Housemate's behaviour getting to me

Libertine07

Hi all, I've got something I just have to get off my chest regarding my housemates!

I share a house with three other girls, all of us single. I get on great with two of the girls, not so well with the other (lets call her Judy). Judy and I just dont have much in common at all. She can be quite moody and aggressive at times whereas I'm generally pretty easy going. But she seems to take me for an easy target and picks at things I do all the time. Everything from the way I cook my dinner to the way I answer the phone to the music I like, she's just always trying to get a dig in.

She's very good at putting up a front though, she acts so nice to people when she meets them, out of our group of friends only those of us living with her have seen what she's like. She's had run-ins with all of us but she really seems to have it in for me. At first I just took it as messing but its gone beyond that. She's told lies to my friends trying to stir things up and cause fights between us. She always makes snide comments if there are a group of people in the house or a gang of us out together, for example she'll call me Virgin Mary or Cobweb Vagina in front of everyone, just because I dont bring men back to the house all the time. We're both 24, I've slept with two people, both of whom I was in a relationship with, whereas she's slept with over 60 men. Now obviously thats her business and her choice, I've no problem with that, but she has no right to make me feel bad about the fact that I'm not into one night stands. She even brings random men home for me and puts me in the very awkward position of telling them to go home, then giving out to me because she was 'doing me a favour'!!

I just dont know what to do. I don't want to move out as I'd feel like she's won, plus I get on great with the other girls. I want to stand my ground! But I'm just so fed up with the constant bitching, its wearing me down. I honestly dont know what I've done to her but I just want to get away from it all

Call Me Jimmy

Libertine07 wrote:

I don't want to move out as I'd feel like she's won, plus I get on great with the other girls. I want to stand my ground!

Hmmm... if your main reason for staying is to prove something to her maybe you should move. Those things she says bout ye show she has zero respect for ye.
Have you ever confronted her and asked her "What is your problem?"

You shouldn't put up with it anyway , what about the other girls, would they not do/say something

Libertine07

I have asked her but I usually get 'can you not take a bit of slagging?' as a reply.

The other girls don't like it and agree that she's out of line but they don't want to get involved. The odd time she says something and I snap and it causes a row, they never stand up for me but tell both of us to stop fighting. However they say they've spoken to her in private to tell her what they think.

I dont want to leave as its a lovely house, rent is good and its really convenient. Its no more her house than it is mine.

dame

Maybe she feels a tiny bit ashamed to have had so many one-night stands and calls you names in case others call her a slut. Do you retaliate in any way when she calls you these names in public? I bet the others would rather be like you than her any day.

I personally wouldn't lke living with someone who was always bringing men home and I definitely wouldn't put up with her bringing men home as a favour to you!

Have it out with her and tell her you want the name-calling and bitchiness to stop and no more bringing men home for anyone other than herself. If she doesn't change soon then I'd be inclined to just move out. Standing your ground against someone can only go so far before you decide the aggro just isn't worth it. Would the other girls be willing to talk to her with you? Would they be willing to kick her out (or even to threaten to) or to move out with you into a smaller place? You can still stay friends with the others even if you move out. I'm sure they'd understand why you moved and that it wasn't them you were wanting to stay away from.

It's totally up to you of course but I wouldn't put up with it much longer.

Call Me Jimmy

She seems like the type of person you would study in a 'Psychology 101' class. She definately is jealous of you about something, maybe your better or looking or thin (or both) whereas she is average and putting on a few pounds?

Tell her that cobweb crotch or whatever she said in front of other people is not 'just slagging' and that you don't say anything bout her sluttiness so she shouldn't say anything about your non-sluttiness.

Libertine07

Thanks guys.

I honestly dont know what her problem is. Maybe it is jealousy but I dont really know why!

I have had it out with her many times but it seems to go in one ear and out the other. I dont call her a slut because then I'd be as bad as her, plus its exactly what she wants me to call her so she can get the upper ground.

I am thinking of moving out. I dont want to but its getting too much. I have never seen anyone behave the way this girl does!

tbh

I can understand you wanting to move out, but I hope you don't have to. She's using you to make herself feel better, if i were a psychologist I'd probably think she was jealous of you a little bit.

I think the only thing you can do is to confront her, calmly, but very firmly. Something along the lines of (ideally this should be in a group, or any situation where general background conversation will stop to listen to you )

"Look, I've tried to be nice and put up with your constant sniping at me for the good of the house, but I'm telling you now - I want it to stop. If you can't stop, we have to decide which one of us leaves. I've no problem with you normally, and I'm happy to live with you as long as this stops today".

that should give her pause for thought. I know you might find it hard to say that (or words to that effect), but that's what shes relying on.

Overheal

Okay; I've come to a offshot theory/conclusion:

she seems to take me for an easy target and picks at things I do all the time

She always makes snide comments if there are a group of people in the house or a gang of us out together, for example she'll call me Virgin Mary or Cobweb Vagina in front of everyone, just because I dont bring men back to the house all the time. We're both 24, I've slept with two people, both of whom I was in a relationship with, whereas she's slept with over 60 men. Now obviously thats her business and her choice, I've no problem with that, but she has no right to make me feel bad about the fact that I'm not into one night stands. She even brings random men home for me and puts me in the very awkward position of telling them to go home, then giving out to me because she was 'doing me a favour'

I dont call her a slut because then I'd be as bad as her, plus its exactly what she wants me to call her so she can get the upper ground

This is the same thing as the idea behind the fat kid feeling awkward about eating more than everyone else: it sounds to me like perhaps she feels as if she needs to justify her life choices: its possible you represent someone she wanted her self to be?

The reason she may want you to call her a slut is because she needs to express all this bottled up anxiety and guilt and shame she may have over -well- being slutty. And its not so much about you as it is mostly about her confronting herself.

You might do everyone else a favor by moving out, but really I would have it out with her sometime: sounds like the girl just needs a good shout to wear herself out.