Self Assessment - Harsh

LegacyUser

This may sound harsh on myself but its the truth. Met a nice girl on night out recently, got on well, I asked myself what I could offer this girl and the following self - assessment has made me be pull back from getting involved (again)
(1)31 single/live alone
(2)decent job
(3) thinning & slightly greying hair
(4) out of shape/beer gut/man boobs (really)/skinny limbs-see 6 below
(5) Hairy Chest & Stomach
(5)**** in bed (recent one night stands = Prem Ejac = embarassing & not wanting to get involved)
(6) go out drinking too much & other substances when drunk /spend too much cash
(7)no savings-see 6 above
(8) **** car-see 6 above
(9) need to get loads done to my gaff-see 6 above
(10) Can't swim
(11) Short sighted - glasses for driving etc
(12) Numerous previous one-night stands (not good)-see 6 above
(13) Selfish - B*****D
Amazingly, I still manage to get some girls interest despite the above, but am afraid to get invloved because dont want to get to know all of the above. I know people may say most are superficial items but they are things which may play on most of our minds I think.
Rant Over.
On a positive note, I can change a number of the above, and its time to go about fixing those things.

lady_j

To be honest if I did a list about myself it would be equally harsh. In fact that kind of thinking destroyed a previous relationship. Well it didnt help that they agreed with me! :mad:

Im not saying the usual learn to love who u are bull**** however I think we need to learn how to live with it. I am not completely happy with myself, but Ive decided Im not going to let it run my life anymore. Its working so far...

Kell

Reggie UN wrote:

Amazingly, I still manage to get some girls interest despite the above

Then whats the problem? People like people and not peoples habits. Stop being so hard on yourself. You sound like a normal bloke to me.

By complete contrast, I am shockingly handsome, reasonably well off, home owner, nice car, charming, intelligent, slim, creative, many interests, ridiculously good in bed and I cant get a woman. A sane one at least.

You have the better deal my friend. Relax.

K-

louisecm

I think if anyone did a list like that it would be harsh. You should try and do a positives list. And you're right about a lot of them being alterable.

Also, they're not all that bad. Like, really selfish I could do without but maybe if you cared enough about someone you wouldn't be so selfish about them?

Sh*t in bed would probably improve with practice with a consistent partner.

The rest really aren't that big of a deal. Except for the swimming of course.

Miss Fluff

Reggie UN wrote:

This may sound harsh on myself but its the truth. Met a nice girl on night out recently, got on well, I asked myself what I could offer this girl and the following self - assessment has made me be pull back from getting involved (again)

So your singledom is entirely self-imposed? Life isn't a dress rehearsal sweetheart. Cut down on the drinking, rip up the list and go live your life.

And fyi, a lot of women find hair chests and stomachs EXTREMELY sexy.:p

humbert

Reggie UN wrote:

This may sound harsh on myself but its the truth. Met a nice girl on night out recently, got on well, I asked myself what I could offer this girl and the following self - assessment has made me be pull back from getting involved (again)
(1)31 single/live alone
(2)decent job
(3) thinning & slightly greying hair
(4) out of shape/beer gut/man boobs (really)/skinny limbs-see 6 below
(5) Hairy Chest & Stomach
(5)**** in bed (recent one night stands = Prem Ejac = embarassing & not wanting to get involved)
(6) go out drinking too much & other substances when drunk /spend too much cash
(7)no savings-see 6 above
(8) **** car-see 6 above
(9) need to get loads done to my gaff-see 6 above
(10) Can't swim
(11) Short sighted - glasses for driving etc
(12) Numerous previous one-night stands (not good)-see 6 above
(13) Selfish - B*****D
Amazingly, I still manage to get some girls interest despite the above, but am afraid to get invloved because dont want to get to know all of the above. I know people may say most are superficial items but they are things which may play on most of our minds I think.
Rant Over.
On a positive note, I can change a number of the above, and its time to go about fixing those things.

My list wouldn't be exactly the same but the net worth would be about on a par and it's not gonna stop me getting involved. it's a personality thing in the end

Evil Phil

Don't be so hard on yourself You could stop drinking so much and get some swimming lessons though. This seems to sort out about 80% of the problems on your list. Swimming is the king and queen of exercise.

the-ging

Kell wrote:

By complete contrast, I am shockingly handsome, reasonably well off, home owner, nice car, charming, intelligent, slim, creative, many interests, ridiculously good in bed and I cant get a woman. A sane one at least.


K-

My god if you didn't own a house I would have thought I had a split personality and was posting here!!

As for the op, work at one thing at a time, but that shouldn't stop you persuing someone you like while doing it!

miamee

Reggie UN wrote:

This may sound harsh on myself but its the truth. Met a nice girl on night out recently, got on well, I asked myself what I could offer this girl and the following self - assessment has made me be pull back from getting involved (again)
(1)31 single/live alone
(2)decent job
(3) thinning & slightly greying hair
(4) out of shape/beer gut/man boobs (really)/skinny limbs-see 6 below
(5) Hairy Chest & Stomach
(5)**** in bed (recent one night stands = Prem Ejac = embarassing & not wanting to get involved)
(6) go out drinking too much & other substances when drunk /spend too much cash
(7)no savings-see 6 above
(8) **** car-see 6 above
(9) need to get loads done to my gaff-see 6 above
(10) Can't swim
(11) Short sighted - glasses for driving etc
(12) Numerous previous one-night stands (not good)-see 6 above
(13) Selfish - B*****D
Amazingly, I still manage to get some girls interest despite the above, but am afraid to get invloved because dont want to get to know all of the above. I know people may say most are superficial items but they are things which may play on most of our minds I think.
Rant Over.
On a positive note, I can change a number of the above, and its time to go about fixing those things.

Personally speaking, the only thing you have listed there that would ever put me off having a relationship with you/someone with your traits would be Number 13, selfishness.
Everything else can be changed or improved upon.
I think anyone would get selfish to a point when single & living alone anyway, I guess only you know how really selfish you are .

Crea

Your point 6 seems to be the cause of alot of your other bad points.
Is that not telling you something or should we be adding (14) Stupid?

padser

miamee wrote:

Everything else can be changed or improved upon.

Don't listen to that, you don't need to change or improve upon anything. Also someone above said that you should cut down on the drinking - only do that if its what you want to do - not to impress some girl.

Look bottom line you are 31 - thats a great age. 22/23/24 up to 28/29/30 I think you find that most girls are in serious relationships but after that you get a serious amount of divorcees coming onto the market. And they are just perfect because unlike the few singletons you find earlier in life they wouldnt come at you with the attitude of Miamee above wanting to change things about you - they will have learnt from their first failed attempt that you can't try and change everything they don't like - instead they will just accept you.

All they are really looking for is someone to support them and if you have a decent job (which is number 2) then your away! Seriously - just start living life! Don't be worrying about the little things!

justsomebloke

Reggie UN wrote:

I asked myself what I could offer this girl and the following self - assessment has made me be pull back from getting involved (again)

well why don't you leave it to them to make the assessment of whether you are worth going out with

tbh

two questions:

1. If the girl you met did out her own list, how many points do you think she'd list for herself?

2. If you asked her about you, how many points do you think she'd guess you had?

the point is, we are all like swans. Graceful on the surface, paddling like **** underneath. Don't worry.

BeardyGit

padser wrote:

.....All they are really looking for is someone to support them and if you have a decent job (which is number 2) then your away! Seriously - just start living life! Don't be worrying about the little things!

Padser, sorry mate, but that's a load of rubbish. Women today want a lot more than just a walking wallet with an occasional hard on. In fact, women have always wanted more than that. Now if the OP were to believe your advice was 'on the money', whatever woman he'd end up with would likely still want more than that, and someone else would be helping him 'give it to her'.

I share a rented house with 3 other lads, have a decent job, somewhat thinning and substantially greying hair, a bit of a belly when I slouch (which is a lot of the time), a hairy chest and belly etc. I don't own a house, I drive an old car (after my last older car went up in flames at some traffic lights), have minimal savings and too much debt to be comfortable with it, wear glasses all the time, have a list of one night stands I should be ashamed of and could readily be accused of being an arrogant and selfish bastard. All the above is true.

I also have a cracking girlfriend (who I love dearly and respect as her own independent person, not as a financial dependent Padser), truly remarkable friends, good health (exercise instead of drinking), career prospects, life goals I'm achieving and all in all, I'm happy as a pig with its head in a bucket of cider. I could portray myself as some bitter little git, pudgy and lazy, moany and pretty hopeless....Just like you (have done with your list). But that's not who I am, no more than it is who you are.

Your problem is one of self perception, and little more than that. Other people (the women, lad) see you as something worth getting into bed with every once in a while. It'll take little more than a few less pints drunk, a few more miles walked and a positive approach to your self worth to build substantially on that. Make the simple decision to get some exercise and it'll deal with the only thing that will make a real difference in terms of your long term success - Your health, and consequentially your confidence.

On the whole premature ejaculation thing - You drink a lot and don't exercise. Your testosterone levels will undoubtedly be a hell of a lot lower than mine and most other blokes. Until you sort that, lose some weight, build some physical stamina, and sort your confidence, you're going to keep having that problem. Again, cut the drink and get some exercise.....

Lifes what you make of it, but even more so *how* you see it. Half the battle is in seeing yourself in a way that others want to buy into what you're selling. Do what you need so you can see yourself as a healthy, confident, friendly guy, and you'll have no more need for these defeatist lists. Life will take on new meaning when you can honestly believe you're the business.

So, get to it.

Good luck,

Gil

OT: Woo Hoo - This was my 1000th post. Hope it made sense! ;-)

galah

Reggie UN wrote:

This may sound harsh on myself but its the truth. Met a nice girl on night out recently, got on well, I asked myself what I could offer this girl and the following self - assessment has made me be pull back from getting involved (again)
(1)31 single/live alone
(2)decent job
(3) thinning & slightly greying hair
(4) out of shape/beer gut/man boobs (really)/skinny limbs-see 6 below
(5) Hairy Chest & Stomach
(5)**** in bed (recent one night stands = Prem Ejac = embarassing & not wanting to get involved)
(6) go out drinking too much & other substances when drunk /spend too much cash
(7)no savings-see 6 above
(8) **** car-see 6 above
(9) need to get loads done to my gaff-see 6 above
(10) Can't swim
(11) Short sighted - glasses for driving etc
(12) Numerous previous one-night stands (not good)-see 6 above
(13) Selfish - B*****D
Amazingly, I still manage to get some girls interest despite the above, but am afraid to get invloved because dont want to get to know all of the above. I know people may say most are superficial items but they are things which may play on most of our minds I think.
Rant Over.
On a positive note, I can change a number of the above, and its time to go about fixing those things.

Well, it could be a A LOT worse, couldn't it???
1) Single /living with parents
2) bad job/no job/no ambition
3) no hair
4) badly out of shape (say, 20 stone...;-))
5) hairy back (nothing wrong with a hairy chest, really)
5a) no sex life at all (crap in bed is a really subjective thing...)
5b) not being able to count
6) well...but it could be worse, you could be constantly drunk and a tight-arse at that...
7) bad debt is worse than no savings...
8) crap car is better than a sh*tty bike, in my opinion...
9) At least you have a place (see 1)
10) and that affects a potential partner how???
11) Glasses can be sexy, you know
12) so what?
13) at least you have some sort of self-esteem...

I mean, seriously, you met a girl, she seemed to like you, what more do you want??? And ultimately, SHE'll be making the list, so you should not worry about that stuff right now...

metrovelvet

Everybody has this. Its cinderella complex - when the clock strikes midnight they are all going to see you for who you really are.

The good news is - your nothing special.

The bad news is - your nothing special.

mateo

If you're unhappy with things then why don't you just change them? Get swimming lessons, exercise more, get your chest waxed, or whatever will make you feel better.