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A Kiss (Feedback, please!)

  • 12-03-2007 11:58pm
    #1
    Blush_01
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,016 ✭✭✭


    I don't normally attempt poetry, and am dubious about the Haiku as I don't want to mess up a form that's so perfected. (I'm polysyllabic by nature and feel limited too.)

    Feedback really appreciated, the more constructive the better.





    Linen-wrinkled silk
    puckers, brushes softly, firm.
    You belong to him.








    PF


Comments

  • #2
    shiv
    Closed Accounts Posts: 408 ✭✭shiv


    I meant to comment on this ages ago - I love it!
    Brilliant. It says so much with so little. Love the punch of the last line...
    More! :)


  • #3
    Argie
    Closed Accounts Posts: 22 ✭Argie


    I'm quite dubious about haiku as well but there's times when too many words just detract focus from what you're saying. This is wonderful, you've captured it beautifully!


  • #4
    Dutchology
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 475 ✭✭Dutchology


    It creates a lovely image, nice wording, good work.


  • #5
    Blush_01
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,016 ✭✭✭Blush_01


    Many thanks guys.


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