Man trouble.....

LegacyUser

Short version. Met a guy online, chatted for a month or so and met up. Great 1st date, goodish 2nd date and expected nothing for the 3rd but had a great night. 4th date he suggested coming out with me and friend to watch a game and he did. Got on great with them too.

I had visitors for the following 4 days which he acknowledged and then he was sick and I was away and he went away on hols for a week. There was contact during the week before he went - 80% from him 20% instigated by me but no mention of meeting again....

He went on hols and texted me once he arrived and then later in the night to say his friends (skiing group) were asking what I was like and it was my last chance to get my speak in... all nice and cute. No word for the rest of the week which was fine as he was off on hols and he texted late on Sat night last to say he was back and flights were delayed..... I was out so replied in a friendly way and we exchanged a couple of texts... I texted him on Sunday (twice in error as the 1st one looked like it didnt go so I sent one later too) he replied hours later and nothing since.... It was not a text you could reply to...

There has been no mention of meeting again yet..... It will be almost 3 weeks since I have seen him and I dont know whether just to write it off.... I should mention that he was the one who was trying to pin me down on whether this could be a relationsip, he thought it could, he came off the dating site and during our dates told me some private things about himself and said he trusted me a lot etc.... This is all fine and well, there was chemistry too (even though it was all inncoent)...

I am lucky that I took it at a slow pace and am not too emotionally involved in this but I did like him and think I would like to see him again.... I do not want to instigate a meeting as I do feel like he has cooled and would not set myself up for a fall... Do I wait and see if he is in touch or just write it off?

Siska010

Maybe he thinks you are not interested and so he backed up a bit?

If your gut feeling tells you that you did enough, then I'd wait for him to get in touch... if you think you might have given him the idea that you are not interested at all, then I'd txt or call and go for a drink again.

Good luck either way

sobriquet

SarahSassy wrote:

he was the one who was trying to pin me down on whether this could be a relationsip, he thought it could, he came off the dating site and during our dates told me some private things about himself and said he trusted me a lot etc....

I do not want to instigate a meeting as I do feel like he has cooled and would not set myself up for a fall... Do I wait and see if he is in touch or just write it off?

Looks like he invested quite a bit of himself in it at the start. Maybe he doesn't want to instigate a meeting as he may not want to set himself up for a fall.

Maybe from his point of view he's done a lot of work and gotten a cool reception and doesn't feel like you're reciprocating.

However, that's all academic if you're never in touch again. If you've kept your distance, then what's to lose in a call or text or email asking what the craic is and what he's up to?

LegacyUser

Thanks for your comments.....

I dont think I was cold or distant but I was just saying to him lets take one day at a time - bear in mind this was on our second and third date......

I guess I was looking for insight from men... Would this indicate he is just not that into me, busy being back at work from hols or is he waiting for me to contact him... I am a bit shy and have discussed this with him so I dont think I would have the nerve at this stage to text him and ask him out..

nodger

SarahSassy wrote:

Short version.
<snip> he texted me <snip> he texted late <snip> I was out so replied in a friendly way and we exchanged a couple of texts... I texted him on Sunday <snip> he replied hours later and nothing since.... It was not a text you could reply to...

Do I wait and see if he is in touch or just write it off?

I know we live in an age where even our grandparents are texting eachother, but do you really want to look back on the formative stages of your relationship and see nothing but text, text & more text? Also, what have you got to lose by calling him before he calls you? There is too much bull**** hype around 'who calls who first, and when?'. Take some initiative and give him a buzz. If it goes nowhere, at least you now you gave it a good shot. I got caught up in one of those ridiculous textfests a couple of years ago and I swore I'd never do it again. It's slightly cowardly and far too open to misinterpretation and misunderstanding. e.g. You text him, but he doesn't reply for 6 hours... is that because he's scared of you, or because he was out visiting family and couldn't respond? etc.

Good luck.

justsomebloke

have you asked to meet up again?

Fanny Cradock

Here's a crazy idea:

Why don't YOU phone him and get the answer to your question? None of this texting rubbish.

Zulu

sounds like you've played it "safe" and now it's bit you in the ass. Stinger that.

Beruthiel

Texting is for teenagers.
This is not rocket science.
If you like him, pick up your phone, call him and ask if he's interest in going out to dinner.
Easy pezy

Cleavage1970

Ooohh been there, done that!!! Myself and a friend did that whole internet dating lark and to be honest your story seems the norm....meet up have a couple of really good/good dates and then nada! I think some of the guys on those sites just like the chase etc, others just want to get your undies off, and yes there are a few lovely genuine blokes there too. My friend is still single and every now and then goes on the site, as for me, I found a fabby genuine guy eight months ago who is prepared to give up his job and apartment and move out to where I am.

All I can say to you is to maybe phone him, see how he is and what the vibe from him is and take it from there. If there is no mention of meeting up then move on to the next guy that takes your fancy. Honestly, there are a lot of messers, nutters and assholes (both male and female) on these sites so take care/

warrenaldo

just bloody text him - what hav u got to lose - if hes interested then hell say yes - otherwise he will make an excuse.

sure he mite be thinking the exact same as you. that you are not interested anymore.

If you look at the situation from the outside - youve got nopthing to lose and everything to gain.
so go for it.

OLDYELLAR

Just ask him out!!

worst that could happen is he says no , Jesus why cant people just say what they mean instead a beating around the flippin bush all the time.

AnonoBoy

Somewhere on another message board this guy is posting the same thread about you.

Let's take a look at this story:

You met up a few times, got on well with him and his friends. Due to holidays etc there wasn't a chance to meet up for a few weeks. Sounds like no problem to me.

Now both of you are sitting back thinking "Should I text them, what's gone wrong?"

The answer is most likely that nothing has gone wrong. You just need to take the bull by the horns and ring the guy that you've met a few times, got on well and that's confided in you and says he trusts you. How hard can it be?

Zambia

Beruthiel wrote:

Texting is for teenagers.
This is not rocket science.
If you like him, pick up your phone, call him and ask if he's interest in going out to dinner.
Easy pezy

Never a truer word spoken

AngryBadger

Sounds to me like he was putting in a tonne of effort, if it was that much effort to get you out on a date I'd have assumed you weren't interested or were too much work. If you're interested in another date why don't you instigate it? Sounds like you've let him do the work of moving things along up to now, so he thinks you're not interested (or too much hassle), and has backed off.

ball's in your court from where I'm sitting

LegacyUser

'I wasnt making it hard for him to date me. He asked if where it was going on the second date and I said lets play it by ear that I did want to see him again and lets see what happens then. I contacted him and suggested places to go and brought him out with one of my oldest friends so I was not being cool and / or distant.

We had great talks about past relationships and what we wanted from the future.... I guess he was just after the chase cos I texted him at lunchtime today to meet up so he could 'tell me about his holidays' and no response...

Ah well, its a long weekend ahead so all is good.'

Cleavage1970

Thats the experience myself and friends had with guys on the site too....looking for the chase! Hope you have a great weekend pet, don't worry not all the guys on the sites are chasers there are some genuine lovely guys there too.

LegacyUser

Ah I have no problem if I meet someone and they dont fancy me or it doesnt pan out... Such is life... It works both ways.

But I guess my issue now is that he told me how much he liked me, asked me if he could come out with me and my friends, texted me from holidays to say he was telling his friends all about me, contacted me when he came back (only last weekend) and now doesnt even have the manners to reply and say 'no thanks'.

I know there are a lot of genuine people out there but I guess when you meet someone like this, who seems so genuine, its harder to give the next decent sod a chance.... Onwards and upwards and best of luck to him!!!!!

AnonoBoy

SarahSassy wrote:

But I guess my issue now is that he told me how much he liked me, asked me if he could come out with me and my friends, texted me from holidays to say he was telling his friends all about me, contacted me when he came back (only last weekend) and now doesnt even have the manners to reply and say 'no thanks'.

You texted him at lunchtime and he hasn't replied. Yet! It's only 8 hours ago. Could be any number of reasons. He may be working and unable to use his mobile. He may be out of credit. He may have left his phone at home for the day or left it at work by accident.

You're very quick to jump to judge this dude.

Carrigart Exile

Siska010 wrote:

Maybe he thinks you are not interested and so he backed up a bit?

If your gut feeling tells you that you did enough, then I'd wait for him to get in touch... if you think you might have given him the idea that you are not interested at all, then I'd txt or call and go for a drink again.

Good luck either way

Yep, fancy a beer and showing me your holiday photos

LegacyUser

'Thats what I said and no reply til this morning when I got a text in the middle of the night not mentioning meeting up or that I had texted him and telling me about a dvd he had seen which I should watch..............'

Kell

SarahSassy wrote:

I guess I was looking for insight from men...

If you havent heard from him by Sunday, move on. Yes, some guys do give the rest of us a bad reputation.

Unless his y fronts got caught on the jobbie whicker on the plane and scooted him out the back of the aircraft as opposed to the jobbie, in which case you'll never hear from him again.

<*Edit- by your last post, it wasnt a jobbie whicker incident then. He sounds a bit odd no?>

What you doing this weekend?

K-

*Kell is much hungover this morning and had to spend over thirty quid getting home this morning. Bah.

Zambia

SarahSassy wrote:

'Thats what I said and no reply til this morning when I got a text in the middle of the night not mentioning meeting up or that I had texted him and telling me about a dvd he had seen which I should watch..............'

Ok I would find someone else , this one is a wee bit unstable

LegacyUser

Yep and have moved on already Didnt bother replying.....

Thanks for the offer Kell, given the circumstances I'm going on holidays from men this weekend and am off out with the girlies. Thanks to you all for your input. Chapter closed and NEXT!!!!

LegacyUser

'Of course when you dont reply what happens..... He texted on Fri to say he would like to meet up but cant til later this week as he has an interview tomorrow... There was some (text) contact from him on Sat and nothing since. No plans have been made and to be honest, after deciding on Friday to forget about him I dont know how pushed I am. I guess part of it is that I think if he were interested he would not be waiting 4 weeks to see me - am I right?????'

ergo

Sarah, that is typical, you have forgotten about him (for a whole day mind!) and then he gets in touch :rolleyes:

who knows what's been going on? usually in these situations when someone is extra slow to reply or doesn't get in contact for a while it's not a good sign......but on the other hand, maybe he's really focused on this interview or some other thing going on and once interview's done he'll be straight in touch

personally, as a guy, if I was interested in a girl i wouldn't leave it over 24 hours to reply to a text but some people might not be into texting back and forward just for the sake of it and would prefer to wait and meet up in person or until after their big interview/exam/week away with the lads/whatever

my advice would be to sit tight, get on with things and see what happens, if he's not in touch by Wednesday or Thurs give him a shout and ask him what the story is (or even text this cos even though everyone screams advice on this board to call and not text it's sometimes not that easy). And keep us updated!

LegacyUser

'Ergo,

thanks and you clarified what I thought.... If I liked someone I would not wait a day to reply and I think it was bad form to take 24 hours to reply no matter how busy he was (he did have time to text me that night about a dvd so why not say yes or no to meeting up then - I will never understand men )

To be honest, I am not into this 'hot and cold' stuff and its put me off him. He was the one who was all 'hot' at the start and I have been responsive to him and as you know even asked him out or a drink last week..... HE was the bloody one who wanted to meet my friend and who texted me from holidays...

I am very level headed and my gut is telling me to move on and not postpone the inevitable for another few weeks. I wont be texting him to arrange to meet and if he does ask Ill decide at the time - its 50 / 50 right now.

Sarah'

ergo

SarahSassy wrote:

If I liked someone I would not wait a day to reply and I think it was bad form to take 24 hours to reply no matter how busy he was (he did have time to text me that night about a dvd so why not say yes or no to meeting up then - I will never understand men )

I wish it was only men acted like this Sarah, the reason this thread caught my eye is cos I'm in a similar situation to you,
except of course it's a girl who is hot and cold, at first she texts as soon as she gets home the same night saying "thanks for a lovely night" and then takes a day to reply to another text , like you am preparing to cut my losses but sure we'll see what happens...

LegacyUser

''I will never understand men .....

Made the effort and made contact with him. We went out for drinks last weekend and got on ok. Stayed out til 5.30 am so obviously had plenty to talk about. A little kiss and overall it was a good evening. He was talking about differences we had but also traits which complimented each other.... So this was friday, I stayed over (pretty harmless) and headed off early on the Saturday.

I was meeting a friend in a new bar on Sat night and he texted me to say 'enjoy yourself in X bar and had a good night last night'. I replied and said 'the bar is nice and I had a good time too - once again' and asked if he had plans etc.... He was meeting a friend and I said enjoy and that is the last I heard from him - its 9 days ago now....

I have no problem if he didnt want to see me again. Would have kind of preferred if he had just said it outright but why did he bother to text me the following day to say he had a good time. Does he just want to seem like a nice guy? Maybe he is a nice guy but he seems to be a bit spineless..... Why why why bother making contact if you have no intention of meeting again?''

MojoMaker

Oh dear. Control wrested back. 1-1.

Ball firmly in his court. Next time don't bother dating anyone under 30 and instead try a real man.

A Primal Nut

SarahSassy wrote:

''I will never understand men .....

Made the effort and made contact with him. We went out for drinks last weekend and got on ok. Stayed out til 5.30 am so obviously had plenty to talk about. A little kiss and overall it was a good evening. He was talking about differences we had but also traits which complimented each other.... So this was friday, I stayed over (pretty harmless) and headed off early on the Saturday.

I was meeting a friend in a new bar on Sat night and he texted me to say 'enjoy yourself in X bar and had a good night last night'. I replied and said 'the bar is nice and I had a good time too - once again' and asked if he had plans etc.... He was meeting a friend and I said enjoy and that is the last I heard from him - its 9 days ago now....

I have no problem if he didnt want to see me again. Would have kind of preferred if he had just said it outright but why did he bother to text me the following day to say he had a good time. Does he just want to seem like a nice guy? Maybe he is a nice guy but he seems to be a bit spineless..... Why why why bother making contact if you have no intention of meeting again?''

You had a good time, why do you keep playing these games? He obviously likes you but maybe its time for you to initiate a date rather than the onus being on him all the time. You've had enough dates now so you're not in the "does he like me" stage. If you're gonna be a couple you can't keep expectin him to do everything. You've been blowing hot and cold as much as he has to be honest. If he's the one who always sends the first text in a conversation it would obviously make him wonder what's goin on. It's possible he's just shy as much as anything. I know most men will keep initiating but I know we can be shy sometimes and it can be difficult being the one initiating it all the time. I'm not trying to justify it - there's fault on both sides here - but he's just as confused as you are I reckon. Ask him if he wants to go another date and then ask him where he sees the thing goin'. As you probably know by now, guys aren't the best at expressing their feelings without some prompting.

LegacyUser

He is in his 30's ......

i asked him on the last date so as not to be playing games.... He is not at all shy and I just feel he is not that into me.... But I was just asking why would he be in contact after the date if he were just going to drop off the face of the earth again and not want to meet up....

Mr. Incognito

This is an obvious burn. Move on and stop wrecking your head. Believe me if he liked you enough to not dangle you around you'd know about it by now.

Kell

SarahSassy wrote:

''I will never understand men .....

This is the mistake all people make. We dont need to understand eachother. All you need to do is go "does this persons behaviour suit me or the standards that I would like".

Answer A) Yes
Answer No

Thats it. There is really no need to complicate things any further and get all hung up about this and that.

PM me your number and I'll play telephone tag for as long as you like, and make every attempt to get into your smalls necessary

K-

Talliesin

Kell wrote:

This is the mistake all people make. We dont need to understand eachother. All you need to do is go "does this persons behaviour suit me or the standards that I would like".

That's only half the mistake. It's building on the mistake of believing that all [insert gender of your choice] behave alike and can be understood en masse.

cee_jay

What's with all the texting??
Pick up the phone and ring him and have a conversation!
Then there will be no waiting around wondering if and when he will reply!

LegacyUser

Believe it or believe it not I am not that into him..... The pride is a bit damaged but i know I do not like his behaviour and did make the last 'move'. There is no real harm done. My question was originally why bother staying in touch when you know you are not interested..... Its a very man thing to do. I have mentioned it to girlfriend and they all said they would be straight and say they are not interested in meeting again.

dellas1979

I think that you need to stay away from him. Look, when most relationships start off, there is a to'ing and fro'ing for a little bit - the chase!!!

But this is just ridiculous. 9 days? It sounds a bit suss to me. You met him on a site, has it ever occured to you that he might be meeting other people off the site? Its just a possibility.

In any case, you are not happy with him already so leave it alone. You sound like a nice person so get back out there!

Why is your pride hurt? Who knows why he didnt contact you. Women do it as well as men you know. You shouldnt focus on this. You are maybe asking "what is wrong with me"? You cant think like this or you will drive yourself demented. He didnt like you. Its a very small opinion from one person in the grand scheme of things. Youll soon figure that out.

Snail30

Get the book 'He's just not that into you'...I'm not saying it to be mean but it gives a great insight into men and makes you realise you are worth more than that.

Onwards and upwards...it's his loss

padser

SarahSassy wrote:

I have mentioned it to girlfriend and they all said they would be straight and say they are not interested in meeting again.

They might have said that but they wouldn't.


Everyone says that but if you have only met a couiple of times the vast majority of people just prefer to let it fizzle out quietly rather then actually getting into a 'It was nice meeting you but its not for me etc etc conversation'. Yes it might be only one text, but they might get emotional asking why etc etc.

LegacyUser

Yeah you are all right I havent contacted him for that reason - I did not really fell like we clicked that night and was not sure about meeting again. Anyway no harm done - am back to 'normal' and the sun is shining Enjoy the weekend one and all !!!!!

Stabshauptmann

Idiot, get in touch. You have been giving him not interested signals, if you like him then do something quick!

LegacyUser

'I did like him but he has been too hot and cold for me to bother. I have made efforts but dont feel it from him lately.... I have not been cold - I asked him out the last time......'