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A Kiss (Feedback, please!)

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  • 13-03-2007 12:58am
    #1
    Blush_01
    Registered Users Posts: 5,016 ✭✭✭


    I don't normally attempt poetry, and am dubious about the Haiku as I don't want to mess up a form that's so perfected. (I'm polysyllabic by nature and feel limited too.)

    Feedback really appreciated, the more constructive the better.





    Linen-wrinkled silk
    puckers, brushes softly, firm.
    You belong to him.








    PF


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    #2
    shiv
    Closed Accounts Posts: 408 ✭✭shiv


    I meant to comment on this ages ago - I love it!
    Brilliant. It says so much with so little. Love the punch of the last line...
    More! :)


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    #3
    Argie
    Closed Accounts Posts: 22 ✭Argie


    I'm quite dubious about haiku as well but there's times when too many words just detract focus from what you're saying. This is wonderful, you've captured it beautifully!


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    #4
    Dutchology
    Registered Users Posts: 475 ✭✭Dutchology


    It creates a lovely image, nice wording, good work.


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    #5
    Blush_01
    Registered Users Posts: 5,016 ✭✭✭Blush_01


    Many thanks guys.


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