Am I just sex mad?

LegacyUser

Hey everybody, i've been going out with my girlfriend for almost 10 months now and everything is going really well. I'm crazy about the girl and I love her to bits. She also feels the same about me.

She mentioned to me earlier on in the week that she was a little bit worried by the fact that whenever we meet up, we always end up having sex, and was worried that the relationship will be purely based on sex. She told me this at the weekend, last Sunday to be precise. I re-assured her that I loved her and I wasn't with her purely for sex. I do understand her fear because we are both 21/22 and she was a virgin before she met me. I didn't have sex with her for the first 6 months of our relationship and I had no problem waiting because I really cared for her and could feel myself starting to fall in love with her.

Well I do admit, we have been having a lot of sex since that period, as in pretty much every time I see her, which would be about 5 times a week, and I see her for a few hours at a time. She is in her final year in college so she is very busy studying and whatnot so when I do see her, it would be around 9/10 at night (well during the week anyway) and when I do see her, I would of course want to have sex with her. I am a guy and I would daydream about making love to my girlfriend a lot during the day, so much so that I would even send her text messages letting her know what I want to do to her. She never minded or even complained, in fact she loved it if i'm being honest.

She was over last night to my place, and I live with my parents but they were in bed. I told her this and re-assured her that no matter what, we would not get caught. In the end, she was too afraid to go ahead with it because my parents were in the house and that it was against her morals to do it with my parents in the house. I teased her a bit saying how she was no fun, I did it all in good nature. I was just joking away. She knew I was a bit frustrated because I wanted to have sex but I got over it and understood. I just teased her a bit saying stuff like "your no fun" and "so much for ever having sex on an airplane". Literaly just ripping the piss but I was a tiny bit frustrated since I didn't see the deal with my parents being there or not.

So when I said that, she asked me "if there were any other toys in my pram that I wanted to throw out?" She then said how this ties in with the conversation we had at the weekend about how we always have sex, instead of just hanging out etc. I was a bit confused I suppose. I asked her if she wanted to refrain from having sex or limit it or anything and she said that it would be stupid to put a limit on it. She also was saying how she can't remember a time when we met up and didn't have sex. Remember guys, when I see her during the week, it's around 9/10 at night since she is in her final year and we would usually hang out in my place because most times I have the place to myself so we would watch a movie or whatever and then inevitably have sex. I don't see the problem with having so much sex. I told her that I would be worried if i woke up and didn't want to have sex with my girlfriend. She was saying that before we were having sex, i.e. when she was still a virgin that we used to hang out and go for walks etc and it didn't lead to sex. I told her that how things have changed and that we still do go for walks and hang out etc but we always end up having sex. I mean make no mistake about it, we have a healthy relationship, we go out to dinner frequently, we do things together.

To be honest, I think she is just worried by the fact that we always have sex. She said that she is only thinking of the future and is worried that I will base the relationship purely on sex. I was there telling her that it doesn't mean just sex to me at all and how I loved her etc. Maybe she just needs re-assurance or something. Can you guys see her point? I told her to just relax and go with it, theres nothing wrong with the fact we have sex all the time, it's a natural progression. I'm not going to lie, I just love having sex with my girlfriend, even more so since I'm falling more in love with her each month that passes...

Then I woke up this morning and sent me a text message saying "to forget about the conversation last night and how it is only an insecurity of hers, and that she is probably just panicking over nothing..."

Man, girls can be confusing sometimes!

NutJob

SexMad? wrote:

I just teased her a bit saying stuff like "your no fun" and "so much for ever having sex on an airplane". Literaly just ripping the piss

Her response

SexMad? wrote:

So when I said that, she asked me "if there were any other toys in my pram that I wanted to throw out?" She then said how this ties in with the conversation we had at the weekend

No harm to prove to her ye can meet up and keep your clothes on and re-assure her its not about sex.

ambman

get MARRIED. that will sort your problem out.
its all down hill once you do that.

RuggieBear

you are not sex mad...you are just a boy.

louisecm

I don't think you're sex mad but you should listen to what she's saying and take it in. If she doesn't want to have sex with your parents in the house you should respect that. She clearly isn't feeling too valued so prove her wrong, maybe arrange a special night out or something that doesn't involve sex. Have a kissing session and leave it at that. Also remember that her sexual appetite may not be the same as yours and thats ok, it doesn't mean she doesn't fancy you it just means she doesn't have the same sexual appetite. Good luck, it sounds like she needs some non-sexual lovin!

KTRIC

ambman wrote:

get MARRIED. that will sort your problem out.
its all down hill once you do that.

Or move in together

dr.bollocko

KTRIC wrote:

Or move in together

Yeah I was just thinking.
There are plenty of ways to cure your problem of having too much sex with your girlfriend.
Being male tends to be the main one....

Kinetic^

OP she's only new to it, give her a chance to find her groove.

r3nu4l

OP, look at it from her point of view.

If you said to her at the weekend, "Everytime we meet up you only want to read the newspaper* and it is making me think you only wnat me for my newspapers" how would you feel next time she came to your house, watched a bit of TV and then picked up your newspaper for a read?

Wouldn't you think..."Christ almighty, she's at it again, we only talked about this at the weekend, she obviously wasn't listening and doesn't value my opinon or care how I feel!"

Your gf does need to feel that you love her for who she is, not for her body. Maybe try taking her to the cinema, for a drink somewhere afterwards and then walk her home, say goodnight and go home. What you do when you get home is your own business but she needs to feel that she is not just there for your sexual pleasure, let her know you value spending time with her and listen to her when she talks!


*I know this is not the best example, I wanted to get away from the physical aspect of the problem.

LegacyUser

But that's my point, we do everything like going to dinner, watching movies, cinema...we do loads of things, sex just compliments it at the end of the night. To be honest, I'd be kind of offended if my girlfriend didn't want to have sex with me...i can see her point, but i can't help that i want to have sex with my girlfriend

Miss Fluff

SexMad? wrote:

To be honest, I think she is just worried by the fact that we always have sex. She said that she is only thinking of the future and is worried that I will base the relationship purely on sex.

You simply say to her how could you POSSIBLY be basing the relationship on sex when you abstained from it for the first six months of your relationship? Honestly, this is her issue but try not to let it escalate and cause problems. It's perfectly natural to want to spend the time humping, just don't forget the romance part of it too. By that I mean, take her out for dates, wine and dine her and THEN get down to business. Just work on making her feel that bit more special and she will be putty in your hands love.

OLDYELLAR

I wouldnt exactly call you sex mad but heres some advice right she said she didnt want to do it with your parents there ........and you go on to tease her etc etc because your a bit frustrated............take it from me the teasing will irritate her not make her want to rip your clothes off and go at it right there and then. Id say at that point if it was me Id be fairly close to smacking ya. Teasing somebody is`nt the best form of foreplay ...well unless yere into that but from the thread I dont think ye are.........................why not take her out for a romantic meal , wine and dine and leave it to her to make the 1st move on the sex that night and if there is`nt one just leave it at that , 1 night of going home to "plan B" wont do ya any harm

NextSteps

And (I'm sure you know this but) make sure she's enjoying the sex! As Miss Fluff says, a bit of romance can spice things up a lot, or the odd kissing session without the inevitable consequence.

NextSteps

OLDYELLAR wrote:

I wouldnt exactly call you sex mad but heres some advice right she said she didnt want to do it with your parents there ........and you go on to tease her etc etc because your a bit frustrated............take it from me the teasing will irritate her not make her want to rip your clothes off and go at it right there and then. Id say at that point if it was me Id be fairly close to smacking ya. Teasing somebody is`nt the best form of foreplay ...

Exactly. People can be very touchy (pardon the pun) when it comes to their sex drive - you don't want to make her selfconscious and teasing her is a very bad idea. It could come back and bite you.

pbsuxok1znja4r

SexMad? wrote:

Man, girls can be confusing sometimes!

I think I've been in a position similar to yours on a few occasions, OP. When you're told sex is off the cards for the day/night and your left in somewhat of a soured mood, it can be hard to snap out of! Hehe and it stings the most when you've already got all worked up and excited with her, too.

Anyways next time something like that happens I'd advice you just immediately go take a couple of minutes to go 'greet the bishop', as they say! (i.e. masterbate) That way your state of mind will most likely change right after and you can enjoy your sex-free time with your girlfriend!

Acid_Violet

SexMad? wrote:

we have been having a lot of sex since that period, as in pretty much every time I see her, ...............when I do see her, I would of course want to have sex with her. I am a guy and I would daydream about making love to my girlfriend a lot during the day, so much so that I would even send her text messages letting her know what I want to do to her. She never minded or even complained, in fact she loved it if i'm being honest.

Sounds like the perfect relationship!

I was involved in something similar once when I was 14/15 and my boyfriend was 17/18 and I loved it (the 'action', shall we say) for the most part but wanted to feel as if he really did care for me.

She just wants to know you love her and feel special. You clearly love your girlfriend to bits, if you don't you shouldn't/wouldn't be with her, so just let her know how much you care for every aspect about her. Be a bit romantic, talk to her about whatever she's into, maybe next time control your urges and talk to her about stuff until she's wanting it from you, then grant it to her after some reluctance, that'll let her know that you're not sex-mad and that you have 'feelings' too etc. etc.

You've got a fantastic relationship, I strongly implore you to keep it that way to the best of your ability.

Anti

jasus, yore mad for it, Calm down loike.....


No your normal.

kaalgat

Acid_Violet wrote:

You clearly love your girlfriend to bits, if you don't you shouldn't/wouldn't be with her, so just let her know how much you care for every aspect about her. Be a bit romantic, talk to her about whatever she's into, maybe next time control your urges and talk to her about stuff until she's wanting it from you, then grant it to her after some reluctance, that'll let her know that you're not sex-mad and that you have 'feelings' too etc. etc.

Sound advice I'd say.

LegacyUser

'

Acid_Violet wrote:

Sounds like the perfect relationship!

She just wants to know you love her and feel special. You clearly love your girlfriend to bits, if you don't you shouldn't/wouldn't be with her, so just let her know how much you care for every aspect about her. Be a bit romantic, talk to her about whatever she's into, maybe next time control your urges and talk to her about stuff until she's wanting it from you, then grant it to her after some reluctance, that'll let her know that you're not sex-mad and that you have 'feelings' too etc. etc.

I do all that though. I'm not whipped by any means but I do bring her out for meals, talk to her about whatever she wants and i do the same...we confide in each other, but like this is what i don't understand, it takes two consenting adults to have sex, so all the times i have met up with her and we have ended up having sex, that's not my fault, i may have initiated slightly more than her but if i wasn't going to, she would just end up initiating it...

she has been texting me all evening saying how she is sorry for freaking me out, and that it is just an insecure feeling in her and how she panicked and worried and how she is stressed from college etc...i keep re-assuring her it's no big deal and how she is entitled to her opinion but i'm not gonna say sorry because then i would be apologising for wanting to have sex and that is just ludicrous!

Know what i mean?'

Beruthiel

SexMad? wrote:

but i'm not gonna say sorry because then i would be apologising for wanting to have sex and that is just ludicrous!

Yes.
However, ripping the piss out of her for saying no is just childish and will get you nowhere with most women. Try to be a little more sensitive to that next time.

biko

SexMad? wrote:

But that's my point, we do everything like going to dinner, watching movies, cinema...we do loads of things, sex just compliments it at the end of the night. To be honest, I'd be kind of offended if my girlfriend didn't want to have sex with me...i can see her point, but i can't help that i want to have sex with my girlfriend

How about this?
The next month, do not bring up sex whatsoever (especially jokingly) and only have sex if she suggests it.

Sleepy

I think biko's on the same wavelength as myself here. Don't innitiate sex for the next week or couple of weeks. Sure, kiss her etc. but make it entirely innocent. Let her innitiate it when she wants it for a while. Let her get used to being the initiator a little and then try and balance it so that you're initiating things at pretty much an equal level. Obviously there's no need to chart things and work out percentages etc but just make sure you're not the only one initiating things.

AnonoBoy

Biko and Sleepy are bang on.

If you make a concerted effort not to initiate it or bring it up in conversation with her everything will iron itself out no hassles. Don't bring up your conversations with her, she'll probably realise what you're doing but really, honestly, make sure you don't talk about it with her.

I was in a very similar situation as you when I was 20. When myself and the girlfriend started having sex we were at it like rabbits and then she had the same doubts as you. I eased off a bit - did stuff with her and (despite how much I wanted her) I'd just head off home or let her head home without having sex. Frustrating alright but if you stick with it for a while you're on a winner.

Honestly this will work. Not only will she realise that, seemingly without making a big deal about it, your relationship has shown itself to be about a lot more than sex, but also you will find that when she initiates it it'll be because she really really wants you - result: mindblowing sex!

And looking back on it with a mature view it actually brought us closer together. You will realise that evenings with her when you don't end up having sex can be just as good. It makes the evenings that you do have sex all the better!

RuggieBear

on the other hand...

you not initiating sex for a few months could equal no sex for a few months!;)

Adyx

The lads above are right (even RuggieBear:p ) but you say you tell your gf its not about sex now its time to show her. You need to be able to sleep with her without having sex. Btw if she says to forget what she said whatever you do dont. She might be sorry for freaking you out but you could also be freaking her out. Dont apologise for wanting sex but do apologise for teasing her and give her (and yourself ) a break.

kaalgat

In response to what Adyx said, I'd say absolutely.

She probably told you to forget what she said because she feels that you don't really understand what she's trying to tell you, and it certainly doesn't mean that she will forget about it herself.

As to what many others said before, just lay off initiating sex for a while, see is she more into it if it came from herself.

Talliesin

As some others have said, I think you need to look at the teasing aspect of what happened more.

If you teasingly call someone "stupid" after they make a mistake then that can be a joke that, while at their expense, they share and take no offense at. In other words it's what we call "slagging" and is a common Irish social pasttime.

If you teasingly call someone "stupid" after they make a mistake and they are deeply insecure about their level of education and their thinking ability, you could offend and hurt them by hitting on already-existing insecurities. This isn't mere "slagging" but either a calcuated blow or an almighty screw-up depending on whether it was done in malice or ignorance of how they would react.

Your teasing your girlfriend in this regard is in the latter category. It wasn't something you could "slag" her about because it's hitting on worries and concerns of hers.

She could also be concerned that that you did this out of malice rather than ignorance of how it would upset her; in other words she probably doesn't see it as such, but in the back of her mind there may be the possibility that you were being jerk.

NextSteps

What Talliesin said - couldn't agree more.