help-age difference

LegacyUser

So last year I got out of a very long-term relationship,on bad terms. It's taken me til now to get over it and I really like someone, but he's 3 and a half yrs younger than me- I'm 21 (and very sexually inexperienced) and he's nearly 18. Sometimes I think he might like me too but then he'll talk about going out on the pull that night so it's confusing. I don't know how to cope with the situation as I was with the other person for so long and so I wasn't in the dating game. help!

nodger

888 wrote:

So last year I got out of a very long-term relationship,on bad terms. It's taken me til now to get over it and I really like someone, but he's 3 and a half yrs younger than me- I'm 21 (and very sexually inexperienced) and he's nearly 18. Sometimes I think he might like me too but then he'll talk about going out on the pull that night so it's confusing. I don't know how to cope with the situation as I was with the other person for so long and so I wasn't in the dating game. help!

Not wishing to sound condescending, but you really have to bear in mind that he's still essentially a child. Even if he does have feelings for you, you can't really expect any level of emotional maturity from someone of that age. I don't know what your circumstances are, but I'd advise you to aim for a higher age bracket. It's a generalisation, but it's fairly accurate to say that you might be better-suited to a guy of about 23-24.

Caliden

Well if he says he's going out on the pull then I wouldn't be expecting too much from him relationship wise.

Petey2006

It doesn't sound like you're going to get much in the way of commitment or even loyalty from this bloke. He's just 18 and a pile of raging hormones. I don't see why you're so surprised that his eye is going to go wandering. You want a more mature relationship? Get a more mature partner.

Zambia

Your both kids and far too young too worry about such rubbish.

cold_filter

he's probably saying he's going out on the pull so you'll know he's available or is he telling you where he's going on a particular night?? he could be hoping you'll be there. Yes he is young and at 18 he will be immature but take a chance and see what happens. Don't worry about the sex thing he probably won't be to experienced either and learning together is oh so much fun!!

dr.bollocko

Jeez lads he's just 18. This doesnt make him a rapist / sex maniac. He is legal and technically an adult. Allowed to vote, drink, have sex, fight and die in wars, drive, get married, own a gun, so why in the goddamn hell would he not be mature enough to go out with a 21 year old girl?
Are ye all insane? Or ancient? Or what?
seriously. Nobody would even think to question an 18 year old girl with a 21 year old guy. And saying he's essentially a child? A bag of raging hormones? Thats just a ridiculous statement.....

nodger

dr.bollocko wrote:

Jeez lads he's just 18. This doesnt make him a rapist / sex maniac. He is legal and technically an adult. Allowed to vote, drink, have sex, fight and die in wars, drive, get married, own a gun, so why in the goddamn hell would he not be mature enough to go out with a 21 year old girl?
Are ye all insane? Or ancient? Or what?
seriously. Nobody would even think to question an 18 year old girl with a 21 year old guy. And saying he's essentially a child? A bag of raging hormones? Thats just a ridiculous statement.....

The fact that he can legally do all of those things when he turns 18, doesn't mean that he is anywhere near being emotionally mature. Nobody's saying he should be out having fun & try to score, or whatever. Personally, I was just suggesting that if the OP was looking for a lasting relationship, she might be better off looking for someone older. I remember being 18 and I remember being 21. There was a huge difference between them. The difference between 21 and 24 is also fairly significant, more so in guys than in girls.

slipss

I'd have to completely agree with dr.bollocks. I know some 18 year old fellas that are far far more mature than some 21 year old girls I know. Just because he's 18 doesn't mean he's some kind of sex mad freak thats just looking to ride any girl that he can get his hands on and then dump them, or that hes incapable of having a long term relationship (although the OP never said thats what she was looking for in anyways). I'd also kind of agree with cold filter in that just because hes telling you hes going on the pull doesn't mean he's not interested in you. He could be, like filter said, just letteing you know hes available, he could also be trying to let you know that he is capable of going out and pulling girls to try and make himself seem more of a catch by letting you know girls fancy him, if that makes sense to you.

and noger although you did say you werent trying to be condescending, it is very condescending to make a blanket statement that all 17/18 year olds have no level of emotional maturity, it is completely dependant on the individual.

Caliden

It's an anonymous question so we have no other choice but to stereotype. Sure, he could be mature as **** but might be as immature as a 6 year old.
We don't know so claiming that the other is totally wrong is a bit retarded.

It's up to the OP to decide whether she thinks this guy would be ready for a serious relationship (if that's what she wants) but in fairness:
he's a student
he's a guy
she's only told us she's likes him so I'm guessing they haven't hooked up yet.

Ask him out to the movies or something, it's not too serious yet hints that you're interested without you actually saying it.

nodger

slipss wrote:

I'd have to completely agree with dr.bollocks. I know some 18 year old fellas that are far far more mature than some 21 year old girls I know.

<snip>

and noger although you did say you werent trying to be condescending, it is very condescending to make a blanket statement that all 17/18 year olds have no level of emotional maturity, it is completely dependant on the individual.

I'm just offering an opinion, I wouldn't claim to be an expert. In my personal experience, I've never met a 17/18 year old guy who I would say was emotionally mature. Again, this is all opinion and not at all fact... I am not trying to offend any 17/18 year olds here.

You speculated that by telling the OP that he was hoping to score, he might actually be trying to tell her that he's available. That in itself is a sign of immaturity. There's nothing wrong with it, though.

ZiabR

Petey2006 wrote:

It doesn't sound like you're going to get much in the way of commitment or even loyalty from this bloke. He's just 18 and a pile of raging hormones. I don't see why you're so surprised that his eye is going to go wandering. You want a more mature relationship? Get a more mature partner.

I have to agree with this. He is in many ways still a young teen and if you are looking for a mature relationship, maybe you need to look else where.

Stark

logik wrote:

He is in many ways still a young teen

Uhm:

13 14 15 16 17 18 19.

ZiabR

Stark wrote:

Uhm:

13 14 15 16 17 18 19.

Yes, when you think about it, two years ago he was doing his Junior Cert in school. He maybe be 18 now but at that age most people want to experiment and have fun. I am just saying i can't see an 18 y/o male who says he is going out to "pull" wanting a relationship.

Petey2006

While it's perfectly true that there are many mature 18 year old males, that every individual is different, the OP stated herself that this guy, her boyfriend, says he's going out scoring. To his own girlfriend! I think that's a pretty decent indication of his maturity.

ZiabR

Petey2006 wrote:

While it's perfectly true that there are many mature 18 year old males, that every individual is different, the OP stated herself that this guy, her boyfriend, says he's going out scoring. To his own girlfriend! I think that's a pretty decent indication of his maturity.

Yes this is all i was trying to put across too.

Stark

logik wrote:

two years ago he was doing his Junior Cert in school.

3 years if you count that most people do their Junior Cert at 15.

This thread has been nothing but generalisations. He might be mature, he might not be. We don't know the individual in question.

petey2006 wrote:

While it's perfectly true that there are many mature 18 year old males, that every individual is different, the OP stated herself that this guy, her boyfriend, says he's going out scoring. To his own girlfriend! I think that's a pretty decent indication of his maturity.

They're not going out. She likes him but she hasn't told him yet.

nodger

Stark wrote:

3 years if you count that most people do their Junior Cert at 15.

OP stated that he is nearly 18, I think.

Stark wrote:

This thread has been nothing but generalisations. He might be mature, he might not be. We don't know the individual in question.

Any advice based on a 3 or 4 line summary of a personal issue cannot be based on anything but generalities. The assumption regarding his level of maturity was based upon the OPs claim that he tells her about his plans to be with other girls. In turn, we also have to trust the OPs assumption that the guy is aware of her feelings for him. If the guy is unaware of her feelings for him, then there's nothing immature about his behaviour.

I guess the lesson here is that OPs should give as much detail as possible, and leave very little open to interpretation by folks who have too much time on their hands on a Friday afternoon

LegacyUser

thanks for the resposes folks, keep them coming. just a bit of exta info; he's not a student he's finished school, he works and drives a car. I am not looking for a lasting relationship, not saying I just want to hook up either, all I know is we get on really well and he gets very flirty with a few drinks on him (please lets not get into underage drinking, that's not what I'm here for). We've kissed twice but I've never let it go further than a peck really. Sure there are times when he's immature but there are also times when he's really mature. I'm sure I'm not the first person to be in this position, it's just playing on my mind so much.