Is it too late to win back the love of my life?

LegacyUser

I had been going out with a girl for over 8 months, we had been through all manners of ups and downs, both falling out with her friends and me falling out with my family over different reasons at one time or another. Whatever happened we always seemed to bounce back and we would only fight when there was drink involved, in my view as bad as each other but I tended to get vicious once or twice and on a couple of occasions I dumped her only to get back the next day.

To cut it short we were starting to get things going since the new year, no fights not as much drinking and I thought things were going great, not exactly the best physical but for different reasons I thought that it just was her and what she was going through.
Cut to the start of this month and in the duration of 4 days she decided that she wasn’t happy anymore and just said it was what she had to do. I was completely gutted, I knew she loved me as days before she had told me but feel that she went out with her friends and got a taste of the life she had before meeting me and she told me that she didn’t like the way we were going in our relationship.

From the day it was over I struggled, I’ve been drinking every night just to help me sleep for fear if I lie awake that il just be haunted with the thoughts of her and it just tears me up inside. I love this girl to bits and the past 2 weeks I have been left powerless and she has dropped me the odd text to make sure I was ok which has given me false hope and she texts me that she wants to be friends and not loose touch. After much thought about this I know im not ready for ‘friends’ just yet so I decided to write down exactly how I feel for the girl and sent it to her, I completely poured my heart out and felt better imidiately I had sent it. She replied with a cagey response with both good and bad points but what I picked out of it was that she believes that she still loves me but doesn’t know what to do and doesn’t want the old life back, I agree and still pour my heart out telling her I can change anything and will do anything to get back with her.

Problem 1: She talked to her friend about the whole situation and unfortunately she also told her about one of the fights we had where I had completely stupidly made a remark about her friend that I didn’t mean in the slightest so her friend naturally isn’t that keen on saying, yeah hes a good guy kinda thing. So it’s gonna be a tough one to win her over even with her friends not now liking me it seems to be doomed if I do win her back.

Problem 2: Not that it’s a problem, she asked to meet me this weekend for maybe a chat to see if there is anything normal left there and that if it works out ok that we can take it from there, slowly. Fine by me I say but how do I act, I so desperately want to impress her im in danger of makin an eejit of myself or il be too nervous. She rang me yesterday and I answered and she said I was freaked but the truth of it is that I completely went weak when I heard he ringtone and I had so many butterflies that I just stood there and blabbered and she thought I was uneasy so said she was sorry she rang and hung up L

Sorry for the length of this, I love this girl so much and this time apart has just made it worse

Any Advice?

~nop~

Stop the drinking.

LegacyUser

'I understand, the drinking i can control im sure. The thought of lying awake and just agonising thinking over what shes doing or if she misses me etc.

Im a natural born worrier, i worry about everything. I will play out different scenarios in my head about what shes doing, meeting a new guy, not missing me etc and it drives me nuts! The past few weeks iv been going to bed and if i dont sleep thats it for the night. I might catch a couple hours around 5am but its the few jars or the bottle of wine will just help my eyes close, im not drinking to make me feel better - just sleep'

sweet-rasmus

let her make the moves.

as said, drinking probably is best avoided. and avoid it in general, not just when you're with her. drinking seems to have lead things downhill alright.

dont worry about the comment you made about the friend; you guys were having a fight, and nothing comes out well in a fight. don't think about it.

and about this weekend; you'll be fine. just be yourself. you will find that you calm down after a while of being in her company; all this hype has really got to you. play it cool and think before you say anything! i know how one's mouth can get away from them when in a hyped up situation

also, the fact that she texted you to see how you were in the time after you broke up is brilliant news. honestly, if she wanted to make a clean break, she would not have bothered.

don't let it cut you up, not being with her. IF things dont work out, you have to remember that everyone experiences heartbreak. you can't let it get to you too much; there are plenty more fish in the sea.

good luck!

LegacyUser

'Thanks for your advice

I just hope she didnt text me just to make sure i hadnt drank myself into a hole. But i really was grateful for the text.

Thanks very much for you comments'

Black Swan

NeedHerBack wrote:

I might catch a couple hours around 5am but its the few jars or the bottle of wine will just help my eyes close, im not drinking to make me feel better - just sleep'

You admitted that drinking caused problems in your relationship? Maybe get some help? Ask your GP for a referral? Or maybe AA? Sort this problem out before attempting to repair your relationship?

padser

You sound exactly like one of my friends who always freaks out and over thinks things.

How about just taking a few days to try and relax before doing anything. A little time can make a big difference

LegacyUser

'How about man ing up dude.
You are going out with a girl for 8 months and now you cant live with out here and have to drink “to be able to sleep “ !!!

I have no idea how old you are, im hoping you are a teenager in which case its fine.
But if you are any where above mid twenties I think you should really toughen up lad.

What do you think the relationship is going to be like even if you get her back?
I will tell you.
It’s going to get boring for her and your going to fall even more madley in love with her.
Every time you get to another argument she will know that she can win by just pressing the right buttons and you will have to back down or be left in this exact spot again.

This is human nature, we want things that we cannot have and get bored with things that are easily accessible.
In terms of relationships, if we know the other person is always going to be there then we take things for granted and that goes for every one.
Stop drinking and stop begging her to come back,
Once you have let her know that you are still interested then its fine .
By all means make sure she knows that you are still interested but at the same time make sure you pride is left intact.'

LegacyUser

'Thanks for the advice guys. I unloaded on a girl in work and helped when i talked to her. Bottom line im meeting her tomorrow, im a bit more relaxed about it and i bought a bit of new clobber to impress.

The drinking thing, i hate to sound cliched but 'i dont think i have a problem' - in saying that i do tend to use the drink as a crutch in past experiences but have it in check now.

Thanks for the advice Me123456 , i guess i need my pride whether or not she gets back wit hme or not - thanks Roger that!

Ps. im 25 '

LegacyUser

'So its been a week we've met up and it went well etc but resolved to take it easy and sometime down the line maybe see each other, was fairly upset but stuck the chin out and decided to go out fishing again!

Then litererally that night i got a call that she felt the same and that she loved me etc So a bit of a hollywood ending but back together and not gonna put a foot wrong.

Just thought i might let yas know the outcome, thanks for all the advice, in a way just writing it down last week i think helped me...

Cheers!

GotHerBack'