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First Time Post..constructive feedback welcome!

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  • 13-03-2007 9:33pm
    #1
    EdithFloral
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3 ✭


    Hi all - long time boards member, but Ive set up new username as I'm not really confident of my poetic abilities!.. anyway would really appreciate some feedback..I've an interest in the darker side of human nature / poetry.. heres one I wrote a while back...

    "Hotel of Death"

    I have stayed too long in a hotel of death
    every last moment, spent every last breath
    wondering why and wondering how
    wandering eyes that follow me now

    I need to be loved, you need to be hated
    filth incorporated, my soul infatuated
    life evaporated, God I hate all this hatred

    Used to spend days in a foyer of love
    the sunshine abyss, a gift sent from above
    now it is over and I must check-out
    From a hotel of death, our lusts' lost what it's about


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    #2
    OliverTheLithe
    Closed Accounts Posts: 11 ✭OliverTheLithe


    Hi Edith, long time lurker first time poster...really like this!! Well done


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