I can't believe this but.....

LegacyUser

Ok. Bea with me here. I know this is going to cause alot of trouble but Im can promise you Im not a troll.


I am a 29 year old woman. Im a good person, driven, clever (in a good way) honeat and giving. Im not interested in relationships, I think this is due to my work consuming most of my life and hanging out with friends and family taking up the rest of my time. Im insular but outgoing if you know what I mean.

Ive never wanted kids. This has been a concious decision since i was in my teens. Im far too selfish and self absorbed. I love my life the way it is. I dont forsee this changing in the long term future. I have met guys, fallen in love but I know at the end of it, I love me more and I never wan to dedicate myself to someone other than me.

im such a bitch right?

So, on to my problem/proposal7dilema.


A couple that I know wanted a kid more than anything in the whole world. I love my ate to bits and it kills me to see her go through this.

It got me thinking. There are tons and tons of couples out there who cant have the child that would make their whole world come togeather even more so than true love and commitment in itself. A child seems to be a passionate subject for couples who are having trouble having one.

As I said I love my job, I earn loads of money adn have a great life. Im a healthy good looking girl and it seems a waste to not have children. My proposal is to help a childless couple out to have a child but not bbe involved in the everyday raising of the child. iIam very ok with having no involvement with the child after it is born. Ill do the whole insemination (or sex) thing to get pregnant, carry it and then hand it over.


Now to my question. Is this wrong of me? Am I mad? I have seen good people have a terible time of it getting pregnant and seen scumbags pop them out like bottletops, knowing that that child will have a horrendous upbringing. There must be people out there tha wan ta child and I am a perfect vessel for this but want no involvement in the childs life. Its the parents, not mine.


So what do you think?



My bit for humanity or mad cow?

Im interested in all opinions as I am going to go ahead with this in some way or another. There must be a couple out there that want a child and would make good parents that really want a kid but its just not happenning for them.

or are there?

Dalfiatach

Methinks thou dost protest too much.

Now that may not be true, it's how your post comes across though.

Consider this before making a decision: you've spent the last 15 or so years loudly insisting to anyone who'll listen that you have no interest in marriage or children and are perfectly happy all by yourself, thank you very much. In your post you are at great pains to point out that you are fairly good looking, healthy, good job etc. etc. You are 29.

It all adds up to the old clock ticking and you feeling a certain lack in your life. Sure the money and freedom and all is great, but it's not enough. But like most strong-willed and stubborn people (and I'm one myself) you will contort your feelings and your life through all sorts of bizarre hoops and pseudo-rationalizations rather than just admit you've changed your mind.

Just consider that scenario for a few minutes, before you do something drastically life-altering for all the wrong reasons.

Beruthiel

Newname wrote:

There must be a couple out there that want a child and would make good parents that really want a kid but its just not happenning for them.

And there are thousands of little kids all over the world crying out of a set of parents. Any couple willing to go through the checks and paperwork can adopt a child from our own country and many others.

The Sweeper

Newname wrote:

Ill do the whole insemination (or sex) thing to get pregnant, carry it and then hand it over.

...so what do you think?

You obviously haven't thought this through. Any child conceived through means other than IVF would be half yours genetically, and I doubt you'd be as willing to give it up. That and there's no guarantee you'd get pregnant from one act so you may end up sleeping with someone else's bloke for months on end.

If you go for IVF treatment, you may have to try again and again before the treatment takes and you get pregnant. Then you may have more than one baby. You'll soon start feeling like you're giving someone else your entire life rather than temporary womb rental.

You could well volunteer to do this, only to find they're like nazis while you're pregnant with their child - what are you eating? Drinking? Doing with your day? Are you resting enough? Have you tried this or that remedy/herbal concoction? It is our baby after all, not yours. Then they may want a lot of input into how you deliver it. You want a water birth, they don't. "But it's my body!" you cry. Yeah, they say, but it's our baby.

Then the birth itself - you'll go through that extremely physical and emotional process, only to have nothing at the end of it. Get up out of the hospital, go home. First few days - you're lactating, but there's no baby to drink it so you have to express your milk down the drain and wait for it to dry up. You'll be having your shower and looking down at your saggy body, wondering when it'll tone up again, and you'll have nothing to distract you because there's no baby.

It wouldn't be fair for you to suddenly start wanting input into the child's life - the deal was rent-a-womb, not a second mom. So you're on your own.

If you're, by your own admission, too selfish to ever want a child of your own, because you never want to have to think about anyone else more than yourself, you may find you're too selfish to want to give one you've carried to a full term pregnancy to somebody else.

Talliesin

Surrogacy has worked very well for some, and disasterously for others.

If it doesn't work well all involved the legal situation is pretty torturous.

Any agency managing such an arrangement will arrange counselling for you before letting you go ahead. This will give you an opportunity to explore how you feel about the potential issue. Make good use of it.

spurious

I think it might be different if you had already had a child yourself and were aware of the feelings you have for a child.

It's easy now to think it would be a simple thing to give the child to another couple, but in reality it might be very traumatic for you.

I haven't ever had a child myself, but I reckon carrying someone around inside me for a number of months would get me attached to them. Perhaps not - I applaud your intention to help a childless couple out. There are way too many unwanted and uncared for children in this world, in this city.

Black Swan

Your motivation for this major life event is not clear from your OP. There are millions of children around the world without parents, many close to home, so supplying one more makes no sense. Are there other reasons not mentioned by you for considering conception and maternity?

dame

I agree with others...you seem to have changed your mind about not wanting kids and are just too stubborn to admit it fully. Your title suggest that you yourself can't believe you're beginning to think you'd like kids and can't believe that you would be thinking this! It's the body clock. You're talking about other couples not being able to have kids but really you're thinking that you could end up with no kids and not even part of a couple.

Talk to your good friends or family. I'm sure they'll reassure you that you don't have to be a tough career-woman to earn respect. It's OK to feel the need for others in our lives. No matter how selfish you think you are now that could all change once you laid eyes on your child!

I also think you'd feel a whole lot worse if you did go through with this and managed to hand over the child at the end of it. How would you feel in 10 years time if you found your perfect partner and then discovered that you yourself could no longer have children?

embee

OP - there is an alternative way to help out couples who can't have children, that won't involve you having to carry a baby for 9 months, and then deliver it (I can assure you pregnancy is no easy ride, nor are labour and delivery).

You can become an egg donor to women who, for whatever reason, are not producing eggs of their own or have had to have their ovaries and Fallopian tubes removed. You have time and health on your side, and there are couples out there who would gladly take your eggs. The entire process is completely anonymous, so there would be absolutely no question of you being involved in the childs life. You simply go along to a clinic, they do a routine procedure on you to retrieve the eggs, and you walk away. I think that if you really, really wanted to help a couple to have a child, this is the better option for all involved. Your life isn't put on hold for 9 months. You won't lose your figure (or suffer problems with your teeth, back, get piles etc). The woman who carries your donor egg will get to carry the child themselves.

The SIMS fertility clinic in Dublin is the first clinic in Ireland to offer this programme. Click on the link below for more information.

http://www.simsclinic.ie/donor_programmes/egg_donation_info.asp

Zambia

Mad Cow.

Let them adopt.

ircoha

embee: nice idea for the OP.

had to smile when I read....I can assure you pregnancy is no easy ride:)

LegacyUser

'Its strange to think of you just wanting to give them a baby. I mean you start out like this is a favour for your friend but then go on to say you'll do this for any couple who want a baby desperately.

I'm sorry but this doesnt add up since you claim to be a rather selfish person. I dont have children but the emotional attachment must be huge, I believe what you need to do is contact some support groups for women who have carried children and given them up.

We can all offer our opinions but they are the people who have gone through it and tell you the real truth. If it is a case you do want a child of your own that isnt such a bad thing and admitting it wont make you a lesser person. To want to be a mother is a good thing, not a weak thing. As far as I can see parenthood is harder than any career you could possibly undertake'

nicolo

aside from the the fact that youd have to be screwing a mates boyfriend(im assuming you dont just want any ugly muka doin you 'cos "eeeeeeed luv a babee")which is never gonna end well (what if you started having feelings for him or god forbid he discovered you where better then his wife or something) theres also the fact you've clearly stated that your busy if youve no time for a relationship what makes you think youd have time for pregnancy? also theres the time youd need to take off from the career

kraggy

nicolo wrote:

aside from the the fact that youd have to be screwing a mates boyfriend(im assuming you dont just want any ugly muka doin you 'cos "eeeeeeed luv a babee")

Fertilisation doesn't have to involve sexual intercourse.

dame

kraggy wrote:

Fertilisation doesn't have to involve sexual intercourse.

But it would be the cheaper option!