side to the writer. I know many of ye think this was totally wrong etc, but I don't and I'm glad I did it, I mean, have any of you ever read a biography of some famous historical figure, normally these are written using excerpts of diaries etc, do you think that these people neccessarily knew that their diaries would be there for all and sundry to read? We all read diaries in some form or other, or maybe we should stop reading exclusive revelations in newspapers about celebs, is it not the same sort of invasion of privacy?
Anyway, as I say again, thanks for the replies, we had a read through them together last night together, and at least my spouse now realises that some people are as evil as myself;)

hunnymonster

I have 3 diaries. Anyone can look at the work one or the training one but my personal diary is private. I would be very upset if anyone read it.

galah wrote:

and that's where it comes in handy to have more than one language to compose your diary in...
Problem solved.

Tried that, I wrote it in German and then years later started going out with a german guy. It's not a foolproof system :-)

lonelyangel

I have recently started keeping a diary - to vent my innermost thoughts I would not want anyone reading my diary, its personal, if I choose to show someone my diary then that would be completely different - but everyone needs a space where they can be 110% honest and this in my opinion is where a diary comes in, you can write it down and no matter how irrational it may be at the time it doesnt hurt anyone, unless they come along and read it !!
You may be able to help me in my dilemna, I have started keeping a diary for the next six months - the reason being that I am now 31 years of age, female with two children 10 & 6 years of age (started young) my husband is a good man but devotes his whole life to his work, when we started going out together he wasnt like this, i fell pregnant very early in the relationship and we got through it but now it seems like all I do is look after the kids (after my part time job) and all he does is work, he has no other hobbies outside of his work and he works very long hours, I dont see him until 8 or 9 pm every evening even though he works for himself and works only a 5 minute drive from our house, his heart is in the right place but he just doesnt seem to put any effort into me or the kids - I have spoken to him over the years about this and every time he has a different excuse as to why he works such long hours etc. He also seems to favour his son over his daughter and she is starting to see this for herself (she is 10) he can be quite hard on her and i am afraid of the effect this is having on her.
Also, I find that I am falling for my best friend, he has told me on more than one occasion that he thinks there is something between us and I would have to agree, we have the same values in life and get along fantastically, he makes me very happy even though we have not gone any further with the relationship. He is married too and has been married for about 10 years, I have been married for 8 years. I think we both have the same marriage problems even though we have never discussed our marriage's with each other.
I have decided to keep a diary for 6 months and then come september I am going to look back and see how happy / sad I really am. I dont plan on spending any more time in an unhappy marriage but I do want to give it a shot for the sake of the kids. I dont plan on taking it any further with my friend, whatever happens with him will have to wait until i sort my marriage out - can anyone in a similar boat or anyone who may have gone through this previously please give me advice. I am at my wits end.

CathyMoran

I would disagree with reading someone elses diary, but there would be one exception which is if the person died. I have a diary but was aware that my spouse could have easily been reading it so I openly referred to him in it so that he knew how much he means to me, ditto my family. Now it is back to being a personal record but I am aware that any kids that we may have will be reading it in the future.