Advertisement
If you have a new account but are having problems posting or verifying your account, please email us on hello@boards.ie for help. Thanks :)
Hello all! Please ensure that you are posting a new thread or question in the appropriate forum. The Feedback forum is overwhelmed with questions that are having to be moved elsewhere. If you need help to verify your account contact hello@boards.ie
Hi there,
There is an issue with role permissions that is being worked on at the moment.
If you are having trouble with access or permissions on regional forums please post here to get access: https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058365403/you-do-not-have-permission-for-that#latest

dont know what to do

  • 09-03-2007 8:22am
    #1
    Closed Accounts Posts: 15


    hi everyone,
    need advice on this. my man and i split up after eleven years togeather bout five months ago. it was my decision as the relationship was unhealty and very unhappy of late. i know ive done the right thing by us in the long run. but the truth is neither of us know how to be without eachother and we are very much still in contact. i no its a comfort thing for us. we have slept togeather a few times and it doesnt feel bad cause hes been in my life for so long but i no its wrong as there is no chance of going back and he knows this. i feel like a bad person because i know he desperatly wants me back and i know i should stay away. but i dont want to abandon him altogeather hes so hurt already. i cant remember what its like to be single and am finding the whole thing unbearabl and feel trapped. i cant go back and i dont know how to move on. i had few drinks one nite and ended up going home with someone local. ive been seriously depressed since it was a terrible experience and im sick with worry that it will get back to my ex. i know it would kill him inside. i live in a small town and im worried that moving on with life will cause bitterness between us. if anyone has similar story i would love to hear it or any advice would be great. thanks all


Comments

  • Closed Accounts Posts: 3,820 ✭✭✭Femelade


    Well, i have no idea what your going through, my longest relationship was 4 yrs and that ended badly..i suppose you should try and distance yourself small bits at a time... try not to be in contct with him everyday and explain to him that while you do still want to be friends with him, you will move on eventually and you hope that he can do the same. Try not to let him know how miserable you are without him too much as that might give him hope that someday in the future you will want to get back with him.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,581 ✭✭✭dodgyme


    Take a month off and go off on holidays somewhere, if you have the cash, do Oz, or peru or something. It will physically distance yourself from your home town and give you time to think. Send your ex a postcard or even ring him once or twice to stay in contact during the month. You can just sever 11 years, it must be gradual, but you also must make progress with your own life also.:)


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 837 ✭✭✭Beetlebum


    My longest relationship was 4 years and I found it difficult to adjust to single life again after that. I can't even imagine 11 years!!
    Well, fair play to you for ending the relationship as it was no longer making you happy. That must have been a very tough decision to make and it takes courage to do that. I know your ex is hurting and you don't want him to find out about the guy you slept with but in fairness to you, you are single now and free to be with as many men as you chose. He has no right to be upset with you. Ideally he won't find out, but the reality is that's something he's going to have to go throug at some stage anyway. You will be with other people and he'll have to deal with it.

    Try to keep really busy. Get dressed up and hit the town with your friends, take care of yourself, focus on you for a while. Run a bath and read your favourite book, eat chocolate and watch back to back sex in the city!! Do all the things that make you happy. Concentrate on healing your own wound and don't worry so much about your exs.

    All the best


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 18,625 ✭✭✭✭BaZmO*


    hi everyone,
    need advice on this. my man and i split up after eleven years togeather bout five months ago. it was my decision as the relationship was unhealty and very unhappy of late. i know ive done the right thing by us in the long run. but the truth is neither of us know how to be without eachother and we are very much still in contact. i no its a comfort thing for us. we have slept togeather a few times and it doesnt feel bad cause hes been in my life for so long but i no its wrong as there is no chance of going back and he knows this. i feel like a bad person because i know he desperatly wants me back and i know i should stay away. but i dont want to abandon him altogeather hes so hurt already. i cant remember what its like to be single and am finding the whole thing unbearabl and feel trapped. i cant go back and i dont know how to move on. i had few drinks one nite and ended up going home with someone local. ive been seriously depressed since it was a terrible experience and im sick with worry that it will get back to my ex. i know it would kill him inside. i live in a small town and im worried that moving on with life will cause bitterness between us. if anyone has similar story i would love to hear it or any advice would be great. thanks all
    As hard as it may sound, you don't owe him anything since you've split up. The longer you hold off being with other people for fear of him finding out and getting hurt the longer it'll be before you can move on with your life.

    In my experience, trying to remain friends and keeping in constant contact just prolongs the inevitable. And still having sex with your ex ends up just being a kinda emotional comfort blanket.

    If you are sure that you don't want to get back together the best advice (although the hardest thing to actually do) is to break contact for a while. And most importantly, make yourself busy. Try to get out with friends or family as often as you can, try and do activities that'll take your mind off the split. If you sit around moping about you'll just end getting back in touch with ex and you'll just end up going around in circles.

    I know this advice is easier said than done, but in my experience it's the only way. Good luck with it anyway.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 15 chlara anne


    thanks for the replys guys!
    all good pointers. guess i no all this stuff in my head anyway its facing up to it is the problem. suppose its just life really! im keeping busy anyway and i am thinking about going travelling with a good friend next year. definietly need to kick myself into a new life and try to look ahead.
    thanks again


  • Advertisement
Advertisement