Suspicious Minds

LegacyUser

I'd be interested to know what you guys think about this...

If somebody is really suspcious all the time with no good reason, do you think it's because they themselves can't be trusted which is why they don't trust others?

Basically, I've never cheated on my boyfriend or given him any reason not to trust me but I get the third degree anytime we spend a weekend apart.
Who were you with, did you score anyobe, were you hit on much...

Is he just a jealous, over protective guy or should I be worried that he's the one who's actually cheating?

I know if there's no trust there's no relationship and he obviously has issues but I'd like to know what ye think...

Kinetic^

He could be really insecure.

Miss Fluff

Ontosomething wrote:

If somebody is really suspcious all the time with no good reason, do you think it's because they themselves can't be trusted which is why they don't trust others?

No, the two don't necessarily follow at all.

I don't think an inquisition after any time apart is playing cricket though. Trust issues are so so damaging in any relationship. Tell him you love him (if you do), that you will not stray (if you won't) and tell him to get a grip.

That kind of whiney pathetic behaviour just isn't attractive.

Femelade

he might have been cheated on the past by someone he cared about and it has made him insecure...?

Ruu_Old

He could have a had a bad experience in the past maybe so try and reassure him. Don't let it go any further though.

Beruthiel

Ontosomething wrote:

I know if there's no trust there's no relationship and he obviously has issues but I'd like to know what ye think...

I think he needs to cop himself on. As others said, he may have been cheated on in the past and has trust issues.
That's not your problem though and I'd be telling him to cut it out as you find it more than a little off putting.

Talliesin

Ontosomething wrote:

If somebody is really suspcious all the time with no good reason, do you think it's because they themselves can't be trusted which is why they don't trust others?

It can be, but there are a lot of other reasons why they might be suspicious too.

Personally I wouldn't hang around to find out though, but I really can't abide suspicion, YMMV.

metrovelvet

Its either from a past violation of trust or because he doesnt trust himself.

Eitherway, it cant feel good not to be trusted, and Ive learned the hard painful way that these things are a bottomless pit and cant be sated.

LegacyUser

'He had a girlfriend before me who kissed someone else and he broke up with her. She told him straight away and it was only a kiss, she didn't shag the guy. Aside from that he has a very stable safe life so I don't think that can be the reason.

We have lives independent of each other cause we both prefer it that way. I go out with my friends at the weekend and he goes out with the lads. we usually meet up for dinner and pints on Sunday evening and maybe one night during the week. I never ask him if he scored anyone but he always asks me and I'm tired of it. Just the other day I started thinking to myself, the reason I don't ask him is cause I'd never cheat so I assume he wouldn't but then it got me thinking, maybe he scores every weekend for all I know!!

We've been together for 4 years so if he doesn't trust me by now, what chance do we have??!! He's a good looking guy too and women like him so he's no reason to be insecure. He knows I love him, Jesus what a head melt!!'

Marksie

Ontosomething wrote:

We've been together for 4 years so if he doesn't trust me by now, what chance do we have??!! He's a good looking guy too and women like him so he's no reason to be insecure. He knows I love him, Jesus what a head melt!!'

trust issues
insecurity
jealousy
ego issues
guilt
a controlling nature

many reasons.

After 4 years though, could you not ask him?? tell him how you feel and what is likely to happen if he continues.

Black Swan

Ontosomething wrote:

I know if there's no trust there's no relationship and he obviously has issues ...

Yes, and his insecurity will eventually ruin your relationship if he doesn't shape up. He needs to know this.

dr.bollocko

Give the guy a break people!
Yeah he is insecure, and giving the girlfriend the third degree is not the way to go, but at the same time people have to take time to work on their issues.

There is no perfect secure and emotionally mature in every way person out there. We are all just a bunch of ****ed up chickens looking for love. There is no magical switch by which he can suddenly let go of his emotional baggage just because his girlfriend and some people on a forum want him to. He does trust you totally but also trusted the girl that cheated on him totally.
These are two very polar things to try and resolve.
I'm sure he is generally a kickass boyfriend or he wouldnt have lasted four years with you. Once you explain to him that he shouldnt be pushing his insecurity on you becuase you have done nothing to deserve it, give him a bit of time to let go of what for him is clearly a deepseated fear of being left or cheated on. Nobody is going to be totally perfect for you all the time. To expect this of someone is unreasonable. The typical human state in the 21st century is insecurity. He is probably still the same perfect guy for you he was at the start of the relationship. but 4 years in, things like this will niggle.

Next week it will probably be his annoying habit of leaving crumbs in the butter tray.

LegacyUser

'I'm a lad a little similar to him, yes. I have to say that my bad listening skills with my previous girlfriend, made me ignore her calling me paranoid. I was a giver of a lot of presents and gifts etc to her; and I dated a total Gombdaw. I left her off at her mates on a night before we had a vacation break, a temporary separation to clear our heads so we could decide where to go from here; the tyre pressures in her car which I used to drive had fallen a lot and I had forgotten my car pressure pump and she had kept her set of apartment keys and her own one, she had assumed that I was calling to her before going back to the flat as I worked in that town and lived with her, I was from a place 49 miles away.

I had returned to her mates house and her friend car had vanished, and she called my mobile "are you back in the flat Johnx, I left you're keys in Sandra's car for the flat so I'm just letting you know if you're looking for them?"

I got a hideous view of a man in her friend’s apartments window.

I said, "Who’s staying in Sandra's flat other than her?"

She replied "I don't know but I think she had a friend of her's stay recently, personal a good friend I think.

I said, "It’s a man in his underwear, and her car is not there, I'll call the guards looks suspicious"

She said "Oh I'll go and find Sandra now, she's gone looking for a new microwave and I wanted to get a lampshade I told you I wanted"

I said, "Is Sandra off work or something?"

She said "No Liam"

I said "tell her I'll call the cops, a burglary I think".

And I called Sandra workplace, she answered yes.

"Sandra there's a burglar in your flat, I called back and I saw a man in the window with nothing much on so I don't know what type of burglar it is"

"F her, I told her to lock the windows at the back, they're prowling around there. Liam call the guards"

So, I did call the guards, after establishing my paranoia was correct and her lies trapped her deeply by embarrassment for my mockery and cheated good will of my commitment.

The guards got out and they answered the door, we're sorry. The back window was a 10 foot drop and nothing to aid himself climbing and Sandra at work. I explained to the guard, "she said herself and her friend were at the plaza shopping and I'm sorry I brought you out here sir, I didn't know she was in there".

The guard said, "I’m sorry sir, about the troubled disturbance, but you man, lied to him and we could have been saving a real burglar from damaging somebody’s flat"

So the point is, I was called paranoid 7 or more times, by the biggest liar I had ever met. But I say this to men and women to learn, if you are told by your partner you are paranoid and you have a suspicious feeling something is not right, you act nicely and accordingly to find out if your suspicion is correct given that you are in fine mental health, suspicion is vital to your good intention of being faithful.'

Sony

He really likes you,is jealous and afraid of losing you...end of in my opinion!