Break up or keep going?

LegacyUser

I've been with my boyfriend for two years now. We're both in our late teens/early twenties. I care about him a lot, but I'm not sure if I still love him in any way other than platonically. He's sweet and kind and looks after me well, and we can talk about anything (except what I'm writing here, heh) but right now that seems like more of a friendship than anything. I know that he loves me more than I love him (up until maybe a year ago, it was the other way around) and that makes me feel guilty, in a way. Especially for still telling him that I love him when it means much more to him than to me. There are still times when he overwhelms me but they don't come that often. It's hard to explain, if I'd only met him a little while ago I'd probably have a crush on him and all that, but right now, in a long-term relationship, it seems like there's something missing. I've been feeling like this on and off since January. Should I ride it out and see if things pick up again or should I just end things, for his sake and mine?

loismustdie

is he your first serious bf? why not ask him to take a break for a month or so, not to see other people but just to think. maybe you're just bored because you don't have other friends/interests? you should talk to him about this, no reason why not to!

dame

Sounds like the "honeymoon period" is wearing off. Why don't you plan something different to do together, a weekend away, a new hobby, anything at all. Might be worth talking to him and telling him he's your best friend and you want to light a new spark with him. He might be feeling it too. I don't think you should break up just yet. Try to make a few changes to make yourself feel more passionate again. You're lucky you're such good friends. Ots of couples find they have not very much in common once the initial infatuation wears off.

Motley Crue

is this my girlfriend....because it certainly sounds like her...maybe i should have a word with her...

Bog Man

Look, you are not doing the guy any favours by hiding the way you feel. Be open with him and above all else, honest.
You should also remember that you need to do the right thing for YOU too. If it's gone, it's gone. Remember the good bits and both of you move on, together or apart.
Being straight up with him on how you feel is the best thing to do.

Hope everything works out for you.

Bog Man

Look, you are not doing the guy any favours by hiding the way you feel. Be open with him and above all else, honest.
You should also remember that you need to do the right thing for YOU too. If it's gone, it's gone. Remember the good bits and both of you move on, together or apart.
Being straight up with him on how you feel is the best thing to do.

Hope everything works out for you.

Cateym

I agree with whoever said it's the honeymoon period wearing off. Been there before. There comes a time when the relationship settles down and you are used to the other person. Things might seem like they are getting a bit dull. It's just a phase and will pass eventually I'd say. I agree with the poster who said to go away for a weekend or something. Add a bit of spice to the relationship.

david

Woah sounds like my gf too!!! Except we went on a break last week... and im an asshole hahaha

chicken_food

Snap! Been there no less than 2 months ago. Broke up with the girlfriend of 4 years on new years eve. My advice is dont put it off. If you feel like you'r not able to reciprocate the way he feels for now-go on a break. The longer you put it off,especially when you'r in two minds the worse it'l be. I know i wish i knew how the girlfriend felt when she did in early dec. But exams,then xmas then more exams kept getting in the way. It would've been so much better if i knew when she did. dont put it off. If in doubt tell him exactly how you feel. If he does indeed love you he'l understand and appreciate your honesty.
My 2c anyway.

LegacyUser

chicken_food wrote:

Snap! Been there no less than 2 months ago. Broke up with the girlfriend of 4 years on new years eve. My advice is dont put it off. If you feel like you'r not able to reciprocate the way he feels for now-go on a break. The longer you put it off,especially when you'r in two minds the worse it'l be. I know i wish i knew how the girlfriend felt when she did in early dec. But exams,then xmas then more exams kept getting in the way. It would've been so much better if i knew when she did. dont put it off. If in doubt tell him exactly how you feel. If he does indeed love you he'l understand and appreciate your honesty.
My 2c anyway.

I could never love someone if they did not love me.

Black Swan

Do something together fun and steamy. See if that brings back the romance. If it does, grand! If not, then it may be decision time?

tbh

You're still quite young, and in the two years you've been together, you've probably both changed more than either of you will in two years for the rest of your life, if you know what I mean. Do you think if you met your boyfriend tonight for the first time, would you fall in love with him? or even want to see him again?

If the answer is yes, then concentrate on what it is about him you love, and resolve to put a bit of an effort into your relationship, and see how things go.

If the answer is no, the first thing you have to realise is that there is nothing wrong with feeling the way you feel. We all go through changes, we all have failed relationships behind us, and very few of us and guarantee that the realationship we're in now (if we are in one) will be the last one we are ever in. All we can do is hope

What is wrong, however, is lying to ourselves or our partner in the hopes that things will just get better. All that does is delay the hurt, which will be all the greater after more time has elapsed. The reason it's wrong is that you'll hurt you partner all because it was easier to keep going and hope it will resolve itself than it was to be honest with him and break up. If you love him or respect him, you owe him that much at the very least - if you don't do it, why should you expect anyone else to treat you with respect?

What could also be happening is that you naturally want to play the field a bit, and not settle down with the first guy you have a long term relationship with - again, totally natural and nothing to be ashamed of. The problem is that you think "What if I'm wrong? What if this is as good as it gets, and i spend the rest of my life regretting dumping him?". The only thing I can say about that is that you can find true love with more than one person (although not at the same time ), the trick is learning to recognise it. I loved the girl I was going out with from 16-18, and the girl I went out with from 19-21 (I'm 32 now) and if I'm totally honest with you, if something happened now that I had to marry either of them, I'm pretty sure we could make it work. But the difference between now and then is that, with the girl I'm with now, I *know* I love her - the levels of feelings I have are probably the same as with any of my long-term ex's, maybe a little deeper - but I appreciate it 10000000% more because I know how bad relationships can be with the wrong person. It's like, I'm glad I went to Australia, because I would have hated to always be wondering what it would have been like to go if I hadn't. But I've never wondered what it would have been like to stay at home.

I'm not trying to influence you in your decision, but from experience and the tone of your post, I think you've already made your mind up.

but hopefully you'll say 'yes' anyway